Am I Crazy

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Am I Crazy

Part Four

By Chris

"No baby come back, don't leave me alone!" Renee cried as she shook Sophie but she got no response from her. Renee screamed at her again as the tears began to run down her cheeks. She was crying and pleading with Sophie to come back to her when she heard something outside her door. She looked over seeing a cop at her window.

"Help my friend!" Renee screamed at the cop as she saw him pulling on the door but it wouldn't open.

He tried again but the door wouldn't budge so he screamed at her to cover herself as he got his nightstick out. Renee covered Sophie as she heard a loud bang as the window shattered.

The cop first reached for her but Renee screamed, "Help Sophie, I'm not hurt, she needs help now." Renee screamed at him. "We have to get her to a hospital quick!"

He reach over and Renee could see him checking something on Sophie's neck. She saw his face sadden and Renee's heart broke as he said, "I'm sorry but she gone."

"No she's not, you fucking asshole, she's just unconscious, now get your fucking ass in gear and get her out of the car and to a hospital." Renee screamed at the stupid cop who was looking back at her with eyes that had tears running from them.

"Honey she gone, I can't do anything to help her now, but let me help you." He said as he reached for Renee who started to fight him off with her right hand as she held tightly onto Sophie with her left. She was determined to get Sophie some help as she knew her lover wouldn't ever die on her. She started to pull at Sophie to get her out the window when she felt a searing white hot pain come from her right leg that went through her body. She saw bright white stars in her eyes then there was blackness as she passed out.

When Renee woke up, her brain felt like it was in a fog. She had to work to get her eyes to open and then she just saw white lights so she closed them. Her head hurt so damn bad and she didn't seem to be able to move her body. Her arms felt heavy and as she tried to move them, she found that they felt like were made of lead. She tried to move her right leg and that just caused her so much pain that she let out a painful moan. That was when she heard a soft voice somewhere around her then she felt a cold cloth on her forehead. She first thought that it was Sophie but the voice wasn't right. She slowly opened her eyes just a hair and saw that it was Ursula that was talking to her but it took her a moment to catch what she was saying. She then heard a courser voice and she turned her head slowly toward the voice and she saw Ian was walking to her side. His eyes were swollen and bloodshot as if he had been on a three day drunk or had been crying a lot without any sleep.

Ursula was telling her that she was going to be alright and that they were there to take care of her. By then Renee had now figured out that she was in a hospital room and that her right leg was in a cast that went all the way up to her hip. Renee tried to talk but her mouth felt like it was filled with cotton. Ursula got some water and helped her to take a sip. That helped but her head was still swimming around and she was hurting bad as she leg was killing her. She tried to bend her left arm only to find that it was bandaged, she looked at it and she saw that her arm was hooked up to a IV that had some type of a pump attached to it.

"Where's Sophie? I need to go see how she is? I know that she has to be worrying about me." Renee was able to creak out and she saw Ursula's eyes well up as she tried not to cry.

"She didn't make it honey, she died." Ursula told her as her heart burst and she started to cry. Renee then looked over to Ian and she saw that he was crying too as he took her hand and squeezed it.

In the back of her mind she began to remember the wreck and she remember seeing Sophie die in her arms. She felt her heart breaking then she remembered what Sophie had told her. "She going to come back to me." Renee said confidently knowing that Sophie would indeed return to her, she had promised her that.

"What honey?" Ursula asked.

"Sophie said that she had to go but she would come back to me. I know she will keep her promise." Renee said as she saw Ursula start to cry harder on hearing her say that. She was confused as to why that would make Ursula cry harder when it was good news not bad news.

"Honey, she died, she can't come back but you got us and we'll take care of you and get you through this. We're not going anywhere." Ursula told her as she bent down kissing her forehead.

"I'll be okay. I just got to wait for Sophie to return." And that just caused Ursula to cry harder and then the nurse came in. She checked her over then she pushed a button on the IV machine and Renee felt her mind go foggy as she fell back into a deep sleep.

Renee wasn't sure how long she had slept but when she began to wake up again, she saw that there was a nurse standing by the IV unit. She tried to sit up and when she did, the pain hit her so she let out a moan. She then saw the nurse hit a button on the IV unit. She tried to say tell the nurse that she was okay when her world went black again.

When next she woke up, she saw that it was light outside and there was another nurse at her side checking her over. Again she started to moan as the pain returned. She saw the nurse go for the button on the IV. Renee knew that she had to react quickly or her world would be blackness again so she creaked out a "No".

"You sure honey, it will help with the pain." The nurse told her.

"No, I'm okay for the moment." Renee creaked out with her dry mouth.

"Okay but if starts to hurt too bad then just hit this button here and it will give you a dose of pain medication. Do you understand?" the nurse told her.

"Yea, pain - button." Renee said as she licked her lips trying to get them wet so that she could talk but her mouth was too dry.

"Do you need anything?" she asked.

"Can I have something to drink? My mouth feels like I have cotton in it." Renee told her.

"Sure, let me go get you some fresh Sprite." She said as she went out of the room returning a few minutes later with a cup with a straw sticking out. She brought it over to Renee and then helped her to take a sip. Renee was so thirsty that she took too big of a sip causing her to cough and that brought pain from a different area as now her ribs were hurting.

"Take is easy, little sips okay." The nurse said as she padded Renee on the back and she wiped the Sprite from her chin.

"Okay, I'll go easier." Renee said now able to talk as she mouth was wet but her leg and ribs were killing her. She wanted some pain medication but she toughed it out as she didn't want to lose any more time.

"How long have I been here?" Renee asked the nurse.

"Ah... let me see, I'm new to this floor so I'm not real sure." The nurse said as she reached over and took Renee by the wrist. She gently turned it over looking at the band that was attached to her wrist. "It looks like you got here on Friday night so that means you have been here for five days now."

"I've been here for a five days. I need to get out and get home, Sophie may be waiting for me." Renee said.

"Who's Sophie?" the nurse asked.

"She's the woman that was in the wreck with me." Renee said and she saw the nurses face change to concern.

"The nightshift nurse told me that the other woman in the crash..." The nurse was saying when she stopped herself as if she didn't want to be the one to tell Renee that Sophie died.

"Yes she died but she told me she was coming back so I need to get back home in case she is already there." Renee told the nurse seriously.

"I'm not sure that she will be able to do that honey." The nurse said as she studied Renee very carefully.

"You don't know Sophie, if she sets her mind to something then she will damn well do it." Renee told her getting irritated with the nurse whom she was beginning to like up to that point.

"Okay..." the nurse said as she finished checking Renee over then she told Renee about the pain button again and showed her where the call button was. She hurried out of the room leaving Renee wondering why the nurse seemed so hesitant to believe her about Sophie. She just figured that she really didn't know Sophie.

Ian stopped in to see her as he went into work that morning. He told her that everyone at work were thinking about her and praying for her. He held her hand as he talked to her. But when she started to talk about how she needed to get home so that she could be there when Sophie returned, he seemed to grow sad. This confused her as she knew that if anyone would believe her then it would be Ian but he seemed be confused as to what to say to her. Soon he had to leave but he said that Ursula would be there as soon as she got the boys off to school.

Renee had a few minutes to herself and she went over in her head the last moments she had with Sophie. She figured that since no one believed her that Sophie was going to come back then maybe she should rethink it. It hurt to think about Sophie dying in her arms and she cried as she remembered it but her mind would always go back to Sophie saying, "I've got to go baby but I'll be back. I won't leave you for long, I promise." She thought about those words and how Sophie had looked at her with those strong eyes that was trying to hide the pain she was feeling. Sophie made the promise to her and Renee just knew in her heart that she would do as she said she would. Her mind told her that it wasn't possible but her heart said that it could. She had followed her heart when she fell in love with Sophie and she was going to follow her heart now. It didn't matter who told her otherwise, she was going to believe in her Sophie.

When Ursula came in, Renee decided to try talking to her about Sophie hoping that with all the time the three of them had spent together that Ursula would believe her but she got the same reaction from her that she had gotten from Ian. This frustrated her and she wanted to argue with Ursula so that she could make her believe but the pain was beginning to get to her. A little later the nurse came in with some breakfast for her. Ursula helped her eat some before she had to push the button. She hit it quickly not holding the button in but all the same, she found that she was quickly drifting off to sleep.

When she woke, her parents were there to see her. Renee knew not to mention Sophie to them so she let her mother fuss over her as her father sat by her side holding her hand. She could see how worried he was about her and that did make her feel good thought she hated that she was the cause of his worry. They didn't stay long as they knew she need her rest so that her bones could heal.

She was awake when the doctor came in late that afternoon. He told her about all her injuries which included a broken left femur, five cracked ribs and a broken right ankle. They had done surgery to put pins in her femur and in her ankle but it would be a couple of months before she would be walking again and even then she may have a limp. He also mention that he wanted her to talk to a physiologist that he was sending to see her in the morning if she would agree. She didn't want to talk to any shrink but she had let the cat out of the bag and she knew now that this was something she should have kept to herself. But she agreed to see the Doctor if only to satisfy the doctors and she was sure Ian and Ursula would feel better about it. She was able talk the doctor into getting rid of the pain pump and let her take pills when she needed something. He told her about how they were going to work with her to get her back on her feet.

Later that afternoon Ursula and Ian came back to see her and they brought the boys with them. Renee was happy to see them and she saw that they were scared at first seeing her right leg raised and her other foot in a case. But she started to kid with them and fuss over them and that got them feeling better. She was worn out by the time they left but she did feel good to see the boys again. She took her pain pills and she thought about the day that Sophie would come back to her as she fell to sleep.

The next morning after Ian had come to see her and before Ursula arrived, the physiologist popped into the her room. She turned out to be a middle aged woman who looked like someone's grandmother and not a physiologist. Her name was Dr. Bailey and she sat by Renee's bed. She began to ask Renee some innocent questions just getting her comfortable. Renee knew what they lady was doing so she played along. Eventually the Doctor got around to Sophie as Renee knew she would.

"So how are you dealing with the death of your friend?" Dr. Bailey asked.

"Her name is Sophie and she wasn't just my friend, she was my lover. We got engaged the night of the accident. We were talking about what we wanted at our wedding when that asshole in the stolen car decided to come across the line and hit us." Renee told the doctor with a bit more venom than she intended but she was angry with that stupid asshole. He had no right to take Sophie away from her.

"I apologize, I didn't mean to demean your relationship to Sophie. I am sure that you loved each other very much." She told Renee.

"Yes we did and we still do and I know why you are here. I made the mistake of telling the nurse about Sophie coming back to me and she had to report it. This is what I believe and you nor anyone else is going to change my mind. So if that is why you are here then you can pack up your notebook and hit the door." Renee told her and Renee was slightly surprised by the doctor's calm expression, like this was something her heard every day and it was something that was entirely possible.

"The nurse was just doing her job so please don't be mad at her. And my job here isn't to convince you of anything. I am just here to see if I can be of any help. What we talk about is up to you and if you don't want to talk to me then that is fine too." She told Renee.

"So do you think I am crazy?" Renee asked her.

"That isn't my job to determine that either. I am here just to talk and to listen but mostly listen. Do you think you are crazy?" She asked.

"Hell no I don't! I know what Sophie said and I know just what my Sophie is capable of." Renee said as she felt her blood beginning to boil from her determination to make everyone see just what Sophie could do. Renee looked at Dr. Bailey and saw a smile come to her face.

"So would you like to talk?" the doctor asked.

Renee looked her over trying to decide just what the doctor's angle was but she couldn't see one. She just seemed like a nice lady who could care so Renee decided that talking to her wouldn't hurt as long as she didn't try to convince her that she was wrong in what she believed. So she struck an agreement with her and they talked for about an hour with Renee talking mostly about Sophie, always using the present tense and the doctor never tried to correct her.

As the doctor left, Ursula came in making Renee suspect that Ursula knew all about Dr. Bailey and why she was there but Renee didn't accuse her of anything. They just talked until the nurse came in to bath her. Ursula stayed to help and it made Renee feel better after she had gotten cleaned up. She talked to Ursula for a while before she had to take a pain pill and she slept for a while.

The next day, they got Renee out of the bed for the first time in over a week. It was painful just getting from the bed to the chair but Renee didn't care. She was beginning to hate that damn hospital bed and it was nice to be sitting on her own. After about an hour, Renee was ready to go back to the bed. The next day, she was out of the bed twice each for an hour at a time. The physical therapist was coming in twice a day to work with her. They left her hurting bad but after she had recovered from the treatment, she did feel a little stronger. By the end of that week, she was in a wheel chair and able to be rolled down the hallway. Her ribs still hurt too much to allow her to move the wheelchair on her own but she was determined to get out of the hospital as soon as she could. She just knew that Sophie was waiting for her and she had to get to her. She spent another week at the hospital before she was allowed to go home.

She wanted to go to her home but Ian and Ursula told her that she still needed help getting in and out of the chair so the best place for her was at their house where Ursula had fixed up the Sunroom for her. Renee wanted to argue but she knew it was true. She still needed help just getting to the bathroom. All the same she put up an argument with them but in the end she accepted that she was better off at their place. However that didn't stop her from making them stop at hers and Sophie's house. When she asked, she saw Ian look over at Ursula who hesitated for a second before nodding her head yes.

Once there, she made Ian help her into the wheel chair. She didn't trust him to look for Sophie for her, she had to look for herself. When she saw the yard and how the grass had grown, she fussed at Ian about it. He promised to have it mowed the next day for her. He then helped her into the house. Renee felt the tears start running down her face as she saw hers and Sophie's house again. It was just like they had left it that fateful night. She had Ian take her throughout the house., She kept expecting Sophie to be around each corner but by the time that they had covered the house, she was beginning to realize that Sophie wasn't going to be there. She was about half afraid that Sophie may have come and gone when she didn't find her waiting for her. Then it just hit her just where Sophie would be and that would be out tending her roses and other flowers, so she made Ian wheel her to the back porch. Renee was rushing her brother getting frustrated that he wasn't opening the back door fast enough. Renee let her eyes search around the back yard hoping past hope that her eyes would catch a glimpse of her lover but alas, she wasn't there either. She felt sad for a moment and she felt Ian's hand on her shoulder. That made her feel a little better knowing that he was there with her.

"I sorry sis. I'm sure if she could have been here, she would have been. It doesn't mean that she loved you any less. She loved you more than life itself." Ian told her.

Renee turned her head back toward him catching him wiping a tear from his eye. "I know but she will come back. I know that no one believes me and that everyone thinks that I'm crazy but I'm not. She will return to me!"

"I think we need to get you on home. You need to rest, it has been a long day and the boys are waiting to see their favorite aunt. They have helped their mom fix up the sunroom just for you." Ian told her.

"Don't worry, I'll make sure to fuss over them." Renee said smiling as she noticed that he didn't make any comment that she wasn't crazy.

"I wasn't suppose to tell you but they really wanted to please you with the decorations that they put up. I'm not quite sure that they will be to your taste..." Ian said leaving the last unsaid.

Renee laughed which caused her ribs to hurt but it felt good to just feel happy about something. "I have a funny feeling that my new room will be fit for a eight and ten year old."

"Pretty close." Ian said laughing.

As it turned out, the sunroom wasn't as bad as Renee thought that it would be but she did notice that Phillip's favorite Spiderman comforter was on double bed. Gregory had put all of his posters of the galaxies that Renee had always said she liked around the walls and also above the bed. Renee made sure to fuss at both of the boys for giving up their favorite things for her and she loved them for it. They gave her kisses and hugs before Ursula pushed them out of the room so that she could help Renee get undressed and in bed. Renee hated how helpless she was but that was the way that things were at the moment but she was going to work hard to get back onto her feet so that she could get back to Sophie's and hers home. As soon as she was settled into the bed, Ursula made her take one of her pain pills and she drifted off to sleep only waking when she heard the boys fusing about something outside her window which was when Ursula came into the room to check on her.

"I'm going to kill those boys." She said as she headed for the door leading to the yard. "I'm sorry that they woke you and they will feel my hand on their butts as they know that they were supposed to be quiet."

"No don't you dare say anything to them because of me. I'm here in their home and you wouldn't fuss with at them if I wasn't here so you won't while I'm here." Renee told Ursula leaving no doubt that she meant what she said.

"Okay their off the hook this time but I'm going to talk to them about being good while you are healing." Ursula said as she started to wave trying to get her son's attention.

"Stop that now!" Renee yelled at her. "Come over here and talk to me and let your boys be boys. They're good kids so let them be."

"Okay if you say so." Ursula as she made one last attempt to get her son's attention. However they were having too much fun fussing at each other to pay her any mind.

"I want you to do me a favor." Renee told Ursula and she saw that look come over Ursula's face and Renee knew that Ursula was figuring that it had something to do with Sophie and her coming back to her.

"What's that dear?" she said.

"I want you to talk Ian into letting me work from here. I know that he said he would take care of everything until I was able to come back to work but I will go crazy just sitting here. Plus he will work himself to death and bug my employee's to death. You know how anal he can become." Renee told her and she saw how relieved she was that it wasn't something about Sophie.

"I'll see what I can do but you must promise not to do too much too soon." Ursula told her.

"I won't, I promise." Renee said as she took her hand and placed it on Ursula's giving it a squeeze.

They talked for a while before it was time for Ursula to fix dinner and get her sons back inside to wash up. Renee heard Ursula fussing at them for waking her up. She knew that Ursula would do it as much as she didn't want her to. She didn't want to be a bother and she planned on healing as fast as she could or as close as she could get to it. She would be in a wheelchair until her femur healed enough for her to walk. And that the doctors were saying would be another four to six weeks. Renee had her mind set on four weeks at the most. Until then she would have to depend on Ian and his family to get around.

The next four weeks passed slowly for Renee as she worked from her Sunroom. This did take her mind away from Sophie for short periods of time but Sophie was never far away. Ursula took her to physical therapy three times a week and then once a week to talk to Dr. Bailey. When she talked to Dr. Bailey she mostly talked about her life with Sophie and how great it had been. She didn't talk about Sophie in the past tense and again Dr. Bailey didn't correct her. Renee knew that Dr. Bailey was hoping that she would come to that conclusion by herself but as the days passed she just became more convinced that Sophie would be there at any time. It was like every day that passed without Sophie just meant that she was a day closer to seeing her again. She had stopped talking about Sophie coming back when she was around anyone as no one seemed to believe her. For the most part this didn't bother her except for when it came to Ian and Ursula. They were the two people that she was the closest to other than Sophie and it hurt her that they didn't believe her, though they never said so to her face. They wouldn't dare, they loved her too much to say something directly but she had heard them talking about it when they didn't know she was awake or nearby. Their talk was always laced with concern as they weren't putting her down, they just wanted her to face reality. Renee never said anything to them as they did love her and they were taking great care of her.

After a few weeks, she was able to get around on crutches and a walking cast on her right ankle. This required her to use a whole new set of muscles that she had never used before. So the first few trips on her crutches was an adventure but she mastered it as quickly as she could. She wanted to go home and the only way to do that was to be able to get around on her own without falling. She had been having Ursula stop by the house as she took her to therapy just so she could check for Sophie. Still Renee wanted to be there when Sophie made it back to her. She had to stay at their house for a little over a month before she convinced Ian and Ursula that she could manage on her own. She also convinced Ian that she was ready to go back to the plant. She was off the pain pills for the most part. The only thing she couldn't do was drive, not with both legs in a casts. So she still would have to depend on Ian to come and get her in the morning then take her home after work.

However the day did come that she could come back to Sophie's house which was now her house. Sophie had left it to her as well as half of her money with the other half going to her parents. Ian and their family lawyer had taken care of Sophie's will while Renee was in the hospital. After they had gotten Renee into the house, Ian helped to arrange things for her to make it easier to get around while Ursula went out to get her some food. Then they hung around for a while just to make sure that she would be okay. They kept repeating that she was welcome to stay with them for as long as she wanted but Renee assured them that she was where she wanted and needed to be. Finally she had to practically push them out the door.

It was only then that she could relax in hers and Sophie's home. She used her crutches to move about the house getting a feel for it again. Her eyes kept being drawn to things that Sophie cherished and those things made her eyes tear up as she missed Sophie so damn much. She would hold whatever object she was holding with great care. Each object held its own memory of Sophie and Renee would relive each memory as she touched it. Eventually too many memories were flooding into her mind so she went out to the back porch to sit down. Sophie's roses seemed to be doing great even without Sophie's loving care. It was if they wanted to look their best for when Sophie returned. Renee noticed that the lawn care people didn't mow the yard like Sophie liked it mowed so Renee vowed to fire them just as soon as she was able to do it herself or better yet she and Sophie would get the place back to what it was like before the stupid accident. She sat for a while before going back inside and setting up her computer to finish up the work that she didn't get done as she had to go see Dr. Bailey the day before.

That night as she laid down in hers and Sophie's bed, she pulled Sophie's pillow to her body. She inhaled deeply as she caught just a hint of Sophie's perfume on the pillow. Renee felt the tears well up in her eyes. She started to cry and soon she was sobbing not from grief but from the fact that she just missed Sophie so damn much. She wanted her to hurry up and return to her like she promised. She cried for a while before she fell asleep. Sunday she woke up early hoping to find Sophie laying beside of her but today wasn't going to be the day, as she woke up just like she went to bed alone with Sophie's pillow held tightly in her arms. She had just gotten her coffee made when Ursula called to supposedly talk but Renee it was just a call to make sure she made it through the night. Renee talked for a while before the boys began to demand Ursula's attention so she said her goodbyes while fussing at her kids. Renee relaxed for most of the day before getting her things ready to go to work then next day.

She woke bright and early Monday morning, again alone but at least she had work to go to. She hobbled to the bathroom to start getting ready. She then got herself some coffee and something to eat before she returned to the bedroom to get dressed. She first pulled out a pant suit deciding that it would be comfortable then she looked down on the casts on her legs realizing that she would be wearing dresses for awhile. She went back to her closet to find a dress to wear but all she had was fancy dresses that weren't made to work in. She had not thought of this problem but now that it was in front of her, she had to solve it. She knew there was only one solution, so she picked up her cell phone and called Ursula who was about the same size as she was and would have a couple of dresses that she could wear. Ursula first laughed at Renee's problem as she hadn't thought of that either then she said she would send some dresses by Ian. She also said that she would go out and buy her some more and drop them by the house that night. Renee said that she didn't have to do that but Ursula had already started talking about which stores she would hit and what would look good on Renee, who knew that come that evening Ursula would have her plenty of dresses to wear whether she liked it or not.

When she first arrived at the plant, she saw a big banner across the entrance welcoming her back to work. Then as Ian helped her inside, she was escorted directly to the plant floor where she found all of the workers standing there and a big cheer rang out. As much as Renee didn't want to cry, she did so anyway. Ian helped to hold her up as it was hard to balance on her walking cast as she held the leg with the broken femur off the ground. She told everyone how happy she was to be back and thanked them for all their cards and flowers. She was presented with a dozen roses from the machine operators and that made her think of Sophie and how she wished that she was here to see this. She felt her tears begin again and this was when Ian decided it was time to get her to her office as she could tell the effect that the roses had on Renee.

When they got to her office, she found another banner from her workers however they chose to be more lighthearted with their welcome as their banner stated, "The Boss Lady is back! Playtime is over!" Renee laughed at seeing this and she told her workers that they were right, she was back and she was going to work their asses off. However it was another hour of talking and being welcomed before everyone returned to their offices and Renee was able to turn on her computer. Ian had set up a table to the side of her desk where she could put her computer and it left room for her to prop up her legs when they began to hurt. She still had to keep them elevated for a few minutes each hour or so to keep the swelling down. It took Renee most of the morning to get back into the swing of things. But soon her employees were coming in to ask her things like always. It was so much easier to handle the problems from her office than it was from home using her phone and computer. By mid afternoon, Renee was beginning to wear out and when Ian came stating that he was going to leave a little early and he hoped that she didn't mind. Renee looked at him trying to see if he was doing this because he wanted to leave early or was doing it for her. Renee couldn't tell but she suspected that this was for her but it really didn't matter as she did need to go home. So he helped her out, and then onto her home. He helped her to the couch and she was sound asleep before he could make it out the door.

A couple of hours later she awoke to someone shaking her arm. "Sophie is that you?" Renee asked as she opened her eyes quickly.

"No hon, it's me Ursula." She said as Renee saw the disappointment in Ursula's eyes.

"Oh sorry, I thought for a moment that Sophie had come back." Renee said as she sat up with Ursula's help.

"Renee you know how much I love you but..." Ursula was saying before Renee stopped her.

"But I need to realize that Sophie isn't ever coming back right?" Renee told her.

"Yes you do. I just don't want you to keep going like this, eventually you're going to come to know that I'm right and that she isn't going to ever come back no matter how much you want her to or how much she wanted to come back to you. You two had something very special and it was taken away much too soon but there is nothing that can change that now." Ursula said as she placed her hand on Renee's giving it a loving squeeze.

"I know that you believe what you believe but I have different beliefs and no one knows Sophie like I did and what she is capable of so let's just agree to disagree okay." Renee told her.

"Okay but know that Ian and I are here for you whenever you need us." Ursula told her as she leaned over to give Renee a hug which she accepted. Then when they parted Renee could see in Ursula's eyes that she hadn't given up on trying to convince her that Sophie wasn't coming back. Renee accepted this as coming from love and she knew it was something that she would just have to deal with when Ursula or Ian brought the subject up. And now they would since Ursula had brought it out in the open.

Ursula then helped Renee up and they went to the kitchen to fix some coffee. They sipped it as Ursula asked Renee about her first day back and how things had gone. Renee talked as they sipped their coffee then they went to the bedroom where Ursula had about a dozen dresses laid put on the bed. They all were very pretty and expensive as Ursula had expensive taste when it came to clothes. Renee told her that she didn't have to spend that much as she knew that there was about fifteen hundred to two thousand dollars worth of clothes laying in front of her. Ursula passed it off, then she helped Renee to start trying them on. So Renee did a little fashion show finding that Ursula had done well as they all fit and they all looked great and easy to put on and off which in Renee's case was very important. By the time that the fashion show was done, Ian had arrived with the boys and pizza, so they sat out on the porch to eat. Then as the adults talked as the boys played in the yard.

The first week was hard but by the end of it, Renee was able to make it through the day. Work was when she could stop missing Sophie so much but she was still never far from her mind. All she had to do was look at the picture of she and Sophie that she had on her desk to be reminded of the love that she had lost and was waiting for her to return to her. The nights were much harder for her. She missed her so much, as then she was alone with her thoughts. She wondered what Sophie was doing and how she was trying to get back to her. She could almost feel it in her heart the struggles that Sophie was going through. When she laid down in the bed, she would pull Sophie's pillow to her to smell her perfume that she had place there. The scent that was there when she had returned to the house had long disappeared. She washed her sheet regularly but the pillow case on Sophie's pillow, she never washed. She left it alone as it was the only thing that she had that still had something of Sophie on it.

Ursula made sure to call her every night to make sure she was doing fine and she would come over a couple of times a week to talk. Renee left the house only to go to work and then to go to see her nephews every couple of weeks, otherwise she stayed by the house so that she could be there when Sophie made her return. She just couldn't stand the thought of Sophie returning and she not be there. The morning was the hardest for Renee as she would wake up expecting to see Sophie. She tried not to be disappointed but as the time went along, she did begin to feel some disappointment creep into her soul.

The day that she was able to get her casts off was a high day for Renee as this meant that she could get out and about on her own. This was a little bit of freedom that she had lost and now had back. She hated having to depend on Ian and Ursula to take her where she needed to be. Sometimes it was nice to have Ursula along with her as she did her shopping but there were times she just wanted to do it alone. Now she could go wherever she wanted to go and go whenever she wanted to go. This also meant that she could fire the firm that Ian had hired to keep the lawn mowed and do it herself. She didn't like the way that they did it as Sophie liked to have her lawn looking perfect. So that was the first thing that she did was to get the lawn mowers out so that she could mow all the while Ursula was fussing at her for taking things too fast just right after getting the casts off. Renee just replied that this was the best therapy that she could get. In the end, Ursula ended up getting out there to help her so that Renee could get off her feet sooner. By the time that they were done, poor Ursula was worn out and Renee wasn't much better off. Ursula had Ian bring them some food on his way home from work as they both were too tired to get up off the porch to cook it. The next morning, Renee could tell that she hadn't been working her muscles as she was sore and stiff. Her leg and foot both hurt but at least she could get up and hobble into the bathroom without having to use her crutches. However she still needed to go through physical therapy for another couple of months so that she could get her muscles built up again. She just figured that anything else she did would only help her get back to normal.

The rest of the summer she worked hard on getting the lawn and flower gardens into shape. It was good for her to work on something that Sophie would appreciate but she so wanted Sophie to be directing the work and her just doing whatever Sophie wanted done. Now she was having to make the decisions and do the work. She only wished that she had paid more attention to what Sophie was saying and not just watching Sophie's sweat soak body as she worked, making her look so sexy to Renee. Then as winter came about the waiting for Sophie became harder as she didn't have the outdoor work to keep her occupied. It got darker earlier and that just seemed to bring her mood down. She was still positive in her believe that Sophie would come back even though Ian and Ursula didn't seem to believe her. But as the winter bore down on her, she began to talk to Sophie at night when she was alone in bed. She just kept asking her to hurry up and get back to her. The long cold nights were getting to her. She didn't have Sophie's warm body to snuggle up to on those cold winter nights.

As the first anniversary of Sophie's death came close, Renee began to believe that would the day that Sophie would come back, as that would be the perfect timing for Sophie's return. Renee worked hard on the house getting it ready. Ursula called every night of that week as she tried to get Renee to come over just so that she wouldn't be alone. But Renee refused all the offers from her. So Ursula set Ian on her, however he didn't have any more luck than Ursula had. Renee was determined to be alone so that she could have Sophie all to herself. The day came and Renee left work early, which worried Ian but there wasn't anything he could do about it. Renee went home and took a long bath so that she would smell prefect for Sophie. She put some wine onto chill then she went out on the porch to wait for Sophie. Her eyes never left the rose garden as that would be where Sophie would appear as that was her favorite place to be. The hours wound past but no Sophie appeared. Her eyes got heavy and she fought off sleep however it got the better of her. She sent out a silent plea to Sophie to come back to her as she fell asleep.

"Renee honey, you need to get inside." Renee heard as she felt someone shaking her arm.

"Sophie, that you?" Renee cried out as she opened her eyes only to see a dark form in front of her.

"No," Ursula said as she put her hand to Renee's face caressing it. "I figured that you would be out here tonight so when I woke up in the middle of the night worrying about you I decided that maybe you might need someone. I know you didn't want Ian or me here but I decided that you would get me whether you liked it or not."

"You're a lot like Sophie, you know that?" Renee said as she felt the sadness begin to pool within her heart.

"That's what Ian tells me when I'm bitching at him about something." Ursula said with a smile.

"Well I'm sure he deserves it." Renee said as she let out a long sigh.

"Oh he does but he is a good man and I do love him to death..." Ursula said then realizing that the word death wasn't appropriate right at that moment, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it that way."

"It's cool, I know what you meant." Renee said.

"Come on let's get out of this cool air before we both come down with a cold." Ursula said as she stood up then she helped Renee up.

"You think I'm crazy to believe that Sophie is going to come back don't you?" Renee asked as she followed Ursula into the house.

"No I don't think you're crazy but I do think that you are deluding yourself to believe that she'll come back. I just don't want you to crash one day when you realize that she isn't coming back." Ursula told her as they got to the kitchen.

"I know, you've said that before but I know I'm right." Renee told her feeling defensive. She hated having to defend herself to everyone about Sophie.

"Honey, it has been a year and she hasn't returned, I just wish you would accept it and get on with your life." Ursula told her.

"My life is with Sophie and when she returns then I will get on with my fucking life!" Renee said getting irritated and angry with Ursula.

"Okay, I just had to say it, but now let's just talk a minute before we go to bed. Maybe things will be better in the morning." Ursula said as she put her hand on Renee's hand.

"I just want you to believe me. And have Ian believe me too. He is my brother and he should support me." Renee said feeling depressed as it felt like it was her against the world.

"He does believe in you and so do I. You are our family and we will stand by you no matter what." Ursula said as she leaned over and gave Renee a hug and when Renee resisted Ursula held her tighter. Finally Renee gave in and she hugged Ursula back which did make her feel somewhat better.

Renee then changed the subject as they sipped the tea that Ursula made for them. But as Renee tasted the tea, she was just reminded of Sophie that much more. Tea was her favorite drink whether it be hot or cold. No more was mentioned of Sophie or her return. At about two AM, Ursula put Renee to bed making sure that she fell asleep before going to the spare bedroom for some sleep herself. Renee woke up the next morning feeling more depressed than she had ever felt so she was glad to see Ursula come from the spare bedroom. Ursula suggested over breakfast that they take the day for themselves. Renee knew she should go to work but at that moment getting away from everything sounded too good to pass up. So they spent the day shopping stopping to eat at diner where they could sit outside and enjoy the nice day. Ursula stayed with her until early evening when she had to go as it was her turn to put the boys to bed.

That night, Renee thought about Sophie and her promise to return. For the first time she began to feel a little doubt about her returning and that scared her. She was afraid that it meant that the love she had with Sophie wasn't as strong as she had believed that it was. She thought about the night of Sophie's death and she could see the way that Sophie looked at her when she had promised to return. She just knew that Sophie would returned so she tried to drive the doubt from her mind. However as the days passed a sort of depression began to feed into her body. She had a harder time getting up in the mornings and when she returned at night, all she wanted to do was to go to bed. And she began to talk more to Sophie as she tried to fall asleep. She talked to her as if she was there as it was the only way that she could keep her fresh in her mind.

This didn't go unnoticed by Ian and Ursula as they began to try to get her out of the house. They even enlisted their boys help and she would do things for them that she wouldn't for Ian or Ursula. Of course, Ian and Ursula saw that and they used the boys more and more just to get Renee out of the damn house. They knew that she was creeping into a deep depression which was what they feared would happen sooner or later.

Renee would cry herself to sleep and the morning got that much harder to face. When she woke up and Sophie wasn't there, she just wanted to bury her face in the pillow and just cry. But she would get up and force herself to get ready for work. However she began to find reasons to leave early saying she had things she needed to get done but all she did was to go home and go to bed where she could dream about Sophie.

Then came the morning when she just couldn't make herself get out of bed. She called in saying that she wasn't feeling good which was the truth in a way. She did feel bad, so god damn bad. Ian called her to make sure she was okay and Renee tried to sound upbeat but it took all her ability to do so, and she obviously wasn't all that convincing as about ten minutes after his call, Ursula called saying that she was coming over. She was going to take her out for some girl talk. Renee told Ursula that she just didn't feel up to company but she assured Ursula that she was fine, everything was cool. Again she had to do the best acting job that she had ever done in her life and she was able to put Ursula off however she wasn't so sure that Ursula wouldn't show up anyway. But when she hung up the phone, she burst into tears as she wasn't so sure that she could go on any longer. She needed her Sophie with her and if she wasn't going to come to her then maybe she needed to go to Sophie. She wasn't sure how she needed to do it but the thought had now entered her mind. She cried hard to the point of sobbing so hard that she whole body shook. She had finally reached the bottom and there wasn't any reserve in her tank. She just kept crying until she was exhausted and she fell back to sleep.

Her dreams were filled with all these weird scenes with her and Sophie, none of them lasting long enough for her to make sense of them. It was just Sophie or Sophie and her going through time, some were of things that they had done but others were new to her that she couldn't place. Then the dreams suddenly changed, Sophie felt nearer to her, like she was next to her. She could smell the natural scent that was Sophie. She felt herself waking up so she tried to make herself go back to sleep. This was the closest that she had felt to Sophie since she had died and she wasn't ready to let it go. She felt the sleep leave her and no matter how hard she tried it wasn't going to return.

"Oh god Sophie, where are you?" Renee cried out with desperation echoing in her voice.

"I'm right here babe, all you got to do is open your eyes and you'll see me." Renee heard a voice say that sounded just like Sophie.

"Oh god, I have gone crazy!" Renee cried out.

"Oh hell you went crazy a long time ago but that is besides the point." The voice said and Renee closed her eyes tighter as she knew she couldn't stand to open them and Sophie not be there but the voice was so fucking convincing.

"Oh Sophie..." Renee moaned as the tears started to fall from her eyes.

"Oh baby, you don't need to cry anymore, I'm here just like I said I would be." Renee heard then she felt someone touch her cheeks wiping the tears from her eyes. Then she felt that someone kiss her right then left eye. Renee so wanted to open her eyes but she was so afraid. She didn't want to find out that it wasn't Sophie and feel the heart wrenching disappointment again. Then she felt a pair of lips touch her lips. The lips were soft and full, Renee had felt only one set of lips like the ones she was feeling now in her life and they belonged to Sophie. So as the kiss ended, Renee allowed herself to slowly open her eyes. She first saw the black hair and then the bright green eyes looking back at her. Then she saw the sweet full smile and she knew that her Sophie had come back to her.

"Oh god, you came back!" Renee screamed as she wrapped her arms around Sophie pulling her in a tight embrace. She hugged her as tight as she could.

"Baby," Sophie grunted out, "Go easy."

Renee loosened her grip on Sophie fearing that she had angered her and that Sophie would leave her again. Her emotions were on the edge so anything that Sophie said scared her. "Did I do something wrong, I'm sorry if I did." Renee said as she started to cry from her fear of losing Sophie so soon.

"No baby, you're fine, I just needed to breath." Sophie said smiling as she pushed Renee onto her back and she laid on top of her. "Now wrap those wonderful arms around me and hold me tightly, I have missed you so much."

Renee smiled as she hugged Sophie, holding her tightly as Sophie had asked her to do. She felt Sophie's warm body against her as she realized that Sophie was naked and she could feel her breasts pressed against her breasts and she could feel Sophie's pubic hair rub against her shaved pussy. "Oh babe, I have missed you too. I missed you so damn bad." Renee said as she looked into Sophie's beautiful green eyes that were sparkling like they had always done.

Sophie slowly lowered her head to kiss Renee who wanted to keep her eyes open for fear that when she closed them that Sophie would disappear again however nature was too strong for her and she ended up closing them. She could still feel those warm lips touching her lips and when those lips opened Renee welcomed Sophie's tongue into her mouth. Renee sucked on it then when Sophie's tongue retreated, Renee eased her tongue into Sophie's mouth. Feeling Sophie suck on her tongue, Renee had to let out a moan. This was what she had waited for over a year for and as that thought came to her, Renee felt a moment of anger come over her so she pushed Sophie off of her.

Renee sat up in the bed and as she looked over at Sophie who had a surprised look on her face Renee turned on her. "What took you so fucking long to come back to me? You promised me that you would come back to me and I waited and waited for you. But you never came back until now. Why so long?" Renee asked as she broke down in tears.

"Baby I'm sorry, I really am. I tried and tried to get back sooner but I couldn't. I really did try. Please don't be mad at me, I didn't mean to die on you and I knew I had a promise to keep but it just wasn't possible or maybe I didn't try hard enough but I don't know how I could have tried harder, I did everything I knew to do to get back to you." Sophie said as she slipped up next to Renee and she put her hands to Renee's face wiping the tears from her face.

"Oh I'm sorry, it's just that no one believed me when I said that you would come back to me, not even Ian and Ursula which really pisses me off. I so wanted you back and the longer it took, the harder it was for me. I know I had to keep believing but I admit that I was beginning to doubt myself and I guess I was beginning to doubt you too. I didn't want to but it was just that..." Renee said as she felt Sophie pull her in. Renee laid her head on Sophie's shoulder allowing Sophie to caress her back.

"Baby I was beginning to doubt that I would be able to keep my promise too but I knew that I had made a promise to you and it was a promise that I had to keep. You were depending on me and I couldn't let you down. I know I'm a little late but I got here, I got back to the lady I love so damn much." Sophie told her.

"I know and I will never doubt you again." Renee said as she pulled back so that she could look into Sophie's eyes. I do love you so much babe." Renee then leaned in a gave Sophie a soft kiss.

"And I love you too." Sophie repeated as they kissed again then they just held each other tightly for a while with neither wanting to let go. They just sat there in the bed hugging and giving kisses to each other's cheeks and necks. Renee was content to just hold Sophie for the rest of the day however her curiosity got the better of her.

"Just where did you go and how did you come back?" Renee said as she loosened her grip on Sophie so that she could look into Sophie's eyes.

"I'll tell you what, if you'll fix us something to eat, then I'll tell you all about it." Sophie told her with a wink.

"It's a deal, I could use something to eat too." Renee said as she gave Sophie a kiss then she started to get up helping Sophie at the same time.

"Is my robe where I left it?" Sophie asked as she followed Renee out of the bedroom.

"Leave it off, I have missed looking at that beautiful body of yours." Renee said as she turned her head to give Sophie a wink of her own. And that was when Renee's mind went back to the night of the accident and she remembered seeing Sophie broken body. She now realized that Sophie's body was like it was before the accident while she still had a slight limp from her shattered ankle and scars on her upper leg and ankle where she had surgery to put the pins in. It was something that the Doctor said that she would always have. Renee decided that was another thing she was going to have to ask Sophie however Sophie's response to her answer got her attention back to the present.

"I have missed seeing that body of yours too and all the things that I did to that body." Sophie said as she came up behind of Renee wrapping her arms around her waist.

"It isn't as nice as it once was, I have put on a couple of pounds and I have a few scars that weren't there before." Renee said as she felt self-conscious about her body, more so than she did before Sophie died.

Sophie turned Renee around then looking into her eyes, "You are just as beautiful as you always were to me baby." Then she kissed her passionately and that got Renee's engines running. However before Renee could get too excited, Sophie ended the kiss and then snuck into the bathroom first so when Renee got there, Sophie was already sitting on the toilet peeing.

"Still not playing fair, I see." Renee said smiling.

"Nope," Sophie replied giving Renee another of her sexy winks.

"Figures," Renee said but she couldn't help smiling as anything Sophie did right then would be fine with her. Then as Sophie washed her hands, Renee sat down on the toilet so that she could pee which she had to do a lot worse than she realized as she hadn't peed since she went to bed early the day before. So she was still peeing when Sophie came over to give her a kiss then she left the bathroom swishing her ass at Renee who felt her pussy give her a tingle.

"I thought that I was suppose to fix you something to eat.' Renee said as she entered the kitchen to see Sophie at the stove heating up some chicken breasts. She was wearing a apron that covered her front so that she wouldn't get burned if the grease splashed up from the pan.

"If I remember correctly, I was the better cook and since I just got back here I didn't want you to give me food poisoning and send me back." Sophie told her without turning around. Renee stuck her tongue out at Sophie for making that comment about her cooking. "I saw that," Sophie said.

"Saw what?" Renee asked innocently.

"Whatever you did and don't say you didn't do anything, I know you better than that." Sophie said this time she did turn around as Renee stuck her tongue back out at her.

"Caught you!" Sophie said causing Renee to laugh and blush at the same time.

"Yes you did. So what do you want me to do?" Renee asked changing the subject.

"I want you to sit there and talk to me. After you, cooking was the thing that I missed the most." Sophie told her.

Renee wanted to argue with her but then she saw the look in Sophie's eyes seeing that Sophie was smiling at her showing how happy she was to be at the stove cooking and to tell the truth, Renee missed Sophie's cooking as she was very good at it. So she went to the fridge, pulling out a bottle of favored water for her and Sophie. She had bought some of the kind that Sophie had liked when the first anniversary of Sophie's death neared as that was when she thought that would be the day that she would come back. She handed Sophie her water taking the opportunity to give her a kiss before sitting at the table. She first just sat there and watched Sophie ass move as she shifted from one foot to the other. "Oh god I have missed that ass." Renee thought to herself.

"Take a picture it will last longer." Sophie said.

"What?" Renee asked as she came back down to earth to see Sophie staring at her with her hands on her hips. "Did you grow eyes in the back of your head while you were gone?" Renee asked wondering if she really had.

"No but I asked you twice what has happened to you while I was gone and when I turned around, you were just staring at me." Sophie said as she smiled at her.

"I'm sorry but I guess I got lost in your beauty." Renee told her as Sophie blushed a bit.

"Thank you," Sophie said then she came over putting her hand under Renee's chin, lifting it so that she could give her a kiss that Renee gladly accepted.

"Now tell me about you while I do my thing... and try not to stare at my cute firm ass... well try not to stare too much." Sophie said as she gave Renee another kiss then she went back to the stove.

"I'll try but it will be hard not to stare..." Renee said making Sophie blush and smile.

"I know... I'm just too damn cute..." Sophie said saucily, then she gave her ass a wiggle causing Renee to giggle. "Now tell me about what has happened to you."

Renee thought for a second trying to decide where to start and what all to tell Sophie when she looked up to see Sophie staring at her, "I'm not sure where to start..." Renee said.

"The beginning is usually the best place to start and don't leave out any details." Sophie told her as she went to the pantry to get a can of tomato paste.

"The first thing that I did after you died," Renee said feeling funny saying that to Sophie with her standing there right in front of her but then it wasn't, "was to cuss the cop out for trying to help me and not you but then he knew what I would always refused to accept, then when I moved, the pain from my leg and ankle hit and I blacked out. I woke up a couple of days later in the hospital with Ian and Ursula there. The first thing I did was to ask where you were and they had to tell me that you had died. That was when I remembered your promise. So I told them what you had said as you died." Renee said then she paused for a moment as she thought about their reaction to what she had said then she went on with her story. Renee told Sophie all about having to talk to the physiologist and then continue to talk to her long after she left the hospital just to keep Ian and Ursula happy. The story went on through the meal, though she took a break to enjoy Sophie's meal that tasted so delicious that the food seemed to melt into her mouth bursting into a thousand different tastes as the spices and herbs that Sophie favored her food with came forth with each chew.

But then once they had eaten, Renee helped Sophie with the dishes as she continued her story then they went out to the porch as her story went on. She saw at times how sad the story made Sophie but then at other times she could see how proud Sophie was of her for continuing to believe in her long after most people would have gave in and accepted that she was gone forever. They both cried at times and they laughed at others parts of the story. It took Renee most of the afternoon to tell Sophie everything she could remember and when she thought she had run out of things to say, she came up with other things that she just had to say. Her soul mate was there, the one person she could tell everything too without fear of being laughed at or being rejected. She had missed being able to just talk and now that she could really spill her soul again, she found that she just couldn't stop. However she finally found that she had said everything that she needed to say but not all what she could say. That would come later as she had time to think. The last part was the hardest to tell as that was when she had begun to doubt Sophie's ability to return and she was ashamed that she had even begun to feel that way but it seemed that Sophie understood what she had gone through so she understood just what Renee had to face.

"So now it's your turn babe." Renee said as she sat back having finished her story for now.

End of Par Four

To be Continued...

Please let me know what you think of my story. I welcome all comments good or bad. You can email me at numlfl@hotmail.com