Chapter 3
Monday morning when I saw Shelly, I told her how much fun I'd had Saturday.
"Can I ask you for a date this coming Friday? I was careful to use the word date to be sure I wasn't reading too much into her heightened friendliness.
"I'd love to," she answered. Was that a sparkle in her eye? "It's movie night at the student center. You want to go there?"
"Sounds good to me. You want to go for pizza first?"
"You know I do, babe. It's your turn to buy."
Babe? How cool is that! Things are working out even better than I'd hoped.
I stared into her eyes a moment; then went for it. "...m-m-m-m-m-m"
Tuesday, October 14
Dear journal,
Thoughts about today: Elijah smiles a lot. I'm starting to think that smiling is part of what they tell you to do when you're tutoring someone. I saw him heading for class this morning and he looked really serious, but at our lesson, he was smiling the whole time. I can see the lessons are paying off. I'm getting a lot more power behind my serves, and I'm returning a lot more of his services than when I first started. He said I'm a fast learner. Can't believe he tried putting his arm across my shoulder on the way into the locker room. Thank you Jesus, I saw it coming, and ducked in time. When I told him I wasn't into stuff like that, he pretended like he didn't know what I meant. Maybe it's just my imagination, but I think I keep getting gay vibes from him. It's not as bad as it was a month ago, but he still makes me nervous.
Honesty time: Okay, I don't know what else to write here so I'm going to write something that's totally off the wall. Today I was wishing Shelly was Elijah Elijah was Shelly because of the way I feel when I'm around him. If he was her, then I think I'd understand what Pastor Ben was saying when he told us "you'll just know." I can't believe I just wrote that. He's definitely not her, so there's no point in thinking about it – end of story.
I can see how God brought Shelly into my life for a reason, but I'm still trying to figure out if it's God or the devil that brought Elijah along. I guess I shouldn't be so hung up about him touching me in order to show me some technique. I just don't want to be "playing with fire," as Pastor Ben used to call it.
Now for the biggie: After bible study today, our bible study leader, Albert Hanson, asked out of the clear blue, if Shelly and I had thought about marriage. How crazy is that? What's really weird is that I've actually been thinking about the same thing. That's got to be God.
What I learned: Elijah is a really good teacher. I'm really getting to like playing the game of tennis. Maybe I should ask Shelly if she wants to learn how to play so she and I can be partners.
"Hey there handsome," Shelly called, walking out of the building where she shared an apartment with her girlfriends, Lisa, and Rochelle. I thought she'd like it if I greeted her with a kiss. I felt her tongue brush my lips as I was pulling away. Mental note to self: Don't forget to use your tongue when you kiss her – she's starting to expect it every time.
We started walking hand in hand to Romano's, discussing our week as we walked.
After a brief pause in her talking, Shelly asked me for no reason I could figure, "What's up, Carrots?"
"What?"
"You're like in la la land ...and your hand feels like ice. You haven't heard a word I said in the past five minutes have you?"
It was true too. For whatever reason, I kept thinking about how I had messed up on the kiss thing because I didn't give her opportunity to really enjoy it.
"I was just thinking about you."
"What about me?"
I felt my face growing hot as I leaned over to right my wrong, and kissed her. In my mind, I saw a romantic kiss that would soon have Michelle doing that "m-m-m-m" thing. In reality, I still don't know how they do it in the movies, because it sure can be awkward sometimes – especially if one of the participants isn't expecting it. Shelly's instant bout of giggling kept me from probing her mouth with my tongue for fear of her accidently biting it off.
"Is that what you were so distracted about?" she asked, pulling away from my lips. "You're so cute, Phillip." She placed her thumb on my eyelid, lifting it back, and looking directly into my eye like she was inspecting my brain. "We need to work on your approach a little, but I think I see potential in there,"
She grabbed my hand again as we turned and made our way toward Romano's.
"You just need to learn to relax," she told me passively while crossing the parking lot.
"Huh?"
We stopped, and she pulled me toward her.
"Like this." She got all soft and floppy in my arms and I instinctively gripped her harder. Then, when I leaned forward, she allowed herself to fall slightly away from me – just like in the movies. It was wonderful, except it kind of put the front of my jeans in an awkward place. Thank God nothing was going on down there at the moment.
"See?" she giggled as we stood aright.
"Si si," I answered as I went for more. I think I'm getting closer to seeing fireworks every time.
"If I relax as much as you though, we're gonna have a problem," I giggled as we came up for air. Life is good.
Elijah Cohen was the first person I noticed as we walked into the pizzeria. God, why does he stand out in a crowd like he does? Thank god, he either didn't notice me, or if he did, he didn't feel obligated to be overly friendly since we weren't on the tennis court.
Shelly noticed him too and smiled in his direction. I'm sure it wasn't intentional, but she managed to pick a booth and sat so that when I sat down across from her, he was right in my line of sight. No matter how hard I tried, I just couldn't keep my eyes from constantly drifting over and checking him out. Stop it, I commanded myself when I noticed Shelly was looking at me. It made me blush to think she might be having the same problem, only it was me she couldn't stop looking at! I definitely think we have a future together.
"So relaxation's the key," I mused.
"Wanna try it while we're sitting down," she teased, coyly patting the seat beside her.
I had never done anything like what she was suggesting in a public place, and was extremely self-conscious. Looking around the dining area, and seeing several other "relaxed" couples, I discreetly moved around the table, and slid onto the bench beside my seductress.
I closed my eyes and leaned forward. My ears soon picked up the now familiar "m-m-m-m" – only this time I think it came from my mouth. Opening my eyes to see if anyone was watching us, I noticed Elijah standing to leave with his pals. He was staring at us intently, slowly rolling his tongue across his lips – and I don't mean like he was clearing them of leftover pizza sauce. Now I was sure it was the devil that brought Elijah around because of what instantly began to happen below my waist. I am sure that lust is not something the Lord stirs up in a person.
Shelly sensed my sudden tenseness. Pulling away, she sat up and followed my eyes across the room. Thankfully, Elijah had turned to leave with his pals so she couldn't have known for sure what had just happened.
"Isn't seventy-seven our number?"
I looked at her, not comprehending what she was trying to tell me.
"Our pizza."
Finding the order stub, I looked at it and shoved it back into my front pocket. I decided for the sake of decency I'd better keep my hand there as I walked up to the counter.
"You rat," I teased as I sat the pie on the table. "It was your turn to buy."
"Thank you. It looks delicious. I'm going to really enjoy this one."
Shelly was in a playful mood as we casually killed time walking to the Student Center.
"So, relaxation's the key? I asked, hoping for a little more practice.
She didn't say a word. ...just steered us off the path and literally attacked my lips with hers. Not only that, but for the first time, she forced her tongue into my mouth. I didn't know if I was supposed to respond with an "m-m-m-m," or not. I'd never heard Andrew make a sound, so I decided to keep from doing it even though it seemed like I wanted to let myself go.
Fearing the night could quickly get out of control, I protested when she finally let me come up for a breath of air. ""Whoa! What was that for?"
"I don't know. I just had this urge to kiss you for a change. Did you like it?"
"S... sure," I stammered.
I noticed her eyes dance downward, then bounce just as quickly back up to look into my own.
Beads of sweat broke out on my forehead. Then she leaned in slowly and gently tasted my lips. Just as I was beginning to relax, she pressed her thigh between my legs and hugged me tightly. My body instinctively got rigid, and I pried myself out of her grip.
"What are you doing?" I protested. "Stop!"
"What," she asked. I again noticed that she was stealing a glance at the front of my pants as she backed away.
"We shouldn't be doing this. What would people think if they saw us? You know the bible says we're supposed to avoid even the appearance of evil."
"This is evil?"
"If someone sees us, they might think we're gonna end up in... You know... in bed or something."
"True, but they probably would've thought that if they saw you grabbing yourself at Romano's."
"What?"
"When you got up to get the pizza, you looked like you were trying to hide something," she said with a giggle.
"I was not trying to hide anything," I argued.
"Then why'd you keep your hand in your pocket while you were walking to the counter?"
"I was just making sure I had money with me. That's exactly why I say we need to avoid appearance of evil, because people get the wrong impression when they see you doing something like that."
"Ah-hu-u-h. You are not a very good liar, Phillip Johnson." She had a mischievous twinkle in her eye as she continued, "But you are cute when you try. Do you know your ears turn red when you're telling a big fat one?"
"What?" I asked reaching up to feel my ears.
"Ever since I met you, I've noticed that when your words and thoughts don't match up, your ears turn red. The bigger the whopper, the brighter red they turn."
"You're making that up."
"I'll prove it to you." Digging around in her handbag, she produced a small mirror and held it up to my face. "When I was licking your tonsils just now, what were you thinking about?"
"What d'you mean `what was I thinking about?' I was thinking about how this crazy friend of mine suddenly turned into a lip fiend and attacked me without warning. What was I supposed to be thinking?"
"I don't know," she said saucily, her hand landing on my hip. "Maybe thoughts about doing things Christians aren't supposed to be doing before they're married?"
Nervously moving so I could see my ears, I asked, "Now who's telling a whopper?" I was kind of feeling proud that thoughts of actually getting Shelly into bed had never once crossed my mind while we were kissing.
Shelly turned away, looking a bit flustered.
"So you can control it when you know someone's watching. But I'm telling you, your ears do get red."
"Come on," I said, pulling her back to the pathway, and giving her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I don't want to miss the opening scene."
Shelly and I worked our way to two empty seats in the middle of hall. Unbelievably, Elijah and his friends were sitting two rows in front of us. I watched as his face lit up when he noticed me; like I was some long lost relative he hadn't seen for a while.
"Oh, joy! Just ignore him" I commanded my brain when he glanced back a second time. I turned to see if Shelly was watching. She smiled. I smiled back at her and leaned in to taste her lips again.
"Stop looking at me," I screamed at him silently, mid-kiss.
Shelly's lips were soft and warm and moist, and tasted like pineapple. Like anything else in life, practice was proving to make a difference. It didn't seem like second nature yet, but at least it didn't feel so strange anymore. Shelly wasn't real "into" the kiss this time, but I almost cracked up when I decided to push my tongue forward, and heard her immediately "m-m-m-m" into my mouth. It was like there was some hidden button inside there that I could press with my tongue to make the sound come out.
We held each other's hands the entire movie, but other than make a few snide remarks about some of the scenes, Shelly was relatively quiet compared to what I was used to. I started wondering if something I had done was bugging her. Maybe the bedroom scene in the movie got her to thinking, and she was disappointed I had let her know that doing more than kissing was not an option for me. I began hoping, or maybe it was dreading, she'd at least tell me what it was so I could deal with it.
"Phillip? Wasn't that your tennis instructor sitting in front of us?" she asked as soon as we got into the lobby.
I kind of got this sinking feeling in my stomach knowing that no matter how hard I had tried not to let them, my eyes had continually drifted to Elijah during the movie. What was even worse was that he kept turning to look at us. It was subtle – like he was just stretching his neck – but he always managed to glance at Shelly, and then catch my eyes before looking forward.
"Yeah, Elijah Cohen"
"Your ears are red."
My hand instinctively shot up to touch them, and this time I could feel they were warm.
"So-o-o?"
"He's kind of cute, don't you think? ...I mean if you were a girl."
I could feel the glow burning on my face. It must have matched my ears just then. "Ah-h-h... and?"
"Did you notice what color shirt was he wearing?"
"What?" I asked, totally confused as to where this was going.
"Did you notice the shirt he was wearing?"
"You mean tonight?"
"Yeah, tonight. What color would you say it was?"
Relaxing a bit, and wondering if maybe she really did find him attractive, I answered. "Kind of an ecru colored turtleneck. Why?"
Shelly smiled and spun me around, facing away from her. God, don't let Elijah be standing behind me. I was relieved to find he wasn't.
"Did you notice what color shirt I have on?"
I instinctively started to turn around to look.
"Without looking"
"What is this?" I asked, my anxiety level rising by the second, "Candid Camera?"
"Just tell me what color it is."
"Green," I guessed, trying to suppress the panic I felt.
"You can turn around now."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Wrong," she asserted with a smile.
"I am not wrong."
"It's aqua."
"Aqua-green," I countered.
"So if we're talking generalities, why didn't you just say your tennis instructor's shirt was off-white?"
"Because it's ecru"
"...and this," she said pulling her tee downward, is aqua."
"Did you notice how he kept stretching his neck during the movie, like he was checking me out?"
A bit worried that she really did find him attractive, I lowered my voice to a whisper, and confided, "Ah... Shelly, I think he might be gay."
"It's starting to make sense, now."
"What? That he's gay?"
"He wasn't looking at me, Carrots."
"What d'you mean?"
"I mean, I think you're the one he was checking out."
"So you noticed it too."
As uneasy as our discussion over colors had made me feel, this one was so far out of my comfort zone I felt light-headed.
"Is that why you kept looking at him?"
"I kept looking at him because he makes me nervous. Shelly, I think he's like crushing on me or something."
"What. And you're afraid you might have a little bit of a gay side in there?" she asked, again pulling my eyelid up and looking into my eye.
"What're you talking about," I squawked in protest. I hoped she was just joking, but the way she asked, I wasn't so sure.
"Tell him at your next tennis lesson that you're already taken, okay?"
She just smiled, wove the fingers of her hand into mine, gave me a little kiss, and pulled me toward the exit.
She kissed me goodnight, and when her tongue started prodding mine, I was only too glad to return the favor. "m-m-m-m-m," we both moaned together.