Visibly upset, Shelly was staring out the side window of the car. I had no idea if she was angry at me, angry at my parents, sad about what I had told her, or upset with herself for allowing her heart to become involved with someone who had such a messed up past.
When she noticed I wasn't talking anymore she turned her head to look at me, tears running down her cheeks.
"I feel like such an idiot, Phillip. I had no idea what I was getting into when I asked you. I was just pushing buttons to see if I could get you going. I thought it would be funny to talk about."
Shelly looked at me for a moment and then added "You used to be like that, right? I mean you don't want to do those things anymore?"
"God's been faithful to keep me from that, Shelly."
"But, I mean... Well, you aren't like that anymore are you?"
"Not really. I haven't done any of that stuff since I became a Christian if that's what you mean.
Shelly look at me apprehensively.
"Can I ask you a personal question, Shell? When you gave your life to God, did all the things that you struggled with just kind of go away?"
She slowly moved her head side to side, letting me know she still wasn't perfect either.
"I guess not. When I was eighth grade," Shelly began, "there was this guy, Neil Beckett. He was the hottest guy in my whole class, and he asked me to go to a party with him. He said if I went to the party with him, it would prove to everyone that I was his girlfriend. I had dreamed about him ever since the first day of seventh grade when I saw him in my homeroom. Deep down, I knew I shouldn't go. Especially not with a guy who was always bragging about how drunk he had gotten at the last weekend party. But I wanted him to be my boyfriend so bad I snuck out of the house and went.
"He told me he thought I was a real babe, and got me to come with him the next week too. After a few weeks, he told me that he loved me and wanted me to prove that I loved him too. I was so drunk that night ...so naïve. We ended up in a bedroom and... I'm not a virgin, Phil. Afterwards, I saw him look at his friend and make a vee sign with his fingers when we went back to the party. Then he held his other finger in front of them like the signs you see that indicate "not." I felt so humiliated when I realized that he was bragging to his friends about what we had just done. It made me feel like I had been some sort of conquest. He... he never wanted anything to do with me after that.
"My parents were always so strict about doing the right things all the time. They were always worried someone at church wouldn't think they had the perfect family. I tried to act the part when I was with them, but I was hurting because of what I did behind their back.
"That summer is when my friend Alyson Lambert went to church camp and found Jesus. She was so different when she came back from there. She was so happy, and told me she didn't even want to party anymore – that God had taken away her desire to do that. Instead she wanted to join the church's visitation group and visit people at some rest home. I thought she'd cracked up. I waited for her to get over it, but she couldn't stop talking about how good it made her feel to visit those people on Friday nights.
"It was just before school started in September when she asked me if I wanted to become a Christian. I certainly didn't want to visit old people in a rest home, but I knew I wanted the peace that she seemed to have. I finally let her lead me in a prayer asking God to take control of my life.
"I haven't gone to a party or slept with another guy since then Phillip. I think God just took those desires away from me. But there is one thing I do that I've been asking him to change and it seems like he doesn't hear me. I can't really understand why God won't change that part of me too.
"Ah-h-h," I interjected, trying to break the tension a bit. "Confession is good for the soul."
It worked, and Shelly smiled before proceeding.
"Like what happened last night. Sometimes I just can't listen to reason. It's like something clicks off in my brain and I feel like I have to punish the person who's upsetting me. Like sometimes when I'm driving somewhere and someone cuts me off, or is driving too slow, it's like I just have to get around them and slam on my brakes to make them mad in return. I try to work on it, but it just seems like God's not listening to me when I ask for his help in keeping me from doing it again."
Shelly suddenly stopped talking and stared at me. "That what you wanted to know? ...that I'm not perfect either?"
"Not really. I just wanted to know if other Christians struggled with things they thought God should have removed from their life.
"Shelly," I spoke, looking down at the steering wheel. "Well... when you saw me staring at Elijah the other week. I hate myself when I do it, but it's like every time I let my defenses down, I catch myself doing it again, and I don't even know why. Do you think God does that on purpose – I mean, allows us to struggle with something just to test us?"
"I heard a preacher say one time that he believes it's not God testing us, but just the fact that we live in a world where both good and evil exist. He said that as long as we live in this world, both good things and bad are going to come at us for no reason other than the fact that that's just how it is.
"Phillip, honestly, when I saw you and Elijah checking each other out I made myself believe it was because you two were good friends. I just kind of figured you'd rather be off with him playing video games or something. I honestly never actually thought you were thinking about him like that. Will you forgive me? I'll never do it again, Phillip. I promise.
"It's okay, Shelly. The counselors, at the camp I got sent to, helped me learn to deal with that stuff. I have another confession to make to you too."
Her eyebrows snapped upward in anticipation of my next deep dark secret.
"I was really mad at you for what happened last night. I almost didn't ask Andrew if I could have his car tonight because of how you made me feel. Now that I know it's something you struggle with, I think I can understand it and I want to try and help you next time it happens.
"If we're going to spend the rest of our lives together ...I mean if it ever comes to that, we need to help each other overcome our weaknesses.
"What are you babbling about, Carrots? We've hardly even started dating."
"Seriously, Shell. Would you like let me know if you see me staring?"
"Elbow to the ribs?"
"If that's what it takes."
"Ooofff!"
"You were staring, Carrots."
"I meant staring at a guy."
"I know what you meant Sweetheart."
I felt so close to Shelly's heart. After all the misunderstandings and trouble of the past two nights, something special had taken place in our lives. It wasn't because of the eighty-five dollars I had dropped for an extravagant dinner like I thought it would be, either. It was simply by two people in love baring their hearts to each other, being honest about who they really are.
Shelly looked a bit startled when I suddenly backed away from her approaching lips and started the car. I was glad for the darkness, because for the first time ever, nature was working the way God intended. I just so didn't want her to notice and start thinking I was expecting her to repay me for supper.
"It must be getting late. I promised Andrew I'd have his car back before midnight. He said something about it turning into a pumpkin at the stroke of twelve," I joked.
"So," I asked as we were driving into town. "Did you think about what I asked you?"
"You mean about knocking out one of your ribs the next time I see you ogling your tennis instructor?"
"No-o-o. I mean about spending Christmas with me."
"If I say yes, does it mean I can't change my mind if something better comes up?"
"Just say yes, Tootsie, We'll deal with that if it happens. Like anything better could come up."
"You think the world revolves around you? Uh-uh! I'm not setting myself up to miss the chance of a lifetime if it comes along."
"Come on, Shelly, I just need to let my mom know, so she can get ready."
"It's barely even November. Why's she have to get ready for Christmas before Thanksgiving?"
"I just want to give her as much notice as possible."
"Don't push your luck, Carrots," she told me a bit agitatedly.
"You're doing it."
"Doing what?"
"You're trying to get around me so you can jam on the brakes."
"What are you talking about?"
"What you told me earlier. ...about you feeling like you have to control things when they don't go the way you think they should."
"I was talking about when I was driving a car."
"Yeah, but it's kind of the same thing."
"Why are you so hot and bothered about having me spending the holidays with you?" she asked with a sexy leer.
"Because I love you?"
"You're a basket case, Phillip Johnson. Does your mom roast a turkey for Christmas dinner?"
"Like, ye-ah."
"With stuffing, and cranberries, and everything?"
"The only way to make it."
"What if I say yes and then find out my parents have something special planned?"
"I don't know. Maybe you'd invite me join you?"
"You'd have to dye your hair a different color so it didn't clash with the decorations in the family photo."
"Does that mean it's a yes?"
"I'll think about it," she said as we pulled into the parking lot by her apartment, and parked the car. "But thanks for asking me, Phillip. That was so sweet of you to do."
We sat in the car in silence for a few moments, before Shelly cooed, "walk me to my door, sexy. I don't want to be inside here when it turns into a pumpkin."
When I got around the car, Shelly was still sitting inside, waiting for me to open the door for her. Funny how she was changing from "Miss Independence," into this "I Want To Be Treated Like a Lady," monster. I gave her my hand and helped her out, and then our lips met. I can honestly say I wasn't thinking about Elijah as we traded spit and licked each other's tonsils. Soft lips are nice too.
I almost fell for it when she took my hand and cooed into my ear: "I want to show you something," and started pulling me toward the front door of her apartment.
I could not believe the transformation that had taken place with her. Just a few short minutes ago we had been practically arguing about Christmas, and now she's like a vixen in heat. Go figure.
Even though I have to admit I was curious to know what it would be like, I forced myself out of her embrace, and whispered, "You don't owe me anything for dinner, Shelly."
Her hands rubbed across my chest, and then it was like she realized what she was doing, and turned away.
"It's okay Shell. I feel the same way about you, but remember, we both promised God we would keep that for marriage. I love you."
"Phillip? Thank you for the most wonderful night of my life. Don't let it go to your head, but I think I just may be falling in love with you."