All the Ways I Love You
This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex.
You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.
Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
Chapter 8
Saturday morning I found myself in a rented Mini - a cute car! - rolling down the highway to North Carolina. I hadn't been on a road trip in a while and it was fun to be out on the road in a sporty little car. Accent on the little. I quickly decided I didn't like being next to 18-wheelers. Made me think I was going to get crushed under their wheels.
But the Mini was cool, and it wasn't that expensive to rent. I thought Justin might think it was cool too. I guess I wanted to impress him. God I didn't want to turn up in a Ford Taurus!
It was only after I was an hour out of New York that it occurred to me that if Justin and I went driving in it we might want to try other things in it as well. Damn! I should have rented that Lincoln Town Car after all. Oh well! Too late to go back now.
I left a little after 7am and it was supposed to take about 9 and a half hours according to Yahoo's map to drive down. I got in around 5, which I thought was pretty good going since I'd stopped a couple of times along the way. God bless cruise control!
It wasn't hard finding the house, which was in a private gated community. I had to show ID to get past the guard at the entrance. I was a little nervous, but the guard was a pleasant guy in his fifties. He didn't really look that intimidating, though I did notice the handgun in a holster on his hip. I wondered if he had ever had to use it. Fortunately he quickly found my name on the list and waved me through.
The house itself was huge. I parked in an empty space and hopped out, stretching my arms and legs a bit. I knew Justin was flying in that afternoon, but I didn't know exactly when.
I went up to the door and rang the bell. Hopefully someone was already there, as I didn't have a key. After a minute or two the door opened and there stood Lance, wearing swimming trunks and t- shirt.
"Hey...Ethan, right?" he said, smiling and extending his hand. I took it, and shook it.
"Yeah, Hi Lance, good to see you again."
"Great you could come. Justin's not here yet," he said answering the question I was about to ask, "but I can show you your bed room. You got any bags?" he asked trying to look behind me.
"They're in the car."
"Want help with them?"
"No, I'll get them later if you can just give me a quick tour. I could really use a bathroom."
"Sure!" Lance laughed, "Come on," and he stepped back for me to enter the house.
Lance gave me a quick tour of the kitchen, living room, games room, bedrooms and bathrooms. I was in a nice room down the end of one hall. It turned out Justin was in a bedroom upstairs at the other end of the house: not that I asked, but Lance told me.
Well so much for the hope of adjoining rooms. I wondered who had handled room assignments.
After he showed me my bedroom Lance told me the 'others' were out by the pool, and to come out when I was done and he would introduce me to them. I thanked him and he smiled at me and I wasn't sure but I was picking up an odd vibe from him. Something was definitely off. Did he know or suspect something?
I went into the bathroom and washed up and stared at myself in the mirror. I looked a little tired. An early night would be a good idea.
At the pool there was a small party going on. A group of people lounging around on chairs, drinking and chatting. The sun was low in the sky but it was still pleasant. A couple of them were in the pool.
Lance got up as I came out, and grabbing me by the arm, led me around and introduced me to all the people. I'm terrible with names and I was tired, but there were three other guys, Trace, Joey from NSYNC, and another guy who I didn't remember his name after Lance told me it. They all seemed to have girlfriends or wives (the relationships weren't explained) with them. There were four women; Christine, Julie and two others whose names I also forgot. I suddenly got the impression that this was a couple's thing and not just a 'guys' hanging out thing that Justin had kind of lead me to believe. So was I Justin's unofficial date for this event?
No one said anything as Lance introduced me as the writer that wrote the script for Justin's movie. They were politely indifferent and I wasn't going to ask any questions.
"Well, I'm going to go get my stuff," I said to Lance, "I'm really beat."
"We were going to go out to dinner once Justin gets here," Lance said.
"Oh, well I don't know. I'll see what happens, but don't wake me if I'm asleep," I said.
"I won't" he nodded.
I went back out to the car and grabbed my two bags - one for clothes, the other with a computer and stuff - and took them down to the bedroom.
I had just started unpacking when I heard some noise out in the house and what sounded like someone yelling 'Justin.'
Feeling a little nervous, I stepped out the door and looked down the hall to see Justin standing in the entranceway with Julie wrapped around him. She was giving him serious mouth-to-mouth resuscitation and he seemed to be enjoying it. I froze there for a moment, then stepped back into the bedroom feeling nauseous.
Okay, I said to myself, breath! Try to calm down. You're probably miss-reading things. Maybe they're just old friends?
No that's stupid, that wasn't an old friends kiss. You don't try and suck the tonsils out of old friends, no matter how close they are.
I sat down on the bed and cursed my miserable life. I had known that coming down here was a bad idea as soon as Justin suggested it, but I came anywhere. What a stupid jerk! In a funny way, I was angry at myself, not at Justin. Part of me had expected this. He was a very attractive guy in a very public job. I assumed he had people throwing themselves at him all the time. Part of me was almost assuming that he would be tempted now and again. Maybe all the time. He was young, horny. I'd even kind of assumed that our relationship wouldn't last long. I just hadn't expected it to end this way, this quickly.
About ten minutes later, maybe longer, I heard someone coming down the hall and there was a soft knock at the door.
"Ethan" I heard Justin whisper through the door. I sat there. I couldn't face him. Not right now. I heard him walk away.
I lay down and fell asleep.
When I woke up it was just after 10pm. I felt better. Maybe I'd been tired and had imagined it. Or just saw the worst. Surely Justin would have told me if he had moved on?
I got up, straightened myself up, and walked out to the main area of the house. The kitchen, dining and living rooms were empty, but there was noise coming from the entertainment room so I went down there to find Lance, and a couple of the others, watching 'Lord of the Rings' on the TV.
"Hey," I said to Lance when he waved at me, and I went and sat down.
"We got back a little while ago," Lance said, "you really didn't want to come out, right?"
"Yeah that's okay," I said looking around.
"The others went out to a club," Lance said. "There's some food in the kitchen if you're hungry."
"Okay," I said, not feeling that hungry. I sat with them and watched the movie for a while, and then I went out and looked through the fridge and freezer. There were some frozen mini-pizzas in the freezer. I took one out and zapped it in the microwave, and got some soda to drink. I was debating taking it back into the movie, but decided to eat it in the kitchen. I looked at my watch. It was almost 11:30pm and I was eating dinner. Well this day was one for the books. And it wasn't even over yet.
I ate half the pizza, threw the rest away, and went back in and watched the end of the movie. It was after 12:00 when the movie ended and I realized I was dog-tired.
The others made noises about going to bed, and I said I definitely was going to go, and got up and walked out into the hallway just as there was a key at the front door. There was some noise that sounded like giggling, and the door opened and Justin walked in with Julie holding tightly to him.
"Come on baby!" she was saying to him as they came in, and she held out her hand and ran it softly up and down the side of his face. I wanted to go and rip her arm out of her shoulder.
Justin pushed the door closed and turned to face her, laughing and leaning down to whisper something to her. She ran a hand through his hair and I just stood watching them as she leaned in to him.
"Uhh hmm" came the sound of someone clearing their throat loudly beside me. Lance had followed me out of the room and was standing beside me. Justin looked up with a shocked expression on his face; a deer caught in headlights.
"Hey guys," said Lance. "How was the club?"
"Okay," said Justin, still staring at us.
"It was really...hot!" said Julie, leaning close to Justin's ear when she said the word 'hot' and then giggling a little. She was clearly drunk. He turned to her.
"You need to go to bed, you've had too much to drink," he said.
"Only if I can go to bed with you baby," she said sweetly.
"You're drunk," he repeated and he looked back at us as though asking us to help him.
"I'm going to bed," I said, as calmly as I could manage. I turned to Lance.
"Night Lance," I said, then I walked past Justin. "Good night Justin," I said casually.
"Ethan, uh wait...I want to...can you wait for a bit?"
I stopped and turned to face him. He was standing there and Julie was clutching him, and I realized that he was a little drunk too. They were both swaying slightly.
"I'm just going to...let me help Julie to bed...can you just give me ten minutes?"
"I'm tired Justin."
"Just ten minutes" he was almost pleading, and I looked and saw Lance was watching us closely.
"Okay," I said. I didn't want this to get awkward in front of Lance. We were still standing there as the door opened and Joey came in.
"Oh," he said stopping suddenly, trying to figure out what was going on.
Justin turned to Julie, "Come on you," and the two of them turned and stumbled up the stairs, Julie giggling as they went.
I watched them go up, and then I turned and saw Lance was still standing there watching me. He smiled at me wanly. I shrugged as though I had no idea what was going on, then I said 'Goodnight' to Joey, and went into the kitchen to do something. I wasn't sure what. Lance followed me in.
"Anything I can do for you?" he asked.
"Huh?" I said looking up.
"Just wanted to make sure everything's okay...you know, with the room. You don't need anything?"
"No, it's great," I said.
"Well, I'm going to bed. Maybe tomorrow we could go shoot some hoops or something?" he said.
"Yeah, that might be fun," I said, and he nodded and headed off to his room.
I went into the living room and sat down and waited.
I woke up about 2 in the morning. It took a few minutes to remember why I was sleeping on the couch. I had been waiting for Justin. What happened to him? I decided I might as well go find him.
I walked up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom. It was empty. That was odd. I walked down the hall and came to the door that I remembered Lance had said was Julies. It was right next to Justin's. I stood there for a couple of moments thinking. It felt wrong, but curiosity - and a sense of doom - made me do it. I reached out and turned the doorknob. It was unlocked. The door slowly opened and I looked in. I could see two people lying on the bed. Julie was naked, and Justin, naked except for a sheet over his torso, was lying beside her.
I pulled the door closed and went back to my room.
I actually slept pretty well. After I cried myself to sleep.
I awoke a little after dawn. My bedroom windows faced the morning sun and I hadn't pulled the blinds. I lay in bed for another hour or so, but I couldn't get back to sleep.
I got up, dressed, and went down to the kitchen to have something to eat. No one else was up. The muffin and orange juice were pretty good, and it was such a beautiful day I decided to go for a walk along the beach. I scribbled a note on a pad saying I'd be back in a little while.
It was a beautiful beach and it was very calming walking along, picking up shells and stones and lost in thought. I went several miles up and back. Stopping now and again for no reason.
I didn't really know what to think. I was kind of numb. I couldn't stay. That was clear. I had to come up with some plausible reason for leaving and get out of there fast. Preferably before seeing Justin. I couldn't face Justin again. I didn't want to think about what he would do or say. Would he tell me it was over? Or worse, would he pretend nothing had happened and act like we were still together? It made no sense. Why did he ask me to come? Did he really think he could have a boy and girl friend with him on this trip? What kind of vanity was this? Was there supposed to be a threesome tonight?
For a moment I felt nauseous. Thought I might be sick. But I sat down and felt a little better.
I sat there. I didn't want to cry. Didn't think I was going to. But my eyes were watery and I couldn't stop it.
I didn't want to cry for him. Watching the waves splash against the shore. I tried to think of other things. Tried to concentrate on my surroundings. It was so beautiful there.
I cried.
And Justin thought he was a wuss.
I didn't get back to the house until a little after 10. Lance and Trace were by the pool, and Lance waved to me as I came up to the house. I was grateful to see them, as I was actually a little unsure if I'd found the right place.
"Hey!" Lance called as I came up to him.
"Hi" I said back.
"We were starting to worry about you. Thought you might have drifted out with the tide or something."
"You didn't get my note?" I said.
"Yes...just didn't think you'd be gone so long!"
"Oh."
I pulled up a chair and sat down beside him.
"Justin was looking for you, he was really worried," Lance began.
"He doesn't have to worry about me," I said a little defensively. I looked around, "Where is Justin anyway?"
"Julie dragged him off to the mall," said Trace, who had been listening to our conversation.
Lance frowned and gave Trace a glance, then turned back to me.
"He shouldn't be long," Lance added.
"Yeah," I said getting up, "I'm going to get something to drink," and I nodded to them and went into the house. I had no idea what to do. I went into the living room and turned on the stereo. There was a pile of CD's beside it and I scanned through the discs looking for something I was in the mood for. I finally found a best of Marvin Gaye disc and advanced to a track I'd played once before when someone had dumped me. It had a soothing effect on me.
You know that a man ain't supposed to cry,
but these tears I can't hold inside.
Losin' you would end my life you see,
cause you mean that much to me.
You could have told me yourself,
that you found someone else.
Instead I heard it through the grapevine
not much longer would you be mine.
I heard it through the grapevine,
and I'm just about to lose my mind.
I played it again after it finished, and I was standing there, kind of swaying to the music, when I realized someone was beside me. I turned and saw Lance.
"Hey" I said.
"You okay?" he asked.
I reached out and turned off the CD.
"Yeah," I said. "That's an awesome song."
"Yes, it is...it's..." he paused, seemingly trying to think of the right thing to say. "It's good," he said finally.
"Yes...I've got to make a call," I said and I went off to find a phone. I ended up going down to my bedroom and using my cell phone. The message icon flashed but I ignored it. I dialed my cousins' number.
"Hello?"
"Dave? It's Ethan."
"Hey Ethan! How you doing? You having fun?"
"I'm good. Listen, I wondered if I could come up early?"
"Early? When?"
"Today."
"Today? Well sure. Like I told you though, I'm working this week so I'll only really see you in the evenings."
"That's fine," I said, "I'm planning on doing the tourist stuff most of the time anyway, and you probably don't want to do that. But if it's okay with you, I'd like to come and crash."
"Sure. Come on up!" he said. "When will you be here?"
"Ahh, well it's 10:30. If I leave now it'll probably be about 5 maybe."
"Okay, I'll be here. See you soon" he said.
"Thanks Dave."
I hung up and then quickly scanned the room. I realized that I hadn't unpacked much at all. I threw the few things back into the bags. Straightened up the bed a bit - I assumed they had a cleaner coming in - and dragged my bags out to the hallway.
Lance was in the kitchen when I came out and he looked up, obviously surprised.
"What are you doing?" he asked coming over to me.
Shit! I just had to get out the door. I was just going to write a note. I'd been doing a good job of holding it together, and if I could just get out to the car I would be fine. Now I had to talk to Lance, and I didn't like the way he was looking out for me. I had an uncomfortable feeling he either knew or suspected something.
"Hey Lance. I just spoke to my cousin and he's gone and injured his leg and can't get around so I'm going to go up and take care of him."
"That's too bad, I'm sorry to hear that," said Lance, sounding concerned. I felt guilty lying to him, but I had the feeling he was going to ask me for a reason for leaving. "Justin's going to be disappointed" Lance added thoughtfully.
"He'll get over it," I said, maybe a little bitterly, and I caught myself. I have to get out of here I thought. "So can you let him know that I had to go?"
"Sure. You don't want to just wait until he gets back?"
"No, it's going to take most of the day to get there. I've got to get going while I'm still awake."
"Why don't I call him and let him know?" Lance said, and started to look around for a phone.
"No," I almost snapped, "uh...I want to get going and don't want to interrupt him."
Lance stood there looking thoughtful.
"Maybe you could fly up?" Lance suggested. "Then come back later in the week?"
"No, I've got to take the car back to New York." I paused, "Listen Lance, thanks very much for...for everything. Sorry I couldn't' stay longer."
"Well you were hardly here at all, really," Lance smiled and shook my hand. He picked up my bag to help me down to the car. I tried to wave him off, but he insisted.
"I'll tell Justin where you've gone. Does he have the number where you'll be?"
I paused. What would Justin need that for? I figured Lance just liked to be organized.
"Just tell him to..." and I wanted to say 'fuck off and die,' but I bit back the urge. "Just tell him I'll talk to him when I get back to New York," I said vaguely as I stuffed the bags in the car, then I shook his hand again, climbed into the car and drove off.
---------- I Heard It Through The Grapevine by Marvin Gaye and Norman Whitfield. All lyrics are the property and copyright of their owners
To be continued...