All the Ways I Love You
This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex.
You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.
Thanks to the many readers who have responded to this story. Thanks to mattvt for reviewing and proofing parts of this story; all errors remain my fault!
Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
Chapter 31
The new book was out and had received some good reviews. It was selling well and the publisher had put some effort into promoting it. And so it came to doing book readings, and Julie had arranged for me to come back.
This was going to be the biggest event in the city so far, and I was nervous and excited. Friends had promised to come, and Justin had changed plans so that he could be there. He arrived the night before and we had a quiet night together, though it was kind of hard for me to concentrate on anything. I was too nervous.
Justin teased me a little about it. Telling me how he was nervous before big events and could never sleep. Either I was different or this wasn't quite as big an event for me because I managed to sleep quite well.
We took a cab down to the store, but separated once we got there. Justin had a security guy with him just in case, though he was disguised with cap and sunglasses.
He disappeared into the rest of the store while I was talking to Julie and getting ready. Julie had taken me out to a back room and was talking about this and that and that I was to sign some books and any left over she wanted me to sign a few more so they'd have them for people and I said sure, I'd do that at the end.
And suddenly it was time. We went out to the area where the seats were set up and I saw that the crowd was larger than the last time, with some people standing at the back. I scanned the back row and the people at the back but didn't see Justin. It was only as I sat down that I noticed him sitting in the front row.
Julie introduced me and I got up to the sound of applause and I thanked everyone for coming and then I read a couple of sections form the book. I glanced at Justin as I was about to start the first reading and he crossed his eyes and looked stupid for a second and I had a lot of difficulty not laughing.
But the reading itself went well and then I took some questions and read a couple more pieces and I thought it was going really well.
Until I asked for any more questions and Justin put up his hand.
I looked down at him, a huge grin was on his face, and I idly wondered what he was up to. From his expression I knew it was something...and somehow I was sure that I didn't want to know what it was.
So I ignored him and answered questions from a couple of other people. Julie interrupted me at that point suggesting I take one last question and read one more section and I said "Okay,"
At that point Justin waved his hand in the air and went "Oh! Oh!" like a kid in class trying to get picked by the teacher. No one else had put their hand up yet and the people around him were giggling. I looked at Justin and then at the audience and kind of rolled my eyes.
"Ah...okay, you in the front row. You have a question?"
"Yes! I do," said Justin.
He stood up - which most people hadn't - and pulled off his sunglasses and cap. I saw some people looking at him and obviously recognizing who he was.
"Okay," I prompted.
"Uh...so I was wondering...you say a lot of your writing is based on your own experiences..."
"Yes..."
"But most of the characters are composites or imaginary..."
"Yes..."
"But in some cases you use real people as characters or mention real people..."
I had a sudden premonition of where this was going.
"...so do you...when you talk about those people...are you writing how you feel about them?"
I looked over at Abby and she smirked at me, and then I turned back at Justin who had this earnest expression on his face. I knew he was faking it.
"Uhhh..." I said.
"I have a specific example," he offered, and out of his pocket he pulled a book. I knew which book it was.
"You want to read it?" I asked wearily.
"Could I?" he asked, already opening the book.
"Please...be my guest."
"The guy was a jerk." Justin began, and everyone was quiet now, "He was a Justin Timberlake clone," he paused and there was a smatter of noise from the audience, almost a gasp, "his hair curly and dyed blond, an airhead with a high whiny voice. How could this loser be attractive to woman?" As he read Justin overacted the last line as though outraged by it.
Justin stopped and closed the book and looked up, and then batted his eye lashes at me and smirked. I don't think anyone else saw it. The audience was now totally clued in to who he was...anyone who had doubted it had had their feelings confirmed, and those who had no idea were whispering to others.
"Ah...could you let me see that?" I said. Justin stepped up closer and handed me the book with a big smirk and I took the book and pretended to look at the passage.
"So is that how you really feel about Justin Timberlake?" he asked.
"Oh no...I'm sure that Justin Timberlake is a perfectly nice person...maybe a little egotistical," I added and there was a little laughter from the audience.
"Actually...I seem to remember writing something else about this guy..." I said, and I picked up the folder of bits and pieces I had in front of me and flipped through them, grabbing the article I had written for the Australian Magazine.
"I'll just read," I said, turning to the podium. "If anyone in the world doesn't know..."
"That's okay," said Justin, interrupting me. He was now standing beside me and he snatched the page out of my hand.
"What? What?" I said acting surprised.
"That's okay...I just wanted to be clear that you didn't really think that about...Justin Timberlake...so you've answered my question."
He looked like he was going to go back to his seat but I grabbed his arm.
"Wait," I said, "you did such a great job of reading; you want to help read something from the new book? That is why we're here after all."
"Uh, sure..." he said.
I thought for a second and opened to a page in the book. I turned to Justin and waved him close beside me. "You read the dialog for the character Jed, and I'll read the rest," I said.
"Okay," he grinned.
I started reading, Justin reading the dialog flawlessly, helped by me pointing my finger at the parts he was supposed to do and also because he'd read the book and knew what was happening.
When we finished there was a long round of applause and I clapped Justin on the back and we shook hands briefly and then he stepped back and Julie hopped up.
She came over to me a smile on her face and leaned over and whispered, "Is that really Justin Timberlake?" and I nodded. "Is he a friend?"
"Yeah," I said.
She went up to the microphone.
"I would like to thank Ethan Thompson for coming down today and giving us a wonderful reading." Everyone joined in applause. "And I also want to thank Justin Timberlake for helping with the reading," there was another round of applause and Justin waved nervously, stepping back from the crowd.
"So I have one question," she said and I looked up wondering what was going to happen, "did Justin take the author picture in the book?"
"Ah..." I looked at Justin. The photo was the one he had taken down by the Lincoln Memorial. It had been credited to Timberlake and that had been at his agreement even though I had suggested an alias. Justin nodded, and I said, "Yeah, Justin did."
I ended up signing for over an hour. Justin signed many of the books too. I idly wondered if it would have been as successful if he hadn't turned up, but I didn't care. The crowd was there because of me not him. Actually, most of the audience knew who he was, but I don't think were fans.
They ended up selling out of all the books they had, which was great...or bad depending upon how you looked at it. I was still chatting with people, but I saw that a couple of young women who hadn't been at the reading had come up to Justin and he was looking uncomfortable. He came over to me and whispered, "I'm gonna go,"
I nodded.
"I shouldn't be too much longer..." I said. He held up his cell phone.
"Call me when you're done," he said.
"Okay," I nodded and went back to talking to the person beside me. But she realized that Justin was going and asked him if he'd sign the book so he smiled and nodded and quickly wrote his signature and then turned and went, his security guard beside him.
About fifteen minutes later it was pretty much done and Julie came over to thank me again for a great reading.
I thanked her too for the opportunity.
Then I turned and left. Talking out my cell phone and dialing Justin's number as I walked.
"Hey!" said Justin.
"Where are you?"
"Abby and Tony and I are in a cab heading to their place. You're invited too."
"I am, am I?"
"Hang on, I'll check...," there was a pause, "yeah...you're invited."
"Thanks!" I laughed.
I caught a cab and got there just as I saw them walking up the street with some shopping bags.
"Hey!" I called.
"Hey Mr. Big Time Writer!" Justin teased and put his arms around me and hugged me.
It was a great day.
The phone was ringing.
"What?" I croaked into the phone.
"Have you seen the New Yorker?" came Abby's voice.
"What?" I said.
"This weeks New Yorker. In the About Town section. Listen. 'New York writer Ethan Thompson's book reading was crashed by pop star Justin Timberlake. Timberlake interrupted the reading to complain about something Thompson had written in his book, proceeding to read the passage and demand an apology. The two then almost came to blows over another passage that Thompson attempted to read. But the stunned audience was soon let in on the joke. It was revealed that Timberlake had taken the author picture in the book and he joined Thompson in reading a section of the new book. Thompson, who's gay, declined to comment, but witnesses described the two as being very friendly. Timberlake has also been frequently seen around town in the past few months. No comment, came the response from his publicist, though we wonder who the JT in the acknowledgements might be?'"
"Great!" I moaned.
"What are you going to do?"
"Me...I don't know...it's Justin's...this effects him more than me. Thanks for letting me know."
I hung up. Where was Justin at the moment? I checked the time. If he was in LA then it would be 6 in the morning. If he was in Orlando it was okay. Well better to call him.
I dialed his number. The phone rang and rang but he didn't pick up. I left a message on his voice mail.
"Hey Justin! Ah...bit of a problem...they wrote up your appearance at the book reading last week in the New Yorker, and kind of hinted that...well they said I was gay and you and I were friendly and you'd been seen in New York a lot lately. Bit of a stretch, but thought you should know."
Nothing much happened for the next couple of weeks. No one panicked about it and no one else wrote about it. I thought we'd ducked the bullet and everything was going to be okay. How wrong I was.
I was woken by the ringing phone.
"Hello?"
"Ethan, it's Rob."
"Hey Rob," I said, glancing at the clock and trying to wake up quickly. I wondered for a minute why my agent was calling me. Rob never called me unless it was urgent. And he'd never called me before 9 in the morning.
"How are things?" he asked.
I felt uneasy. I knew Rob wouldn't call me up to ask how I was.
"Ahh, good," I said.
"That's good," said Rob. There was a rather long pause. "So Ethan, are you happy with how I'm representing you?"
"Sorry?" I said, totally confused. Rob sounded annoyed.
"Are you happy with how I've been handling your career?"
"Uh yeah, of course I am!" I said, still sleepy and trying to figure out what this was all about.
"Well I guess I'm confused then," he continued.
"Rob, umm...I don't understand what you're..."
"What I'm trying to say is," he said a little too calmly, "how do you expect me to represent you successfully if you don't let me know about things that impact your career?"
I paused. "What kind of things?" I asked, suddenly thinking of the thing that was sleeping beside me that I hadn't told Rob about. I guess I'd kind of thought Rob didn't need to know about my personal life.
"I'm thinking of a boyfriend..." Rob said.
"Oh, uh...I'm sorry Rob, I was kind of trying to keep my private life private. It was kind of awkward to just call you up, you know? It wasn't that I specifically was keeping you in the dark. I'm sorry Rob. You've done a great job for me and I appreciate everything and really, it wasn't intentional. I was just trying to keep it separate, you know? I'm sorry."
There was a long pause and I heard Rob take a breath.
"Well..."
"Please don't be mad," I added hopefully.
There was a little laugh. "A mad agent is the least of your problems," he said. "You're in the Post."
"What?!"
"You and Justin. There's pictures of the two of you in today's Post."
"What? Shit! I'm gonna go get it. I'll call you back," I said, hanging up the phone and immediately forgetting that my agent was mad with me.
I stumbled out of bed.
"What?" grumbled Justin sleepily from the other side of the bed.
"That was Rob. There's something about us in the Post today. I'm gonna go get a copy."
I don't know if he didn't understand or was just too tired, but he waved a hand at me and lay back down.
I hurriedly pulled on some clothes and then jumped up and dashed out the door. I ran down the stairs and out the front steps, jogging down to the end of the street and into the store at the corner. In a second I saw the Post. I picked it up.
Nothing on the cover. Okay, that was good.
But then I turned the page. Inside on the third page there were three pictures of Justin and I. Not good pictures. In two of them he was wearing sunglasses and a cap. You could only tell it was him because in the third picture he had taken off his sunglasses. I realized that the last picture was there only to establish it was him; it was the other pictures that were damaging. In one we were hugging, and in the other I was holding his hand while talking to him.
Shit! I thought. I read the story. It was titled "Timberlake and boyfriend seen around town'.
'Pop star Justin Timberlake has been spending a lot of time in the city lately with new boyfriend Ethan Thompson. The two have been seen frequently on the streets and share an apartment in the city. They're reportedly shopping for a larger place and according to friends are very much in love. Thompson, an openly gay writer, first met Timberlake when writing an article about the pop star. Timberlake, who has been rumored to be gay, has been seen with Thompson more openly lately, prompting friends to speculate he may be considering coming out sometime soon. Timberlake's publicist denied that the two were involved, yet Thompson's latest book features a photo taken by Timberlake and though it's dedicated to 'Turbo' friends say that it is really dedicated to Timberlake.'
I idly wondered who the friends were. I couldn't believe anyone would have given away our secret. Clearly no one had given them the entire scoop, as there were a lot of errors.
I went back to the apartment and found Justin still in bed, looking kind of sleepy.
"What's up?" he asked.
"Not good news," I said handing Justin the paper. He opened it up and his mouth fell open.
There was a moment of silence while he read it, his eyes wide.
"Shit!" he groaned. "I've got to call Johnny."
Justin jumped up and got his phone. Soon he was talking to Johnny animatedly, alternately cursing, yelling, crying and whining into the phone. I decided I couldn't do anything while he was on the phone. I left him in the bedroom and went and sat at the computer and tried to write something.
After an hour nothing had come.
I stuck my head into the bedroom. Justin was still on the phone, sitting on the end of the bed. He looked up at me and nodded slightly. His eyes were red. It looked like he'd been crying. I walked over and sat down beside him and put my arm around him and gave him a hug. He leaned against me and we stayed that way for a few minutes. He seemed grateful for the hug and support, but I kind of got the impression he didn't want me there. He was arguing with someone about issuing a press release.
I whispered that I was going down to the store to get some things and he nodded. I kissed him on the cheek.
I grabbed my keys, put on a jacket and walked down the stairs. I paused to look in the mailbox but it was empty. I was kind of lost in my thoughts as I went through the outer door and nearly fell over. Five people seemed to jump out of nowhere and were aiming cameras at me. A flash fired on one of the cameras and I blinked.
"Ethan!" someone yelled at me.
"What?" I snapped, still dazed.
"Is it true you and Justin Timberlake are dating?"
"It's a load of crap!" I said. "He's just a friend."
"So there's no truth to the stories?"
"No!" I lied. "You mean you take two pictures of us and that means we're getting married? He's a friend of mine, that's it."
"Do you know where Justin is?"
"No," I replied, which was the truth. He could be in bed, or he could be in the shower.
"When did you last see him?"
"I can't remember," I lied again. Then I obfuscated. "I did see him when he was here for the book reading." I knew that the pictures had been taken prior to the book reading, so I was safe with that answer, even though Justin had been in town since then.
"But he's been seen in your building!" someone else shouted.
"Doing what?" I asked.
"Visiting you!"
"Yes, he's come and visited me. But then I have other friends who come and visit me too and you don't write about them. Look, I have no statement other than Justin and I are just friends with a small f. That's it. Thanks! Bye!"
I started walking down the street, but a couple of them followed me. I got to the end of the street and flagged down a cab and jumped in. I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Justin's phone.
"Hello."
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm waiting for Johnny to call back."
"Okay. You can't go out," I told him.
"Why not?"
"There's some photographers hanging out on the front steps."
"Shit! What am I going to do?" he almost cried.
"Don't know. Stay there. I'll be back in a little bit. Do you have security coming over?"
"No...shit! Yes! He's picking me up in...I better call him."
"Okay, I'll see you shortly."
I went shopping, since that was what I had been planning to do and I wanted to continue normally. Of course, I was shopping several blocks from where I normally went.
I also called Paul and asked him if he could come over and help us out.
"Sure," Paul said. "What do you want me to do?"
"Not sure yet, just come over, okay?"
"Sure."
"When you get here, phone me and I'll buzz you in," I added. "Don't push the bell, I don't want them to know you're coming to my place."
"Okay."
I finished my shopping and caught another cab back home. Dating a pop star was getting expensive.
When I got back there were a couple of photographers hanging around the door. I wondered if they knew Justin was in town...knew that he'd gone in. I figured that if they had photos of him going in they wouldn't be hanging out to get photos of him coming out.
Maybe I was naive.
I ignored them and they ignored me, though I think one of them took a couple of photos. I tried to think of what caption they would put under them as I went inside.
Upstairs I found Justin pacing around and in a general state of panic.
"Are they still out there?" Justin asked.
"Yeah," I replied. "A couple out the front. Paul's going to come over and I'll have him check the back exit. I don't want to go out that way as they'll get suspicious."
"Okay."
"Did security have any ideas?"
"No, they said they'd come and get me out, but if that happens they'll know I was here."
"Hmmm...I suppose a disguise is out of the question?" I tried to joke.
"Could try. I'm just not sure it'll work," Justin said seriously.
"It'll be okay Justin," I said, trying to calm him, though I had no idea what to do. Did we try and out wait them?
We'd been sitting there thinking for about five minutes when the phone rang.
"It's me," said Paul, "I'm at the door."
I buzzed him in and he came up. After a quick re-introduction to Justin I gave Paul a key to the building.
"Can you go out the back and see if there's anyone around there?"
"Sure," he said. He disappeared down the stairs and I went back in to try and calm Justin down.
He was like a ball of energy wanting to explode in all directions at once. But he couldn't do anything, so he was sitting on the couch, trying to watch TV, one of his legs bouncing uncontrollably.
"It's going to be okay," I said, putting my hand on his knee and sitting down next to him.
He looked at me with a hopeful smile, but I could see that he was tense. I suddenly realized how serious this was for him. For me it had always been a bit abstract. Sure we'd been undercover, but for me it was always kind of pretend. I don't think I really thought there were consequences. Now I saw that there were. This was a real problem, and I was only just starting to think about what this meant for our future.
There was a knock at the door and I jumped up and went to the door, looking through the peephole.
"It's Paul," I said to Justin, opening the door.
Paul came in quickly, and I closed the door behind him.
"There's a couple in the back too," he said.
"Shit!" Justin hissed.
I stood there, wondering how long they'd stay out there. If they thought Justin was here, maybe forever.
I looked at Justin. I knew I had to get him out of there. But I didn't know how.
"Hey," I said to Paul, "remember that time we went up on the roof, don't you think you could get from this building to the next? They butt right up against each other."
"Yeah, I think so," Paul nodded. "But then what? You'd have to get into that building."
"Okay, let's you and me go up and scout out this roof. Justin, you stay here," I said. I felt like the commander of some commando raid.
It was kind of exciting.
Paul and I went up to the top floor and out onto the roof. We looked around. I couldn't see anyone about, though it occurred to me that there could be someone positioned with a long lens somewhere. Well a disguise would have to help with that. We wandered over to the edge of the building, and yes, you could just climb over a wall of concrete blocks about four feet high. I climbed over and walked down to the next buildings door. It was locked.
"I could go and see if I can get into the next building," Paul offered.
"Ah...wait a minute," I said, thinking about the best option. "I know someone who know's someone in this building."
"That's a bit of a stretch," he observed.
"Yeah, but we're desperate, aren't we?" I pointed out.
"Um...why don't I just go and buzz someone? If it doesn't work then we can try it your way."
I thought about it for a moment. "Okay, I guess."
"You wait here," Paul said, and he ran off back to our building, and disappeared inside. I stood there waiting, feeling a little foolish and a little exposed. Why did I need to wait here anyway?
About ten minutes had gone by and I was just about to give up when the door opened.
"Hey!" said Paul.
"How'd you get in?" I asked, a little surprised.
"Rang a bell and asked if Sarah still lived there. They buzzed me in!" he laughed.
"Well I guess we better not hang about," I said. "You wait here."
I turned and headed back across the roof to my building, pulling out my phone and calling Justin as I went.
"Hello?"
"Get on your best disguise, we're making a break for it."
"Okay, how?" Justin asked.
"Out through the next building."
"Okay," said Justin. He was so wigged out he wasn't even going to question it in any depth. I think he wanted it to be handled for him.
After talking to Justin I called the cab company and asked for a cab to come to the next building.
When I got back to the apartment Justin already had thrown on a hooded sweatshirt, cap and sunglasses. I didn't buy it.
"You need a fake beard," I joked, but it would have to do.
"What about my stuff?" he asked.
"I'll pack up what you need. You call me, okay?"
"Yeah," he nodded.
I stuck my head out the door. There was no one there, thank God. We went up onto the roof. Paul was still waiting at the door to the next building.
"Okay," I said to Justin, "I better not come as they might spot me, and us being together would be worse."
"Okay," Justin agreed.
I turned to Paul "So take him out the front. I've ordered a cab and it should be there okay?"
They both nodded.
"Good luck!" I said, like they were about to go off on some war mission, and I patted Justin's back as he went through the door. Only after he was gone did it occur to me that I hadn't kissed him good-bye, and that I didn't know if - or when - I'd see him again.
I hurried back to my apartment and waited. About twenty minutes later the phone rang. It was Justin. He and Paul had made the cab okay, they didn't think they were spotted, and they were on their way to the Hotel where Justin was going to stay. Justin's security people were going to meet him there. Paul was going to see him to the Hotel and then come back.
Justin gave me a list of what he needed packed. I asked him if he wanted me to send the stuff over or bring it over. Justin thought about it for a moment and then said I better get someone else to bring the stuff over.
"Okay," I said sadly.
"I love you," he whispered.
"I love you too," I said, though I could see things falling apart.
Justin ended up flying out that evening. There was no point in staying; it was too dangerous for us to get together. He headed back to LA, and I was left to wonder what would happen next.
It didn't take long for things to get worse.
------------------------------- To be continued...
My other stories:
High School: Do What You Can
Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday Blues