All the Ways I Love You
This story is about male/male relationships and contains graphic descriptions of sex.
You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.
This is a work of pure fiction. It mixes fictional characters and events with real people. However any real person mentioned in this work is purely an actor playing a part. This story in no way is meant to imply anything about the sexuality, personality, or behavior of the actual person.
Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.
Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".
Chapter 10
I turned around slowly and saw Justin standing in the doorway of the kitchen.
He was staring at me, his eyes large.
"How'd you get here?" I asked quietly.
"Abby...."
I stood there. And my mother too I figured, since Abby didn't know my cousin. And my cousin too. Where had he disappeared to?
"You shouldn't have come Justin," I said, looking away from him.
Justin stepped towards me and I held up my hands.
"Ethan, I didn't...it wasn't what you thought...please believe me."
I looked back at him and shook my head.
"Just go away Justin. Leave me alone."
"Ethan, please!" Justin begged. "Let me explain...okay...please?"
I looked at him, saying nothing. Justin took this as approval to continue. "I...Julie and I dated a while back but it wasn't anything but playing around..."
I looked away; I didn't want to hear it. Justin, seeing my reaction, started talking faster.
"She...I didn't even know she was going to be there...honest I didn't...she...Joey invited her. He didn't know I was seeing someone and thought he'd get us together...we...I didn't sleep with her, I swear. I'm sorry about the other night...I was drunk...but I swear, we didn't do anything."
I looked back at him levelly. His eyes were wet and he dragged the sleeve of his shirt across his face and sniffed.
"You were naked in bed together," I said, as calmly as I could.
"I passed out, I still had my underwear on!" Justin was upset, obviously wanting to come to me, but frightened I would push him away.
"She was naked Justin!"
"I know! I know!" he cried. "I...I took her up to her room and helped her undress..." he saw my stare, "that's all! She wanted to and I said no, and she passed out! And then I just left her. I went to bed. I'm sorry I forgot you were waiting for me. I was drunk...it just...then in the morning I woke up and she was in bed with me but I swear, I didn't do anything. I didn't touch her."
"But I saw you in her room Justin, and you were in bed with her!" I said accusingly. If he thought he was going to lie his way out of this he had another thing coming.
"What? No! That was my room...we switched rooms. Julie wanted the other room and I switched with her when I got there. That's...I didn't touch her Ethan, we didn't do anything."
"Are you sure? Maybe you were so drunk you don't remember it?"
"No...I'd...I wasn't that drunk. The next morning...she...well I took her out and I told her I was with someone. I know I should have told her when I arrived but we weren't alone until...there wasn't a good time too...I just...you've got to believe me...I didn't do anything and she...I don't have any feelings for her."
"And the kiss?" I demanded.
"What?" he said, wiping tears out of his eyes.
"I saw you kissing when you arrived!" I said pointing my finger at him. Wanting to stab at him, maybe even punch him.
"She surprised me!" he almost yelped. "It was nothing! She kissed me! She...kissed...me. Please Ethan, please you've got to believe me. I don't want to lose you...I love you. I'm sorry this all got so screwed up. It was stupid...I should have...the two of us should have just gone somewhere together...I never dreamed this would happen..." and he stood there tears running down his cheeks.
He loved me? I stood there staring at him. He was so earnest looking, so sad.
I walked over to him. He was crying, but trying hard to cover it. His nose was running and a bubble of snot was in his nose and he seemed so naked and exposed I had to believe him.
I pulled a paper towel off the roll beside me and handed it to him. He dabbed at his eyes and then blew his nose, looking away as he did it, then turning back but not really facing me, not quite able to bring himself to look into my eyes. I reached out and placed my hand under his chin, and then gently turned his face so that he was staring straight at me.
His eyes kept looking down. "I'm sorry," he whispered.
I stepped closer, and put my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. He pulled away and looked me in the eyes.
"Nothing happened, I swear," he whispered.
He was shaking. I nodded and put my arms around him and drew him to me and we kissed tentatively. He pulled away, but I pulled him back to me and we kissed again. Stronger now, kissing each other firmly. He shivered and sighed and wrapped his arms around me.
We kissed several times and then he pulled away slightly.
"I'm sorry the trip got all fucked up. Can you forgive me?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," I breathed.
He smiled and then hugged me tightly.
"But," I whispered in his ear, "if I ever see her hands on you again, I'm going to rip them out of their sockets!"
He laughed.
"Okay," he said quietly.
"So you staying for dinner then?" I asked casually, it wasn't really a question.
"If you'll let me."
"Where's Dave, anyway?" I said suddenly remembering my cousin.
"He went for a walk. We're supposed to call him," Justin said.
"Maybe I just won't call him," I mused.
"Don't be mad at him...he was trying to help."
"And who else?"
Justin was quiet for a moment.
"Abby," he said, "don't be mad at her."
"I'm not. Everything's okay now."
"Cool," he said hugging me tightly. "So, you want to go back down to the coast?"
I looked at him.
"Justin, I don't...it's...I can't. I can't go back there."
"Julie's gone," he said.
"I can't face the others," I sighed.
"They don't know...it'll be fine."
I rolled my eyes. "They won't be suspicious that I left and then you came up to get me?"
"I didn't tell them where I was going," he shrugged.
"What about Lance?"
"Um...oh..." Justin looked embarrassed.
"He knows, right?"
"Uh...kind of...maybe a little. I haven't really told him anything but I think he suspects."
"Look, you go back. I'm going to stay and tour around Washington."
"Then I'll stay too," he said.
"You're going to stay?" I said. "You can't stay here."
"Yeah I can. Dave said I could."
"Dave said you could? You asked him?"
"No," said Justin, smirking. "But he just said if I wanted to I could."
I called Dave and told him to come back, and he reappeared at the door looking very pleased with himself. Like the cat that caught the canary. I wanted to let the air out of his balloon, but I was so happy to have Justin back that I decided just to let him have his moment in the sun.
"So everything okay?" Dave asked smugly as he came into the kitchen, looking at the two of us. I was wrapped around Justin, so it was probably a stupid question.
"Yeah Dave, thanks. I guess you've met Justin then?"
"Yeah," Dave nodded, stepping up and putting out his hand, "though it was kind of quick."
"Well, Dave, this is a friend of mine, Justin Timberlake," I said, and Justin looked at me quickly as I said 'friend of mine'. "Justin," I continued, "this is my favorite cousin, Dave Hartman."
"Hey Justin, nice to meet you formally," Dave said, shaking Justin's hand.
"Nice to meet you Dave," said Justin, "and thanks again for helping me out."
"No problem. Anything for my dumb cousin," Dave replied giving me a smirk.
I decided to just keep quiet. I was still getting over having Justin back and wasn't up to any banter.
"Well thanks," Justin grinned.
"So ah...you two are together then?" Dave asked us, a curious expression on his face.
I stiffened and pulled away from Justin.
"No...no, we're just friends," I said. Why did I say that? How dumb was that?
Justin and Dave both turned and looked at me like I was dumb.
"What?" I said.
"Ah, Ethan," Dave said quietly, "Justin already told me you two were dating. I promised I wouldn't tell anyone."
"Oh, okay," I said, wondering if I was out of the loop on everything. I looked at Justin and he smirked at me, his eyes bright and shiny.
Oh! We're playing that game are we, I thought?
"Yeah, well, yeah," I said, "Justin and I are dating," and I put my arms around him and gave him a huge kiss on the mouth. I knew it would have the desired effect. I figured Justin was still uncomfortable with doing stuff in front of others, and I was right, he turned bright red. As I pulled away from him he didn't know where to look. It was so cute! I smirked back at him and he rolled his eyes at me.
"Okay that's enough," Dave said raising his hands in despair. "So Justin," he said seriously, "you realize that as Ethan's eldest cousin, it's my responsibility to find out what your intentions are?"
"My intentions?" Justin laughed, rocking back on his feet.
"Did my Mother put you up to this?" I said.
"You know," said Dave, stepping up to Justin and looking serious, "I have to make sure you're a fine upstanding gentleman whose intentions are honorable." It might have seemed serious, but Dave is short and slight, and Justin just towered over him. Dave was no threat to Justin.
Justin laughed. "Of course," he grinned. "I have nothing but the utmost respect for Ethan, and I would never..."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," said Dave, pretending to lose interest. "Let's have dinner."
"Great idea!" agreed Justin, glad to get off the hook.
"But no fucking on the kitchen table, okay?" said Dave.
Justin's eyes bulged and then he laughed nervously.
God my family has a strange sense of humor.
Dave finished making dinner while Justin and I set the table. Then we kissed and cuddled in the dining room until Dave brought in the food. We had a great dinner, Justin telling Dave all about the music industry and the glamorous lifestyle of an international pop star...not! Actually, he talked about golf and basketball and how we met and a little about the messes we'd gotten into so far. Dave couldn't believe I'd just jumped in the car and driven up here without talking to Justin. Justin didn't say anything, and I sat there embarrassed. Personally, I didn't think it was that funny. Luckily Justin didn't seem to think so either, and Dave quickly caught the fact that we were still too close to the event to see any humor in it.
Dave had just brought in ice cream for dessert when the phone rang. He hopped up and answered it, and then turned to me.
"It's your Mom," he said.
I rolled my eyes. Shit! I knew that would be coming. I got up and took the phone from Dave.
"Hey Mom"
"How are you Ethan?"
"I'm good," I said casually.
"So what's going on down there?"
"Nothing. What have you heard?"
"Abby called and said she needed to get in contact with Dave. That's all I know."
"That's all you know?" I said. Dave and Justin were sitting at the table pretending not to listen, though I knew they were.
"That's all I know. The rest I'm sworn to secrecy..."
"Funny."
"Something about a boyfriend," she laughed. "Who is this guy?"
"He's just a...well we're kind of dating," I said, and I looked over and saw Justin looking at me and he smiled and I smiled back at him.
"And everything's okay between you two?"
"Yes Mom. We had a tiny misunderstanding but everything's been sorted out now."
"Okay. So are we going to meet him?" asked my Mom.
"Maybe...depends...don't know if I'm ready for that. I'm sure he's not."
"Well, he's welcome any time. And we want to see you, it's been a while and Simon misses you."
"Okay, Mom. I'll drop him an email."
"That would be good."
"Look, Mom, I've got to go, okay? I'll call you later?"
"Later?" she repeated, sounding skeptical.
"In a couple of days."
"All right dear. Take care, I love you."
"Love you."
I hung up and Justin was smiling at me and I felt warm all over. So I did have a boyfriend. He wasn't a cheating scum afterall.
"Hay Dave," I said, "can I use your phone to call someone in New York? I won't be long."
"Sure," he said.
I dialed Abby's home number. She answered on the second ring.
"Hello?"
"Hey Ab," I said casually.
"Ethan! Boy am I glad you called. What's happening?"
"Nothing," I said, playing it cool. "What do you mean?"
"Oh! Nothing! Nothing," she repeated. "I was just worried about you. Are you okay? Have you spoken to Justin?"
"I'm fine," I said.
"Have you spoken to Justin?"
"Why would I want to talk to Justin?" I said, pretending to sound angry. Justin looked up with a curious expression on his face and I razed my eyebrows to let him in on the joke. He got up and came over to me.
"Oh, well Ethan, I just think...well you seemed to like him so much and maybe there's an explanation..." she trailed off.
"Yeah...sure, that jerk," I snorted. I thought I could play this for a bit, but Justin was intent on letting her off the hook and tried to grab the phone away from me.
"Hey! Let go!" I said playfully, and letting him take it. I didn't really care at this point. I'd had my bit of fun.
"Hey Abby," said Justin into the phone. I heard the yell from two feet away and Justin had to hold the phone away from his ear.
"Yeah, everything's great," he said into the phone. "Thanks for everything...yeah, no I really appreciate it...well I'll probably come back with Ethan so I'll see you then...I'll put Ethan back on. Bye!"
I took the phone from him.
"Hey Abby!"
"You bastard!" she laughed.
"Had you going there, didn't I?"
"Yeah, yeah, so tell me everything that happened."
"Not much to tell," I said, "somehow Justin managed to find me..." I paused while Abby laughed, "and then, well we made up."
"I'm so glad," she said.
"What, I thought you didn't like Mr. Heartbreak."
"Oh, I don't, but I want you to be happy."
"Thanks! So now you have to tell me what happened," I said.
"What? Oh, well," she laughed, "Justin called and said he was trying to get in contact with you and that your cousin hurt his leg. That was when I called your Mother. Then I spoke to you."
"I remember that," I laughed.
"Well after that, Justin called back and I kind of gave him the cold shoulder. He asked if you were angry with him for something and I said yeah, but I didn't want to get involved."
"That's so unlike you," I teased.
"So he begged me to tell him. Promised me expensive cars, trips, the whole works..."
"He did, did he?"
"Yep."
"And you refused him, right?"
"Are you kidding me? If you think I wouldn't sell out my friends for a new car and a trip to Europe then you've completely misjudged me!" and she laughed.
"Oh! So then what happened?"
"Well, after the begging and pleading I kind of said that you saw him with someone and he was all 'I wasn't doing anything with her,' and I was going, 'yes you were!' and I just told him. Long story short he told me it was all a big mistake..."
"And you believed him, huh?" I said, trying to sound skeptical.
"Yeah, talk about a softy," she snorted. "Though it sounds like I'm not the only one."
"Yeah, yeah. Then what?"
"Well I called your Mother and got Dave's phone number," she paused. "Hey Ethan!"
"What?"
"Your Mother doesn't know who Justin is, does she?"
"No," I said.
"Thought not. Anyway, that's pretty much it, and now you will forever be in my debt. "
"I will?" I laughed.
"Yes. But I'm glad it's all okay."
"Me to. Thanks Abby."
"You're welcome. Bring him over for dinner when you're back in town."
"I will."
We chatted for a few minutes more, and then I hung up and went over and hugged my boyfriend.
After dinner we hung out watching a movie that Dave had rented. Something called "Death to Smoochy." I thought it was weird and funny and so did Justin, but Dave fell asleep half way through it. We didn't wake him until it finished, and then Dave excused himself and Justin and I kind of stared at each other for a few moments.
"Guess it's time for bed?" I said.
"Yeah," said Justin.
I got up and Justin followed me slowly. I flicked off the TV and we stood there for a moment.
"Why don't you wash up?" I said, "And I'll make up the bed."
"Okay," he said.
He disappeared down the hall and I went and made up the bed. It didn't take long as I just had to take off the pillows and pull it open. I heard Justin coming out of the bathroom so I went into the kitchen and grabbed my toiletry bag, which I'd left in there. I was just about to go into the bathroom when Justin came back.
"Haven't brushed my teeth yet," he said by way of explanation, waving the toothbrush in his hand.
"Come on in then!" I said waving him in. "Plenty of room for two!" and I stood on one side of the counter and he stood on the other and we started brushing our teeth.
It was nice standing there beside him, doing this ordinary chore. It made the moment seem very real. However it turned into an odd kind of game. We were watching what each other did in the mirror. Justin seemed rather fastidious and I found myself brushing a lot longer than I normally did while watching him. But then he became aware of the fact I was watching him closely and grinned at me stupidly and almost choked on a mouthful of toothpaste foam. He spat it out and coughed and I patted him on the back lightly.
"You okay?" I asked, handing him my glass of water.
He rinsed and spit. "Yeah," he said coughing and then giggling a little.
"This your first time?" I asked.
"What?"
"With a toothbrush."
"Huh!" he chuckled, then finished up and went out, leaving me alone in the bathroom.
When I got back to the living room Justin was busily sorting through the bag he'd brought with him. I idly wondered what he'd been doing as he was still dressed. He seemed kind of occupied, and unsure of himself. I wondered if maybe he was having second thoughts again. This would only be the second time we'd been in bed together. Was he nervous about that, or the fact that we were in a pull-out bed in someone's living room, or did he now not want to go to bed with me?
I decided to ignore him for the moment and took off my shirt and stripped out of my pants, putting them on to the chair beside the couch and then climbing into the bed. As I got in I noticed how insubstantial the bed was. It hadn't worried me the night before, but I'd been alone then.
I looked over at Justin, who was fiddling with something in his case again.
"Everything okay Justin?" I asked. Best to get it out in the open rather than have him repack his bag five times.
"Yeah...I'm just..."
"Dave has a sleeping bag if you'd be more comfortable sleeping in that," I offered.
Justin looked up at me nervously. "No...no...I was just...everything's fine."
He stood up and started unbuttoning his shirt. I lay there watching him and he looked up and saw me and startled a little. I could see his hands shaking a bit and he reddened. I rolled onto my back and looked at the ceiling and listened to him as he took off his shirt and then his shoes and socks. I heard a rustle and a metallic sound as he undid his belt, then the zipper of his pants. There was a rustle as he pulled down his pants and stepped out of them, and I had to resist with all my might the urge to catch a peak. It was very erotic.
He moved about. I could hear him folding his pants, then the covers moved and the bed shifted a little and I could feel him climbing into bed.
Once he'd settled down I turned to face him. He stared back at me, his face blank, maybe a hint of nervousness.
"Okay?" I asked.
"Uh...yeah" he said, his voice a little tighter than usual.
I reached over and turned off the lamp that was beside me, and then I lay down and wondered what was going to happen next.
The last time we'd been in bed together, Justin had been the instigator. In retrospect he'd been confident and assured. This time he seemed to be anything but confident. Instead, he was nervous and embarrassed. I didn't know what to do.
To be continued...