All That Surrounds Me - Part 3 : Love and Catastrophe
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Drawing Conclusions
I paced back and forth, trying to understand what exactly was going on. I made every attempt to use all the logic in my brain. At the point I was at, anything that made sense was enough for me. If I could find something that even remotely fit the missing pieces, I was happy.
The most obvious conclusion was that Sarah was not in jail. In that case, it was easy to perceive that somehow, something had altered. The problem was, it just made things all the more confusing. I was overwhelmed with lingering questions and unhealed wounds. Basically, I was headed up shit's creek with no paddle.
Over the next series of weeks I pondered more and more. So many times I attempted to ask Sarah about the situation, but failed miserably. My mouth would go dry, my heart would pound rapidly. Eventually I disregarded it, and even tried to block it out of my conscious. Although, my pitiful attempt at this failed terribly. The past always came back to haunt me. There was a fear far too deep in me. A strong sense of emotion for what I did and did not know always stayed on my mind.
My denial only lasted for a few weeks. I found myself back at the public library, on the computer. I spent hours searching for information on Joseph Berenna. On my first try I only found a few articles, but eventually I pulled up valuable personal interviews and special reports.
Joseph was apparently a very powerful stock broker. He used to live in Italy, where he was a wealthy salesmen. He moved to the United States in 1992 and married Sarah's mother, Jocelyn He owned six major gunpowder plantations and very large amounts of stock. It only took me six hours of reading to find that out...
The more I read, the more intense it became. Pieces of the puzzle started to fall together for once. Common sense finally allowed me to partially understand things.
Joseph Berenna had enough money to blow up Big Red China and rebuild it. Having power and authority gave him the upper hand. Compared to him, Sarah was incredibly weak. He could do anything that pleased him, and it wouldn't have made the least bit of difference. All because he had one thing Sarah did not; money.
I had sat for twenty minutes, just staring at the computer screen. Vivid scenes played in my mind over and over again. I imagined Joseph shooting Jocelyn right before Sarah's innocent eyes. The blatant violence of his actions and lack of remorse fled through my veins. At that moment I realized I was walking on a very dark path. I could only ask myself if I was ready for what was to come, because I knew eventually the truth would come out. The real question was, did I really want to know?
Unbreakable
Sarah was sprawled out on the couch with the remote in her hands. Her bare feet hung about three inches off the end of the sofa. She was fast asleep with the television blaring. I smiled, knowing that a bottle used to sit right next to her when she laid in that same spot.
I stood next to her and stroked her forehead. Sarah shifted, then opened her eyes, looking directly at me. She frowned and winced at first, adjusting to the light in the room. It was soon replaced with a sweet smile that stretched ear to ear.
I was so proud of her. She was working hard to recovery. It had been six weeks since her last drink. I had finally retrieved my position back of being first in her life.
"Move it fatso," I joked. I pushed my left butt cheek directly in Sarah's face. She chuckled and slapped my ass playfully, highly amused by our flirting. "This is my seat," she replied. I began to playfully kick her and battle so I could sit down. Once I got my seat, I triumphantly waved my hands in the air, claiming my victory. I laughed hysterically as Sarah pushed me back down, tickling and placing wet kisses all over my face.
I knew that being back together made Sarah and I much more happy. I always felt that life without her was like life without oxygen. Knowing that she was always there gave me a sense of security I never wanted to live without. She was everything to me. The amount of love I felt for her was surreal.
I leaned back until I was flat on the sofa cushion. Sarah followed and wrapped her arms around my waist. I felt her hand on my bare stomach, tantalizing where my jeans were unbuttoned. Her fingers were caressing me gently as she nuzzled my neck.
Sarah leaned down on me and began to kiss my lips. I moaned in her mouth as her soft silky lips touched mine. I had missed her so much. Six weeks without bodily contact with her was far too long. I knew that as soon as I felt her hands again. Every time she touched me my whole body shuddered. Little waves of pleasure kept electrifying me.
It was hard to believe that we were only kissing and I could already feel the wetness between my legs. I had never been so easily sexually aroused before. Just thinking about her body was making me burn with desire.
Sarah's tongue was rubbing intensely against mine, plundering and tasting. I softly whimpered, completely involved in the kiss. Sarah's lips were so tender and moist. I could never get enough of her taste. I savored every second of our colliding mouths.
She began to kiss a trail down my neck. I felt the silky texture of her lips gently warm my skin. When Sarah reached my chest she began to go slow, taking extra time to please me. Her hands moved up my shirt, rubbing my breasts through the fabric of my bra. The heat of her palms magically touched me ever so gently.
Sarah kissed me again, and began to take off my shirt. I felt her hands unhook the clasp of my bra before it fell to the floor. She looked at me tenderly for a moment, and then began her torment again. Her mouth caressed the valley between my breasts while touching my nipples with the tips of her fingers. Sarah gently massaged my left nipple with her palm as her mouth suckled on the other. The passion began to rise between my legs even more, and I was dying in ecstasy. My heart was pounding rapidly as I got more caught up in emotion.
I had already removed Sarah's shirt and had my hand down her unbuttoned pants. My fingers moved in a circular motion on her nub of desire. I could see the pleading in her eyes as I touched her. Her breathing became heavier, more distinct. She had longed for me as much as I did her.
After removing my hand from her pants, Sarah began to bend down, and her mouth was touching my stomach. I felt her tongue move in and out of my belly button, tickling me. She once again returned to my mouth and kissed me tenderly. It was one of the things I loved most about her. She always put so much emotion into our kissing. It was more than just a kiss to Sarah. It was showing of all our love and passion for one another.
Out of the blue, for some strange reason, Sarah brought the kiss to a halt. I opened my eyes and looked at her face. She was rattling my senses. Now was not a good time to be stopping.
"Are you sure it has been long enough?" Sarah asked. There was a real concern in her voice and expression. She was worried that we were moving too fast.
"Any longer and I'm gonna have to join the nunnery," I said. With that, she laughed and took complete possession of my mouth. Her lips crushed against mine for another intense kiss. Her hot tongue darted inside my mouth and entwined with mine. I could not get enough of it.
Sarah moved back down to my belly button. Her tongue circled my navel, sending shivers down my spine. I was shaking as she removed my pants. I could feel her hot breath as she kissed my inner thigh. I was dripping wet with anticipation. I did not know how much longer I could endure of her blissful torture.
She was kissing by the fabric line of my bikini underwear. Her tongue slightly touched the inside of my aching pussy. I thought I was going to faint from the punishment of her lips. I wanted nothing more than to feel her wet hot mouth on my suffering pussy. She had prolonged it already for so long.
I was letting out soft whimpers as Sarah teased and moved her tongue against my pussy lips. I was lifting my hips against her face, begging for it. "Please, take me Sarah," I begged. She had a wicked smile on her face, satisfied with the torment she gave me.
Finally she removed my panties and began to touch where I wanted to be touched the most. Sarah used her mouth to caress my pussy. I felt the crave for her lips as she licked and sucked between my legs. I could not help but to squeeze my calves around her head as I moaned louder and louder for her. The incredible feelings washing through me only intensified my need for Sarah, and it was stronger than ever.
Every time she hit a more sensitive area I would thrust my hips harder at her mouth, begging for more. I pleaded and earnestly asked for her to do it harder or faster. I could not stop my deeply expressive sounds and audible moans.
My heart fluttered as Sarah rose and began to kiss me again. Her fingers took place of her mouth, and I again began to grumble. I closed my eyes, and prayed to god that she would never stop.
"Oh god, I love you Sarah," I said between gasps. My nails were digging into her shoulder blades as my heels pushed into the couch. As Sarah picked up the pace, I let out more expressive cries of pleasure. I was so wrapped up in our lovemaking, I did not really care how loud I was.
"Don't stop!" I cried lustfully. Her fingers were penetrating my clit up and down, just in the right spot. Her rhythm was fast and forceful as my body shuddered against her hand. My head was hitting the table behind the arm of the couch, almost knocking things over. By this time, I was ready to die of ecstasy.
I kissed her again as her fingers made love to me over and over. I closed my eyes and arched my body in pure pleasure as she rubbed my clit unmercifully. All in one radiating sudden rush, the orgasm hit. My body went rigid as Sarah slowed the pace down, and rubbed less harshly. The orgasm continued, lasting for what seemed like a century.
I kissed her lips once again, and said, "I love you" while heavily panting. Sarah smiled at me momentarily, then went back to kissing. I was slowly returning to planet earth.
I laid down for a moment, gaining some self control. I so much wanted to give my baby the same performance she had just given me. I reached for Sarah to pull her on top of me and only grasped hold of the cushion. Confused, I sat up and began glancing around.
She was walking towards the bathroom with a toothbrush hanging out of her mouth. "What are you doing?" I asked angrily. Sarah pulled the toothbrush out of her mouth and said, "getting ready for work." She blew me a kiss, shut the door and went along her merrily little way. The first time we had even thought about having sex in six weeks and she was getting ready for work?
Sick of her never allowing me to do anything, I got up off the couch. I stormed into the bathroom, threw open the door, grabbed Sarah by the arm, and pushed her against the wall. "You can be late," I said. After that, the only thing I heard was the toothbrush fall to the floor, and the sound of our kissing.
My lips took over hers, and I was making the rules from then on out. The first thing I did was rip off her baggy pants. My hand then traveled inside her panties, feeling what I had been dying to touch. She leaned her head against the wall and slightly moaned. Sarah was not one to make noise, but she seemed sensitive to my touch.
My mouth closed in on her breast and began to suckle. My other hand still lingered over the inside of her pussy lips. I rubbed back and forth very lightly as I continued to suck her breasts. I could feel her body twitching and jumping when I found a delicate area.
My mouth found its way back to hers. Before I knew it, we were wrapped up in another intense tongue session. I was hot for her soft lips and warm mouth.
I felt Sarah's hand on my ass as I rubbed her breast with my palm. We continued to kiss as I fondled her more. My lips slightly traveled over her neck as I kept going lower. Finally I was inhaling her sweet aroma that I had awaited.
"Oh shit," Sarah moaned as my mouth sucked on her clitoris. Her voice was faint, body overwhelmed. I plastered myself deep inside, tasting Sarah's sweet juices. My tongue was far inside her pussy hole, going in and out at a rapid pace.
I knew she could not take much more of my unkind anguish. My tongue began flickering against her clitoris, trying to bring her to that vast peak of desire. Her legs were supported on my shoulders as my hands gripped her calves. She was writhing against my face forcefully.
I soon became aware that she was going to climax. Sarah let out a loud cry of passion in the throws of her orgasm. Her knees went weak as she gave violent convulsions against my mouth. Her breath was raspy, quick. It wasn't until she fell to the floor next to me that I could feel her heart beat again.
Afterwards, Sarah and I laid on the tile, hand in hand. We snuggled tightly against one another, smelling the aroma of our lovemaking in the air. I tenderly moved the piece of hair that was dangling in her face, witnessing her sweet smile. I clutched her hand harder, knowing that there would never be a more satisfying privilege. I would never feel such gratification loving anybody else. Our love was unbreakable.
Indispensable January 2002
I threw my keys on the table and sat down on the sofa in exhaustion. It seemed like every Friday that I worked I just became more and more tired. I felt pathetic. I was twenty four and already coming home with aches and pains in my body.
For the slightest moment I glanced at the newspaper clipping that barely peeked out of my purse. I wanted very badly to confront Sarah about it. It was eating me up inside, but I just kept wondering how it would affect her. She was under so much pressure already. That would be too much to endure. I knew she was very sensitive when it came to past events.
"Hey baby," Sarah said smiling as she walked in the living room. She adjusted the bandanna on her head so it was straight. I sniffed in the air as she came closer, admiring the way she looked and smelled. She was growing her hair out. I thought it looked very sexy.
"Hey," I said leaning back and kissing her. She wrapped her arms around my neck warmly and kissed my cheek. "Rough day?" she asked. I shook my head no, and placed my feet on the armrest.
"Will you rub my shoulders?" I asked. Sarah nodded and jumped over the back of the couch. I lifted myself to an Indian style sitting position to make things easier for her. Taking advantage of this, she wrapped her legs around my waist and began to rub my back fiercely.
"I'm so tired.. I guess I get sick of all these new cooks we have. None of them can get an order right. They don't read the tickets, and it takes forever for them to make the food. Now I can see why Rob misses you so terribly," I said. Sarah sighed and slightly chuckled.
"Tell Rob to pay me twenty two bucks an hour and I'm his," she said. I laughed and replied, "he probably would. I'm telling you, the guy loves you. I just hope I don't have any competition."
"Nah...besides, I think I am happiest doing what I do now. I never really liked cooking too much. I do love cars though. Knowing that you hear an engine running perfect because you fixed it just kind of puts a smile on your face."
"You know, Rob told me that he set you up with that job at the Olive Garden," I said. My hands were shaking. I was starting a battle without armor. Sarah did not like talking about past events, and I was more than well aware. I could already sense hesitation in her as she stopped massaging momentarily.
"Yeah. Well Rob knows I have a record. They wouldn't have hired me, or certainly let me become a manager if it wasn't for him. He liked me, so he did me a favor," Sarah said. I nodded, wanting to ask more. I knew it was risky, but I had to take the chance.
"What did you do that was so bad? Why wont anybody hire you?" Sarah looked at me, and said, "stupid shit." I was so sick of getting those kind of answers. "Stupid shit," or "dumb stuff," was what I heard. I wanted real, audible answers that consisted more than two words.
"I had two accounts of grand theft auto and one on embezzlement," Sarah said. "I think that is enough for even McDonalds to be unsure about hiring me in." I winced, wondering why she was charged with embezzlement. What happened to the murder, and Joseph Berenna? What about her mother, Jocelyn? She was not telling me the whole truth, and I was becoming angry.
"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. "Nah, not really," she said. "It's over. I've shaped myself up and now I have a beautiful girlfriend I love and adore. I'm fine with that." Sarah stopped rubbing my shoulders completely and got off the couch.
"That's great and everything, but that wonderful girlfriend kind of worries about you. I mean, I ask questions and get these feeble responses. I just want to know what is going on in your life and I think you're holding back." I watched her as she walked to the kitchen sink and ran the faucet. The water fell in her hands and Sarah rinsed her face, toweling it after she finished. Her body was trembling with anxiety. I was going to take a guess and say this was not something open for discussion.
"Why do you do this?" Sarah asked. I looked at her dumbfounded and said, "do what?" I knew perfectly well why she was angry
"How many times have I said, it's in the past?' How many fucking times do I have to say, no Angela, I don't want to talk about it?' How many fucking times? Well, guess what? I'll tell you once more. No, I don't want to talk about it. Okay? Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. Is that enough for you?"
She paced back and forth with her hands on her hips. Her face was crude and ugly. I hated when she acted like this. It was worse than when she was drunk.
"You know what? This is bullshit," I said. Sarah looked over at me, angry with my antagonizing. She could be mad all she wanted, because I was not going to just let it go. "You have to start explaining things to me, and quit shutting me out. God! You know I love you, so why can't you just trust me for once Sarah? You know about my past. So why wont you tell me yours?"
Sarah sarcastically chuckled, and said, "I know about your past huh? Meeting your parents is knowing about your past? Wow, I didn't know that." She let off a derogatory scoff and kicked the sofa.
"Bullshit! I have told you almost everything!" I was becoming frustrated. I knew I had left out a huge part of my life to her, but only because I couldn't bare my childhood. I never wanted to refer to that part of me ever again.
"The worst part is, you feel that is enough for me to know. Listen to what you say to me Angela. Almost, is not everything. You want to know about my life, but never want to share any of yours."
My anger was building. Sarah was beginning to really agitate me. "You know what this is about? This is about you, and your trust issues. Look how long we have been together, and realize how much your secrets effect our relationship. I don't want to lose you over knowing your past, but I also don't want to live in contempt. I don't want to feel worthless, like you can't trust me."
Sarah stood across the room from me with her hands placed against her hips. She let out a deep guttural sigh, and began to talk. "You're wrong," she said. I stared into her face, listening intently.
"This is not about trust," she continued. "This is about you and I, learning to cope with what is behind us. I have no intentions of this intervening with our relationship. It is my problem, and my decision of whether or not I want to tell you. Right now, I don't want to tell you. When the time is right, you will know."
"That is not fair," I said bewildered. She was not giving me too much of a choice. The fact was, I did not like what was happening to us. I had no control over our relationship, and it was killing me.
Happy Anniversary
My mouth was dry, hands shaking. I held the long box in my hands, wondering its content. Sarah was sitting next to me on the couch, eager to watch me remove the lid. I thought she was more excited than I was.
I was never too keen on gifts. Don't get me wrong, I liked things, but I never dwelled on my possessions. I would much rather receive a card or a rose than expensive jewelry, but every time our anniversary rolled around, Sarah would buy something outrageous. I was thankful for the gift either way, but I just wasn't materialistic. I guess I never saw the value in it.
Once I lifted the lid, I noticed the sparkle. Staring at it in awe, I picked up the diamond necklace, being careful with something so fragile. Sarah was laughing and giggling, making an attempt to help me put it on. I just smiled, thankful that she thought of me so much.
I held Sarah's hand and kissed her cheek gently. I felt so lucky to have somebody who cared about me. She made a big deal over a five year anniversary. I thought it was the cutest thing.
I handed Sarah her present, almost feeling ashamed. "It isn't going to seem like much compared to the necklace, but I thought it was going to be enough." She just looked over at me, and gave the warmest smile I had ever seen. "Whatever it is, is more than enough."
I watched her open the small box, and reveal a faded out gold ring. She looked at it momentarily, then back up at me. I knew she was awaiting an explanation.
"About 10 years or so ago, I was 15. My mother would always be out playing bingo, or cards, or whatever, so she would leave me with my grandmother. Most of my life, her and my grandfather took care of me. I would go home for a day or so, and boom, the next day I would be right back on their door step."
I took a deep breath, and continued. "Anyways, after my grandfather died, she gave me this ring. She told me that he bought it for her on their fifth anniversary. He said to her, `if after five years of this we're still together, what makes you think that five more will be any obstacle?'"
I took the ring out of the case and put in on Sarah's finger. I looked up at her face and said, "The day my grandmother gave this to me, she told me `your grandfather wasn't rich, or a body builder, or a genius, but he was the love of my life. So I want you to know, it's okay if whoever you fall in love with isn't perfect, as long as they are in your eyes.'"
Sarah glanced at me, trying to fight the tears in her eyelids. She looked down at the ring, and I moved her face back to me. Her eyes reverted to mine. "So, I just want you to know that we may fight, we may have our fair share of problems, but you're perfect in my eyes, and that is more than enough for me."
So open up the book that you keep deep inside Let the pages yellow in the sun Show them that you're not afraid to let them see How far you can be from home - Tonic
Notes : Sarah was accused of killing Joseph berenna because of money. His will was to leave half of the money he had to his wife. His plan was to kill Jocelyn and marry Antoinette Vanqulizele. His only reasoning of marrying her was to get a green card and become settled in the U.S. Antoinette was not an American citizen. His plan backfired because Sarah attempted to stop him. She ended up shooting him in the heart. Joseph dies. Before he died he paid off Amy (who needs to be introduced) with 2 million dollars to blame Sarah for the killing of Jocelyn. Amy was Sarah's lover. She actually received most of his money when he died. Truthfully she has 28 million dollars.