All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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"ALL MY TOMORROWS"
Copyright Ritchris 2005
sequel to "As I Remember Him"
A story by
Ritch Christopher
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CHAPTER NINE
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Richard walked slowly to take the phone from Tom's hand. Tom had a puzzled look on his face to match the troubled look on Richard's face. Had either of them been able to see David, the look they'd have seen was a complete combination of both of theirs: puzzled, troubled, and...something else..
"Hello?" Richard spoke into the phone, his eyes riveted on Tom.
"Hi, Richard. I know it's late as hell, but I just assumed you were having just as much trouble sleeping as I'm having after the episode with Jerry."
"That was a pretty reasonable assumption, David...I couldn't sleep either."
"I...I tried calling you several times earlier and when you didn't answer, I became concerned. I knew you were hurt and upset...I just didn't know to what length you would go to find peace," David said.
"If you were worried about me doing harm to myself, don't--I would never do that. I just kept wishing I had knocked the living daylights out of Jerry...but then, one can't hit Jerry without suffering dire circumstances; he is a policeman and assaulting an officer of the law could mean serious jail time," Richard replied.
"He was a jerk.. he tried to apologize but I wouldn't let him. I told him that YOU were the one to whom he owed an apology. I think he may call you first thing this morning."
"Good, then I won't bother to answer."
"No, no, please do, Richard. You SHOULD talk to him. He wants you to come back to work this afternoon as usual."
"Do I get a choice of whether or not I'm blindfolded before he executes me?"
"I don't think he'll bother you OR me any more. I had a long talk with him and I think I sort of shamed him with his actions."
"Then you're planning to stay with him?"
"For the time being, at least. After that--well, we'll see. I'll tell you more about it today IF you want to come back."
"That depends on what Jerry has to say to me."
"AND NOW, for the million dollar question...WHAT IS MY COLLEGE ROOMMATE DOING AT YOUR APARTMENT?"
"Oh, that...!"
"Yes, THAT!"
"You're the patient and I'm the therapist, but I'm afraid I'm at a loss for words."
"You must know how shocked I am to find out Tom is there with you at five in the morning! Surely, there's SOME explanation you can offer me?"
"Not just yet..."
"You mean you can't talk or you can't say what you mean in front of him?"
"Exactly...that's the way I see it."
"Is he all right? I mean, he's not there for a therapeutic reason, is he?"
"Well, actually....in a way."
"Would you rather wait and tell me when I see you?"
"That's an EXCELLENT idea, David. I'll certainly look into that."
"Richard, PLEASE consider coming back. I really need you--in more ways than one. I've made a wager with Jerry and you're a big part of it."
"Oh?"
"I'll explain...IF you come back."
"Well, David, I'll certainly give it some serious thought," Richard said, still trying to cover the subject of their conversation from Tom.
"Can I speak with Tom?"
"Wait and I'll see," Richard said, pausing. "I'm afraid it's too late. I guess he had to go some place in a hurry."
"But--you said you couldn't talk because he was listening..." His puzzlement, his confusion was obvious.
"That was just before he left," Richard lied.
"Then if he's gone, perhaps you can tell me why he was there..."
"Uh...I would, Richard, but it's a long story and I'd rather tell you in person."
"Then you WILL be here, then?"
"Probably. Look, why don't you get some sleep. We have a lot of things to discuss and I need to get some sleep myself or I'll be too tired to work later."
"All right. Good-night, Richard."
"Good-night, David...and thanks for calling."
The phone conversation ended and now Richard had a lot of explaining, or lying, to do for Tom.
"I...I wanted to talk to him some more," Tom said.
"Tom he was tired and I thought it best he get his rest. You know, considering all that he's been through, with the wreck and all?"
"What wreck?"
Richard REALLY had to think what to say now. To his knowledge, Tom knew nothing about the wreck OR about Luke and David---OR about David being gay...the VERY THING Tom had dreamed about for three years and it was now a fact!. How much could Richard say without divulging David's secret? If Tom suddenly found out that the love of his life was gay and available, what might happen, what damage might it cause to both David AND Tom...Then again, maybe they could find a new kind of relationship between them...a gay one. SHIT! SHIT! SHIT! Richard had brought Tom home with him to show him what it's like to make love , but EVERYTHING was different now. Should Richard be Tom's FIRST?...or should he wait and let David be Tom's teacher? What a fucking dilemma!
"Sit down, Tom. There are a few things I need to tell you." Tom reluctantly took a seat, but his impatience was showing. "You see, the day David came by to get his things at the dorm...his last day at UVA, on the way home to River Oaks, he was involved in a tragic auto accident. One guy was killed. David was in the hospital for over a week. Then the hospital called and asked me to do therapy with him." Richard was trying to tell the story as clinically as possible without revealing any secretive details.
"Good God! I didn't know!" Tom exclaimed. "How badly was he hurt?"
"Physically, he's recuperating fine, but the accident has left him somewhat emotionally scarred."
"Then you mean he's HERE---in River Oaks?"
"Yes. I've been his rehab therapist since he was discharged from the UVA hospital."
"You mean I was that close to him and didn't know he was in the UVA hospital?"
"Apparently so."
"Do you think it would be all right if I visited him? I mean I know how strict his dad is and David must be climbing the walls."
"He's not staying at his dad's..."
"Not staying---I don't understand. Where is he?"
"Tom, I know how much you'd like to see him, but I think I'd better ask him first if he's ready to receive visitors."
"Could you at least tell him 'hello' for me and tell him how much I would like to see him?"
"Of course I will."
"My God, this is all so unbelievable!"
"Tom, could we not talk about David until I can tell you more? I...I believe you came home with me for...another purpose."
"Oh, that...I...I almost forgot."
"Perhaps, if you'd like to wait until another night...?" Richard said.
"No, I...well, if you're still in the mood."
"I don't know if I'm in the mood for sex, but I think we both could use a bit of hugging."
"I think I'd like that, Richard."
"Why don't you go in and take your shower and shave and we can lie in bed quietly until the sun comes up. There's towels, a disposable razor, shaving gel, deodorant, or whatever you need to make you feel better, in the bathroom."
"Thanks. You know, I'm glad to know that YOU'RE the one taking care of David. He needs someone kind like you. I hope you realize how much I envy you. I remember two winters ago when David had the flu and I took care of him in the dorm. I even sat on the side of his bed and fed him soup from a spoon. I couldn't help but wish it could always be like that. I was actually sorry when he got well."
"Hearing you talking about David makes me think of that song from Walt Disney's 'Cinderella'."
"Which one? I have the DVD."
"The one where Cinderella sings, 'Have faith in your dreams and someday, your rainbow will come shining through...'."
"God knows I've dreamed about David for over three years. I used to dream about his girlfriend, Jenny, too."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, what I'd like to do to her...but that's another Disney movie where the witch puts the poison in the apple to give to Snow White."
"I heard she was quite a thorn in David's side."
"Did he tell you that?"
"That and more. You do know that he broke off their engagement, don't you?"
"NO! There IS a God!"
Richard laughed. "Go on, buster, and take your shower. I'll be waiting for you in bed."
"Don't you want to tell me to wash behind my ears, Mom?"
"No, but I'll inspect them later!"
At least Tom was in a better mood, no longer depressed, Richard thought. Maybe, just maybe, Tom might be the best person for David. Tom certainly loved him enough. Since David is aware of being gay now...maybe his attitude toward his roommate of three years could change under the new circumstances.
Tom went into the bathroom, undressed, showered and shaved. He even poured Listerine on Richard's toothbrush as an antiseptic and brushed his teeth. Then he sprayed some of Richard's cologne under his arms, combed his hair, put on his white briefs and came back into the bedroom where only one table lamp was lit. He was suddenly aware of soft music in the background and realized that, while he was showering, Richard had programmed a half dozen CD's to play quietly from the living room.
As Tom approached the bed, Richard said, 'Uh uh, no underwear. I'm not wearing any and you have to abide by my rules."
"All right, but..I've never undressed in front of anyone while he was staring at me."
"You never undressed in front of David?"
"Not completely. We lived together three years and stripping to our underwear was as close as either of us ever got to seeing the other naked."
"Then I'm glad I'm the first to see you strip."
"This IS a bit embarrassing." Tom said.
Richard threw back the covers to reveal his nakedness to Tom.
"Now does that make it any easier for you? You've seen me, so it's only fair that I see you."
Slowly, Tom lowered his briefs, stepped out of them and slid into bed, then Richard pulled the covers back over both of them.
"I'm a little cold from the shower," Tom said.
"Then slide close to me and my body temperature will warm you."
When their bodies touched for the first time, Tom gasped and Richard put his arm around Tom's back and pulled him even closer and tighter. Tom sprang an erection almost immediately and tried to pull his hips back to keep from making Richard aware of it.
"I'm sorry...!" Tom said.
"Don't be sorry, Tom, press your pelvis into mine. I want to feel you next to me and I want you to feel me."
Timidly, Tom obeyed and found his hard on merging with Richard's. Tom's body became rigid and Richard said, "Just relax. There's nothing to be afraid of or ashamed of. It's only you and me and no one will ever know about this except us."
Tom took a deep breath and sighed. When the last of Tom's air was exhaled, Richard leaned his head close to Tom's and gently kissed him on the lips, which caused Tom to sigh again. Richard pushed his mouth more firmly against Tom's and slowly forced his tongue between Tom's lips. Tom accepted Richard's offering and his tongue began to meet Richard's. This was Tom's first real kiss and Richard was aware of it and wanted to make it memorable to Tom for the rest of his life, as a 'first kiss' should be remembered.
The kiss relaxed Tom and freed some of his inhibitions and soon he had put his arms around Richard. Tom was taking command and was kissing Richard as if he had stored up a lifetime of kisses for this moment. Then it was time for both to catch their breaths and their lips parted.
"How was that?" Richard whispered.
"I never want to stop."
"Tom, that was just the first of many kisses you'll receive from many guys during your life. Kissing is what starts romance in sex. Without it, sex is just a form of exercise."
"Are we gonna have sex?" Tom asked in a voice that trembled.
"Do you want to?"
"The way I feel right now, you could do anything you want to me. Although I've... well, there are things I've never done."
"You mean like anal intercourse?"
"Uh huh. I've never..."
"That's OK. We don't have to go that far. If you'd rather save yourself for someone else...?"
"Richard, there's never been anyone else. Sure, I told you about the blowjobs at the truck stops and dirty book stores, but, since you gave me my first kiss, I'd like you to be the first...that is, if you want to. I...I know I'm not experienced and I'm probably not as good-looking as the guys you usually go to bed with. So if my looks turn you off, then that's OK. I'll understand."
"Jesus Christ! You've really built up an inferiority complex about yourself. You have no idea what attracts me. I KNOW that David attracts you."
"So do you, Richard. I...I just can't believe that someone as handsome as you would invite me into his bed. I swear I feel like I'm dreaming. I mean, while I was showering, I kept thinking, 'what does Richard see in me? Is it pity?' I mean, no one else has ever taken me to bed...EVER!"
"Little man, you need someone to love you...and love you deeply. I invited you to my place to show you what it feels like to make love. There's more to it than a quick orgasm."
"Richard, if you want to turn out that light and pretend I'm someone else, I'd like you to make love to me...but I DO feel inferior."
"I'll turn ON all the lights if needs be, just to prove that I find you attractive."
"But how could you?"
"Have you ever heard of 'inner beauty'?"
"I guess."
"Well, you're filled with it. You have so much love to give...love that you've wasted hopelessly on someone you knew would never love you back. I think it's time someone made love to you and give some of your love back to you."
"You mean---you?"
"I'll ask you. Do YOU want the light on or off?"
"Off, please. I think I could relax more."
"All right." Richard reached for the bedside lamp and turned it off. "Now just lie back, close your eyes--hell, pretend I'm David, if you like, and let me show you how it feels for someone to make love to you."
Richard began the standard routine of getting on top of Tom and smothering his entire body with tiny kisses, head to toe, then back up Tom's legs until Richard reached Tom's organ and began making love every way possible to Tom until he reached his climax. Tom cried out, "OH, GOD!". Richard didn't stop until Tom's swollen member became flaccid. Then Richard returned to Tom's head and kissed him again. Tom was physically exhausted.
"Did that feel differently than a truck-stop quickie?" Richard asked.
"It was more wonderful than I ever fantasized." Did his voice have a tear in it?
"Would you like to go to sleep now with me holding you?"
"No...not until I make love to you, too."
"You don't have to, Tom."
"Yes, I do. It's my first night of love and I don't want it to end."
"Just tell me what you want and I'll be agreeable."
"I want to try what you just did, so it's your turn to lie back and close your eyes."
Tom mimicked every action he could remember from Richard until Richard finally gave in and climaxed, quicker than usual since he didn't want Tom to work too hard or lose the emotional feeling he had discovered. Then, completing his task, Tom returned to the pillow and kissed Richard.
"Was it OK?"
"You were terrific, Tom. That's what I should call you, 'Tom Terrific'!"
Both lay back and looked at the ceiling to rest.
After a moment of silence, Tom timidly spoke, "Can I ask you something, Richard?"
"Sure, anything."
"Do you think anyone could ever love me?"
"I'm sure of it!"
"Uh...could someone like you love me? I mean, someone as handsome as you?"
"Of course. Looks have nothing to do with love."
"Yean, but let me put it a different way...could YOU love me?"
"Probably, why?"
"I've only loved David...no one else. I don't know what it's like to fall in love with someone who could love me the way I've loved him."
"You will."
"I hope this won't spoil our evening together, but Richard, I think I could fall in love with you."
"So soon?"
"I've always heard people talk about 'love at first sight' and I know now it's possible. Oh, I know you couldn't love me...but this is the best night of my life."
"But we don't know much about each other. We'd have to get acquainted. You know, date a little, see what we have in common."
"I suppose that's where it would end. Once you got to know the real me, you'd never fall in love with me...but you're the first person I've ever met who might make me forget about David."
"Tom, you're going to meet lots of guys who'll make you forget about David AND me."
"My dad used to tell me that I'd never forget my first time with a girl. I'd remember it always. Well, I was never with a girl and I'm glad you were my first guy and Dad was right! I'll never forget you."
"Thank you, Tom. I feel honored."
"No, I should be thanking you."
"Are you tired enough to go to sleep now, Tom?"
"I'm tired, yeah, but I don't want to stop until you've shown me everything."
"You mean..."
"Yes, anal sex! I want you to do it to me."
"Are you sure?"
"I might never get the chance again...so if you're willing...?"
"All right, but we WILL have to use a condom. I have some in the drawer beside me."
"Get one...I'm ready."
It was nearly seven-thirty before their session ended, but Richard had given Tom the full treatment. There was nothing left to try. Tom had done everything and couldn't have been happier. Richard, on the other hand, was left perplexed. Was it possible to fall in love with a total stranger...a twenty-two year old college student he had known for less than six hours? And what about David? Richard had to go see him at the regular time later in the afternoon. And Tom? Tom would go back to UVA and then what???
Richard suddenly thought, "Hell, I don't even know Tom's last name!"
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Richard and Tom had only been asleep for less than an hour when the telephone rang at 8:15AM. Jerry Collins had decided to replace his morning breakfast with an ample amount of crow which he swallowed while dialing Richard to apologize. Richard had had such a wonderful night with Tom, David's former roommate, and even though it was morning, he was filled with an afterglow from the evening. Had it not been for his romantic interlude with Tom, which changed Richard's mood drastically, Richard realized that IF Jerry apologized, he still might not accept it and agree to come back to work with David.
Needless to say, Jerry didn't like apologizing to Richard as he didn't like to apologize to anyone due to his policeman-like manners. Still he managed to grovel verbally, asking for understanding and forgiveness, and when Richard said he would be at Jerry's at the usual time, Jerry was pleased for now his plan for winning Jenny was settling into place. On his part, Richard breathed a sigh of relief, having completed the call without mentioning David by name. Richard went back to bed and assumed a spoon position with his arms around Tom and the two slept until noon. When they awoke, the room was bright with sunlight. Tom seemed to glow from within, showering again and dressing before meeting Richard in the kitchen. Richard had made Eggs Benedict for the two of them which they ate almost in silence, each reliving the night's experiences in bed. Even so, they had a cheerful brunch. But then it was time to return to reality---time for Tom to return to UVA and for Richard to get ready to go to work at Jerry's. Richard was still a little unsettled about the way he felt and about Tom's confession of 'first love'. Tom was still in a daze, all moony-eyed in the daylight. Tom had been smitten by Richard and Richard didn't know whether to put a damper on Tom's mood and risk the chance of depressing him again or to just 'let it go' and see what happened in the future.
As Tom got to the door to return to school, he took suddenly turned and took Richard into his arms to give him one final kiss. Neither of the two was sure of the nature of the kiss---was it passion, or was it a courteous 'thank you'? The two decided, however, that they would not call one another during the following week, but instead made a date to meet again at Le Cavalier Gai the following Saturday to see how they'd feel about each other after a week's separation.
Richard arrived on time at Jerry's. The two of them barely speaking as they passed each other in the doorway then each headed to his job, moving in opposite directions from each other. David was excited to see Richard again and, when he was sure Jerry's car had left the parking lot, he hugged Richard, kissing him lightly on the lips. A bolt of guilt ran through Richard and he wasn't sure why...was it his feeling for David, his feeling for Tom, Tom's feeling for him, or Tom's feeling for David in David's ignorance of the way Tom felt about him? God, he couldn't even straighten out the names!
Richard didn't want to allow himself to get in the same position in which Jerry had caught him the night before, so he thought it best to keep his time with David today on a friendly professional level. David seemed to understand and didn't let Richard's 'coolness' upset him. Richard suggested that it was time for David to get outside to get some fresh air, away from the house, so they decided to go for a walk through the newly fallen autumn leaves.
"Richard, are you ready to tell me what Tom was doing at your apartment?"
"I'll tell you later--let's just walk quietly now and enjoy the walk."
"All right."
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After roll call at the police station, Jerry and Ty got into their squad car to make the early rounds before 'doughnut time'.
"So, partner, how'd your date go last night?" Ty asked.
"Who said I had a date?"
"Look, Jer, I did pass the detective section on the police exam. I'm no dummy. When I got to work last night, expecting to ride with you, and suddenly I'm partnered with Ron Barger, I just naturally assumed you were out tomcatting."
"Well, if you're so good at playing 'Inspector Harry Callahan', you shouldn't have to ask how my date went."
"That bad, huh?"
"I went to see her at her house and she must've thought I was Dr. Phil. All she wanted to talk about was her ex-fiancé, David."
"Jesus, talk about a detour while trying to get to first base..."
"Man, I was WAY out in left field!"
"So how did the evening end? Are you gonna try to see her again and use a different approach to make YOU the object of her attention?"
"I think so...and I just might have a plan that will work!"
"Oh? How so?"
"I won't go into details, but I talked with David about Jenny to get an idea of how he still felt about her..."
"And?"
"He wants no part of her. I didn't tell him I had been to her house to see her, but I made him a bet that if I EVER dated her, he would get jealous."
"Listen, Jerry, if David's made his mind up he's gay, you'll probably lose that bet."
"Yeah, but I might win Jenny in the long run."
"Partner, you're hopeless...absolutely, pitifully hopeless!"
"Oh, seeing Jenny was only Act One of my evening."
"I hate to ask about Acts Two and Three..."
"Act Two was when I became an asshole...a REAL jerk!"
"In front of Jenny?"
"No, when I got home. I walked in my house only to discover David and his therapist, Richard, had been canoodling."
"Canoodling?"
"Yeah, the two of them had cum stains all over the front of their trousers."
"So...?"
"So I found myself in a tirade and ordered Richard out of my house...and fired him from his position."
"You didn't have the right to do that! You're not paying Richard, are you?" "No, Luke's lawyer is taking care of the bills."
"Then why did you get so angry with the two of them 'getting off'? They probably needed to."
"Ty, for the life of me, I don't know what got into me. I was just so..."
"Jealous?"
"HELL, NO! I wasn't jealous!"
"Then what would you call it?"
"Why the hell would I be jealous?"
"You tell me, Jerry."
"I don't know."
"Tell me, were you jealous of David being with Richard or the other way around?"
"Listen, I still say I wasn't jealous."
"Looking at the situation objectively, I'd say you were jealous of Richard canoodling David. After all, it was Richard you ordered out of your house and you kept David there."
"You think I wanted to have sex with David?"
"I'm not suggesting anything...only YOU can answer that."
"ALL RIGHT! I admit it. I stayed up half the night wondering if I WAS jealous. I mean, I've never been interested in a guy before...NO GUY!"
"From what you told me about David, he wasn't either, not until a month ago when he hooked up with Luke."
"I know you're gay, Ty...but can latent homosexuality lie dormant in a guy until he's an adult?"
"I think if you'll look at the divorce statistics, you'll find the answer. A lot of men don't know it or realize it until after they're married."
"You're saying that David is not an isolated case?"
"By no means. Haven't you read about the 'down low' clubs in New York and San Francisco?"
"Down low? What's that?"
"It's like a club where mostly straight guys meet once a week, like poker night, only they assemble to pair off and have gay sex. Lots of married men do that."
"God, I feel as if I'm living in the wrong century. I've never heard of such a thing."
"You wouldn't, living here in River Oaks...but it wouldn't surprise me if there's a small 'down low' chapter right here!"
"Jesus Christ! Then you're saying that I MIGHT have some repressed feelings about David and not even be aware of them?"
"Partner, you wouldn't be the first and you certainly won't be the last. Look at David. He was engaged to the very girl you'd like to date and she wasn't enough for him...or rather, she wasn't what he was looking for to make him happy."
"Ty, it's like I told you the other day, I could never have sex with a man. I don't think like that. I'm not that way."
"Let me ask you something. Do you like beer?"
"No, I hate it?"
"How do you know?"
"Because I hate the taste of it."
"How about lobster?"
"One of my favorites..."
"Do you remember the first time you ate a lobster?"
"Vaguely."
"Looking at it, did you hesitate before taking the first bite?"
"A little."
"How about escargot?"
"I wouldn't eat a snail...NO WAY!"
"Have you ever tasted one?"
"NO!"
"Then how do you know you wouldn't like them?"
"Because the idea of putting one in my mouth makes me sick just to think about it."
"OK, let's sum it all up! You hate the taste of beer because you tasted it and didn't like it. You were reticent about tasting lobster until you got brave enough to take your first bite and then you loved it. Escargot is out of the picture! Personally, I love escargot but you hate it even though you MIGHT like it, but you're afraid to try it."
"So what's your point?"
"How do you know you wouldn't like gay sex since you've never tried it? Who says that a man's dick doesn't taste a lot like lobster?"
"You're fucking incorrigible!"
"THINK ABOUT IT!"
"I suppose I could ask you if you've ever eaten pussy!"
"You want to know?"
"Yes, I do."
"Then, YES, I have! I at least tried it before I decided I didn't like it. That's more than you can about a man's organ."
"Are you telling me I should have sex with David to find out if I'm really gay or not?"
"It doesn't necessarily have to be David. It could be with any gay guy."
"Does that mean you're propositioning me...to let me use you as a guinea pig?"
"If it would help you make up your mind...or find out about yourself, I'd have no qualms about having sex with you."
"God damn! I can't believe we're even having this discussion!"
"OK, so we'll drop the subject...but remember, any time you feel like experimenting, just say the word. I swear it will be OUR secret and won't interfere at all with our working relationship!"
"God! Look at the time. Let's go get some éclairs and doughnuts!"
"Cream-filled, Jerry?"
"Oh, shut up! I may never eat another éclair as long as I live!"
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David and Richard walked down the block to a little park, its covered with autumn colored leaves...red, yellow, gold, brown, and faded green. Some of the branches were already bare in readiness for the first winter snow that usually came to River Oaks the week after Thanksgiving. This being David's first outing since moving in with Jerry, the air was crisp and cold but he enjoyed inhaling the smell of fall. He was glad Richard had returned and he almost felt the need to grab Richard's hand, holding it as they were walking. David had accepted the fact that he was gay now and he didn't care who knew it, especially the River Oaks prigs, however no one in Jerry's neighborhood knew David, but he was sure that ANYONE who saw two guys holding hands would report to the police concerning this lewd and lascivious behavior.
"Wanna rest awhile on that park bench?" Richard asked.
"Yeah, I'd love to."
"I don't want to rest long because, as long as we're moving, you won't feel the cold as much. The last thing I want is for you to catch a cold or perhaps the flu from the chill."
"Don't worry, if I start to get really cold, I'll tell you and we can walk some more."
The two sat down on the bench and Richard pointed to a couple of squirrels that were busy collecting walnuts to store for the oncoming winter famine.
"Do you suppose they're male and female or male and male?" Richard joked.
"I saw on Animal Planet that some animals mate with the same sex...even for life."
"You're kidding!"
"Didn't you see on the news about the penguins in the zoo? For years, everyone thought they were a couple, but it turned out that, though they WERE a couple, they both were males."
"That must have shocked the shit out of the Christian Right who used penguins as an example of lifelong monogamy."
A sudden silence ensued. They stood looking at each other. "Richard?"
"Yes?"
"Are you ready to tell me why Tom was at your apartment when I called at five A.M.?"
"I...I, uh, met him at a bar and got to talking with him and found out he was in a depressed mood and I thought maybe I could talk to him better in a more subdued setting than a bar."
"He drove all the way from UVA just to talk?"
"That's why I invited him."
"Well, did you succeed?"
"What do you mean?"
"Was he in a better mood when he left?"
"Oh, MUCH better."
"I'm glad. He was like a brother to me after Mark left. He was my closest male companion. I don't think he liked Jenny very much."
"Oh? Do you know why?"
"Not really, but I had my suspicions."
"Like what?"
"It was almost as if he was jealous of her...like he didn't want to share me with her."
"You didn't think Tom was gay, did you?"
"I never was sure. We never talked about it. I mean, in the three years we shared a dorm room, I can't recall his ever dating a girl."
"He...he didn't go out with guys, did he?"
"No. I don't think he would've even if he was gay. I think he'd've been afraid of losing my friendship."
"Would he have lost your friendship if you found out he WAS?"
"I don't know. If word got out that he WAS gay, then I might have moved out because otherwise everyone would've assumed that I was his gay roommate."
"What about now, since you've come out? Would you live with him now, if you were both gay?"
"I'm still not sure how to answer that. First of all, my dad would have still cut off paying my tuition. And Jenny would sure have raised holy hell until I moved out. She would have spread the news all over the campus."
"David, I'm curious. Why DID you ask Jenny to marry you? You always seem to find something about her to criticize."
"Sheer stupidity. I was the son of Neil Stanley, prominent citizen of River Oaks. It was like some Chinese custom, like a prearranged marriage where I was supposed to marry someone of our own social status."
"Can I make a far-out supposition, to maybe get a far-out reply from you?"
"Sure."
"You said that you didn't realize you were gay until you slept with Luke."
"That's right."
"Well, just suppose...and I mean, SUPPOSE, you found out that Tom was gay while you were sharing a room with him...and SUPPOSE he wanted to have sex with you. I mean whatever gay feelings you were suppressing then were actually there, even though you weren't ready to face them. Would you have gone to bed with Tom? Would you have found him attractive or sexy enough to sleep with him?"
"Since this is just 'let's suppose', and remember, my answer is based on speculation, ...maybe I would have. But what are you getting at? You keep bringing up the idea of Tom being gay."
"Ah, shit, David! I can't lie to you. Tom IS gay. He came home with me last night to spend the night with me."
"Are you serious? TOM?"
"Yes, Tom! I can't believe that you're as intelligent as you are and you lived with a guy...your best friend for three years and you never knew he was in love with you!"
"Richard, I...I can't believe what you're saying."
"Since I've broken a trust by outing him to you, why should I make up lies about him?"
"He told you that he was in love with me?"
"Why do you think he was so fucking depressed? You had left him!"
"Then why didn't he visit me in the hospital?"
"Tom knew NOTHING about your accident."
"Did you tell him about Luke...and me?"
"No, I didn't mention Luke's name, NOR did I tell him that you were gay now."
"Holy shit!"
"I DID tell him that you have broken off with Jenny and he was delighted."
"I'll bet!"
"David, he wants to come visit you at Jerry's and I told him I'd have to ask you first. He doesn't know you're gay and he certainly wouldn't expect me to tell you about him or his feelings for you. I just didn't want to complicate your life anymore than it already is. You've lost a brother and a lover and you're still recuperating from a near-death auto accident. I've bit my tongue all day wondering if I should tell you about Tom. Incidentally, he was great in bed. THERE, and I've said way too much!"
"Did he say if there had been other guys he was interested in besides me?"
"Nope...you're his dream guy! The only one he's ever loved."
"God, I must have made his life hell. I mean, he must have been in some kind of torture every time he saw me kiss Jenny. That was cruel."
"Yes, it would have been if you'd known, but you didn't know. No one did!"
"Do you think he's still in love with me, Richard?"
"I don't know. I might have fucked that up, too!"
"What do you mean?"
"Tom had never had sex in bed with anyone before he went to bed with me last night...and I'm afraid he got carried away in the moment of passion because, just before he left my apartment, he said he thought he was falling in love with me. I DIDN'T encourage him and I didn't reply when he said that to me. Hell, I wanted you to know about it first. I mean, I kept thinking that in the future, you two might get together."
"What do you think? Should I let him come visit me?"
"It's up to you, David...just remember, he doesn't know that you know about him OR about him and me spending the night together. David, you could ask him down for a friendly roommate-to-roommate visit. You don't have to tell him you're gay. You could act like buddies, like you did for three years. That way there'd be no involvement out of the ordinary. Once he comes here, then you can decide how much or how little you want to tell him about yourself."
"Are you planning to see him again?"
"Yes. Next Saturday after I leave you at eleven-fifteen."
"Where? At your apartment?"
"No, I'm gonna meet him at a gay bar just this side of UVA."
"Are you going to ask him home to have sex again?"
"I don't know. That's up to you. If you're interested in him, I don't want to further Tom's and my relationship in any way."
"You're always the gentleman, putting others' wishes before your own. Let me present YOU with a supposition..."
"I think I know where you're going..."
"Richard, I lived with Tom, but you've gone to bed with him. You've seen a different side of him that I never imagined. So...do you think you could fall in love with him...if I weren't in the picture?"
"You know, I...I asked myself that after he left."
"And...?"
"I...I decided I MIGHT fall in love with him...but...it would be easier to fall in love with you. I know it's too soon after Luke's death for me to even talk about that. But, who knows? Some day...in the distant future..."
"You could fall in love with me?"
"In a New York minute!"
"Thank you, Richard..."
"You're welcome...now let's go home."
"Please tell Tom to come visit me when you see him."
"I will..."
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(To be continued in "All My Tomorrows" chapter ten.)