Disclaimer: The following is a work of fiction. It contains characters who share names, descriptions, etc., with real- life people (specifically members of the groups *N SYNC and Backstreet Boys); however, this is all fantasy and in no way is to insinuate anything about those people.
Thanks to everyone who has written me notes. It means a lot to me--and I really appreciate the feedback.
Special thanks to Eriker and Rick for reading! But more for friendship!
All comments are welcome--positive or negative! E-mail me at storywrightr@aol.com. Thanks.
All Grown Up 10--Friends
JC: Hey cutie. Bout time I heard from you. I was worried. I thought you'd beat me home.
N: Ah . . . he cares!
JC: Yeah, you know how I hate coming in this big old house alone.
N: Is it true that the phrase "It's not always about you" was first used in regard to you, my love?
JC: Hey, I was thinking of you! If anything happens to me, what would you do? What would you have to live for?
N: You are too good for me.
JC: I know. WHERE ARE YOU?
N: Quiet! I'm at Larson's on the Beach. Member it? We've eaten here.
JC: Oh that explains all the noise. You in the dining room?
N: Yeah. At a table. But I have my earpiece in--they can't all hear you.
JC: Well that's a relief. What are you doing there?
N: Brian wanted to have dinner. And I didn't think you'd mind--thought you'd still be out with Justin.
JC: Well I'm not. But that's okay. . . . Actually, he's here with me.
N: WHAT? You are such a little shit! Go in the house "alone" and you weren't even alone!
JC: But I wanted you here! When you think you'll be home? [conspiratorially] I want all the poop on what happened at the meeting. Anything juicy?
N: Hey Brian. Just checking in with JC.
B: Oh. Tell him I said hi.
N: Think you just did.
JC: Hello back.
N: He says hi back--and congratulations.
B: Oh that was sweet of him. Tell him thanks--ur, thanks JC!
JC: You are such a shit Nick.
N: He says you're welcome!
JC: I'm going to get you for this later.
N: No, JC, I think it's the other way around. I think it will be you. You deserve it all!
JC: I bet you just said that with a smile, didn't you?
N: That's right sweetie! This too! I'll talk to you later, okay? See you then.
JC: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have fun.
N: I will. You too! I do love you, you know.
JC: Yeah? That's sweet. I love you too.
N: Later, kay?
JC: Yeah.
[end call]
JC: Hey! You on your way home now?
N: Hello yourself.
JC: Sorry . . . So, you on your way home now?
N: You ARE cute.
JC: And you still didn't answer the question, so that must mean no.
N: JC, what's with wanting to see me? This is unusual.
JC: I just want to compare info from Brian and Justin.
N: He's gone?
JC: No.
N: AND YOU'RE TALKING LIKE THAT?
JC: I stepped out on the deck, silly!
N: Oh, good.
JC: And if you must know, talking to Justin makes me really happy that I have you in my life, okay? You satisfied now? Got me to be all mushy?
N: Hey, that was sweet. I love you Josh. Spending time with Brian makes me realize how lucky I am too. I'm so glad I have you!
JC: Me too baby.
N: So how is Justin? Is he down?
JC: No. We've had a really great day. It's like the first time since we were kids that we seem to be really relaxed with each other--just enjoying hanging out. And are being really honest with each other.
N: That's great--a lot like what's going on here. It's like the best of the old days--without any of the bad. I'm actually enjoying it a lot--even if I do miss you.
JC: Sweetie!
N: So, Brian's just playing some of his new songs for me and stuff. He's really excited about them. They are good too. So I'm just going to be a while longer.
JC: That's okay. Take your time. As long as you come home to me, you can be gone as long as you want. Well . . . as long as you're here to go to bed with me!
N: Chill some champagne.
JC: Done! Though is that really what you should say after going to an AA meeting?
N: YES! [laughing]
JC: Bad boy! [laughing too]
N: Bye.
JC: Bye.
[end call]
JC: Okay, this time you BETTER be on your way home! Even though it has been sweet of you to check in with me so much.
N: I told you, I missed you. And yes, I just walked out the front gate, so probably, what? Forty-five minutes away?
JC: Did you have a good time?
N: Yeah, I did. I can't even remember when I spent time with Brian last. I mean, like years, right? We've seen him at some things, but not really spent time. And not one on one like this. He really has changed, Josh. I had a really great time with him. He really seems to have his head on straight. And he's so into his music--he's written some great things.
JC: Well good. I'm glad. Cause I have a feeling that these two are going to be spending some time with each other again. Maybe it will be okay.
N: How was your time with Justin?
JC: Really, really good. Like you said--when was the last time? I mean we have him to dinner parties. At least we used to--with Jeremy.
N: Jason.
JC: Whatever. But I guess we haven't even seen him at dinner parties; just the big parties. I'm going to make sure that I spend more time with him. For him--and for me. I miss him. I miss the me I am with him, you know?
N: Hmmm . . . do I know that JC?
JC: Yeah, I think so. But he's a lot about music and stuff. And fun. He may be a little less sarcastic than you usually have to put up with . . . think you'd like him more?
N: I think I love all the JCs rolled into one! I get that one too. I love watching you in your studio writing and singing. You're so passionate. And I like the nice you too--when I get to see him! [laughing] I'm kidding! . . . We do play this sarcasm game a lot, I guess; but I know it's just a game, so it's okay--and fun.
JC: Maybe we should have a date once a month where we act like we just met and are on our best behavior--and really nice to each other.
N: Are you saying you want me to be nicer to you?
JC: You are nice to me Nicky. . . . I don't know, it's like I said, talking to Justin . . .
N: What?
JC: He's alone, you know? I mean, it's been so long since I've been alone. And I don't know--he's too nice a guy to be alone.
N: [laughing] He did bring out the sweet JC!
JC: Yeah, maybe. But you know what I mean?
N: Yeah, I do. But you won't like what it reminds me of.
JC: What?
N: The way I feel about Brian. He's really grown up Josh. He has a lot to offer someone. He was really emotional at the meeting, of course, as he spoke; but afterward, he was so good to people. I mean a lot of people just came up to congratulate him, but there were some who were obviously struggling, and he was so good at encouraging them and stuff. It's like the best of Brian without the worst.
JC: And will he remain that Brian if he's with Justin?
N: Who knows? You convinced they'll end up together?
JC: They have a date this week. Justin is going over to hear his music and then out to eat. They're acting like the past is forgotten or something. Didn't really get it. But it was important to Justin--that it's like a fresh start.
N: Brian didn't talk about them getting together--just that he had gotten a call from Justin this morning; actually he mentioned that when he was speaking to the group. Talking about still making amends and putting his life back together--he mentioned that the most important person in his life--the love of his life--was in contact with him again--had spoken to him just this morning to congratulate him. And that he was hopeful about his life and his future-- not just because of that, but you know--all that AA stuff and whatever. I mean, I'm not making fun of it--it was great--really inspirational. And God, it has saved his life--physically, but also emotionally, you know?
JC: Yeah. I hope so. Justin seems to think so.
N: You still don't trust him.
JC: I'm trying Nick--I really am--for his sake--for your sake--for Justin's sake.
N: That's my boy! See, you don't have to be sarcastic all the time.
JC: Hey, don't take advantage of me when I'm vulnerable and emotional!
N: I love to take advantage of you any time and any chance I can!
JC: Pig.
N: That's me--least when it's about you! Can't get enough!
JC: Love you! . . . God it must be getting late! Listen to me!
N: It's sweet. I like it.
JC: So . . . Justin is going over there Wednesday, I think. Or Tuesday or something.
N: Yeah, Brian did mention kind of in passing that he was going to play his music for Justin. I couldn't tell if he wanted me to ask about it or not--he was hard to read when it came to Justin. I think he's nervous about it--and nervous about what I and everyone else will think about it.
JC: What DO you think about it?
N: You know me Josh--I'm not the analyzer you are--or even Brian is. I think he's thinking way too much about it. I think he just has to let it happen and see what happens.
JC: Actually, I think that may be what Justin is doing. Funny, I'm worrying for Justin and Brian is worrying for Brian--you and Justin are smarter than Brian and me! Not like there's anything I can do about it. I already told Justin that it looked like he had to do this and that I'd be there for him--to celebrate or to commiserate.
N: You are a good friend to him Josh. He's lucky to have you.
JC: Wow . . . thanks. I hope I can be a good friend to him.
N: You are--you have been--you will be.
JC: And you with Brian, right?
N: Hope so. Okay with you?
JC: Yeah, wouldn't want it any other way.
N: Really?
JC: Yeah--I like the nice side of you too.
N: Thanks.
JC: Get home quick, okay? But SAFE! No need to waste all this mushiness over the phone. I want my man HERE!
N: Yes sir--on my way baby!
JC: Good.
N: See you soon.
JC: Soon.
All Grown Up 11--A New Start
J: Hey there! I didn't think I'd hear from you tonight.
B: Oh, um, is it okay? I wanted to tell you how it went with the bands.
J: Of course it's okay, silly!
B: Oh good! Cause I wanted to tell you it went GREAT! [laughing]
J: Fantastic! [laughs too] I knew it would! Those songs are really good Bri. They just had to get to the right people.
B: Well, now that I have the right manager!
J: Hmmm . . . what percentage does a manager usually get?
B: Hey, I'm not kidding! You set this up. You should get a piece of the profits! Why not? It's not so different from the work you do with those two groups--production, managing, whatever. Why not make it official? You know I'm the last one that should be dealing with the business stuff.
J: That wasn't always true.
B: Maybe it should have been. It caused way too much stress. And stress is something I avoid these days.
J: Oh yeah? The last couple of months wasn't stressful for you? You know it was two months ago yesterday you called me that first time . . .
B: I DO know! And stressful? Are you kidding? Piece of cake!
J: Liar!
B: Well, maybe just about that . . . but not other things! So, do I have a new manager?
J: We'll see. Don't they say not to mix business and pleasure? Didn't we help write that rule years ago? [laughing]
B: This is different. Isn't it? There's no-one in the world I trust more than you. And there's no-one in the world that believes in my music more than you. And I promise to stay out of all business matters and never interfere and never ask questions--as long as no-one changes my songs!
J: Ah, I thought there might be a catch! Let's talk about it later--I promise to think about it. I'll even go ahead and have Larry look into it, okay? He can see if it does fit with what we're doing. Kay?
B: Kay! . . . Thanks. [pause] Hey, I talked to the Doodlebug.
J: Yeah? I haven't in three or four days. How is she?
B: Good. Um, we have to talk about this--or talk to her--or something. I mean, I felt like I was lying to her. I mean, I wasn't--I wouldn't--but that's how it felt, cause I wasn't being honest with her.
J: I know. I've been feeling the same way. And it's getting bad; I wouldn't usually let four days go by with her out of town without talking to her. We can't let this create a wall between us and her.
B: I know. We gotta talk to her Justin.
J: Yeah. But what are we going to say? I mean, how can we say it so she doesn't feel threatened?
B: Well it's only going to feel more threatening if she finds out and then thinks that's why she hasn't heard from us as much--it'll just confirm her fears that this will somehow leave her out--that we won't be as close to her.
J: When did you get so wise?
B: Hey, I'm OLD remember?
J: Oh yeah, that's right--I tend to forget that when you're on the phone!
B: Very funny!
J: Don't get worried--you look young and beautiful as always.
B: Yeah, right. Scars and all!
J: Hey, scars make for an interesting look--they add depth and meaning to a body. Shows the person did some living.
B: You may want to keep developing that line of thought--I think it needs some more work to be convincing! [laughing] In this case it just means that when you wrap a car around a tree you can't necessarily walk away from it--or walk period for a while.
J: Hey, forget the scars--just be thankful you're walking again.
B: Oh I am! Please! I'm thankful for that everyday! But sometimes I feel just a little sorry for myself about the scars--or maybe just a little insecure when they are seen. Least when they are seen by someone I want to impress.
J: Now who are you trying to impress? Someone on that beach of yours?
B: [laughing] Well, actually, yes. There was this really special guy on the beach the other day, and I wanted him to be impressed--I wanted him to like what he saw. Cause he's really, really special, you see? I mean, not only is he beautiful, but he's also really smart and a great business person and a great artist . . . [whispering] and a great lover.
J: Hmmm . . . wish I could meet someone like that!
B: Idiot!
J: That's me!
B: Think anyone will question why I call you that? I may have to watch that in public!
J: You don't want to just tell them the story?
B: Oh yes, well you see sir, I call him "Idiot" cause it's like my pet name for him, cause you see when he kissed me for the first time--well, the first time in ten years, he said, "I may be an idiot, but I really want to do this." And so, "Idiot" just stuck--and that's what I call him now. "Idiot." But it's not that I think he's an idiot--well, maybe; cause he could have just about anyone he could ever want, but for some reason, some miraculous, heaven-sent reason, this idiot wants a broken-down old guy--who happens to worship him.
J: That's it--I just like to be worshipped!
B: You got it. Anytime.
J: Well, don't give me a hard time about how I kissed you first--if I'd waited for you, we'd been waiting another ten years! You were so cute and so nervous!
B: Hey, you were nervous too! Specially that first night! Standin' there at my door lookin' adorable and nervous.
J: Why do you think I was nervous?
B: Well, it could have been that you laughed at all my jokes a little to hard! You know that kind of scared me.
J: Scared you? Why?
B: Cause at first I was afraid you were just being nice to me--like pitying me--feeling sorry for me. Just laughing at my jokes to make me feel better.
J: Well, you were nervous too. You didn't ask me in for like three or four minutes! And then didn't know what to do or where we should sit or whatever. You only relaxed when you sat at the piano and started playing your songs for me. You know you've gotten pretty good on the piano.
B: Thanks. I should be good--I practically live on that bench! Or on the beach. And sure I was nervous! Please! And I was still nervous when I was playing--but at least it was familiar to me--playing--and playing my stuff. I was still nervous though--waiting to see how you'd react to the songs. I wanted you to like them so much. I wanted you to see that I could do something good--after all this time.
J: Well, don't ever be nervous about your music Brian--it's really good stuff. And I wouldn't tell you that if it weren't the truth.
B: But you didn't like the beach song, did you? You told me not to show it to the guys today. Was that your nice way of saying it's not as good? I guess I just can't judge my own stuff--it's one of my favorites.
J: [laughing] No you misunderstood! The reason I didn't want them to see it was because it IS so good--it's my favorite of the bunch.
B: I don't get it. You don't want them to hear it? Oh, do you want someone else to do it?
J: Yeah! ME! . . . That is, if you'll let me. [long pause] Brian? Did I say something wrong? You don't have to give it to me. We can let the guys see it--or someone else.
B: [kind of choked up and quietly] No. Of course it's yours. You just overwhelm me sometimes Just. Still. Or again. Or whatever.
J: [quietly too] Oh. Sorry. Or good. Or whatever I should say . . . I think that makes me happy.
B: Good. I'm glad.
J: Hey, you'll be back in town tomorrow, right? Want to have dinner?
B: Of course! Hot dogs again?
J: Hmmm . . . that worked that first night . . . but not sure I want to make a habit of it! But after you forced me to sit and listen to your music for four hours, I would have eaten anything!
B: Hey you! I had reservations at a real restaurant. Wasn't my fault you made me slave at the piano all night trying to impress you! Not my fault it was so late and only the hot dog stand was open!
J: Just kidding! I liked walking along the beach. And I haven't been to that old pier in a hundred years!
B: The last time we walked on the beach was more fun!
J: Perv. Hey! That's my new name for you! "Perv." While you're explaining "Idiot," I'll have to explain "Perv." Actually, I probably WON'T have to explain "Perv."
B: IDIOT!
J: [laughing]
B: And what makes you think anyone will question my calling YOU an idiot? [laughing too]
J: That was mean! True, but mean!
B: Well, I don't care either way . . . as long as you're my idiot.
J: And my perv.
B: Yeah.
J: Bri? . . . Are we being idiots? Think we're being stupid?
B: You think so? Is that how you feel?
J: No, not at all. It just feels good--and right. I'm still not ready to have to justify it to everyone, but I don't have to justify it to myself. What about you?
B: I haven't felt this good in years and years. It's like we each had a chance to take care of our shit and then still had a chance at each other again--if people don't believe in miracles, I'll have to tell them about this! I mean, the best of both worlds--a person I know and love and a person I'm getting to know and growing to love. You know? I mean, you are the same Justin, and you're also a different person! It's all the excitement of someone new with the comfort of someone I've known almost forever.
J: What if you don't like the new one--or don't love the new one?
B: Not going to happen. The new one is just as pretty and cute, but even smarter and so grown up--so good at understanding his feelings and other people's feelings. He knows what he wants in life--and what he wants in a relationship. I just have to hope he's stupid enough to not see through me!
J: Yeah right! Well, I loved the old Brian even with his faults. And the new Brian, he's missing a lot of those faults. And even if he still has some faults, I'm not looking for someone perfect anymore. I don't NEED someone perfect anymore. I need someone real. Someone who'll let me be real. Good and bad--and can take it. Can help me through the bad times and celebrate the good times. And who'll allow me to do the same--to be there to help when things are lousy--cause sometimes they just are--but also wants to call me up from San Francisco to tell me his meeting went well!
B: You should have come up here with me. It's such a beautiful city.
J: Yeah, it is. Next time. Maybe start out in the city then drive up the coast. I love the coast line up there.
B: Yeah, beautiful.
J: Yeah.
B: We didn't decide about Doodlebug.
J: No we didn't. . . . You know what I might like to do? I might like to write her an old-fashioned letter. Letters are so wonderful--you can hold them in your hand. Read them over as many times as you want. Cherish them forever. And you can say things that are hard to say face to face.
B: Sounds nice. Do I get to be part of it?
J: Hmmm . . . no. But you know what might be nice? For us each to do one. And send them together in the same envelope. Then she still has us each on a one-on-one basis, but has us both at the same time. What do you think?
B: Great idea! . . . Do I get to read your letter?
J: I don't know. Let me write it first!
B: Oooo . . . not sure I like that!
J: You write your letter first--then see if you want me to read it! It's not about honesty, it's just about our individual relationships with our daughter. Let's write first, then we can decide.
B: That makes sense. What a smart fellow you are! You must be getting OLD and wise too!
J: Watch it! I'll never be as old as you are!
B: Well, at least not for six years!
J: So, old man--old PERV man! Dinner tomorrow night?
B: I guess . . . you planning to make it worth my while?
J: You ARE a perv!
B: And YOU are an idiot to put up with it!
J: You got that right!
B: [pause] Love you baby.
J: [slight giggle] Yeah, yeah, yeah . . . [whisper] Me too. I love you.
B: Night.
J: Night.