I was going through some old boxes of things and found some adult magazines I used to have. I hadn't seen them in years. As I went through them I saw a wrapped package and there were a few more in there. But these were covered in plastic. The guy in the cover of them, I had actually met a few times. Before I knew who he was of course. But I always thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen.
As I mentioned, I had actually met him a few times. It turns that we had worked in the same building. And it wasn't until sometime later that I found he was the guy in my magazines. This story is for him. A kind of 'What if' story about a guy I wanted for many years, but fate never made that fantasy come true.
This is for Terry. Where ever he may be.
Enjoy.... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ All for Terry (Chapter 54) An unexpected call...
... I did not go mad as figured I would. Did not try and kill myself as my mind pondered again. All this weight on my body of pain, all this bad energy that seemed to be his Bering over me. For the first time I survived it on my own. Getting through the pain alone somehow. Pushing passed it all. I just evacuated what I had and what I had lost. I had lost a lot. Love, happiness, my dog. But I think I had been beaten down so often that it became just the norm. An expect assault on me and my body, my mind.
"I guess I am truly all alone" I finally decreed. "This is where I was always meant to be" "So I have to get on with my life. I have to just live" "It is all I can do"
So I did not sell the house. Everything was fucked and it was mostly paid for. And I was working regularly again. From home, but still working. Just entering data into an obscure system for the employer I was with. Rarely speaking to engine save for my immediate boss. A nice enough woman who understood my pain. She had lost her husband of 30 years to a similar situation.
"You will go on my friend" she said "You have to." "You can only count on yourself now"
And her words pushed me to do so. I got rid of everything that was not mine in the house. Save for the dogs items and her ashes sitting on the shelf in a small memorial. And as the months continues to pass I stopped hearing from anyone. Terry had all but ceased communication. Letting me alone after the fall out of him finding someone else. I removed all his pictures and shoved them in a box and into the attic, marking it 'pain'.
I went about my life again. Slowly working my way back to civilization again. Getting out again. Even trying to meet new people. New acquaintances and such. But I promised no more attempts at love. For that had become the bad' four letter word. That was the part of life I did not want to to try and reclaim. For still in my head there would only ever be him.
"I'd rather be alone" I would say to myself again and again.
But then it was there and out of the blue that I received a call from a nurse at the hospital. And it was about Terry.
"Hello?" I asked as I answered
She asked my name, making sure I was me. Then she proceeded to tell me that Terry had been in an accident. That he was alive and okay, just a bit battered up. And with a possible back injury that they were monitoring. At first I was concerned for him. Another accident in his life that sounded severe. But she said he was okay. So alive was good. So at least there was that. But still, why call me. So then I questioned why she was calling me. That I was not his contact anymore. That he had a new boyfriend that he was with and he should be the primary contact.
"Well" she then said again "You are his primary contact" "And he wanted me to call you"
I was lost as to why Terry even remembered I existed. It had been so long since his return from the dead. So long since he hooked up with this new guy that he wanted more than me. So I just did not get it. Why would he want to see me. He didn't love me and he made that perfectly clear. Then the nurse interjected something else after I continued to suggest that I was not the contact for him. She suggested that Terry boyfriend was not such a great guy.
"He was already treated and discharged." She said "And he just left" "Saying something about not wanting to have to take care of a cripple if it came down to it"
I was shocked at the comment. But did not refute it. He just seemed the type. The superficial narcissist that I figured had Terry as flavor of the month' a revolving door whore that I knew one day would grow tired of Terry. Once he got older and lost his looks this guy would inevitably dump him. The hospital. But now as Terry was lying in a hospital bed. There with what would be back issues to say the least after this. Not being there by his side. That was just shitty.then I sighed as I pictured Terry lying there in that hospital bed alone. His face with more assaults in his handsome looks. But it was still Terry, my Terry. And I knew I could not turn my back on him. Regardless of what my heart has been through. I still lived him you see. And emotion I would never be able to push out completely. So I sighed and then I said that I would be there soon.
"He will be happy to see you" she said back
I hung up and then got in the car and headed to the hospital. Hoping he was not to hurt. Even though the nurse said that they were monitoring his back for now.
"Cripple" I huffed at the words that had come out of that shit "How could you. Fucking asshole"
I got to the hospital and then headed up to the room number the nurse gave me. Stopping at the door when I got there. Then taking in a deep breath as I peered in there. There he was laying in the bed. A gause over one eye. A leg in a.cast and arm wrapped from injuries to it as well.
"My poor Terry" I sighed
Then I tapped at the door frame to let him know I was there. Saying a soft "hey" to him to get his attention. Terry turned and looked over to see me. He smiled and lifted up his hand. His one uncovered eye began to shed tears. And he called to me to come to him.
"Hi baby" he started to say with a quivered voice "There you are. I am Soo glad to see your face"
I mined in closer.and to his side. I touched his hand and he grasped at mine. Then he looked at my face with wet eyes from the tears just pouring from him. His hand squeezed at mine tightly. To hold me tightly I brought my other hand to his and patted it gently. Then caressed his fingers a bit. Then I felt swelling begun in my eyes. I was afraid I may start crying as well. But pull in a sniffle to stifle it.
"I am here Terry" I said "What happened?" "Stupid. So stupid" he just said "I would not be here at all. Had I stayed with you" "But this accident" "This stupid accident pulled back my memories" "All over them my darling" "And there you were"
Then he he started to spit out how much he loved me. That somehow he was back to himself. His memory fully returned And how he was ever so sorry for everything he had.putme through
"I am Soo sorry my love" he started "I have hurt you so much" "All the fights and killing your beautiful heart" "And I am Soo sorry for it"
I started to speak back.about his recent love and what was going on there. That was when he declared his boy toy a selfish fuck.
"He didn't love me" he admitted "I was just some daddy image for him" "He just wanted me."
His hand squeezed.more at my fingers. And he continued
"You are the only one who has ever truly loved me." He said to me "The live of my life" "And I know you may hate me" "I know I don't deserve you my love" "But I ask you.."
Then the nurse I had spoken to.on the phone came into the room. She saw me and smiled as she looked at Terry laying there pouring his heart out to me. Telling me she was glad I came. That he was going to need me for a while. She went on to tell us that his back had some injuries. And he would probably not walk for a while. That he had to let his body heal from the injuries of the accident. But he should make a full recovering in time. Suggesting he have some rehab to get him back in shape. Then she said they would keep him in for a few days to make sure he was okay. Then he could go home after that. That I should be able to take him home soon. Terry looked at me and I looked back to his beautiful face. Even with his bandages and injuries he was still.beautiful to me. Still the most beautiful man I had ever laid eyes on. I felt his hand squeeze at mine again. His eyes pleading for me
"Can I come home baby?" He asked "Please?"
I again patted his hand and easily gave to his pleas. Looking at his face so filled with tears. His lips mouthing the words 'im sorry' again. I smiled and then moved in closer to him. Then I leaned over and kissed his forehead. Telling him that if course he could. That it was his hime as much as mine I then caressed his face and moved my.luos to his and softly kissed them as well. Then pulled back and started to cry again myself.
"I love you Terry" I stated "Nothing in the horrible world will ever change the way I feel about you" "You are and always have been the love of my life" "And I would have waited for you to end days Terry "
I then kissed him again. And just started to blubber there next to him. The nurse smiled at me as she looked at us.
"So much nicer than his other 'friend" she huffed with sarcasm "This is love. And it warms my heart."
She then told me I could sit with him for a bit longer. Then she was going to take him to get some initial talk about the therapies he would have to go through. I thanked her for her kindness and taking care of him. The i sat down there next to the bed and just held Terry hand for a while. Just feeling his touch and looking at the man I adored. Then I asked him how this accident happened?... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ To be continued