This story is different than i normally write. It's a love story. My first.
I was going through some old boxes of things and found some adult magazines I used to have. I hadn't seen them in years. As I went through them I saw a wrapped package and there were a few more in there. But these were covered in plastic. The guy in the cover of them, I had actually met a few times. Before I knew who he was of course. But I always thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen.
As I mentioned, I had actually met him a few times. It turns that we had worked in the same building. And it wasn't until sometime later that I found he was the guy in my magazines. This story is for him. A kind of 'What if' story about a guy I wanted for many years, but fate never made that fantasy come true.
This is for Terry. Where ever he may be.
Enjoy.... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ All for Terry (Chapter 32) ...The Carnival...
... I sat down as Lisa played some games. Trying to win prizes in then. She told me I should play too. But I was still not much for it.
"Come on" she said "Here throw one of these". "Knock those fuckers over and win me a prize" "Your a man"
The comment made me laugh a bit as she pushed the stereotypical male/ female roles. That I should be able to knock over the tower of cups to get a prize. So I tried it. I grabbed a ball and flung it at them trying to muster up the anger to take them out. And to my surprise I did get them.
"Whoo hoo!" She shouted "That's what I'm talking about"
We got a small stuffed animal and then walked along the boardwalk of the pier. That wonderful ocean breeze felt cool and nice on my face. The smell of fish and algae and everything beachy did make me feel better. I wanted to walk to the edge of the pier and just look out to the ocean. To take in the lights that made the water in the distance almost sparkle as it moved. It was beautiful We stopped at a bar near the and of it and grabbed a pair if drinks. Then we walked over sat there at a bench at the end of the pier. I drank a little and then just looked out to the gorgeous water.
"Its soo beautiful out here" I said "Yes it it." She answered. "Shame its with you and not some hot guy"
She winked at me and laughed. Trying to make light if this whole thing. But then as I lowered my head in thought she stopped the joviality.
"You really fell hard, didn't you?" She then asked
I turned and sighed at her. I could almost feel the tears began to well up again. But I had to answer her. I had to get out what I needed to. Hoping talking to someone would stop what ever was eating away at me
"Yeah" I huffed "And it sucks. Because I can't stop" "And seeing him again..."
I sighed deeply as I continued. Feeling like I was undeserving of the happiness that I had felt when i was last with him. That joy that filled up my chest like nothing else before. The completeness I had in his arms.
"I just don't understand why I can't get iver him" I added
She looked at me and sighed as well. Then she added he own imput. "Its because you have no closer with him" she said "Until that happens. You will be tormented"
Then she bowed her head and sighed. Then she said a soft "fuck" under her breath. But i heard it.
"What?" I then asked.
She then turned back to me and placed her hand on my shoulder. Then continued.
"Well. You may never get it now" she huffed "What do you mean?" I asked "Did I look that pathetic back there?" "No" she then stated. "No..."
She trailed off after that last 'no'. And I wondered where she was going with this. What had happened back there at the restaurant. I looked back at her and she had a look of guilt. Then realized this was my old friend Lisa. A Latin woman with huge attitude. So I could only surmise what happened after i ran out. But she told me. Oh boy, did she tell me.
"Don't get mad" she added
But I knew what she was going to say even before she said it. I knew what she did even before she told me. It's why she took so long coming out. Lisa must have gone back and confronted him. There in front if his date. And how I knew it would be ugly as she was not one to hold back
"I won't" I said "Good." She came back "I cussed his ass out" "I ripped him a new hole after seeing you like that" "And I am sorry but I could not let this go"
"The fucker is a narcissistic asshole" "Self loving fuck. He broke your heart because of his own self gratification." "Only to make him feel better about himself."
She went on about her verbal assault. Saying that he was lucky she didn't stab him right there in front of the whole place.
"He sure looked scared" she then added
I looked at her and started to actually laugh. Appreciated her going back there and defending me. Trying to protect me from whatever Crap was happening in my head at that moment. And I loved her for trying. I took another hard drink. Then looked at my cup and said I needed more.
"Me too" she said "Here" I said back"let me give you some cash" "Get us a couple more" "Your wish is my command" she said back.
She walked off. Then I heard her call out behind her
"Just don't jump. Please" she yelled "I won't. I promise" I said back.
I sat there and looked back out to the glimmering waters out there. I listened to the waves below me as the crashed against the pier and the shore nearby. It was peaceful. So wonderfully peaceful. I then saw a boat out there in the waters. Slowly moving across the waves. I pondered laying on the deck of a boat and just being out there. Alone in the gentle sounds if the ocean. Just laying on deck at the waters pressed to the hull of the boat. Tapping softly against its sides. The imagery was.lovely and I wanted to stay there in it for always. Me and that boat and the waves. Maybe a seagull cawing somewhat above. A soft breeze moved across my face and seemed to caress at my cheek. I took in a deep breath, just to fill my lungs. All these thoughts were bringing me back down again from my torments. The subtle silence of my, my breath and the ocean around me. Then a few minutes later as I sat there taking in the ocean air. Pulling it into my lungs and enjoying it odd stink of the ocean, and the sounds of those waves beneath me as they struck the post. Then I saw a cup being handed to me. I huffed and started to tell Lisa that it took her long enough. But that was immediately stopped my the hand holding it.
"Where have you been..." I started to say
Then I saw the hand that was bigger than hers was holding the drink to me. I stopped and my breath was caught in my throat. Then there was the soft smell of a familiar cologne. I started straight forward trying to not turn and look. For fear of who was standing there.
"Hey you" came a voice that broke my silence
A soft and familiar voice that it was. I didn't want to but knew I had to turn. I looked back and my heart began to race instantly. I thought that my racing heart would burst through my chest. For I looked up and there stood Terry. There on the pier behind me. "Why is he here" my head screamed. "Why am I being tortured."
I quickly turned and tried not to look at him. Looking nack at the railing at the edge of the pier. I wanted to rush for it and leap over and throw myself into the waters below. But Then he spoke again.
"Here's your drink you wanted" he then said.
I turned to look back to see where Lisa was. She was standing 30 or so yards away and leaning against the pier railing. She softly raised a hand to wave at me. Then she cocked her head in a gesture to that said it all. It said look at him and talk to him. I started to pant. I felt I would have a panic attack at any moment. But I turned to look back at Terry. Back at this man that had taken something from me that I believed lost because of him. My heart. His beautiful face looking down at me, smiling softly. Still holding that drink in his hand.
"Can I sit?" He then asked..... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ To be continued