This story is different than i normally write. It's a love story. My first.
I was going through some old boxes of things and found some adult magazines I used to have. I hadn't seen them in years. As I went through them I saw a wrapped package and there were a few more in there. But these were covered in plastic. The guy in the cover of them, I had actually met a few times. Before I knew who he was of course. But I always thought he was the most gorgeous man I had ever seen.
As I mentioned, I had actually met him a few times. It turns that we had worked in the same building. And it wasn't until sometime later that I found he was the guy in my magazines. This story is for him. A kind of 'What if' story about a guy I wanted for many years, but fate never made that fantasy come true.
This is for Terry. Where ever he may be.
Enjoy.... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
All for Terry (Chapter 30) ...An Old Friend.
... I almost didn't go to work the next day. I was again depressed. It surely had nothing to do with my failed attempt to date again. I decided no more trying after Edwin. I was better alone that with some pig who didn't want my heart. Only my ass. It was Terry. Always Terry. The man I had so fallen in love with that my broken heart I feared would never truly mend after his dismissal of me. Laying there in my bed last night, tears streaming down my face again. The crushing ache of my longing to touch him again. His beautiful face and those lips that I still remembered how soft they seemed. His perfect body and the heat of him next to me. And that scent that was only his.
"Ohh God" I huffed as I woke.
I turned and looked to the side of me and Terry's things were there on the bed. I sighed deeply again as I sat up in bed. I looked at the phone. I was going to call out again.i really didn't want to deal with the day. But then realized my job was at risk. And I had promised Arpi my boss. So I hauled myself out of bed. I collected his things and returned them to the box in the closet. Not before kissing my fingers and placing the to his face in my undying gesture of love for him. I took my showered and just let the water gall over me for a bit. The heat if it almost soothing and I held myself to the wall by my head. I then got out and dressed and headed to work. Stopping to get a nice healthy dose of caffeine before work. I stepped into the office and saw my boss. She saw me and waved me in. I sighed as I really was not in the mood to talk about my date. But I knew she would end up coming to me. So I put on my fave smile and headed into her office.and before she could ask I told her what a disaster of was.
"Oh my God!" I huffed "Worst date in ages" "Never again. I quit" "Huh? What happened?" She asked
I then explained what had happened and she just stared at me. Apparently appalled at the incident.
"Oh my gosh. That's terrible" she said back "Yup. So I give up" I said "Don't want to deal with this anymore" "This hope of something that is not happening"
She was going to say something, but them stopped as she knew I would protest. So she just said sorry for my bad date.
"I just want to get to work" I said "So I don't have to think about it anymore" "Thanks"
I then left her office and went back to work. Back to keeping myself from thinking. Because when I stopped to think. All there was was my heart ache. A deep unfathomable suffering for a love I felt I would never have. His love. And it seemed burying myself into work was one of the few respites to that thinking. I could give someone the face of cheer and glee. While somewhere deep inside I was still crumbling. And somehow I hated being home. Sitting alone in my apartment. Staring at the walls, or the ceiling as I lie in bed. Hearing myself breathing, slowly breathing in and breathing out until somewhere in the night sleep would find me. Although many nights after some tears fell. And I found myself sleeping with his shirt next to me on the pillow next to me. Just so I could press my face to it to remember his scent again.
"Oh God. Please!" I begged some nights "Please. End my suffering. Please"
Oh those nights I lay there praying to a God I never really believed in. Begging this silent ghost for aide to that my hurt would end. But as I figured. It fell on deaf or non-existing ears to my plight. Each morning I would, dreading the day. Until I got to work. Then my life was lifted as the busyness of my day dulled it once again.
And then out of the blue I got a call from my old friend Lisa. It had been years, and I thought she hated me after the David fiasco. But she had said that something told her to call me. So she did.
"I just wanted to see how you were" she said "So are you still with that piece of shit!?" "Huh. Who?" I blurted
I hadn't even remembered it was due to David that we parted ways. David had long become a bad memory in my life. But something I crawled up and out of. It was good to hear her voice. She had been my bestie until David entered the picture. And I had let him ruin my relationship with her. So when I heard her again I actually smiled for the first time in ages. A real smile though. Not the fake one I portrayed to the world.
"Oh God no" I replied "He has been gone for years"
And then I apologized to get for what had happened. She laughed and said 'it was okay' "You were just stupid." She gawfed "Just following dick like a good little homo"
I laughed back at her comment. Again a true laugh. Something I hadn't had I a long time. So then I asked her if she wanted to get together for drinks. She accepted. We met up that Friday. I almost didn't go though because I was having just one if those days. Down and very not wanting to be part of anything social. Sleep the night before was rough. So I didn't do much of it. And I woke with some pain in my lower back. So it was a struggle to get moving in the morning. But I went to work like normal. The clients were less than gracious today and I just wanted to go home. But then midday I got a call from her. Just reminding me of our getting together. I started to say I wasn't much up to it but she cut me off. Her tone raising with disappointment.
"Don't bail on me" she stated "That would suck" "We need to catch up"
So I sighed a heavy sigh and then agreed not to cancel.
"Good" she then said "See you there"
I hung up and half smiled. Maybe this would be good for me, I thought. Get my mind off all the stuff that was beating me down. And it would be good to see Lisa again. I had almost no friends to speak of. So as I sat there I pondered where we met and where we used to work together. Her and the late great Tim and the fun we had in that office. And my smile got bigger.
"Yeah. This will be good for me" I finally said
I left a bit early because we were to meet somewhere between us and that would be a bit of a drive for me. I had moved pretty far from that old office. I called her and let her know my approximate ETA to meet her. And then after work I was on my way down to se.my old friend..... ++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++ To.be continued