This is a complete work of fiction. Any similarity to anyone living or dead is purely coincidental. This story is copywrited and sole property of the author. And may not be reproduced without the express consent of the author.
Well here we are again gentle reader. I bet you thought I had given up huh? Nope I promised I wouldn't so here is the latest installment. This chapter pretty much reflects a lot of shit that has recently happened in my life. Don't over think it though, as with everything I write I mostly use it to purge those overwhelming feelings so if you're observant you might figure it out. I hope you find the anguished wail of my mind amusing.
My first day back after nearly being killed by Ray didn't quite turn out the way I expected. As soon as Jay and I walked into the building we were mobbed by a group of students. All were curious as to what had actually happened in that restroom. Unknown to me then the rumor mill had been working overtime while I was in the hospital. Before the day was over I heard everything from East Central had taken out a contract on my life to win the home coming game, too me breaking up Ray and Billy's gay relationship. I had to laugh when Jay told me about hearing that one, if only they knew. I deflected all their questions by telling them I couldn't talk about it because of the ongoing police investigation.
I couldn't wait until lunch; I just wanted to be with Jay and my friends. I knew if I could just hold out till then I'd be ok. So when I sat down at our usual table I wasn't expecting the reception that awaited me.
"Dude how you doing?" Ben asked. "Is your arm ok?"
"I'm alright man thanks." I said.
"So tell us what happened." Sammy ordered.
"Look guys I can't really say anything until this is all over."
"Aww come on bro you can trust us, you know we won't say anything to no one." Rick pleaded.
"I can't seriously but listen no matter what you hear just know that it isn't anywhere near the way it went down ok." I told them hoping they would let it drop.
"Yea well I've heard some really nasty stuff." Ben said.
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well^Å I heard Billy was giving you a blow job in the restroom when Ray walked in and freaked out." Ben said with his eyes pointed at the floor.
"Damn Ben do you really think I'd let Billy suck my dick?" I almost screamed. "Or that I'd be dumb enough to have sex during school?"
"I never said it was true it's just what I heard." He said still looking at the floor.
"I heard you stole Billy away from Ray and you were kissing when he shot you." Rick said.
"Jesus are you really that gullible Rick?" I said in astonishment.
"How come you never go out with girls anymore? Sammy asked in a quiet voice.
"What the fuck?" I hissed. "You know I was so looking forward to eating lunch with my friends because I knew they wouldn't treat me the way everyone else has today. But I guess I was wrong." I said getting up from the table.
I stormed out of the lunch room mad as hell. I couldn't believe those guys. Didn't they know how much shit I had to put up with? I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace and they had to ruin it. And to top it all off now I was worried that they would find out about me and Jay.
Just about that time I saw Jay coming down the hall towards the cafeteria. He ran up to me with a concerned look on his face.
"John what's wrong?" He asked.
"Come on lets go get some drive thru." I said. I wanted to be alone with Jay so we could talk about what I knew was coming.
"Tell me what's wrong, what happened?" Jay asked again.
"Not here wait till we get in the car."
As we walked to student parking I could see people staring at us, somehow I knew it wouldn't be to long before Jay would be taken away from me.
We sat in my car eating lunch at the park. Even though I wasn't feeling very hungry I forced my self to eat, just so I could have a few minutes to think about the things that had happened this morning. I wasn't any closer to figuring things out by the time we we're done, so I began to tell Jay what was going on.
"People are freaking out about what happened." I said
"I know I can't believe some of the things I've heard today." Jay laughed.
"Listen, my friends are starting to ask questions, I don't know how much longer before they figure us out." I said.
"Oh my god what did they say?" Jay asked
"When I went to sit down for lunch they started asking me what happened. They think there's something between Billy and me."
"Were they serious or just kidding?"
"Oh they were serious, Sammy even asked me why I never went out with girls anymore, they know something is going on." I said.
"What are you going to do?" Jay asked.
"I don't know." I told him.
Truth was I didn't know what was going to happen. I was so scared that people would find out and my life would be over. It wasn't that I personally cared what others thought, hell they don't live my life so why should I even bother with what they think. But I also knew that if people found out it would jeopardize all the goals I had set for myself. And then there was Jay, I had a pretty good idea what people would think. I had no doubts some would blame Jay and see him as the cause of all this. I had barely saved his life when only two people had it out for him, how was I going to protect him from the whole school?
"Listen we'll have to talk about this more tonight."
"Ok, we better get going so we aren't late." Jay said.
We headed back to school with no solution in mind for the problems we faced. Call it another crazy psychic premonition but somehow I knew it was going to get a whole lot worse before it ever got any better.
I suffered countless rumors the rest of that day, the only thing keeping me going was football practice this afternoon. I was kind of excited; now that I didn't have to worry about Jay getting killed he could watch from the stands. I knew it wouldn't be a full workout but anything would be nice after being cooped up in the house for so long. When I arrived in the locker room to change coach called me into his office before I got the chance.
"Hey buddy it's good to see your ok." He said.
"Yeah well it's going to take more than a bullet to keep me away from football." I said with a grin.
Coach began to laugh but then his mood changed; I could see it in his eyes before he even opened his mouth to tell me.
"John I can't let you practice today, we don't want to take the chance of you injuring yourself any more than you already are." He said with a pained expression on his face.
"No!" I shouted. "Look you can tell the defense to take it easy on me. No tackling and I promise I won't push it. If I don't get some time in before the game I'll be rusty." I said hoping this would spur his decision.
"Look I'm sorry I just can't risk it, you're too valuable to lose." He tried to reason.
"Come on coach I'm ok, a little sore yes but I can do it." I pleaded.
"Besides you're not going to be playing in the home coming game. I'm going to let Leo start. He needs the experience anyway." He said with a guilty look.
"If you do that we'll lose, you know he can't pull this off. East Central is the toughest team we have to face this season." I said in desperation.
"This is just one game out of the season. I'm sure by next week you'll be in a lot better shape." He said.
"We can sub him when I get tired; I know I can do this." I almost yelled.
"John!" He shouted. "I've made up my mind ok, there's no room for bargaining."
What the fuck I thought, can this day get any worse. With that I left the locker room and went in search of Jay. I didn't even have the heart to watch the team practice when I couldn't be there on the field with them.
"John what's wrong?" Jay asked.
I could barely concentrate on driving, that's how mad I was. I kept playing the conversation that I had with coach over and over again in my mind. It pissed me off more each time I thought about it.
"John!" Jay screamed.
I don't even remember us getting into the car or pulling into my driveway. All I could remember was being told I couldn't play.
"I'm sorry I^Ådamn it!" I yelled. Jay seemed to shrink back against the passenger side door. Looking over I saw this look of fear on his face and it made my heart break. I never wanted him to be afraid of me.
I don't ever remember being more frustrated than I was that day. It was like my whole existence, my whole life was in the hands of others. I couldn't do or be what I wanted. It was like I had to push everything I was into this tiny box. A box that others defined, telling me how big it could be. It felt like I was suffocating, trapped inside a reality that had no way out.
"Listen Jay I'm^Åsorry I didn't mean to scare you." I hesitantly said.
"It's ok." Jay said in a quiet voice.
"I think we need to talk." I said already hating my self for what I was about to say.
"Yea." Jay said in a pained whisper.
"I love you Jay you know that right?" I questioned.
Jay couldn't speak, only nodding his head as a single tear raced down his cheek.
"I think we need to spend less time together." I said.
"Why?" Jay croaked. I could feel his heart being ripped out of his chest with that question.
"Because it won't be long before everyone finds out about us, and when they do it's going to be worse than anything you can imagine."
"They won't care that we love each other, they won't care that I was gay long before I ever met you. The only thing they will see is that you turned me. And that will scare them, especially the team." I tried to finish quickly before I lost my resolve.
"Jay I could barely keep you safe when it was just a couple of guys that wanted to kick your ass, what am I going to do when it's half the school? I promised you I wouldn't let anything happen to you again, I promised your dad I would always be there for you. How am I going to do that?" I said knowing he wouldn't have an answer.
I reached over to rub the tears that were streaming down his cheek. This was the worst thing I ever had to do. I felt a bottomless hole in my chest where my heart use to be. And even though I was franticly questioning how Jay would ever want to be close to me again, after this was over, I knew that if I didn't save him I might just lose him forever.
I got out of the car and went around to the passenger door. I took Jay's hand and guided him inside the house, leading him to my room. This was going to be our last opportunity to be together in the foreseeable future and I wanted to give myself totally to him. I wanted to make this the most special time we had ever shared.
As I slowly undressed him I leaned in to give him soft gentle kisses on his face and neck. I wanted him to feel the love I had for him in my heart. I wanted him to know that above all others he meant the most to me. And even though I could have told him I don't think I could find the words to make him feel how I truly felt. I let my body tell him everything I couldn't.
I laid him back on my bed while I took off my cloths. I could see the hurt and pain in his eyes, and while our bodies were quick to respond I think we both knew that this was the first time we really made love. Inside my heart was dying as I gently caressed his small frame, making sure that my hands touched all those hidden little spots that turned Jay on.
I don't think I consciously knew that I was giving all of myself to him that day. They say even in the most loving relationship that you always hold back a tiny piece of yourself. Most people are afraid to give their whole heart and soul to another. I knew it was the least that Jay deserved; he had shown me what it really meant to be alive and to love. How could I not?
I don't know how long we made love that afternoon; time didn't mean anything to us. I remember the look on his face when I slowly began to slide Jay's cock inside my ass. It was a look of complete astonishment. I don't think he ever expected that I would let him do that. Hell as big as he was I don't think he expected anyone to ever let him. And I won't lie it hurt, it hurt a lot, but I wanted him to know he had all of me. It didn't take long to lose himself in that unique nirvana of sexual bliss. And just when the pain was dulling and I found it actually started feeling good he exploded deep inside of me.
I didn't get off that day, it didn't seem important to me. Besides I pretty much lost the desire after Jay was finished. We laid tangled together, all arms and legs. I felt his breathing slow down and small sigh escaped his lips. I was pretty much numb inside after everything that had happened and when he dressed and left giving me a kiss on my forehead I couldn't help but feel like this was goodbye.
I hope you enjoyed this installment gentle reader. I am vigorously working on the next chapter and hope it doesn't take quite as long as this one did.