My days were quiet after that night.
Despite my best efforts to ignore the nagging feeling that something was going on behind my back, I could never quite get my head completely into my rounds. My regular patients that returned for their follow ups noted this and asked if I was having troubles. A simple smile or a small nod thanking them for noticing usually satisfied them, but didn't allow them to press for any more information.
At home, Henry had gotten busy with work again, projects were firing on all cylinders, and in exchange I was left alone most nights. Of course, I never told Henry about my feeling, nor of my fleeting hope that he would someday soon make good on his words.
Instead, at night I would sit by myself propped up against the headboard with my laptop on the small folding desk I invested in and had never had to use until recently. I had papers sprawled around me, drawings from labs, and copies of manuals that I had sampled information from. I would work until I fell asleep, or cried myself to sleep out of sheer loneliness. In the morning, the evidence of my sadness would have dried and Henry would have moved my desk and neatly stacked my papers on the bedstand beside me.
Some long and painful days passed and I still found myself alone at night, waiting to see if just once the door would open early and I'd hear him walk into the room. It never happened.
The few times that Henry would arrive him early, I put on my best smiled and pretend that he was just my boyfriend as usual, that I just had "forgotten" to talk to, or that he had just come back from a vacation and we were going to catch up. It worked well, he took the time to spend with me, and I could tell he still loved me so deeply... but even in spite of knowing that, my body couldn't relax.
The one warm day that I was home, Jason paid a visit. He was of course, going on about how he would never find a boyfriend as perfect as Aiden, meanwhile his phone constantly showed new messages from at least 1 of the three boys he was courting. I laughed at his jokes, the ones that only he could tell me, and somehow the day felt better. Maybe it was just that I wasn't alone anymore... "Hey Aiden, do you wanna go for a swim? It's the one day that its actually decent outside...?"
I nodded and loaned him one of my swimsuits. The backyard pool was a little chilly, but still manageable and as I stepped in, the cold washed against my legs and I shivered, instinctively grabbing my shoulders, trying to cover myself.
"How is it?" I turned around and nearly laughed as my swimsuit looked a little tight on him.
"Its cold... are you... okay in that?" I shivered back to him.
"It's fine, I just... wont need to tie it." He grinned before jumping in, splashing all the water over me.
I sat on the stairs after racing with Jason for a few laps. He proceeded to see exactly how long he could hold his breath before coming to the realization that he was "too old for this". (He scored a dismal 6 seconds)
The pool's water seeped into my skin, the smell of chlorine that I had become so accustomed to when I was younger came back to me and how much I wished things could be like they were. I remembered when I was younger that I would spend time floating on my back, my entire body exposed to the sun, tanning slightly. Feeling a bit of that youthful surge again, I pushed myself off the stairs and floated lifelessly on the crystal blue waters. The waters muffled all the sounds that entered my ears and I smiled with my eyes closed, feeling the warmth on my stomach contrast with the coolness in my arms and legs.
It was so peaceful...
Some amount of time passed, and somewhere after opening my eyes, I realized that there was a third source of ripples in the water. Just as I was to look around, I felt a strong pair of arms encircle me and lift my head out of the water. Henry cradled me in his arms and I smiled as he looked into my eyes.
"Well hello there, the lifeguard's on duty..." He grinned before leaning in and kissing me.
The whole of my body lit on fire, his touch, the feel of his strong arms around me, everything sent my brain scrambling and I fell so deep into his kiss. My skin tingled as it teased the edge of the sun and the waters.
"I love you Aiden..." He whispered as we parted and he let my weak legs find their bearings on the pool floor.
"You're so corny" I replied, before hugging him, listening to the beat of his heart, the one that I hadn't been able to hear for so long. It had been months now, since he said those words, and maybe letting go of them now was the key to my salvation. I couldn't live waiting for it to happen... why hadn't I enjoyed my time in the present?
Naturally, when we got out of the pool, I was wrinkly from being in for so long, but when I turned to offer the towel to Jason, he was clearly pruned and three shades of jealous. He gave me a seething sort of hiss before grinning mischievously and quickly darting inside to change back.
We had dinner together, the three of us, and Jason's phone. A small course of baked casserole with some sides we just threw together graced our table and in no time at all it was all gone. The night was warm for once, filled with the company of my boyfriend and my best friend. Henry had brought out some blankets for the after-dinner time we usually had. He insisted that I throw on the small white sweater I had laying outside, saying that my hands felt cold. I cradled my head against the crook of my arm and laid against him while he and Jason talked about some politics that I didn't follow.
When I finally awoke, I was alone on the couch, and the two of them were in the kitchen, trying to haphazardly make dessert. Noticing that I was awake, Henry frowned at me, mouthing for me to come help him. Somehow we managed to save and re-proportion the gooey mess they had made into workable batter. Of course, we ended up with two cakes instead of one, but Jason was more than happy to take the excess home.
I lived differently from then on, my enjoyed the time Henry spent at home, I didn't wait any longer for him to propose, and in fact, the thought had left me. My studies were progressing and soon I would go on my externships.
Henry was now managing his projects non-stop, the company was growing and he was taking on more and more responsibilities. Every few nights we would have to go out to some formal party, where he would proudly introduce me as his doctor boyfriend, and I had to correct him that I still had a year to go. His response? "It's all the same... you're basically threre."
Time passed even faster during the blur of parties and exams that came one right after the other. Henry had managed to have his home office joined with his office in the downtown building, and worked from home two days out of the week. He would cuddle with me until I had to go, or until some pressing matter called him to a video conference. I would stay under the covers as long as I could, clad only in my boxers. Henry loved feeling my body against his, he said that I comforted him, and Im fairly sure that I woke up one time to the feeling of him smelling my hair.
Just as we were charging full speed ahead, a brick wall appeared.
I waited for him to come home promptly at 7:45PM as he always did on Friday nights. I was wearing the slightly loose fitting white sweater he loved, my long pajama pants hung across my hips. He told me that he loved seeing me like that, the cute sleepy me that would say the dopey things despite being medically trained. Except, this time, he didn't come home at 7:45, he didn't come home at 8:45, he didn't come home at 9:45.... 10:45... 11...
The next day, his side of the bed was empty... and I panicked. "H-Henry!?" I called into the house, hoping desperately to hear him.
I called the office to find no one answering his office phone, his cell phone went straight to voicemail, and Elise was no longer answering her phone either.
Jumping into the car, I feared the worst, that somewhere along the way to the office I would find signs of wreckage of his car, the sight of his lifeless body somewhere on the road, surrounded by ambulances that would do little more than pronounce him dead. I knew these fears were completely unfounded, that there was such a little chance of them happening, but still...
When I arrived at the office, I rode the elevator to the floor to find it crawling with men who were inspecting every angle of the office. Elise had been confined to her office, with restricted access to any form of communication. After convincing one of the officers holding her captive to let her out, she quickly ushered me to the office copy room, a place too banal for those outside to come inspecting.
"Aiden, it's bad..."
"What happened? What is all this? Where is Henry?"
"He was taken away by the officers last night, we were held here while they invested claims that we had been in on some insider trading deals."
"I-Insider trading? Elise...?"
"It's all fake! Theres no way Henry would do such a thing!" I calmed her down before asking where Henry was. I got the address of the station, and after a visit to the restroom, Elise had regained her usual composure. She assured me that she would take care of things here, I drove to the police station and winced as I felt the pit of my stomach fall when I stepped into the office to the sound of office desks being slammed upon. The front receptionist pointed me to the direction of the officer managing Henry's case. He was apologetic, but unable to help me. The order came from high up to "investigate thoroughly".
"Go home Aiden... don't stay here, I'll be out soon okay?" Henry smiled as he held my hands through the bars. It all seemed like something out of a movie, and I could hardly believe that I was here. He looked so weathered, his eyes were a little dull, the small habit of blinking profusely when he was sleep deprived manifested and my heart ached for him.
"Henry... what happened?"
"Someone called in a tip that my company was participating in some shady investments... but I swear to you, its not true!" He whispered urgently to me, trying to usher me away.
"HEY!" I felt a huge hand roughly grab my butt and I yelped slightly, turning around to a rather large man being reined in by an officer who shoved him into the cell opposite Henry.
"Your boyfriend joining you? How about he join me instead?" He asked gruffly, to which the officer promptly told him to shut up.
"Sorry..." the officer apologized, explaining that the inmate was only here on a transfer layover and would be leaving for the state penitentiary when the transport was finished with its gas refill and check.
"Go home Aiden... go, please. I'll be fine, but you cant stay here... I promise I'll be home soon okay?" He said, squeezing my hands. He kissed me again, the soft warmth his lips gave me disappeared the minute the cold bars touched my cheek and I felt the weight in my chest grow.
Begrudgingly I walked to my car and drove home. Elise had called and left a message on my phone that the officers would be paying a visit to the house when I returned. True to their word they were waiting there for me to open the door, complete with warrant. It was a "courtesy" they called it that they didn't bust the door in.
I stayed outside the house, standing on the lawn while they raided the house that had held my most private moments and destroyed what small sense of security I had left. I felt as if everything in the house had become a piece of evidence. My heart didn't doubt Henry for a moment, I had seen the look in his eyes when he told me it wasn't true, and Henry had no reason to lie to me. My head though... feared that the things in the house I had become accustomed to may have been bought with illegal funds. With a gulp and a small affirmation, I quashed those thoughts and waited for the officers to finish combing.
"My my... what has little Henry gotten himself into?" I jerked out of my trance.
"Lan..don..."
"It appears that Henry's gotten in trouble... " He teased, the smile on his face, the nonchalant way he walked around the lawn and I knew...
"It was you..."
"What? Me?" He pretended to be offended.
"You did this... you did it. Why?" I felt the tears coming to my eyes, but my rage was the top priority right now. I grabbed him and stopped. What could I do..? Hit him? Plead with him...?
"I told you... I'd take back what is rightfully mine... didn't I?" He said, releasing himself from my grasp.
"You... you went too far..."
"Did I? Everything Henry has built.... Everything he has accomplished was because both him and his father stomped us into the ground, stifling us... all of this was because of that... but you know whats funny Aiden?" He encircled me, I felt his eyes studying me.
"Landon please.."
"No, you know what is funny Aiden? I don't even care about him having all this... none of it... I am willing to give it all up, give it all back to him.... "
"Then do it... give it back to him... this.. it just isn't fair..."
"What about life is fair!?" His voice grew, and he clasped my arms, squeezing painfully.
"L-Lan-"
"I told you... I was willing to give it all up, everything, all of this, I could give it back to him... but all I want... is you..." He relaxed his grip and I my body slumped slightly.
"You're sick..."
"Maybe... maybe I am, but you know, I have waited so long for this...... so I'm going to enjoy it... until you decide to come to me... I will watch Henry's legacy fall and be turned upside down... but as you're watching it, just know that you can stop it at any time.... Just come to me... leave him and never come back.... It really is...... for his own good." Landon walked away, leaving me standing there, completely stunned.
After another hour or so of searching, the officers left, and thanked me for me cooperation. There was nothing left untouched by them, the office had been tossed and the house itself was a mess. All I could do was start to pick up the pieces of our lives. I put back all the pieces of furniture and re-straightened the pictures, cleaned the areas of dust that were now exposed, cleaned the dishes left from breakfast that I had left, removed the small scuff marks their shoes had left, and cleaned the floor of the office. After the third wipe with the mop my entire body refused to go on. No matter how hard I tried to clean the floor, my tears stained the wooden tiles and I gave up. I cried openly, loudly, screaming almost. In the vastness of the house I huddled against the small corner of Henry's study, crying into my knees as I weighed my options, each of the more painful than the last.
Waiting to see if Henry would beat the charges, going with Landon, trying to find a way to resolve them, knowing Landon would never allow it.
No matter what I chose, I could lose Henry. There was no happy ending here... all those things I had dreamed.. gone.
I cried until my lungs gave up and I felt my body crying for air,
What could I do?
What should I do?
What do I do?
What do I do?!
"What do I do?"
Author: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to write another chapter. To those of you who are still with me, I appreciate it so much! As always, I love hearing from you all and if you have any suggestions or comments, please feel free to let me know at Keito.Nakagawa@gmail.com.
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Thanks so much to those of you who have already sent me some great comments!