The next morning was a bit more somber. Henry had woken up before me and was busy packing his suitcase for his trip back to Paris. For a moment, just for a moment, I laid in bed, just listening to him move around. Since I was facing away he didn't notice that I was awake now. He would probably be gone for a while again. After a year of back-and-forth to Paris, Henry had finally come home from brokering his deals overseas and now he was preparing to go back again. This time undoing the damage would certainly take more than three days. I wanted to pretend that all the motion I was hearing was just him getting ready to go to work...
"Good Morning" Henry sat down on the chair opposite me, next to the bed. "Morning." I smiled at him, betraying how I really felt. "Aiden...I Just want... I want you to know, that if you just say the word, just say it, I wont go." "Henry, you know that's not what I want" "Aiden just say the words.." I sat up now, and held my boyfriend's soft cheeks in my hand and looked into his beautiful brown eyes. "Henry... go to Paris, make your deal happen, come back feeling better and then stay with me. I don't want you struggling here while everything you worked so hard for just falls apart. I'll be here, waiting for you as always."
He nodded and sighed, looking at his hands. Henry had a habit of wringing his hands whenever something was bothering him, and now was no exception.
"Henry, look at me." He looked up at me and I put my hands on top of his.
"Henry, I'm okay. I really am. I know that you'll be back. Don't be sad or feel guilty. You've been gone most of the year, but I don't blame you, I don't hate you. All I do is miss you, so go and come back soon okay?" He nodded again. For a moment our eyes locked and he slid his hands up my arm and pulled me closer. His lips gently brushed my cheek before moving their way down and suddenly my world stood still as he kissed me deeply and lunged forward, pushing me back onto the bed. My wrists were pinned beneath his hands and I looked at him as he surveyed me.
"You look so beautiful Aiden... sometimes... I can hardly believe you're mine..." He whispered as he let go of my wrists and I felt his hands slide down and underneath my shirt. My body trembled slightly when the fabric left me and I felt so exposed despite my bottom half still being under the covers. Henry's body pressed against mine as he lay kisses down my neck and onto my collarbone, his hands were still traveling all over my body and I groaned as he grazed my chest and slid downwards, pulling my pants and my boxers down my legs until they were at my ankles. "H-H-Henry...!" I gasped as his gentle grasp turned firm along my still hardening member. He looked at me, his eyes intensely focused on mine and slowly he drifted down until I could feel his breath and then... a sense of pure warmth surrounded me as I closed my eyes and gave in to his manipulations. My body twisted and my mouth opened and closed as he skillfully played me with an expertise only experience could grant. His tongue traveled up and down my length focusing along the ridge of my head.
"Henry!" I gasped, his tongue had hit the small sensitive spot that only he knew how to find. I writhed underneath him and he knew that I was powerless to refuse anything he did to me. His hands followed the sides of my body upwards, running the sides of my ribs and then down my abs, all the while his tongue stroked my cock.
For a brief moment, I became delirious, wanting to feel every inch of my body on fire. I felt the sheets beneath me against my skin, I was aware of my hands wringing the bunches of fabric in my fists. Then suddenly, I felt a finger snake its way down and enter me slowly. The slow, purposeful penetration sharpened my focus and I felt its length slowly creeping into me. My mouth opened as my back arched and shoved more of me into Henry's mouth. Slowly, deliberately he stroked my insides with his finger, pulling out just enough to make me feel everything but not enough to give me what my body ached for.
After almost two months of Henry being gone, I had completely forgotten this part of my existence. The need to be intimate with someone surged back now and I begged, almost shamefully for him to do everything to me. He, of course, was more than happy to oblige. Out came his finger only to be replaced with two now, they teased me and taunted me, slowly caressing my most private doorway.
"A-Ah-annhg..." I slammed my eyes shut as they pushed in, stretching me more. Henry's lips kissed my abs and his free hand grasped my cock, I felt it pulsing in his grasp and he looked at me. My body writhed and stretched, underneath him. He had told me once that when I get to this point, the look in my eyes becomes desperate, my body becomes mindless and I begin to move my hips pivoting myself against his fingers.
"I love you Aiden..." Henry breathed against my neck as he threw off his clothes and I felt him position himself above me. Without even thinking I opened my mouth and took his entire length in, his thick cock thrust itself in and out and I could not remember a thing that I did to him other than wanting more and more of Henry. His hand had found its way back to my lower half and instead of two fingers now.... three teased my opening and began to pry me open. I winced as he pushed with more force and my body opened itself even more. It'd been so long since Henry and I were intimate together that it hurt more than I remembered. Still, not a thing had changed, he was just as he always had been, so gentle and loving in bed.
"Are you okay Aiden?" Henry asked, pausing and taking a step back. I closed my eyes and told myself to relax. "I...I'm okay.." I panted, the pain in my body was clearly visible, but I wanted it, I wanted Henry in the way that I hadn't been able to have. In our college years, we would spend the days in bed together, but now it was more than just sex, it was so much more. This...
"H-Henry!' I gasped again when his fingers moved. His eyes showed concern for me and I struggled to open mine and look at him. All I could manage was a few nods and his fingers began to move again, slowly, gently, in and out... in and out.
"unhghhh.." I moaned as he finally withdrew and I felt Henry position himself now. My legs ended up on his shoulders and he pushed forward until I could feel him against me. "Aiden... "
I nodded again and I felt myself opening up again as the head of his endowment began to press and drill its way in. Every single centimeter of him I felt entering me, his head pierced me and I winced slightly and as he entered I felt the rush that I hadn't been able to achieve in such a long time.
"Henry.. please..." I begged, I wasn't sure for what, but I wanted him so badly.
His hips moved back and forth slowly, and I moaned as my back arched again. He leaned forward and I felt my legs spread even more and at the same time, more of Henry pushed in and now I felt his thighs against my own. Henry was gentle, his hips moved steadily, forcing me into cycles that switched from pain to pleasure. As we went on, my body became numb to the pain, or maybe I became used to it again and only the waves of pleasure traversed my body. They ebbed and flowed with him. Every once in a while I would begin to drift off, my body moving on autopilot, doing whatever it needed to do to make sure I was getting closer and closer. Henry kissed me again, bringing me back to the present and the sensations became more and more intense until I felt him tighten and suddenly thrust his entire being into me. I cried out his name and winced, but felt stream after stream of warmth enter me. Just that was enough to send me over the tidal wave that I had been precariously balancing on the entire time. My heightened senses went haywire as I cried and felt my hips buck. Jet after jet of my own warmth shot into the air and landed now on my abs. It was the most intense orgasm I had ever had, after being starved for so long, my entire being contracted, muscles tightened and I cried as wave upon wave of pure pleasure drowned me. My entire body was spent, and almost certainly would be sore. I felt like I had a hard time catching my breath and I whimpered slightly as Henry left me. His head leaned down now and he licked up the mess that I had made all over myself. Now he came to me, his lips still lightly glistening and he kissed me and I tasted myself on his lips.
"Aiden I love you..." He said as my mind began to drift again, I was so tired... and so weak. I couldn't quite keep my eyes open, instead I only felt Henry lay beside me as he used his arms to pull me close to him. His hands clasped my own and I whimpered as my body ached slightly from being tense the entire time. As I now came in and out of consciousness, I was only aware of two things, the feeling of Henry's naked body against me, and the warmth it provided as he encircled me. Just before I could hold no longer, a third sensation came... the feeling of him... dripping out of me... and before I could feel it reach the edge of my thigh... everything went dark.
I woke up a little while later, my body was still racked with pain, but I winced and hobbled my way through it. After cleaning myself up, I threw on a white sweater and a pair of pajama pants. It was colder in the house than my mindlessly horny self had remembered. It was one in the afternoon now, and Henry had gotten up to make Lunch. He quickly came to my side and helped me sit down (painfully) on the sofa in the living room.
"Are you okay?" "Yeah... It's just.. . been a while since we..." "Yeah..." He nodded, understanding. "We're certainly not in college anymore..." I chuckled, and he laughed as he put a pillow behind me. "I did love those times... our little... bed days. You're just as hot... and sexy now as you were then you know." He said "Oh stop, you're going to make me laugh and I think I'll need to take a Tylenol if I do." "Its true... Nothing has changed... the way you zone out and become so horny that I could probably do anything to you and you'd be fine with it. The way you throw yourself against me when it all gets to be too much, even the sounds you make..." I nodded along. He was right though, I probably would have done anything for him in those moments. "Wait, don't you have a flight to catch?" "I moved it to later this afternoon, theres not really much I can do until tomorrow morning anyway." "So then..." "So then, I get to spend the next few hours with you, reminding you that you're every bit the boy that I fell in love with." He kissed me again, "We're not having sex again." I warned "You know when I kiss you, you could just enjoy it... I don't always have ulterior motives." "Yeah but when you do I usually end up like this." I chuckled a little. "Well, you know what could solve that? If we do it more often... you'll get used to it..." "Nice try."
Henry fed me a lunch of the leftovers from last night, plus a sandwich he had lovingly made from turkey, avocado, and some other vegetables that I wasn't even aware we had in our pantry. I lived, for the next few hours anyway, under the delusion that I had all the time in the world with him. He made no references to his impending departure, and I let myself believe that when I woke up tomorrow, he'd still be there.
"Aiden, why don't you come with me?" He suddenly burst out. "And do what? You don't like it when you have to do business in front of me, and I usually end up sitting there. All I'd do is stay in the hotel room." Henry nodded, understanding.
The closer the clock got to his departure time, the more desperate I became. We sat on the small loveseat together and I clung onto him, trying to remember everything about him.
"I'm not going to be gone long, I promise. Just a week, tops." He said reassuringly. He was never right about his predictions. One week, invariably turned into two, then into a month. For the larger projects that he projected a month for, they would sometimes turn into half a year. It wasn't that he was constantly missing deadlines, just that as deals were made, more and more stipulations came after, and he would have to stay to fix them.
Finally, the doorbell rang and his driver had come to pick him up for the airport.
"I love you Henry..." I said to him as he walked out of the bedroom with his suitcases in hand. He looked at me for a moment and paused. Walking up, he put his suitcases down on either side of me, and the driver moved to pick them up. While that happened, Henry leaned in and put his hands on my cheeks. He kissed me again... and again, each time making me feel weaker and weaker.
"You... look so perfect, I cant stay away too long." He said, smiling as he lightly nudged his nose against mine.
He pulled away from the curb, and I did my best to stand at the door's edge until he was out of sight. Henry later told me that his memory of me on that day was the thing he focused on when he remembered what it was he had waiting for him. Me, standing in the doorway with the white sweater a little skewed, showing a bit more of my left collarbone, my hair was a little long, a little messy, and a streak hung down, just barely covering a little of my eye, and my legs, covered in the pajama pants but lightly crossed and fidgeting nervously as he left. He said I looked like an angel to him, radiant and patient.
His week of course, turned into a month, and for the first few weeks, I was so lonely without him. He would call me between meetings, at night, or at dinner time to sit with me, but having dinner with an iPad is not the same.
Jason did his best to keep me entertained, but even then I felt very aware that I was alone in the house. Every night I laid in the bed that Henry and I shared, and its vastness swallowed me whole. It was cool now and my body alone could not warm it.
Henry was having a hard time too it seemed. The deal with the Paris firm seemed to be more complicated than he had predicted. Landon had done his best to usurp the contract from underneath Henry's nose, and with the things that he had promised the company, Henry was finding ways to compensate. However it seemed that every time one fire went out, another sprung up. Slowly, his month turned into three... and I woke up every day smiling and pretending to be okay with him being there. I would fall asleep with him on the opposite side of a skype call, and wake up to him telling me good morning and good luck at school. He used to at least try to come home every so often, but it seemed this time there was never a dull moment for him...
After a while, my body had resumed its normal habits when he wasn't around, my normal routine of studying, sleeping, cooking dinner, then studying more until I fell asleep took over my life again.
One day Henry had asked me to stop by the company office to pick up package that he had ordered before he left and was meant for me. Originally he wanted to give it to me in person, but this would have to do.
While at the office, I sat in his chair and opened the box to find inside a small ring. It was silver and bore on the inside both my and his initials. Henry knew that I hated ostentatious things and had opted for a uniform and simple band that fit my finger perfectly. Inside was a letter from him, telling me that he had a local jeweler in Paris make the ring for him. While he promised that another ring would soon follow, this one was for me to remember him by. Henry told me he knew how lonely I was, and that I should look at this ring whenever I thought of him and remember the promise that it held. Smiling I looked at the ring on my finger and I felt warm and bubbly almost on the inside.
Things got a little easier after that, during my proficiencies and dissections in school, I took the ring off and kept it safely in my pocket and would reach in from time to time to let its presence reassure me. I had my ups and my downs, there were even some days after a particularly stressful test where I would just sit at home and cry from sheer exhaustion. Unfortunately for me, that meant that when Henry would call for his nightly checkup on me, my eyes would be puffy and red. When I answered, he would immediately notice and go into his protective mode. He asked if I had missed him, and my answer was still the brave one that I had told him when he left. I would insist that I just watched a sad movie, or had gotten something in my eyes while jogging.
The nights I spent at home were relaxing, but so lonely. I convinced myself that I should run more, instead of just sitting at home by myself watching TV. Every day at 5 when I got home, I would run. At first it was around the block, then around it twice... and eventually I just kept running as long and as fast as I could. Racing around the area wore me out, I was exhausted and my legs hurt. Sometimes I would go until I could barely breathe and I simply collapsed on our lawn. The earth beneath me felt so solid and I could smell the grass around me. My chest hurt, my throat felt as if a single cough could rip it apart, and my entire body was drenched in sweat. The hair that had bounced lightly at the beginning of my run matted down and stuck to my forehead now and I'm sure my face was flushed. Still, I loved this feeling of exhaustion, I could do nothing except force myself to take a shower, and then pass out on the bed. In some cases, the days where I couldn't even manage to keep standing for a shower, the bathtub became my bed for the night. I'd wake up naked and wet, the water cold and I shivered still, getting up. I winced as my aching muscles that were even stiffer from the cold waters protested.
"Aiden... you don't look so good..." Jason said to me one day, setting his tray of spaghetti and jello down next to me. "I just, didn't get enough sleep last night." I played it off "Well what did you do last night then?" He asked, offering me some of his lunch. "I just... ran a little and it didn't seem to take the edge off..." "Maybe you should run more then?" he suggested absentmindedly, trying his best to slurp up the noodles. "Maybe..." I sighed "Do you want me to run with you?" "N-No, it's okay." I shook my head. "Nah, it's okay, I'll run with you, I'm probably not as in shape as you, but you can feel free to run ahead of me... It'll be good. If not, I have the weekend to recover." Jason thought to himself.
That night he came over and we both changed into our running clothes. I had gotten my tank top and basketball shorts with the pair of shoes that I had bought a few months ago on Henry and I's shopping adventure. Which by the way were already showing signs of wear. Jason had shown up in a pair of basketball shorts and a t-shirt. After a few stretches, we stood at the end of the driveway and started a light jog. After about 20 minutes, Jason was having a hard time already and I pretended I was too. He waved for me to go ahead and I took the opportunity. I ran ahead again, letting my mind go free, I focused on the same that I had every night, to run as far, and as fast, as I could. Jason told me that I lapped him almost 15 times. At some point during the run Jason had given up and ended up crawling his way back to the lawn. He sat there and watched me as I ran... and ran... and ran.
"Aiden! Stop! It's enough, just come on in and lets rest!" He shouted to me.
But I couldn't stop, I couldn't stop myself from wanting to run more and more and faster and faster. My body wasn't broken yet and I needed it to be so that I could sleep, so that I wouldn't feel so alone and restless in the house. As much as I pretended to myself and convinced myself that I was okay with Henry's long absence, my body wasn't, and so it punished me, forcing me to run until I couldn't anymore. After another two laps, I finally felt my legs giving out on me, and I managed to push myself until I saw Jason waiting for me. He had noticed that I was getting slower and more ragged and had now stood in my way using his wide open arms as a wall to stop me. I didn't quite make it to him and instead just a few inches before him my legs gave up and I stumbled and fell sideways onto the grass. I panted and gasped for air as my arms tried to push me up but fell as the whole of my being refused to work with me and I fell on my side, feeling as if I wanted to throw up.
"Aiden!" Jason rushed over to help me turn and lay on my back. He quickly looked me over and gasped as he told me my hand and a little of my ankle was bleeding. Apparently in my fall I had caught a little bit of the rough pavement and it scraped me. He rushed into the house for a first- aid kit while I lay there wheezing. A little anti-biotic spray and two bandaids later, Jason helped me up. I was brought inside and he let me lay on the bed.
"Aiden... what was that?" "Running..." I said, my breath still ragged. "That was not running and you know it. You can't do this to yourself, you'll end up hurting yourself, and god forbid what if next time you cant even make it home?" He was lecturing me, but I didn't care.
My chest hurt so much and I couldn't move my arms to position myself more favorably, I closed my eyes and let all the pain and soreness wash over me, my entire body felt as if it were on fire and I embraced it. While Jason continued his lecture on safe exercise, I fell asleep, thoroughly worn out.
The next morning I woke up still in my exercise clothes and my body hadn't moved an inch since last night. I tested myself now, daring myself to move my legs and I winced. It was almost as if trying to tell a stiff rod to suddenly stretch again. My muscles ached and I tried to move the rest of me to no avail. Jason had fallen asleep next to me in the small chair that sat at the side of the bed. He seemed to stir at the sound of my movements and in time opened his eyes.
"Aiden, don't move, are you sore? Do you need me to help you?" He asked, getting up "I'll.. be.. f-fi-NE" I groaned, trying to stand up. He rushed to my side. "Yeah... you'll be fine I'm sure." "Shower..." I said, pointing to the bathroom. "I think... you'd better take a bath today..."
He helped me over to the bathroom and started the tap. I tried my best to get my arms over my head but they wouldn't go higher than my chest.
"Here, let me help you." Jason said, helping me take off my clothes.
Under normal circumstances, I would have been opposed to anyone helping me strip, but it wasn't anything that Jason hadn't seen, we had shared enough of our college years doing crazier things than getting naked together. He helped me into the tub and he told me to tell him if I needed him to come help me out. I washed myself in silence, and sat for a moment in the tub, letting the hot water soothe my aches away.
"Aiden, you're overdoing it..." Jason warned when I had finally managed to pull myself out of the waters and into some clothes. I didn't say anything, he was right. I bet though, that he understood why I was doing what I was, that he too had been in my situation before, but he couldn't find the words to offer me solace, and I wouldn't have listened to them if he had.
The day was spent in relative relaxation, Jason refused to let me do anything that he considered strenuous, and I ended up being a prisoner in my own house. By nightfall he had decided that I should be okay by myself now and had left me to fend for myself. After missing last night's Skype call, Henry called a little earlier tonight...
"Aiden... I miss you..." He told me. "I miss you too..." "I want to come home Aiden..." "Don't... just finish first."
The last statement took everything in my mind to say. My heart was heavy but I knew it needed to be done. It was then that I smiled brightly, even though I felt so dim. I told him that it was okay, that I was fine and happy and still waiting patiently for him. I told him about the date that I had planned for us, a light picnic and to spend the day together laying on the side of the hill that had been our special spot. The sky above us would turn dark and we'd watch the stars together.
Henry smiled as he listened and nodded. I missed his smile, I missed his touch, I missed... being safe in his arms. Even just admitting to myself all this, I realize how hopelessly in love we are... but I was so happy, so contented to be his. Henry was called away by someone off screen now, and I nodded, signaling to him that it was okay to go.
"I'll be back soon okay? I promise." Henry smiled again as he hit the end button and my screen went black.
Then the house was silent and I was alone again, I sat on the couch by myself and turned on the TV. The volume was just low enough for me to hear it and I grabbed the throw and covered myself. Snuggling into the corner, I took a look around me, as if to confirm that I was alone. There was no one but the dark around me. For just that moment I let everything sink in... and I cried. I missed Henry, I was stressed, my entire body ached and I had never felt so alone. My sobs caused my chest to spasm and my muscles ached even more. After some time, I eventually calmed myself down and took a few deep breaths one after the other. When I had finally composed myself, I pulled the throw even tighter around me and set the TV on a sleep timer.
In the vast darkness of the empty house and the soft glow of the TV in front of me, I curled myself up in the corner of the couch and closed my eyes. I felt so small against the openness of the cushions around me and tried to imagine the feeling of Henry behind me, but even then I couldn't remember that warmth. Now, the cold air ran over me and I shivered a little, curling myself even tighter. There in the dark...
I fell asleep alone...
--- Author: Thank you so much for all your feedback! I love hearing from you all and if you have any suggestions at all, please feel free to let me know at Keito.Nakagawa@gmail.com.
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