I don't remember much about what happened after. My mind was a blank as we got into the car and drove. Somewhere about halfway there, I started crying and I didn't quite understand why. I was... terrified still as if Landon could still somehow cause me so much pain. I thought about that one night in his home, the feeling of his hands against me, of him... on top of me. How good it had felt at that time... and now how dirty I felt for reliving it.
"Aiden?"
I remembered the feeling of his hand running down my spine...
"Aiden?"
His breath against my neck...
"Aiden!" I jerked back to reality as Henry's hands shook me.
"I... w-what?" I realized my hands were clenched so tight my nails were dug into my palms. I could see the concern in his eyes, and that firm resolve melted and he sighed, putting his hands down and off the steering wheel.
"We... don't have to go... I just... want to spend time with you today then... just you. Is that... okay?" He was lying.
I didn't say anything, and watched the outside numbly as he turned the car around.
When we got home, I sat down on the couch and listened as Henry went to the kitchen and came back with a stick of cheese hanging out of his mouth.
I watched him carefully as he sat down and looked at me from the chair beside me. He was... uncomfortable, as if he was worried I would burst into tears at any moment.
I hated it.
Even if we had our moments together, I knew he felt as if he were walking on eggshells around me, wondering if the next thing he said or did would trigger something inside me. Every time I came to this realization, I hated myself for being so stupid and petty. Remembering all the things I did... I couldn't think of anything other than how I had betrayed him... that I had ruined and somehow dirtied myself in his eyes... and that was the most painful thing. Lately whenever he looks at me with those eyes... I feel like the last few years with him have been a blur, that I don't remember much about it. The feeling of some kind of attraction for him but shadowed by doubt...
"Aiden...?" Henry patted the seat beside him. I got up and sat beside him.
An arm hooked its way around me and pulled us together into a small embrace and I felt myself fall and fit into the small crevice in his chest that was open to only me.
"I just... miss this... lay here with me for just a little, okay?" I didn't answer, but laid there, listening to his heartbeat. It sounded so comforting, but all my doubts haunted me still and the sound warped... and faded.
I woke up to see Henry had returned to his study. His gestures behind those glass panes told me he was without a doubt trying very hard to remain calm as he put out another fire. My eyes were still groggy and I lumbered my way to the bedroom. For a brief moment, I wondered if I should bother changing into my pajamas, but the grogginess won and I laid down. Almost curiously, the moment I laid down, my mind wandered and suddenly sleep became the furthest thing from my mind.
Lost in my own thoughts, I barely noticed when Henry entered the room and laid beside me. It wasn't until he reached for my hand and I felt the sensation of something gliding across my cheek that I opened my eyes to see him.
"Did I wake you?" He asked, wrapping his arms around me.
"N-No..." I shook my head.
"Are you okay?" "Yeah... Just... trying hard not to think about... anything. It's been a few days already and.." "It's okay to think about things... you were gone for so long... things happened, and they were difficult... for both of us..."
That last portion struck a chord in my heart.
"I just... I don't know how to move on and return to what we were... "
"Maybe we don't have to... we could be something better." Henry's eyes smiled as he held my hand.
"Maybe... but I just.. I don't..." I sat up, gently placing his hand back onto the bed.
"Tell me what you're thinking."
"I... started a new life, one not connected to this life... and it was... hard.. and painful... but it was a life I started all on my own..."
"Then let's go back to that life, leave all this behi-"
"No... you don't understand... I started a new life, and it was hard and painful because... even though I had made my mind up that it was for your sake, that I would move on and live a new life... I still chose you. I still loved you... and I chose you. No matter what, I chose you. But... now that I'm back... Its still hard too... I don't know how to.. be me. These doubts I hav-" I got made to get up from the bed.
The minute my foot touched the floor Henry's hand grabbed mine and pulled me back onto the bed. He jumped above me and roughly pinned me to the bed beneath me. His eyes were brimming with tears, but there was a softness in them that let me know however vulnerable a position I was in... here, under the shelter of his body... I was safe.
"Wha-" He cut me off, roughly kissing my neck before sighing and resting his head against the crook of my neck.
"I have wanted to do that for so long..." He said softly and I was momentarily stunned.
"What are you do-"
"Aiden, listen to me... I love you... I love you so much I don't know what to do with myself because I want to hold you all the time. This time apart was killing me... and to hear you say it... means everything to me. Everything. I want... for there to be no one else in your eyes but me, from now on... everything about you, your heart, your body, your mind... all of it is mine. Just as all of me is yours. I will take all of you.. even your doubts, and your fears... and I will crush them with all of my love... do you understand..?"
The fierce look in his eyes as he held me down sent shivers down my spine. When his words finally caught up to me, I started crying uncontrollably. Henry kissed my tears away before laying a single line of kissing down my neck and letting himself press against me. Once my heart stilled, we lay there together for a while... not saying a single thing, just gentle brushes as our hands ran circles around each other's bodies.
"Do you remember the days when we were first together... and we would just lay in bed like this...?
"Oh god... those were the best summer vacations when we would sleep in and lay in bed, we were so lazy we ordered in everyday at the time the cleaning lady came so she could answer the door for us."
Henry laughed, pulling me closer.
"Henry... I cant breathe if you pull me in that tight."
"Right right..." He grimaced.
"Do you remember that time when I overextended and hurt my back?"
"I was so scared for you... "
"Oh it was only that once..."
"And you still haven't changed! You're the athletic one I know I know... but you still go too far..."
"It was just that once!"
"And what about that time you broke your arm playing soccer? And that time you fell while running and hit your leg on the ground so hard I thought you'd be limping forever? Oh and the other time you were running where you practically ran yourself to an early grave. Those legs of jelly werent much help when I had to carry you back to the house, and I bet you still run like that too."
"..."
"And what about-"
"Okay okay, I get it... I'll be a little more careful..."
"Thank you" He grinned again, giving me a little peck.
"Hey hey, let's not forget that for the longest time I was known as "The Secretary's son who seduced the young master" and oh my god the looks I used to get from... well everyone. I thought about ending it so many times because I thought my dad would die of embarrassment."
"You wouldn't..."
"I was thinking about it..."
"But you stayed..."
"I was held prisoner I guess." I sighed and pretended to be annoyed.
"I was a good jailer then... you should just stay here in my arms"
"I guess I'm used to it now... where else am I going to go?"
"What else did we do during those days...?"
"I know what I did.... Many many many many times." I felt his hands drift to my waist.
"Oh my god... so you knew you were doing it "many many many many" times. I thought you were just oblivious... my butt was so sore then..."
"Well... you seemed to enjoy it well enough..."
"Well you were enjoying yourself more... who was I to stop you?"
"Do you want to... re-enact those days now...?"
"Nope."
"But..."
"Nope."
"..."
I smiled as I imagined the pouting expression that was undoubtedly on his face.
"Maybe later, if you're good." I relented.
Author: Thank you so much for sticking with me! I am so sorry it's been so long since my last chapter, and many thanks to all of you who have been writing me! I feel so privileged to have you read my story. I love hearing from you all and if you have any suggestions or comments, please feel free to let me know at Keito.Nakagawa@gmail.com.
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