I had three weeks while my paperwork was going through, during that time I was popping in and out of the clinic to do orientation and a mountain of legal certifications needed to accept my new post. The whole time I spent looking for a way out and realizing there wasn't one, decided that I had to live the life of a fly, in and out, never in one place too long. I only had to stay that way for 3 months, enough time for the clinic to receive its funding, and then I was done.
I could do 3 months.... Right?
Maybe not...
I decided to do everything I could to change the way I looked. I dyed my hair to a dark dark brown, asked the eye clinic for a pair of colored contacts and even grew out my facial hair a bit. Anything I could do to remove myself from my old appearance, I did. It may have been the sudden changes that I made, but sometimes in passing the mirror, I could hardly recognize myself. Josh noticed that my appearance had changed, and while I could tell he wanted to ask, he didn't. He spent as much time with me as he could, insisting that he just had to come over to my apartment so as to "repay" me for helping him. He was always respectful, keeping his distance, close by not too close. In a way, I was grateful for him, and yet he was a constant reminder that I had someone who my heart had once belonged to.
On my first day in the new hospital, I had already found the nearby lounges that I could dive into if anything went wrong. My new program preceptor was nice enough, an older gentleman with a demeanor that you could only associate with a grandfather. He was tall, gentle, but his sharp eyes told of his experience.
I was told, my first week before the paperwork had all completely finished processing, I'd be following him around, and after that, I'd be on my own rounds, looking after his cases and assisting in those that came after.
Work was nothing compared to what I was used to, I fit into the schedule with ease, sharing perhaps a bit too much information for what a medical assistant was expected to know. It was a bit hard when lunch time came, and I politely refused to eat in the cafeteria in favor of a quiet office somewhere on the top floor, or sometimes even the roof.
These days, things were still cool outside, and the wind that whipped atop the hospital was soothing almost as I looked out across the horizon onto the vast cityscape. I usually ate a small salad or sandwich that I would buy or hastily throw together in the morning. Todays fare? Egg salad sandwich that was more bread than anything else. It remained uneaten as I set an alarm for the lunch hour and laid out upon the small picnic blanket I had stashed away and would take home to wash every few days. The sun felt great against my skin, and I felt, as much as I could, free.
A week and a half of this later, I was still enjoying my rooftop lunch when I spied a small familiar looking car returning to the hospital. My heart skipped a beat as I watched Elise step out and quickly usher a boy so obviously annoyed at having been kidnapped and brought to the hospital against his will. He was in his usual dress, something that hadn't changed still, a button up shirt with brown slacks that hugged his hips a little too tightly for my taste. His hair was messy now though, and I couldn't help but smile a bit as he stumbled a bit in his efforts to wave off Elise's hands.
That moment lasted only a few seconds before I realized what I was doing and ducked down behind the concrete. I cant let him see me. I ran down the small flight of stairs and winced as I banged my hand against the railing of the staircase. My pager beeped and I looked down to see that it was the admissions desk, informing me that my patient had arrived. With all that I could muster, I prayed that it wasn't Henry.
Fortunately when I reached the small corridor behind the general treatment rooms, I looked at the board to find Henry's name had been placed in the room across the hallway from mine. A small follow up after appendix surgery awaited me. Everything checked out and the young boy's mother sighed as I gave her son a clean bill of health and sent them on their way.
I stood in the lobby, waving goodbye and just as I turned around, gasped and blinked as I knocked into Henry and Elise, on their way out.
"S-s-Sorry!" I blurted, bowing and keeping my head down as I tried to scurry past them.
"It's okay." I heard Henry say behind me as I kept moving. When I began hearing the sound of their footsteps again, I turned around to look at them. Henry had walked towards the automatic doors and was continuing forward to the car that had pulled up to meet them. However... Elise's eyes were locked onto mine, and I gulped before quickly leaving and entering the nearest open exam room. The day went by uneventfully, I had toyed with the idea of looking into Henry's chart to see if he was okay, but doing so would have broken quite a few privacy rules as he was not my patient. So I settled for what I could gleam from his appearance. He was thinner now, but still the Henry that I had always loved, with the voice that used to bring me peace. At the end of my shift, I went to my locker to put up my things for the day, and just as I was about to take off my pager, it vibrated.
I went to the front desk to ask about who had paged me, and the receptionist pointed to a woman who sat at the nearby chairs.
Elise.
"H-Hello..how can I help you today Ms..." I smiled awkwardly, extending my hand for a handshake.
She responded by grabbing my arm and dragging me into the nearby stairwell. When we were alone I looked at her and a flash of searing pain swept across my face. She slapped me.
"How dare you.... Where have you been? Have you been here all along?" Her voice was shaky and I was unable to look at her. I looked down at my hands, speaking not a single word.
"Look at me... Look at me.." She said, her voice still shaking.
I shook my head.
"Aiden..." Her voice broke as she hugged me, pressing her cheek against mine. I felt her tears, warm and then suddenly cold against my shoulders as she cried. My feelings welled up inside me, and as much as I tried to suppress them, I felt my chest give up and I began to sob quietly, my own tears streaming down my face. I wrapped my arms around her, the first person from my old life that I could acknowledge.
"Aiden... aiden... aiden..." Elise cried, slamming her balled up hands into my back. I held her quietly, accepting all that should would give me, all the while knowing that Henry would be worse.
"Elise... I'm sorry... I am... I'm really sorry..."
"Why are you here? You're so close, you're so close to us, why didn't you come home? Why didn't you let us know where you were? Do you know how much Henry looked for you? How much he cried, how many days and nights he spent just laying on the floor in the house crying and wanting you to come back? Do you know!?" She sobbed.
My eyes watered again, thinking about all the things she was telling me. My poor Henry.... Alone and crying... for me.
"Elise... I... I miss him too... I do... I still love him, and that's why... that's why I'm doing this...."
"Doing what? What could be so damn important that you did that to him?" She looked at me now, with a mix of fury and concern in her eyes. I took a deep breath and once I had calmed down, explained the situation to her.
"TH-THAT...Cant be..." She shook her head.
"But it is... don't you see that if I am even seen with him... it'll just be that much worse for all of us? At least this way... I know he's alive... I know he's fine. And... and now that I know you know my story... I
know that you... will take care of him for me..... right?"
"Aiden... we can find some way...there's got to be a better way..." I shook my head again.
"Elise... please... I don't want Henry to be hurt any more because of me... I've done enough to him already. Say that I'm selfish, and it'll help you feel better about hating me for what I'm about to ask."
"What... what do you mean?"
"Elise, I'm only here for a few months, Just a few months until I can leave this place and the contract pays the funds for the clinic. During this time... please... I'm begging you... don't bring Henry here... "
"Aide-"
"Don't bring him here please... please... after my time here is done, I'll leave, disappear and he'll never be in danger again. I'll go somewhere farther with whatever money I have saved up by then... okay?"
"Aiden..."
"Just please Elise... don't bring him here anymore... " My heart cracked and splintered as I spoke the words that would seal my fate.
"I... I wont give up Aiden... I'll find proof, proof that Henry is completely innocent, proof enough that no matter what comes up, he will be safe. And when that time comes, I will find you. Do you understand me? I'll keep your secret, and I wont bring him here... but don't you dare leave. Do you understand me Aiden?" She spoke with a rage that I had rarely known, but inside her words, I sensed a tinge of... fear.
"Alright..." I nodded... I lied.
After a few moments of her doting on me, making sure to comment on my now very different appearance. She smiled for the first time the entire encounter, and held my hand.
"Don't be afraid to come to us.. if you need anything... whatever happens after that... we'll deal with it together..." She said, patting my head.
"Thanks Elise..." I smiled back.
"You've still gotten thinner... but you're still our cute little Aiden..." She smiled, grabbing her purse. She removed an envelope and handed it to me.
"Here... is a personal credit card that is under my name. Use it for your living expenses. Don't you dare even think of using it to leave town." She added the last part with a warning glare.
"Elise, I don't need.."
"Take it, just in case..." I nodded sheepishly.
"Elise wait..." I called after her as she stood up and made to leave.
"Do you... have a picture of him... now?"
She turned to look at me and smiled as she nodded to the envelope and turned to leave again.
Inside along with the small black card was a picture of Henry. He was smiling, a soft but bittersweet smile as he shook hands with some man in a black and grey suit. I brushed my hands against Henry's hair in the picture, remembering its fine and silky texture. He was skinnier now too... but his eyes were still so beautiful to me. How much I craved his smile, the way his touch could send shivers down my spine...
But that... was all in the past... and this picture, was all that I had left of it.
All that I had left.
The previous night was... rough, to say the least. I woke up with the resolve to put it all behind me. I wouldn't see him again anyway...
Over the next three days, work had settled, and I was leaving a little more regularly. I began to buy a few more ingredients at the market, and strangely my desperate attempts not to make myself at home in my temporary situation grew thin. I began to buy more and more groceries, cooking for myself and more often than not, a glass of wine would find itself into my hand.
It was as if a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders, Henry would be safely away from me, and he could do everything he needed. I sat down by myself at the small alcove in my apartment and pulled open a book that I had been neglecting. The first three pages were all that I could remember as the mixture of wine and the calming sounds of the city lulled me to sleep.
Josh had come over a few times more during the next week, he spent the night sleeping on my couch as I cooked dinner or made snacks to pack for my lunch tomorrow. In time, it became standard procedure to see him. I thought nothing of it until one day I heard one of my neighbors telling him that he envied the old couple we had become. Up until that moment, I had never had any intentions of treating him as anything more than a close friend. I still... didn't know what to do.
"Ow!" I winced as I pinched myself closing one of the pharmacy cabinets. My first real work injury... I guess it could have been worse....
"Yo! Aiden! Starting today, you're on administrative leave." One of the HR staff called into the changing room.
"What?"
"You've been summoned to the corporate offices, apparently one of the higher ups in the corporation heard about you and wants to see you..."
"But..."
"That grant that they're giving us depends on it I hear..."
"I.. I'll... go.." My heart sank as I heard those words. I heard the door to the room close and I threw off the scrubs that I had just put on.
It felt strange to be in street clothes during the day. I walked through the lobby feeling strange that when I reached the main doors, the sky outside was still a crisp blue. There was a driver sitting outside in the car and as I appeared, he quickly came to usher me into the back seat of the car. The clinic really weren't kidding when they wanted their money....
I had dozed slightly in the car and when I had finally woken up, my heart skipped a beat when I realized where I had been taken.... Henry's office. I prayed so hard that the corporate offices of the hospital were on some other floor, some other building that just happened to share the same parking structure... but the two men who came out to "escort" me seemed to prove otherwise. In a quick whirl, I found myself sitting in Henry's office, desperately trying to find a way to escape. Before I could make any of my plans, none of which I'm sure would have worked, the door to the room opened and in walked Henry. His usual princely air about him, though somewhat darkened by the expression on his face.
The minute I turned, our eyes met, he looked deeply into mine and rushed at me. I felt his arms wrap around me and my entire body tingled. I felt his warmth pressed against me again, his frame, though skinnier now was still as firm as I had remembered. My arms sprang up to hug him but before they could wrap around him, they froze. I... I couldn't be with him... I cant.
"Aiden... Aiden..." I heard him repeat breathlessly.
"Henry..."
"I knew it.. when Elise tried so hard to get me not to come to the hospital. I knew it, I saw you, even though everyone told me I was seeing things, I knew it."
"Henry..."
He looked at me now, holding me at arm's length. My heart sank as he looked on, carefully worrying over every small difference on my body. The truth being that I was doing the same, looking at him up close now, I could see the way he seemed to have aged greatly.
"Aiden... I missed you so much... but why... why did you hide from me?" He cried, his eyes starting to water, despite his great efforts to keep himself composed. I debated between telling him the truth, and continuing with my lie. I wanted... to protect him. I still loved him with all my heart and I had to do what was needed... to save him.
"I..."
"I missed you so much... I worried... I kept worrying..." Henry's words were a mess now as he hugged me again, pulling me closer until our lips touched and he kissed me deeply and his hands moved to my hips, pulling me in, making me feel as if I were so securely wrapped in his embrace. How I had missed this feeling, the perfect way his body fit against mine. I felt him encircle me still and I felt my entire being fall lax against him, if only for just a moment. Then... I remembered.
I pushed him back a little and stumbled slightly onto the chair behind me.
"Aiden..." He looked at me now, leaning forward above me in the chair, he leaned in and kissed my neck again,
"I..." I couldn't say it.
"I..." These words fought their way through my head and my heart screamed at me as I brought up enough willpower to say...
I closed the door to Henry's office, and walked quickly out of the floor to the stairs, bounding my way down them to the ground floor and out onto the street. I ran as far and as fast as I could even though no one seemed to be following me. It was only when my legs had given out again, and I stumbled up against a small chain fence in the alleyway that I allowed myself to sit on the ground. I had turned just in time when closing the door to see the look of sheer devastation on his face. His eyes frozen as his body quivered ever so slightly. I could hear the way his mind was replaying the lie that I had struggled so much to say. I could hear his heart break into pieces as I looked him in the eyes and said...
"I don't love you anymore."
Author: Thank you so much for sticking with me! I am so sorry it's been so long since my last chapter, and many thanks to all of you who have been writing me! I feel so privileged to have you read my story. I love hearing from you all and if you have any suggestions or comments, please feel free to let me know at Keito.Nakagawa@gmail.com.
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