After the Divorce

After the Divorce 5

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When I woke up the next day -- it was well past morning -- Harry was gone. He had left me a little note on the bedside table with his phone number and thanking me for a fun evening. It was a fun evening, I realized. I really liked the guy and his playfulness and his sexiness.

I lay in bed for a while and I could almost taste the cum in my mouth again, the feel of Harry as I fucked him. It was so intense and so amazing what had been happening to me. But that led me to think about Susan...poor Susan. I couldn't blame her, but I also couldn't blame myself. Well, except for the part where it took me twenty years to figure myself out. That was all on me.

I got up, made coffee, and cleaned up the cottage. I realized I needed to get back to the city and deal with my life, as much as being at the cottage was like an oasis in a desert of problems. I went next door and found Tom sitting on his deck. He was in shorts and t-shirts and I had to restrain myself from throwing myself at him. He opened his eyes and smiled at me.

"Hey Rick. I hear you had a good time last night."

"Yeah, well...it was fun. Kind of crazy, but lots of fun. Your friends are nice."

"Harry feels the same about you."

I could tell I was blushing. "He's a good guy."

"And Max and Steve send their best as well."

"Fuck. I'm a slut, aren't I?"

"I wouldn't say that. You are just...a man unleashed, I guess."

"Something like that. Anyway...I just wanted to say bye. I've got to head to the city and start taking care of my life."

Tom got up and wrapped me in his arms and kissed my cheek. "Have a safe trip. All this will be over soon." He patted my ass and sat down again. All I wanted to do was drag him into bed, but I knew that wasn't on, so I turned and left.

The problem, I realized, as I put stuff in my car and drove up the hill, was where the hell I was going to go. I couldn't go home and risk being killed by Susan, that was for sure. I thought about my brother's place, but I was sure he would understand either, being, well, a straight suburban kind of guy. II decided to go to a hotel, at least for one night, until I could figure out what to do.

Later, as I sat in the my hotel room, I was feeling very sorry for myself. I lay on the bed and couldn't remember a time in my life that felt worse. Should I call Harry? I wanted to see him, but it didn't feel quite right. Then I suddenly thought of Susan's brother. He was a cool guy and totally chill -- unlike his older sister. And he was at least metrosexual. We could never figure out who he was in to and he had never introduced us to anyone in all the years I had known him. I called him.

"Hey Gord. It's Rick. Do you have time to talk?"

"Rick...I wondered if I'd hear from you. Susan is really pissed."

"Yeah. Of course she is...can I come over?"

There was a moment of silence. "Sure. Come on over. You probably need a friend."

"I'll come by after lunch tomorrow."

I felt a little rush of relief at the word 'friend'. He hadn't written me off.

I arrived at his place, a nice condo on the top floor of a huge glass building on Yonge Street. There was a deck and big windows. I always admired his place and was slightly envious at what seemed like freedom, or someone who lived just the way they wanted to.

When he opened the door to my knock, he stood there for a moment, just looking at me. "Come on in."

I couldn't tell if the tone in his voice was grudging or what. I came in and sat on his big sectional sofa. Everything was modern and gleaming with steel and light coloured wood. He walked to the kitchen area of the airy, comfy, open-concept space. I thought about the little house Susan and I and our daughter shared for so many years. I almost missed it.

He came back with two glasses of wine which I took gratefully. He sat on the other wing of the sofa and took a sip of wine. "So...things are kind of a mess for you."

"You could say that. A mess I made."

"Well you did, that's true. But you also did something really brave, I would say. I feel for my sister -- don't get me wrong -- but I'm also impressed by what you did."

I was kind of amazed. "Really? You think so?"

"Hey man, what amazes me is how long it took you to do it."

"How long...?"

"Oh, I think I always knew there was something about you that didn't quite add up to a wife and a kid and a house with a literal picket fence. Don't get me wrong, if you hadn't done all that I wouldn't have the most amazing niece in the world. But...I think I was waiting."

His words were kind of a blow. He knew? How was that possible? I didn't fucking know! I suddenly felt frustrated. "You never said anything."

Gord looked surprised. "It wasn't my place to say. Susan was totally head over heels for you. And you seemed just as happy so who was I to say anything? But you give off a kind of...vibe."

I was speechless. I had been struggling for the last few years to accept that I was into guys but he was way ahead of me. But he was right. He was in no position to have said anything. It's not like I was hooking up behind Susan's back or anything. I gulped my wine and we just stared at each other for a moment. From nowhere I asked,

"So what about you?"

"What do you mean, me?"

"You never seem to be with anyone -- male or female. What's your deal?"

He looked surprised, but he laughed in a way that was kind of free and easy. "I'm amazed it took you so long to ask." He took another sip of wine. "Well, I don't really do relationships -- as you can see. And as for who, I'm pretty much open to anyone who's a nice and sexy person. Their gender is not really the point."

"Right. I guess I won the bet."

"The bet?"

"A few years ago, Susan and I were joking around and trying to figure out if you were straight or what. I said you were at least bi, so yeah, I won." I felt a bit foolish saying this. It felt so high school.

"One of you could have asked me, you know." Gord didn't look annoyed, but just perplexed.

"You're right. We should have just asked you. I think it felt impolite, or something."

Gord just sat, and he shook his head. "Families." Was all he said.

I thought about my family. At least my parents were gone, but my brother. He will freak when he hears about this. I realized it's one of the million reasons it took me so long to figure this out. My family is nice and all, but when it comes to my life, there was only supposed to be a wife and kids and suburbia. There's no other playbook, but I just re-wrote the damn thing. I decided to not think about it.

Gord was still looking at me. "So...you have any...experiences lately? I mean with your new 'I'm into guys hat on'?"

"Fuck. That's one way to put it. But yeah, I've had a few experiences. A guy at the cottage..."

"Gee, I should go north more often. I'm missing all the fun."

I was reminded how much like his sister he was. That same wry, sarcastic humour. I laughed. "Yeah. Maybe you should."

He got up and brought back the wine bottle and filled my glass, then his own. He sat down on my side of the sofa, a little closer than I expected. I could smell his cologne. There was something about him looking a bit like Susan, but also not. I could see his father in him as well. He brought his glass to me to toast, and as I clinked his, he said,

"Well, here's to new beginnings."

We both took a sip of wine. Even though it was only one glass, because it was mid-afternoon, I was feeling a little light-headed. I turned to him and he was just looking at me.

"What...?"

"Oh, I'm just trying to imagine you with a guy. I mean like, naked, with a guy."

That was not what I was expecting. "Why...?"

He put his glass on the coffee table and slid closer to me. "Because you're really sexy. I've always thought so. When I met you that time at that restaurant...where was that? A million years ago now. Anyway, I was almost jealous."

I felt stunned and gulped some more wine. As I drank, I felt his hand on my leg. I felt both scared but really turned on. I realized I had always found him attractive. He began to rub my thigh and just looked at me. Part of me wanted to run. "Is this some kind of family trick? Like to get me to do something really wrong?"

He laughed, but not in a cruel way. "Not at all! I think you're really sexy, is all."

He leaned over and just kissed me. Just a soft one, with his mouth half open. I couldn't not respond, so I kissed back. It felt so nice, so amazing and I found I had wrapped my arms around his shoulders and pulled him in. Our mouths were way more active now, open, and our tongues got into it. He tasted so clean and the slight hint of wine.

He leaned back and his lips were wet. He began to unbutton his shirt, then I took over, gently pushing his hands aside. He watched me as I undid the buttons. His chest was lean and trimmed. I pulled the shirt off and he slipped his arms out and I tossed it to the floor. I found my voice. "Stand up."

"Gladly." And he smiled. I undid his jeans, unzipping them and pulling them down his lean, taut legs. He had on really sleek white briefs, which were outlining a very hard cock. I could feel my mouth almost watering. I pulled the waistband out and his cock slid out. It was a nice, not-too-thick one, cut, and the head was almost red. He was really into this as well.

I leaned in as I pulled his briefs all the way down, which he stepped out of. He smelled amazing and I just nuzzled his cock with my nose and licked the base. I held his trimmed balls in my hand, then licked my way down to them, tasting the slight tang of him. I sucked his ball sac, and I could hear him moan above me. "That's awesome. I like it when guys do this."

I turned my eyes up and he was smiling down at me. He grabbed his cock and began to stroke it while I lapped at his balls. I licked my was up to his cock and he moved his hand away so I could take the head in my mouth. I could feel his hand on the back of my head and he pushed me down on him. He wasn't so big that I had any trouble taking him all the way to the back of my throat. "You like cock, don't you?" I just grunted. "You want me to fuck your face?"

I didn't answer, and he didn't wait, and just started pushing himself in, pulling back, then sliding all the way in again. As he worked, I undid my pants and slid them down. He didn't hold back and soon both his hands were on my head, holding me steady as he thrust into me. I was almost wild with need, of his cock, of the lifetime of need that I didn't know I had.

"You want my cum?"

I just looked up at him while he kept jamming his cock a bit harder every time. He was breathing more heavily and his mouth was open. "I'm going to give it to you really soon."

I loved that he was talking to me. It felt so intense, almost like I was submitting to him. He went faster and held my head more tightly. I looked up at him and his head was thrown back and his mouth open. "You better fuckin' be ready, cause here it comes!"

He didn't stop pounding my mouth but I suddenly felt jets of cum hitting the back of my throat and he kept going, his hips really getting into it. I was amazed at how many blasts went into my mouth. I managed to swallow and, as they subsided, he slowed down. He looked down at me again.

"Taste good?"

His cock slid out of my mouth. "Delicious." He laughed and grabbed me by the shoulders so that I was standing. He kissed me again, exploring the taste. "You are something with a cock in your mouth."

I liked that he was so...direct. I kissed him and said, "I kind of like doing that."

"I could hardly tell." And we both laughed. "Why don't we get into bed? I'm not done with you."

I liked the sound of that. I kicked my pants off all the way and took off my shirt. "You are one sexy dude. I hope you know that." He slid his hand up my chest and then down to my aching cock which he held in his hand for a moment. "We'll have to do something with that."

Once we were on his bed in the sun from a huge window, we kissed for a while more and I was grinding my cock into his, which was still semi-hard. He leaned back and looked at me. "How do you want this to go?"

I couldn't hesitate. "I want to fuck you."

"No arguments here. But only if I get to fuck you later."

I gulped and felt a bit scared. "I'm...I've never been fucked before. I mean, I've played a bit with a dildo, but that's about it."

"Well I'll take it easy then, won't I." He leaned down and kissed me. "Don't worry. It will be fun."

I lubed myself up and he grabbed the bottle and squeezed some on his asshole. Then he said,    "How do you want me?"

I thought a moment. I was so new at this I didn't quite know what to say. "I'll do it however you want."

He thought for a moment, on his back just staring at me. Then he raised his legs so his ankles were up at my neck and slid his ass closer. I positioned my cock and began to slide into him. "Do you want me to go slow?"

"Fuck no. You can be as fast as you want."

I leaned down, bending his legs and we started kissing as I slid all the way into him. My whole body buzzed, and the feel of my cock sliding in so easily was amazing. There was something about his ease and openness that was so exciting and I just started driving into him. Our faces were so close together and we shared our breath as I fucked steadily, not slowly, not gently. He pulled me in and his arms went around my back, then slid to my ass so he could push me in harder. Then I felt a finger go in and I almost came right then as I choked into his mouth.

"You like that. How about two?"

I felt another finger go in and I started to really go for it, the feeling of being liberated, of letting go of inhibitions I didn't even know I had was like a drug. Our mouths met again and my tongue was mirroring my cock and driving into him. He kept his fingers in me, moving them around and I knew I was going to last much longer.

"Are you going to cum in me?"

I gasped. "Yeah."

"Do it. Fill me up."

I lost it. Who knew that talking like that was so intense? It was like my balls were listening because I could feel them tense up, I could feel a glimmer of understanding starting at the tip of my cock that soon became a whole argument that wanted to be heard and I came with a sudden blaze of comprehension as I emptied myself into him with a few more wild thrusts and I cried out it was so intense.

I began to slow down and kissed him again, just lightly. He looked at me, smiling.

"You've been saving this up for a long time."

"You aren't kidding." And again we both laughed.

He slid his fingers out of me, and then I slid out of him. I looked down at his asshole which looked wet and there was cum oozing out. I leaned down and licked it up, sliding my tongue into him for a moment.

"You like cum, that's for sure. Even your own."

"Sometimes especially."

"Hmm. You're giving me ideas."

He brought my head closer to him and we kissed. I lay down beside him, still breathing heavily. He pulled the sheet over us and he turned and drew me toward him, entangling our legs together so that our now softer cocks met, our balls resting on each other, and our foreheads met and we just kissed. It felt very safe and warm. We kissed for a while, but eventually we both fell into a doze, the sun through the window feeling like an extra blanket.

When I woke, the sun was lower and the room a little dimmer. I also was aware Gord was sucking my cock.

"Do I even get to wake up?"

He lifted his head and laughed. "I wanted to wake you with a surprise."

"Sounds good to me, don't stop."

He didn't stop, and the warmth of his mouth, the movements of his tongue were driving me crazy and I    held his head and pushed myself into him a few times. He could tell I was getting really excited and he sat up and grabbed the lube. I watched as he dribbled some on his fingers and slid them into me, all at once. It was intense, but amazing and I grabbed my dick and starting slowly pumping it as he explored me.

Then he moved forward in a smooth motion, pushing me back and my legs out so his cock was sitting right at my hole, just teasing it with the head of his cock. "Are you ready to get fucked?"

It all happened so fast that I hadn't even thought about the fact that I had never done this before. But because it all happened so fast, I realized, I just wanted him in me. I wanted to feel his length inside, so I reached down and grabbed his cock and began pulling it in. He realized that was a 'yes' so he joined me. Slowly, gently he began to push so it was like he was hardly moving, but soon I realized he was all the way inside me. It almost hurt it was so intense. "You all right?"

"Just give me a second."

He leaned down and kissed me, exploring my mouth with his tongue, duelling with mine. He leaned back and ever so gently slid himself out and then back in, then he stopped. He leaned back and grabbed my cock which was still rigid and wet. He used his thumb to spread the juice flowing from it all over the head and it felt so amazing I didn't realize he had starting to slowly thrust into me, then back, then in, all the while jerking me. The feeling seemed to go beyond what I thought was possible and I shut my eyes to concentrate.

I felt like my whole body was involved, and as his speed increased and the movement on my cock got faster, I started to understand how this worked, how this almost overwhelming feeling was just that: almost. And I could ride it like a wave in a way I had never imagined. I pulled his head toward me and we kissed again, and I realized I had been hungry for this my whole adult life.

We seemed to be like this for ages and sweat lay shiny on Gord's forehead and dripped on to my face as he worked. His breathing was getting a little ragged and I was almost at the point where the wave I was on might soon crash into pain. I was moaning, but not just in pleasure. He seemed to get it. "I'm going to pull out of you." He did, and instead of letting me just lie there, he lifted up my legs and body so that my cock was pointing down and I understood. I began to jerk myself off. He bent me over so my cock was closer to my face and I was like a man possessed and in a just a few moments I exploded and cum burst out and onto my face, and in my mouth. It was even more intense than what had happened before. When I was done, he let me go, but then straddled my face which was wet with my juices, and he jerked himself until he was blasting into my open mouth. I was almost delirious. All I could taste was cum and all I could do was swallow.

He collapsed beside me, catching his breath.

"Holy fuck you are a hungry boy."

I laughed. I didn't know what else to do. "I guess I am."

He leaned over and kissed me, then licked my face a little, sampling what we both tasted like mixed together. "Nice."

I caught my breath. "That was unbelievable. Thank you. I wasn't sure I could be fucked at all, but I guess I can."

"You certainly can. I hope it didn't hurt."

"Just a little at the end, but you seemed to...I don't know...get it?"

"We've all been there. The first few times can be a bit much."

"Well, thanks anyway. For all this." I stopped, afraid to go on. Again he seemed to understand. "You want to sleep here tonight?"

"Can I?"

"Of course. You're always welcome. We're family, after all. I mean, at least for now." Then he chuckled. "And after what we just did, I guess we moved beyond all that." He kissed me again, a moist, gentle kiss. "You are so sexy and you don't even know it. That's why you're so sexy."

I wasn't sure what to say, and part of me was still wondering about the mess in the rest of my life. But I didn't want to think about all that. It could wait. We lay for a while just breathing. Finally we got up and we had a shower together, which was really nice. Dinner out at a local place, then back to his condo for a quiet night. No more sex, just the feel of a nice guy next to me in bed. It's what I'd been craving for so long. First Tom, then Harry, and now Gord. This is what made all the other stuff worth it, I realized. I slept really well that night.

I woke the next morning feeling clearer than I had for a while and, in the sun the poured through the big windows of Gord's amazing condo, I sat naked in a big chair with my phone and started looking for somewhere to live. I hadn't done that in...decades. I was scared but at least everything felt clear. I felt clear about having to end my marriage, and now I felt clear that there was a path ahead of me that made sense.

I sent a bunch of emails about prospective apartments, and then I began texting: Hi Harry. It's Rick. I wondered if you wanted to have dinner soon?

I put my phone down and just sat and basked in the warmth of the sun streaming over my naked body as if I had never felt sun before.