Legal Note: Plese don't read this if you are under the age of 18 years or the particular age of permission where ever you live.The story below is in all parts fictional. All portayal of the Backstreet Boys and other persons mentioned is in no way based on fact. All other characters are completely fictional. All names, songs, events, and other liscensed material remains so. Thank you.
To my readers: Hope you enjoy the newest and most dramatic additions yet to my story. They're a change of pace in comparison to the preceeding parts. Still no sex, and thanks to Mike for advice on that. Also, thanks to AD, for words of encouragement, and also Matt and a guy who replies to every story he reads but is encouraging anyway, my most dedicated readers. Always, comments, criticisms, and plot suggestions are welcome to bsbwriter@altavista.net. Enjoy!
C'iao, EG
Part 6
I slept hard and long, with no dreams. At about nine, I woke up. Zach was gone,but there was a note on his pillow. I dragged myself out of my bed, wrapping the sheet around me. I picked up the note. It said: `Adam-went for a jog. Be back at 10.-Zach.' He must have just left. Too bad. I couldn't wait much longer to tell him about my wonderful night.
I let the sheet drop and stepped into the shower. Sleep still in my eyes, I crumpled into the corner of the stall, washed my hair, and turned off the water.
Exiting the shower, I shook my head to dry my hair a bit and wrapped a towel around my hips. I opened my suitcase and picked my outfit-a brick red form- fitting short sleeve knit shirt and charcoal gray slacks. I put a little gel into my hair, ran my hands through it, and was good to go. I packed my back-pack, planning to go to the Museum of Natural Science and the Metropolitan Museum of Art after breakfast. It was only 9:40, but I decided to go down anyway.
I found the banquet room pretty easily and was about to turn the knob when I heard voices inside. Oh, I thought, guess the guys got here early too-but then I heard Nick's voice, sounding concerned.
"What is it, Kev?" he said.
"I have something important to tell you. This is really hard for me to say," Kevin sighed.
"Just tell us, please," Brian said.
"Okay guys, just promise me you won't tell anyone, and promise me that you'll still be my friends."
There was a general agreement of the others. I leaned closely on the wall, careful not to make a sound.
"I-I read this letter, and it got me thinking about some of my feelings. Through it,I've finally been able to admit what I've known since I was 13--I'm gay," Kevin ended. I cracked the door open, to see the familiar blue envelope being held up in the air.
"So?" Brian asked.
"So what?" Kevin said.
"So what if you're gay? It doesn't change how we feel about you," Brian finished.
But Nick was mad, "What? It changes how I feel about you, `bro,'" he said bitterly.
"Why?" Kevin asked, confused.
"Because you're a fraud. You play to the camera, and all of our fans-but its a lie. You're just a fucking fag!" Nick yelled.
"Why is it any different than anything else? Its all acting-ALL ACTING!" Kevin yelled back.
"We still support you, Kev," said Howie. Wow, I really picked my moments.
"That means a lot to me-but I don't understand why Nick's acting this way. Should I go after him?" I heard a door slam-Nick must've left.
"Wait until he calms down. Maybe he'll change his mind," AJ comforted.
"So what was in this letter, cuz?" Brian asked.
"It's from a fan, a male fan, and about his feelings for me. I want to find him. I want to know who he is."
"Kev, do you realize how dangerous that could be to your career?" Brian questioned.
"Yeah-I do. Believe me, I spent a lot of time thinking this over. But can't we just hire someone to find him? Its really important to me."
"We'll talk to management later. For now, let's just have breakfast. That kid Adam is supposed to be joining us. So everybody act normal, and we'll talk about it this afternoon," AJ reasoned.
The guys murmured in agreement and I waited a few minutes, until 10, to make my entrance. When I did, the guys wore forced smiles, though I know it wasn't because they disliked me. It had been Kevin's news, which I would let him tell me in his own time. Until then, there was no way I could bring up that I was the author of the letter, without confessing my eavesdropping.
Breakfast, for me, not much for food in the morning, and with even less appetite due to the drama of Kevin's profession and Nick's reaction, was a halved grapefruit. It was the same for Kevin. I tried to smile and talk and get him to feel better, but to no avail. I asked with naiveté in my voice, about Nick's absence. Howie said he wasn't feeling well.
Breakfast was so monotone and sullen that I invited the boys to the museum with me. Howie and AJ accepted, but Kevin and Brian abstained. I said, "Perhaps another time," and they nodded. The meal was soon over, and I, having forgotten my back-pack, had to go back upstairs. Kevin followed me to the elevator.
"Do you truly want to be my friend?" Kevin asked. I could tell he was near tears.
"Absolutely," I answered, with wide, sincere eyes.
"Then please, stay and talk to me. I need a friend apart from the band.Desperately." He wrinkled his brow and waited for my answer.
"Okay. Let me just tell Howie and AJ-I'm sure they won't mind."
"Meet me in 508, okay, in fifteen minutes?"
"Okay, see you then," I whispered-for no reason.
I went up to my and Zach's room, to find him in the shower. "Hey!" I yelled into the bathroom.
"Hi!" Zach yelled back. "Where've you been mister `I'm gonna go to bed early?'"
I wandered into the bathroom, steam hitting me in the face. I sat on the edge of the toilet. "So you'd never guess who I met in Chelsea last night..."
"Who?"
"None other than Kevin Richardson."
By now, Zach knew all of their names. "No kidding? What happened?"
"They're staying here and-"
"Really? I couldn't tell that at all looking at the hundreds screaming pre-teen girls outside."
"Oh-shh. I didn't notice them-I went in the back entrance last night."
"And?"
"We hung out. He introduced me to the other guys. They were all really nice. I ate breakfast with them this morning-which reminds me. Do you happen to remember mailing a small blue envelope off of my desk to one Kevin Richardson, adding an address and a stamp?"
"Maybe-why?"
"Because it was me professing my love to Kevin. Its caused major problems within the band."
"Stop being so egocentric-how do you know?"
"I eavesdropped. Kevin decided to own up to his non-straight feelings to the band as a result of the letter. I signed it only with an "A," but Kevin is determined to find the writer. I would tell him, but Nick Carter flipped out when Kevin came out. I want to wait until that's settled so Kevin only has to deal with one thing at once."
"Sounds complicated-are you okay?"
"I guess. Its just frustrating, selfishly so, but frustrating anyway."
"So what are you doing today?"
"I'm talking it all out with Kevin."
"Okay. Jenna and I are hanging out at the Guggenheim. Probably, we'll go to a show later. Call if you want to come, okay?"
"Okay-what happened to Leslie?"
"Actually, she's back-packing through Europe with her flavor of the month."
"Really?"
"Yeah, but dinner with only Jenna last night was unusually low-key as a result-it was nice."
"Hey-can Howie and AJ go to the museum with you?"
"Definitely."
"Okay-go down to the lobby and introduce yourself, they'll know who you are. I have to go, but have fun, and call if you need anything.."
"Definitely, cool. Jenna will flip-but she'll be cool about it. Bye!"
I left the bathroom. I grabbed my back pack, and also my cell phone, which I put in my pocket and then left the suite. I went to the lobby and told Howie and AJ what was up. They agreed that it was a good idea to spend the day with Kevin. They told me that Brian would spend all day trying to reason with Nick, as his best friend. I went back up to room 508. I could hear crying on the other side.
Part 7
I knocked lightly. When the door was opened, I saw Kevin's beautiful turquoise eyes leaking at the edges. He was truly troubled. "Adam-" he said, "I really want to thank you for taking the time to help me." I nodded. "I know I don't know you very well yet-but I hope to." My heart flipped in my chest. "The guys in the group are my family-but they can't be my everything. If you feel up to it, I just need a friend, like I said before."
"Kevin-you don't know how long I've admired you-you are a truly strong person. I'd like nothing more to be your friend. Its not important to me that you're famous and on every magazine cover-but it is important to me that you are in fact a true and kind human being. I'm happy to help you however I can." I finished, saying it all in one breath. Parts of the was one I had thought before, recited in front of the mirror, and it came directly from my heart.
He led me into the suite and motioned for me to sit on the couch. He sat in a chair five feet away. "I need to tell you things that you have to understand must never leave the room. Any leaks could easily mean scandal and the end of the Backstreet Boys."
"Okay." I answered, never taking my eyes off him.
Kevin drew in a deep breath. "Okay-to start, I'm gay."
I wasn't shocked, but I racked my mind to at least register some sort of surprise. I was truly surprised that he was that forward. "Okay." I said, after a long pause.
"Are you comfortable with that?" he asked.
More than you know, Kev, I thought to myself. "I am. Actually, Kevin," I paused, "I'm gay too."
"Seriously?"
"Yeah."
"Wow. So you'll understand my situation, hopefully. There's two parts. They're both complicated. First-because of a fan's letter, I was able to admit my own homosexuality. I feel a deep gratitude to that person and I want to find them above all. Second-I told the guys this morning-and Nick flipped out. I don't understand why. That's why he wasn't at breakfast."
"Well, first of all, I think someone should talk to Nick. Maybe Brian?"
"Yeah. Brian thought he might today-but he's been having some problems of his own with a girl he met in Seattle, so I don't know if he's stable enough to really handle it."
"I don't know what to say. I don't understand Nick's reaction either-but at the same time I can't pretend to know all of your guys' social dynamics."
"Well, Nicky's been acting weird since our gig in Ft. Lauderdale a few weeks ago. I don't know what's gotten into him-he's been real distant. Last night when you saw him was the most normal I've seen him in weeks."
"Well, maybe I can talk my friend Zach. He's planning on studying psychology in college next year, and he's really good with people. Maybe if Brian introduced him to Nick, Zach could figure out what's going on."
"Is Zach your quote friend or just your friend?" I noted a little curiosity.
"He's my best friend, but not that kind of friend. We've known each other since fifth grade."
"Okay, well, that sounds cool-maybe tonight?"
"Yeah-that's perfect." You're perfect too, Kevin, I thought.
It was about noon after we finished straightening out the details of that night. Kevin invited me to go to lunch, since we were both hungry and neither of us had eaten that morning. I suggested Figaro, and Kevin said he'd give anything a try once. I hoped someday he would try me.
We got to the restaurant. Its daily transformation from cafe lunch rendezvous to sulky artists' coffee bar and back was in full swing. New Yorkers are careful not to loose their cool. So, when Kevin appeared, although many noticed, no one said a word. We even waited for ten minutes for a table. "Since we've got successful," Kevin joked, "I don't remember ever having to wait for anything. Its kind of a return to normalcy-its nice." I smiled back and we were shown to our seats.
As we sat down, Kevin said, "Try not to fall out of your chair this time, okey-dokey?"
I groaned and rolled my eyes. No chance of that-everything I wanted to see was right in front of me. Now that the main crisis had at least a plan for alleviation, I had more time to think about my feelings. Ignoring Kevin's beautiful square jaw and perfect lips was all I could do to keep from loosing it.
We both ordered-me field greens and a cranberry juice, (my favorite meal-not very manly though, huh?) and him a veggie burger and a coke, (he's the All American one, correct?). We talked, and Kevin wanted to know all about me. I told him about my home life-my parents, Zach, my job, normal stuff like that. Then he asked THE question of the hour.
"Adam-how'd you tell your folks?"
I forced into admitting how much of a coward I was. I hadn't told them. "It never came up. They're away a lot, so..."
"Excuses, excuses."
"Well have you told your parents yet?"
"Um...no. I've been so busy. I haven't really gotten the chance..."
I looked straight into those sexy eyes- "Are you going to?"
"To tell you the truth-I haven't decided."
"That's okay, you know, Kevin. You don't have to make all of your choices this minute, especially regarding your sexual feelings. It takes a lot of guys a while just to tell the `rents that they have a girlfriend. With homosexuality still as novel and unaccepted as it is, it'll be hard, but when you're ready, if they love you, it will have been worth it to your relationship with them."
"Your sure are wise for a guy who hasn't said anything to his parents yet-do you plan to?"
"Maybe. After I find someone to be with. I just want to, you know, this may sound corny, make sure all systems in the department are go, before I tell anyone-but Zach, and now, well-you."
The food came and we ate, talking about mostly superficial things. He talked about his schedule-they would be in New York until Monday on a break, except for the concert, after which, they would do some dates on the Eastern Shore and New England, as well as some PR in D.C., my home city.
I was nervous about how my feelings about Kevin were growing stronger, and how Nick's talk with Zach would work out. Kevin and I headed back to the hotel to talk about his second problem. We had reached his door when I still hadn't decided whether to tell him about my connection to the letter.
to be continued....