I shall never forget my sexual awakening, not that I really understood what it was at the time. Needing to use the toilet at school one afternoon I ducked into the boys changing room. Having finished at the urinal I went to wash my hands at a row of basins which faced the open communal showers. Like a sledgehammer the sight of two older boys in the shower assaulted my senses.
I was a skinny and na've ten year old and facing me were two boys of thirteen years with defined lean muscles, big black bushes of pubic hair and thick, heavy looking dicks. In my immature mind I had no concept of sexuality or lust. I hadn't even heard of puberty and yet here before me was something I wanted, something I struggled to take my eyes off something that created such a yearning inside of my soul.
The passage of time is unrelenting but those transitional years from child to teenager often seem to last forever. Puberty wasn't kind to me at first when, aged twelve my face looked like the surface of the moon. The occasional hair started to grow but for me, puberty was a painfully slow process and one which dragged my already poor level of confidence into the gutter. Other boys' voices broke. They got bigger, broader and manlier. I was still thin and gangly and on the phone callers would think I was my mother.
My awkwardness and lack of sporting prowess soon made me the target of bullies. Perhaps I escaped lightly in that it was never physical but I was certainly the misfit, physically and emotionally immature. I felt like I was watching teenage life as an out of body experience, a dream-like state where nothing really quite made sense to me and yet it clearly made sense to all those around me.
Now aged fourteen I would sit in class and mentally build a barrier around me just wishing to get through the day unnoticed and safe from painful comments. As I sat there I'd often find my eyes being drawn to the physiques of the other boys. Those feelings from that first moment in the showers still hadn't gone away although naively I still waited for the day when I'd suddenly have those sorts of feelings for girls.
School was my personal hell but in this hell was Martin. He was clearly part of the socially acceptable crowd, tall, athletic but never mean or menacing. I felt utterly drawn to him and found it quite amazing when he spoke to me with warmth and confidence in a way that no one else would.
As my body aged its way past my sixteenth birthday my voice finally broke and my features became less childlike and feminine. I'd become a tall, slender but toned young man with a boyish but attractive face. A new batch of students joined the school that September and to some extent I was able to reinvent myself with a little more confidence and was able to build a small circle of friends. Finally the desperate loneliness of living a life on the outside looking in was starting to subside. That said I was becoming increasingly concerned that my eyes only seemed to respond to the ever increasingly handsome sights of the males around school and I was starting to wonder if there was something wrong with me. Martin had by now grown into a man of over six feet tall with a broad shouldered physique and handsome face and our seedling friendship seemed to be growing slowly as we shared classes together.
He brought out the best in me. When I was with him I became accepted into the high social strata of the school and my confidence grew. By the time my final year at school rolled around he had proven himself a true friend and I was becoming aware that I had fallen in love with him. I would often lie in bed at night, eyes closed and gently stroking my erection trying to imagine the girls at school but stubbornly my brain would substitute the images of girls for Martin and the brief glimpses I'd caught over the years of his thick cock swinging from side to side as he'd walk around the changing room after sports, images which to this day seem to be burned into my mind. It usually would only be a matter of minutes before I'd feel my balls rise up and toes curl as I'd climax breathlessly in my bed.
I didn't know what to do. I didn't really want to think about it. Was I ever going to have those feelings for girls? I was quite sure that all it would take would be to have a girlfriend and those natural and normal feelings would doubtlessly fill my mind and heart. That is what God would want surely.
There was one girl, Sara, Norwegian by birth, bright, witty, charming and certainly attractive. I didn't have a clue about how to even embark on this venture. She and I were already friends and I just couldn't see how to bridge that gap. Needless to say it wasn't long before rumour spread that she and Martin were dating.
My heart actually ached.
At this stage the summer term was drawing to a close and life at school would soon evolve into life at university.
Over the course of the summer Martin became my best friend. He and Sara had very much become an item and it wasn't long before they lost their collective virginity with each other. I'd accepted that this was how things were to be and my friendship with Martin was something too good to let go. Besides, I remained sure that soon I'd meet the right girl.
It was a very hot summer that year. Every day was spent on the beach, Martin seemingly always with me. I'd sit on the sand with Sara whilst he'd run around the beach playing sports showing off his fine topless physique and muscled hairy legs. Every night I'd be lying in my bed tugging furiously on my meat shooting big loads across my tight teenage abs and chest with my mind filled of mental images of Martin. This was hopeless.
Summer gave way to autumn and Martin and I went off to our separate universities. As it turned out my university was close to members of his family so on alternate weekends he'd drive the two hours up to visit and would often end up sleeping on the floor of my bedroom. On the one hand I'd have the joy of his masculine body sleeping at the foot of my bed, on the other, the pain of a night spent wide awake with a rock hard eight inch erection dying to be taken care of.
After a few months it was as if we swapped roles. Sara and Martins relationship turned sour and eventually after a somewhat bitter month they broke things off. Meanwhile I'd met Jinny, a girl on my course who amazingly seemed attracted to me. I was rather slow on the uptake purely out of being utterly unaware of why I was receiving weekly mix-tapes of love songs from this girl.
Eventually one evening I was in her room studying when she suddenly took her top off and sat on my lap facing me. I was caught like a deer in the headlights not knowing what to do. She started kissing. I kissed back more out of not wishing to come across as rude. She grabbed my hands and held them to her breasts. What the hell was going on? I was quite literally frozen with shock but knew that this was it. I must go with the flow and let Jinny make a man of me.
It wasn't long before we were both naked on her bed with our hands exploring each others bodies. I wasn't repulsed by her female form but I wasn't particularly turned on either, something which had an unfortunate side effect and which Jinny was determined to do something about. Suddenly my flaccid cock was in her mouth receiving its first ever blowjob. The sensation was incredible and quite different from years of masturbation. It didn't take long for my cock to respond, growing to its full eight inches. This took Jinny by surprise as she informed me I was the biggest she'd had. This being in the days before the internet I was utterly unaware of how I might measure up when aroused as I'd always believed that when flaccid I was quite small. Soon Jinny had unrolled a condom down the length of my shaft and was crouched over me, guiding my cock inside her. I was fucking a girl! Finally.
It felt good, not amazing but good. Years of my own hands knowing exactly how to bring myself to climax meant this sensation was struggling to live up to that but it was certainly enjoyable. Surprisingly it didn't take Jinny long to cum. I felt her hot vagina spasm and contract around my dick as her breathing became erratic and she cried out. I was nowhere near ready to cum so I kept going. The nice feelings continued but it certainly wasn't going to get me to the top of the hill. Jinny had a second orgasm and I decided enough was enough. Still, I had done it. I was a man now and surely my mind would stop drifting off into a world of being on my knees servicing the cocks of hot guys.
Over the course of the next two weeks we fucked at every opportunity. This hot twenty five year old Asian girl was insatiable. She seemingly couldn't get enough of me. For my part the feelings weren't especially mutual. I really liked Jinny but I was starting to realise that the sex was only emotionally fulfilling one of us. There was only one of us enjoying endless orgasms and it wasn't me. One of us was falling in love and it wasn't me. This wasn't right anymore.
I wanted to see Martin.
It wasn't long before Martin made a trip up to see his brother and we met up at a nearby pub. After a few beers my guard started to slip it was time to tell him that I was struggling to work out what was going on with Jinny. Time to confess that I had no sexual feelings for her.
Much to my utter shock Martin suddenly blurted out 'do you think the problem might be because you're gay?"
"No, that's not it at all." I fired back instantly.
My mind was racing I could feel the blood in my cheeks and the back of my neck burning with anxiety. Yet he didn't seem to care. He'd made his statement in such a matter-of-fact way. I was terrified. Would my coming out be the end of the best friendship I'd ever had?
"Look, I don't know why you're feeling the way you do about Jinny, but if it's because you're gay, I don't mind," he said, as if reading my mind.
Tears welled up in my eyes. I lost all control of my sensibilities and sobbed uncontrollably into his shoulder. All I could say was "I'm so sorry, I need to get out of here, leave me alone."
Martin grabbed me with both arms and hugged me. "I'd guessed a long time ago but was never sure," he said. "I don't care, you're my friend."
We quickly left and walked back to my room in the university halls of residence where we sat on my bed and he kept his arm around me. I was physically shaking as he assured me that he wouldn't tell a soul. My best friend had just become the saviour of my sanity. He even offered to spend the night with me but I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable so I sent him on his way feeling like the most enormous weight had finally been lifted off my shoulders.
The weeks that followed were a strange period. Martin phoned me every day to make sure I was okay. I told Jinny that I just wasn't ready for the way our fledgling relationship was going and that I couldn't be the boyfriend she wanted. I swear I saw a flicker of realisation flash in her eyes. No further words needed to be said.
Several weeks later Martin returned for a weekend and was insistent that we were going to go out to the pub and have a proper catch up and that he'd stay over so he wouldn't have to drive. It felt quite different to be around him now. He seemed much more relaxed with me than ever before. We had a bit of banter and he started asking me if I was going to start looking for a boyfriend. It felt surreal to be having this conversation. He explained how although he is straight he still found the idea of seeing another cock made him horny.
Several pints of beer later we made our way back to my room and for some reason I didn't bother to get the sleeping bag out of my cupboard to put on the floor for him and I just stripped to my boxers and climbed into bed. Sure enough he quickly stripped down and slid into my single bed next to me.
"Damn it, why do I always get an erection as soon as I get into bed!" he exclaimed.
"I think it's quite normal," I replied, wondering what the hell was going on.
The lights were off but my room was lit by the street lamp outside. I could clearly see that he was stroking his dick under the sheets.
"So, are you hard then?" he said moving his free hand on my cock and giving it a squeeze.
I let out a nervous laugh, "getting there." I replied.
Needless to say this turn of events had my cock rock hard within an instant. I rolled on my side facing towards him. I reached out my hand under the covers and soon felt his hand around his rock solid dick. He removed his hand and I wrapped my fingers around his hot heavy meat and I quickly felt his hand wrapping around mine. I couldn't believe what was happening. His dick just felt so good, so hard and burning hot in my hand.
"Wow, you've got a nice dick." He said.
"You too." I mumbled back.
His dick wasn't quite a long as mine but perhaps a bit thicker. Certainly seven inches and incredibly hard, honestly almost like steel.
We lay there wanking each other slowly for a few minutes before I decided that it was time to do what I'd dreamed of for so many years.
"Sorry, but I've just got to do this." I said as I scooted down the bed.
I threw back the covers to reveal his beautiful cock in the orange glow of my room and ran my tongue around its shiny head. Then I licked his big heavy balls before lowering my mouth over his shaft. He really was a wide boy and I struggled to open my mouth wide enough. The smell was strong but horny, not at all unpleasant. My heart raced with joy as I lay there, sucking off my best friend.
After a few minutes he said "turn around, let's 69. I don't want you having all the fun."
I did as he asked and soon I felt his hot, soft wet mouth around my cock as I resumed sucking him. Wow he was a natural. The feeling was incredible and I soon realised that I really wasn't going to last long. I wasn't sure if he'd actually be okay with me shooting a load in his mouth.
As I got closer my breathing became louder and so did his. I started wanking his cock furiously and he moaned and sighed. I think he realised I was close and also started wanking my wet cock, covered in his salvia and my precum.
The point of no return arrived quickly as I felt my orgasm build from the root of my penis and through my balls. At the same time Martin was thrusting his hips into my hands to meet my strokes of his throbbing mushroom head. We ejaculated simultaneously. I watched with fascination as thick ropes of white cum shot out of his cock and straight up his abs and over his bulging pecs. Due to me lying on my side most of my cum also seemed to end up on his face, neck and chest.
I quickly rubbed him down with a towel before he leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on my lips.
"Thank you." He said. "Sara never made me cum that hard."
We lay there quietly, spooning with my arms wrapped around him until his breathing slowed and I knew he was asleep. I nuzzled his neck and drifted off too.