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A Stepbrother's Desire - Josh and Tyson 40
I was lying on my side, with Ty spooning against me. I was inside him, giving a slow and gentle fuck. His eyes were shut tight and I could tell he was trying to cry out but this was a "midnight run" so absolute quiet was essential. I, myself, wanted to cry out as well. This slow, intimate fuck was incredible. And when I picked up the pace just a little, he pulled off me and turned and got on his knees and shot all over me. He shot a good load and even though I had hoped to finish inside him, I was so turned on that I came on myself. He laughed quietly.
"What?" I asked.
"Leaving my mark on my man!" he said.
"Haha," I sneered. He jumped up and got a hand towel to clean me up with. After we had wiped all of it up, he tumbled down beside me and fiddled with my nipple.
"Josh, am I enough of a challenge for you still? I mean having done everything in the book sexually and having come out to the parents, like, do you think the intensity is the same?" he asked.
"Where is this coming from?" I asked. I was annoyed because it wasn't the conversation I wanted to have. I mean, if this was leading to more drama then count me out.
"I keep thinking about Bryce and, well, even though you were dealing with something we both wanted fixing, you had sex with him. I mean, full on sex. I don't know. I just keep thinking about it. I don't want us to get so bored since we don't have many secrets left and we fizzle. Know what I'm saying?"
"I don't think fizzle is something I'm worried about. We don't have a "normal" other than keep fucking behind closed doors. That is true but Bryce doesn't play into it. That was totally unscripted. What bothers you about it? Are you jealous of him?"
"No! Absolutely not. Well, maybe a little. He's a big strong guy, a little naive, with a lot to learn. He would be a new challenge, wouldn't he?"
"Ty, oh my God, you are going to a place you don't need to go. I am not about to take up with him and leave you. I would rather be alone than to try with someone else. Don't you feel like, no one could take our places? We're it for each other?"
"Yeah I do feel like that. I don't know why I have it in my head."
"Well get it out of your head because this is what he told me and I liked it. Bryce said that the circle has a "pact."
"A pact?"
"Yeah, a pact that says they are in it to make sure we go all the way. Ty, they think that we should stick it out and they want to protect us to see that we do. I was shit brained when Bryce told me that. They want to see us go all the way, like YEARS all the way. `Why couldn't we' is my only question. Am I being stupid to think that far down the road?"
"You're asking a whole fucking lot to think I could put up with you for years!"
"I'm gonna knock you out!"
"Yeah, I like the way it sounds too," Ty said.
"But Ty, that means a lot of bumps in the road. People will get in the way. Events will happen. We can't stop any of that and live in a vacuum and we have to be prepared to take a beating to get through it. And that doesn't mean we get to cheat on each other every other week. But that doesn't mean we aren't going to have close calls and what not. And we need to be honest about the "threats. Nothing has stopped us yet, babe. Don't want to see anything stop us tomorrow. We live together and that means we are connected all the time. This isn't how normal guys our age get to live it. We're lucky!"
"You're right. I think you have talked me into our new challenge. We are much bigger now than worrying about parents finding out. We have to find a way to live another day, and another, and another," Ty said, beaming.
"Yeah, I think that's right. I like how we came to that conclusion, together."
"That has to be part of the recipe."
"Yep baby," I said.
"Now for the bad news," Ty said. I felt dismayed.
"I"m going back to my bed to sleep. I just can't stand getting up at 5:30 and barely getting back to sleep. I'm feeling sluggish lately."
"That is perfectly ok. Tonight was amazing and not just because you shot a load all over me. That talk makes me feel so inspired!"
"Me too," and with a very deep and passionate kiss, he left for his room. At least my bed was warm. He would be climbing into cold sheets. I laughed at the thought of it!
That was our night leading into Valentines Day which was Monday, on the heels of the weekend on the river. It seems that over the next month, our existence was less about events and more about discussions. Everyone had something on their mind leading into spring. Spring brought sports, warmer weather, and the downhill slide to the end of the school year.
The first conversation that came to light was Bryce, obviously. Oddly enough, he had some opinions about the group crashing his house. He said he didn't mind it in the end but it was rude.
"Dude, just like I told Ty. Events happen and that's the nature of being wild and crazy teens! People have been crashing for years. They do it in the movies all the time!"
"Yeah, you're right but I kind of feel like something was taken away from me. I don't want to dwell on it but..."
"So if left alone, Bryce, I intended to suck you off but not let you fuck me again. It would have been wrong to do that to Ty and I know you know that. The fact that Ty and them showed up, you got better than you would have. We officially had our first threesome and you got another piece of me and Ty is ok. We need to leave it there."
"Fuck, I didn't think about all that. They made me feel really special. They did that, man. My esteem is all over the charts right now."
"Maybe you can think more about "closing the deal" and finding some great moments for yourself, Bryce. I have to admit, I have never liked you all that much..."
"What the fuck!" Bryce yelled and I cracked up.
"But it was a special thing. I mean, yeah, you helped me overcome a terrible problem but there was a brief connection between you and me. You were kind of incredible even if I don't want to admit it. I don't ever want that memory clouded by further events. You get what I'm saying? Ty and I have decided, based on what you said about the pact, that our goal is to try and make it long term. Well, my goal is to keep you, to keep you all, as solid friends long term as well. I don't ever want there to be a day where Bryce and Josh have a problem. You know?"
"Totally Warner. I don't think two friends could ever want anything more. That is totally awesome," Bryce said.
"You need a tissue?" I asked.
That led to a punch to my right arm which led to a punch to Bryce's ribs which led to a head lock and some rolling around in the grass of my front yard. Ty came out and scolded us like a parent.
"You two look like children and the neighbors are all watching this! Get up and clean yourselves off!" he barked, storming back into the house. Bryce and I cracked up laughing.
Bryce and I resumed some "normal" while he and Lisa actually engaged in an official date. While he was tight lipped about it, she wasn't, well at least to me. She said he had really opened up to her and she felt like a real lady when she was with him. They were becoming quite solid.
Brett found me Monday at school and laid a surprise attack on me.
"How was your fishing trip?" he asked, casually in the hallway.
"It was good," I said hesitantly, not knowing how he knew about it.
"Oh I heard some guys talking about it this morning. Sounds like you caught some fish. Nice," he said. I nodded. "I guess Ginny was up in arms given she said she can barely get some time with you. No wonder!" he said, letting out a dumb laugh.
"Well, Brett, I'm sure that's something we can work out," and I was about to head off when he jumped in front of me.
"Hey Josh, I don't mean to be a pest but you're a really cool guy and I was just hoping that we could hang out sometime. I guess after that time I helped you when you were sick, maybe something clicked. Maybe not. Whatever," he said, waiting for my response.
"Look Brett, you were really kind that day and I appreciated the help. But I'm guessing you would have helped anyone you came across like that? Like, your efforts weren't just on my behalf, surely. You were super cool and I appreciated you not blabbing it all over the school. But, man, I do have a lot going on and with the end of the year coming, I have to focus. That's all, it's nothing personal," I said, trying to show some empathy. I wanted to say, "but dang, can you just leave it alone? I got my hands full!"
"Yeah, I get it. You might never know how much fun I can be. That's all I'm saying," he said, turning, and then walking away. Fuck, he is scary. And why me!
Ginny drove me home from school and we walked in the neighborhood park. I asked if she was getting enough of her last semester. I was only a week from starting my new job and was trying to get in time with my friends.
"Gin, we have sufficiently just about linked everyone up. I feel like you're kind of left out. What did you want your final semester?" I asked, as we walked through the park.
"You know what, Josh, when I think back on it, I might have had a whirlwind romance. I would have been a good catch for a guy as long he was aware I didn't intend to give it up quick or easy. But I think if someone had come along, like you, maybe preferring girls," and I laughed, "then it would have been a "go." As it stands, I'm ok. I've done great. I don't have anything to complain about. I have my acceptance," she said with a grin.
"Your what? Your acceptance?" I said with huge curiosity.
"Let me clarify. My acceptances!" she said, emphasizing the plural.
"Let me have it," I said, feeling so excited.
"Top three, Josh. All of my top three came in. William and Mary,, Davidson, and Duke. All three," and damn if she didn't start to cry. You know I don't always know how to handle people's emotions, any more than I can my own.
"Oh damn, Ginny. You picked three of the hardest schools and you got all three. Holy shit that's amazing!" I felt myself get choked up a little along with her.
"Well, I have a legacy at Duke because my mother and grandfather both went there so I figured it would be an option. Davidson and William and Mary were unknowns."
"Which is it going to be?" I asked.
"I don't know. I haven't decided. With schools like those, you need to know why you're going. Just to get a decent education isn't enough. You need to be prepared for their programs and know early on HOW they advance you to the next level. I don't know," she said.
"Is your mom going to pressure you about Duke?" I asked. Her mom was quite forceful when she wanted to be. .
"Nope, she said it was my choice. Go get what I want. Show her I'm her girl!" and fuck did the water works turn on! I put my arms around my amazing friend's shoulders and let her bawl it out. Ginny wasn't the first person to get emotional about things so I knew this was some important stuff to deal with.
"Don't know what I'll do without you, Josh. You have made this year one of the most interesting in all of history!" she said with a gasp and a laugh.
"I will get Ty and Tristan to build a hologram so I can be at your beck and call upon your command!" I offered. She laughed.
"You do that. Can I see some results by Easter?"
"You are your mother's girl. I have seen it many times when you're both in the same room. Your dad might be your rock but you fell off your mother's tree," I said quietly. She laughed again.
"My dad is going to love that analogy. I'm going to tell him you said that."
Ginny and I walked back to my house. My mom was on the porch putting some new planters out.
"Hey Mrs. Breck!" Ginny shouted. My mom waved and when she saw my face, she came down the sidewalk. I know she was curious.
"Hey Josh, what's wrong, honey?" she said with a giggle. "Did Ginny finally hand you your walking papers?" and we had to laugh. Ginny thought that was hilarious.
"No ma'am, it's not quite that, not yet," she said and they both cracked up.
"All three, mom. She got accepted to all three," I said.
"Huh?" mom said. Ginny explained to mom her top three choices and her acceptance letters. Mom threw her arms up and said, "come here girl!" and Ginny moved to her so mom could hug her.
"You have no idea how proud I am of you. I liked you the minute I met you and you are going to be amazing dear. Absolutely amazing!" mom said, squeezing her tight.
"Thank you, Mrs. Breck. I just told Josh I don't know how much better this year could have been despite some of the drama," and mom grinned. "But being so close to your family this year has been the best. I know there are months to go but you just can't imagine how much I'm gonna miss Josh, miss you all," Mom smiled.
"Oh I think I know. I'm not able to discuss the "missing Josh" concept just yet but I have an idea," mom said.
"I have to get home," Ginny said. "Traffic is going to be rough," Ginny said. I walked her back to her car and told her to drive safe. Mom walked me back to the porch and asked me to hang a couple of the planters that were going up high.
"She's as good as it gets, isn't she mom?" I asked. Mom nodded. "You got that right!"
So there were basketball games. The evening games were good fun. Jordan's team was running the court. We were all meeting as a group and having a good time. There was another Saturday game and Ricky came. Despite anything Ty or I had said to him, it was somewhat a repeat episode. He climbed in close to me and attempted to press himself against me every chance he could. I honestly thought about trading seats with someone but that would have been rude on multiple levels as well as unfair. Ty was not happy, I could tell. He didn't say anything to me but he and Tristan whispered to each other quite a bit.
In one instance, Jordan looked up at us and gave us a wink. He was sure to give Ricky a look so I knew Ricky had gotten on him about showing the love to Ty and Tristan. There came a point where I had to excuse myself to go to the restroom. It was quiet in the men's room and I was standing at the urinal when Ricky came in behind me. He took a place at the urinal beside me and bumped against me.
"Sorry, Josh," he said. I finished up and zipped up my pants. Just as I turned to go, he touched my arm and looked up at me.
"You don't have to go so fast, Josh. Stay with me," he said, in a quiet voice, as he urinated in the bowl. I was about to blow up but a voice behind me took care of it for me. I guess Ty was suspicious and he had followed Ricky to the restroom.
"Damn it Ricky! What are you doing?"
"Oh nothing," said Ricky, trying to sound like we had been caught in an innocent situation.
"We talked about this Ricky. You can't be trailing Josh all over the place!" and he came closer. Some other guys walked in behind him and all the conversation came to a halt. Ty shook his head at Ricky, who looked really embarrassed.
"Please don't Ricky. You know what I've been through. It's me and him," I said, nodding to Ty and Ty and I walked out together and there was fucking Brett coming toward us. I thought to myself, "holy shit where does all this end!"
"Hey guys. Inseparable as always!" he said, passing Ty and me and going into the bathroom, where we left Ricky.
"Oh good God!" exclaimed Ty. Ty turned and went into the restroom and returned, holding Ricky by the hand. I knew he didn't want Ricky saying something stupid to Brett as they had met and were both acquainted with me.
"Look Ricky, I'm sorry I snapped at you. It just didn't look right, that's all," Ty said to him.
"You know I love you and I love you have come so far but Josh and I, well you know. I need you to respect that, Ricky," Ty said.
"I know. I do. I'm sorry guys. I just can't help it. There aren't guys like you at my school and, um, I just get so, well, you know," he said, looking at the floor. "I think I'm gonna go sit with my mom and my aunt," he said.
"You don't have to," I said. "It's only two quarters left," I said.
"Yeah, I'll talk to you later," and he walked away quietly. I'm pretty sure we were watching the decline of a friendship. Someone once said to me that some relationships build fast on a need and only last as long as the need. Basically, some friendships only last one season. Ricky had pushed his new determination and I wasn't clear what he thought would happen. I wasn't sure if he was the sort of guy that would expect something in return for his "great save." Did he really just crush on me so hard that he couldn't help himself?
Ty figured that I was a strong, confident, straight acting guy and that Ricky was probably enamored by that image, especially having a cousin like Jordan Rose around to set the example. Jordan had been good to him so he probably was attracted to that persona. We both understood that Ricky had no experience and was really stumbling around and tripping over himself. Ty said that didn't excuse him making passes at his boyfriend. Ricky knew what was going on and should have respected that first.
In that next week, I had a great lunch date with student teacher Keith Burch. I had asked him if there was a day we could meet and said sure, for me to come up on Friday. That was an easy day for him and I was really looking forward to it. Ty gave me a squirrelly look and told me I had become a "teacher's pet." Ok, that was very funny because in all my years of school, I had never been a teacher's pet.
When Friday came, I grabbed my sandwiches from my locker and headed up to Keith's classroom. I brought peanut butter and jelly sandwiches and some chips. I pulled a chair up to his desk. He opened a container of heated chicken and rice.
"So Josh, there must be things going on. What's on your mind?" he asked.
"So much. First, I wanted to say that our first lunch was really cool and to thank you. Your advice was really good," I said, with a definitive head nod.
"I take it things worked themselves out," he said.
"Yep." I didn't go into detail because that was none of his business. "Went out to the country, did a little drinking and a little something else, did some fishing, and it was amazing how things just "popped up!" and he cracked up.
"I told you. Sounded like all drama had you jammed up. How was the fishing?" he asked.
"It was so cool. I caught two, almost three and in almost no time at all. They were really biting!"
"I told you I spent a summer at the ocean and we did some fishing. It was a slow story for us but I really enjoyed it. Haven't done it since then. Sounds like it was terrific."
"It really was. I thought for a second I could live out there and just do my thing."
"Everyone feels like that when they experience the romance and quiet of the country but it's a little too good to be true. We like our modern conveniences." I felt like that was probably true.
"So that's good news. What else is going on?"
I told him about the parents now that we are in the open. He wondered about the dynamic Ty and I have and how it works, I told him our "midnight runs" were still good and that we looked for opportunities to get out of the house. I brought him up to speed on the part time job Bill helped me get. He jumped right on the point.
"Is he `steering' you Josh? Finding ways to separate you and Ty?"
"That's a good question and I thought about that too. Honestly, there may be some small part to that but I think he is really thinking of my monetary situation knowing I'm heading to an expensive university."
"And that's fair. I can understand that. Is Ty going to work?"
"Well Ty is starting his tennis team and will be busy in the spring. His dad wants to be considerate of Ty playing a sport, I think."
"That's fair too. So, he's supportive. Things don't sound out of the ordinary."
I went on to talk about my university acceptance and what things will be like at college. He wanted to talk about how different college courses are designed and I needed to be responsible in managing school time and free time.
"Two basic points to consider, Josh. There are guys who make partying look very easy. What you won't know is which of them are partying because they made the sacrifice and got their work done, basically understanding the difference between "work hard and play hard." There are other guys who look like they know what they're doing but you will find out they didn't when they don't show up second semester, having flunked out." I focused on what he was saying.
"You need to decide which one of those guys you want to be." I leaned back in my chair, contemplating the notion of flunking out of school. Talk about running out into the night, it would easily be a "Josh is missing part 2!"
"Josh, I have no doubt that you understand what I'm saying. I hope I'm around to see how you develop at school. It's going to be an amazing experience."
"And what about Ty?" I asked, hoping he would have answers.
"Let's not ask those questions yet. There is a lot of time for you and Ty between now and then. Many things can happen in that time. You'll work it out as it comes."
"He and I have decided to shoot for the long term. We want to see if we can really take it all the way."
"That's a great goal. Problem solving is going to be very important. Want me to tell you about that?" he asked. I nodded in anticipation.
"Just some thoughts, Josh. There are big problems and small problems. First, if you shelve the big problem, hoping to put off conflict or confrontation, that problem will compound, and possibly get small problems attached. It will lead to a blow up that could have disastrous consequences. On the other other hand, if you allow a little problem to get out of hand, it can also lead to unfortunate circumstances because it could have been avoided.
The secret to it, Josh, is working with problems as they arise and understanding the level of problem you're working with and addressing it proportionately. You understand all that?"
"I believe so. We have had to do some of that already and I know first hand what it means to overkill a small problem and end up sleeping in a car."
"Bingo!" Keith snapped. "Never forget that. Never forget how crazy things got just because of misinterpretation."
Feeling both brave and comfortable, I ventured into a risky place. "Mind if I ask you one more question, I mean it's personal," I advised.
"Sure, I'll say what I can!" her retorted.
"So, when you were out on the coast, with your cousin, and really I'm not prying, did you two, um, well, did you think that you wanted it to go long term? Did you care that much? Sorry, I don't know how to ask it eloquently," I said with a laugh.
"The fact you used the word eloquently' Josh kind of turned me on," he said and we both cracked up. "But to answer your question, back then, where digital life such as it is now wasn't so prominent. We didn't have the same distractions you have today nor did we have the same access to information you have so for us, two days in a row was long term'. We didn't plan anything and we took it as it came. We argued and disagreed then we made up," and he looked out the window for a minute. I know what he was thinking, how great that `made up' was. "Live for today, Josh, and plan for tomorrow. If you love him that much, give it all you got. It won't be easy," and it looked like he was choking a little.
Finally, on Saturday before I would start work, with a sunny day to travel, Ty, Caleb, and I drove out to Chatham County to take care of multiple things. Caleb was riding out with us because he and Micah wanted to meet and Ty and I wanted to support them. Caleb was not sure anything serious would happen on their first visit but he was truly excited to meet Micah in person. Ty and I agreed not to interfere in the slightest bit. Ty wanted to explore the thrift stores out in the country and I was going to hang out with Diesel Gray, my old friend.
I was a little nervous about the day and was somewhat curt with Caleb but I apologized, explaining that this was a big deal' thing for me to out' myself to an old friend. He said he understood. For the most part the hour drive wasn't so bad. Ty handled the country roads leading us into town like a professional. We stopped at Micah's first and wow was he glad to see us. I swear he hugged me so tight it cost me a breath.
"Hey Josh, Ty, I am so happy to see you!" he said, with eyes bouncing back and forth. Caleb stood aside to let us get through the greetings.
"Hey Micah, this is Caleb, in real life," Ty said, pulling Caleb forward.
"Hey Caleb, I am so happy to meet you in person!" Micah said.
"Me too," Caleb said shyly.
"Let's take off, Ty. Ready?" I asked.
"Yep, be back later guys!" Ty said. "Just text me if you need me. I will be thrifting today!" and he and I headed back to the car. Micah ran after us and stopped me for a moment.
"Josh, I know what you're about to do and don't worry. Whatever happens happens and doesn't change anything about who you are. I'm not so brave yet but I'm behind you, you know that right?" he asked.
"Thanks Micah. Have fun with Caleb. He needs some new friends too," I said. He smiled and walked back to his house. Ty and I got in the car and buckled up. Ty asked me if I was ok and I said I was. "Your knee is bobbing up and down which tells me you are nervous as hell," Ty said. I laughed because I was a wreck. It was a short drive to Diesel's house but Ty stopped a long the way and pulled off the road.
"Ok, just let me say," he started, "You don't have to do this. If you get there and don't think it's right time or right place, just back away from it and hang like you used to do. You're not obligated," Ty said.
"Thanks Ty. I needed to hear that and you're right. It's all on me but it's my life, it's our life, and I can only hope he will take it not leave it." Ty leaned forward and gave me a wet, sloppy kiss that actually made me think we should hang out here and just fuck that afternoon away. I could so imagine him planted on this passenger seat with my cock throbbing inside him. But, that's not what we were here for. When he finished the amazing kiss, he pulled the car back onto the road and took me to Diesel's.
Ty dropped me at the house I recognized for so many years of my life. Little had changed. There was a big truck parked on the side and Diesel's F150 Ford was parked in the grass beside it. I left Ty with a quick "Later" and headed to the door. Diesel opened the door and met me on the porch. He gave a wave to Ty as he backed out of the drive.
"Diesel, man, it has been so long," and he gave me that brotherly hug. He gave me a once over.
I swear Joshua, you get better looking every time I see you!" he said, with a laugh. "Not!" he added.
"Fuck, its' been a long time since I been here. Time's moving fast man," I said.
"You said it," he popped open two beers and handed me one. "A little social drinking ain't gonna hurt you, is it?" he asked.
"Not today, it's not."
"So dude, sorry to bring up a sore subject but what the hell happened to you the other weekend? I mean, first there's Josh is missing', then there's we found Josh', then you're in the hospital having crashed in the snow? I have to tell you that my nerves were raw," he said calmly, taking a seat in a comfortable recliner you could tell was his usual seat. I sprawled on the big sectional, taking a big swig from my beer.
"Well, I'm going to tell you about that shit show, Diesel but that's not the only reason I'm here. I need to know what you're doing. I want to know how you're doing. What's going on?"
"School and then school. That's about it. You knew I was going out with Denise, right?" I nodded. "Well, we're taking a breather which is fine. She's going off to Tech in the Fall and has a lot of school work to do. I'm finishing school but taking the intro courses for my diesel certification. Since y'all so labeled me Diesel, I guess I'm going after my destiny!"
"I hope the instructors have their shit together because you might know some things they don't, having spent so much time with your dad."
"I'll probably have to bite my tongue and hope I don't bite it off. I don't want to go in like show off. You do that good enough for all of us," he said, raising his beer at me.
"Nice, Diesel, really nice. So glad you can still enjoy some target practice!" and he laughed.
"Speaking of, let me show you my catch!" and he hopped out of his chair in a fluid motion and led me to the back door. We walked the path down to the barn which brought back some memories. I got a pretty good blowjob back behind this barn back in October and soon thereafter, taught Micah how to kiss back here. I thought I would leave those details out of today's discussion!
He opened the door and a deer carcass was hanging from the rafters. I was startled to see it and I had images of deer crossing the road on a snowy night, which could have easily been as big as this one.
"7 points?" I asked.
"Yep, that's my standard. We're gonna start curing him this evening. You're welcome to hang around. You remember how the deer curing goes around here, don't you?" he asked, nodding in anticipation. Oh, it will be a party but the greatest attention will be given to this buck. Diesel and his dad will eat deer steaks like kings for a long time. "I want another one but can only handle one at a time. I don't have much help these days. Dad will be in this evening but will only be here for a couple of days," he said.
"That's cool. Congratulations. He's a real catch," I said, almost feeling nauseous looking at his expressionless face, hanging upside down. We walked back up to the house. I asked where he had done his recent hunting. He said he had used the Milburn farm not far up the road. They had a lot of land and had always been generous to let hunters wind down some of the deer population. Folks out here weren't really sport hunters. The deer served as a food source that was highly regarded. Some of the venison would be sold and cooked up for very needy people. My mom and I used to have deer sausage and eggs much of the winter from Diesel's hunts. I had never been much into hunting but I didn't mind eating it. I relayed my fishing experience to Diesel, getting to boast about my two big bluegills. His eyes widened with excitement.
"That's a nice catch for a short time in the river, dude. I'm impressed. Tell you the truth, Josh, I'm glad they haven't run all the `country boy' out of you!"
"You're not implying they have turned me into a city slicker, are you?" and I gave a burst of laughter.
"Josh, man, your use of the word `implies' implies you are nothing but anymore. But hey, I'm not being critical. When in Rome, isn't that what they say?" he asked, handing me a fresh beer. "I mean, just looking at you, Josh, you have changed a lot. From your styled hair and tight fitting clothes, even those snazzy boots you're wearing. You're not the same Josh Warner that left here last August that's for sure."
"Maybe it's something like that. It's the forces of evil that are influencing me!" I added, taking the edge off things.
"Yes! That's right. Damn city slickers!" he said, raising his freshly opened beer toward me in a cheer.. We went back into the living room and took our seats.
"Now, I want the details and don't sidetrack me again. What kind of shit caused you to flip out dude? You had me worried. Your mom was tight lipped with details and it was all I could do to get anything out of her."
"It was a thing I put them through, Diesel. I think it was a long time coming. They think I lost it at the last moment."
"What, did the city cause you to lose your shit?"
"Not the city per se," I said.
"Your vocabulary," he said, cracking up. "Next you'll be speaking with an english accent. Maybe you'll have a shooting jacket and some dogs, we can do some quail hunting!" he said, finding his humor to be on the cutting edge.
"If you're through taking pot shots at me, Grayson," I said, emphasizing his real name.
"Fuck man, things must be serious. Maybe I'm not ready for what's coming. Can you give it to me gently?" he asked.
I started from the beginning. "There was a boy that used to live across the street from us, a nice kid..."
"Cam something. Cameron. Cam Turner!" he said, remembering. "He was here. He was at a party last fall!" I nodded.
"Yes, that's him. Well it started one day when he showed up to school looking better than he had or maybe my power of observation had matured. In any case, I thought he was amazing and we had a secret afterschool friendship." I left that for a minute. Diesel Gray didn't move.
I went on to explain it became this and that, including some wrestling around the floor. Diesel's facial expression became impatient. I detailed how Cam moving away was a wake up call for me and that if football was going to be my thing, then silly notions like that had to be put aside. Diesel's expression softened.
"Thank God for that," he said quietly.
I explained that everything was status quo until we went to the city and met my new family. Feelings were reawakened when I met Tyson and things went from there. My telling of the story from this point on was high level. Attracted to him but kept my distance. Then he was bullied and I struck out at the perp because I was deeply, well, because I liked Ty so much. Then the bully struck back taking me down with the car. Obviously, Diesel knew some of this already, just didn't have the context. That one missing element was my feelings for Ty. His face became serious again.
"I know you're not about to tell me..."
"Shh, I said. You only get this once!" and I proceeded to tell him that once Ty and I expressed our feelings for each other, there was no turning back. The crutch of our existence had been secrecy and discretion. It mostly worked until one friend and then another friend found out. We were hugely supported so we kept going confidently. But, as all great things go, Mom came to the realization and confronted me. She gave me one task - tell the stepdad.
"Diesel, it worked my nerves so bad I'm surprised I didn't end up on nerve pills." He didn't say a word. I continued with the story of Bill and me in the garage removing cork boards and me finally admitting to him what had been going on between Ty and me.
"I haven't even processed that part that Josh Warner is a homosexual and shit you talk like fucking your stepbrother is no big deal! What the fuck!" he barked.
"Shut up and stop interrupting me. If your tone is any indication of your feelings, perhaps I should cut my losses and take off!"
"No, no, keep going. I can't wait to hear how this plays out," he said quietly.
I led off with the point where I took off in the car and walked through the more interesting points of being out there leading up to the car accident. I summarized that the parents are being cautious not to try and change things but are not protective to not give us run of the place. As long as things don't blow up, they are not interfering. I described how they brought the school principal in on the story. He laughed at this. And I described how Bill had engaged a part time job for me starting next week.
"So there's my story. It has a limited audience obviously but I thought you should know."
"Well that's some story," Diesel replied, looking toward the front window of the house.
"That's all you have to say? I mean, I know it's a lot. You ok?"
"Of course I'm ok. Why wouldn't I be?" and I breathed a sigh of relief.
"You didn't come here looking for advice though, did you? My opinion don't carry much weight," he said, causing me to tense up.
"Listen Diesel, it's not like I had much of a chance to fill you in on this. I didn't want to call you up and tell you all of this over the phone. I'm sorry it's late coming."
"I appreciate you can tell me about it but come on Josh, things have changed a lot. If this were a `hot off the press' kind of thing, I might be trying to figure out what you need from me but I sort of got the "Sunday Times, Living Section, page three' version."
"That's an interesting comparison. I may have to borrow that," I said, with a fake laugh.
"Glad you like it. The thing is this. With something like that, I would do my best as a friend and I can't promise it wouldn't have changed things because it probably would have. But in reality, things are already changed, I feel like I just heard a description of a crazy tv show. The fact that you're a homosexual, well thats one thing for me to accept. The fact that you're banging your step brother, well that's another. Your mom didn't make you go to counseling or some shit? I know she must be upside down!" he barked.
"No, no one is seeing a counselor and I believe my mom has done her best with it without turning `upside down'!"
"That was wrong of me to say. I'm sorry for that, Josh, but come on, you can't expect me to have a sensible response to such a story. I wasn't kidding earlier, well I was, but now I'm not. You are a different guy than the one who used to camp out over here all the time. If you had walked into my house, with bushy hair, a sweatshirt, and some baggy jeans, then I would at least feel I was looking at my old friend," and I interrupted him.
"Shouldn't matter what I look like. I should still be your old friend!" I remarked and I sounded defensive.
"An old friend wouldn't have such a long story for me to digest in such a short period of time. You have practically gone off the rails since moving away in August, Josh. There is no sign of the old Josh I used to know around here. And I hate for it to sound that way. Things around here haven't changed very much so, um, you've changed an awful lot and I don't know what to say without it coming out bad. Sorry, man. I can't add much to it."
I pulled out my phone and acted like I had just gotten a message. Oh I wish I had a car here but I was stranded. I texted Ty, .
"Ok, so before I start acting like a brat, let me sum it up for you, Diesel. I know things have changed and I didn't go looking for those changes. If my mom hadn't gotten involved with another man, I would be the same guy sitting here I used to be but I have changed and I can't apologize for that. I will tell you that up until my life got hauled out of this town and into the city, you were the best, no the finest friend a guy could have and it's that thought that made me come here today and tell you all of this. If I'm a day too late, then I get it. I am sorry for that."
Grayson got up from his seat. He was going to dismiss me. I could feel it coming. I could see it in his face.
"That's fair of you and I appreciate it," he said, extending his hand. I stood and reached out. He gave me a firm handshake, which at the moment was better than a straight cussing out but it was just a handshake and the message was received.
I walked towards the door. "Ty has to pick me up. I will just wait out in the yard," I said, exiting through the door. He followed me out.
I stopped on the front porch and was about to tell him he didn't need to wait with me when he said, "I'm an asshole and you know it. I have always been a redneck compared to you and even if we were in the best of places,.I might have needed months to come to terms with you being a homosexual."
"Gay, actually," I corrected. "Clinical terms are a put out," I said, with a little chuckle.
"It is what it is," he replied. "But in the present, I'm getting ready to move out with school and new life and you've already done that and are about to do it again. I can't spend much time on this so I hope you understand. You were the best friend I could have had `back then' too and well, we need to go off and do our thing."
"That's true."
"You keeping up with Micah?" he asked.
"Yeah, we catch up from time to time," I said, trying not to sound like we were all over him while ignoring Diesel.
"He might need that. I don't think he's too far from your wateringhole these days, if you know what I mean. Poor guy needs to get up out of here too."
"You're probably right," I said and we stood there on his porch and waited quietly until, thank God of God's, Ty came barrelling down the road. He pulled quickly into Diesel's gravel drive with a slight gravel skid.
"Well done," Diesel said.
"He's fearless," I replied and he gave a short laugh as I walked toward the car. I couldn't get in fast enough. My chest heaved a huge blast of air as Ty backed out. My face was burning red and I didn't know what to say. Ty reached over to me and gripped my thigh with his hand.
"Didn't go as planned?" he asked.
"I don't know what I had planned but I didn't see a dismissal coming. He said our situation was so changed, he really had no opinion." I looked up at Ty and he gave me a quick glance, focusing on the road. As we got closer to town, he stopped the car at a business that was closed on a Saturday afternoon. He got out and came over to my side of the car and opened the door. I got out.
"What are we doing?" I asked. He pressed against causing me to press against the car. He kissed me and while it was wonderful, I didn't understand the message. This wasn't necessarily the right time for this, was it?
"Josh, you have confronted a big piece of your past, maybe the last piece of your past. It's done. Whether he throws his arms around you or if he throws you out, you have been honest with him and that's as good as anyone should get. It's done. But we have something more important to deal with. Remember?" he asked, looking at me, his blond hair glowing in the sunlight. I wasn't sure what he was talking about so I stayed silent.
"Us dingbat!" he yelped. "It's OUR future we have to look out for, to plan for. This does not stop us or even slow us down. You and me, Josh, remember? It's you and me now," he said, as if pleading with me to remember.
"I know babe and I'm starting to get it. It's like changing out your bedroom from bunk beds with cartoons on the covers to a double bed with your favorite football team blazing across the comforter!" and I felt very pleased with my analogy.
"Yes, you just grew a step and the past is cleaned up now. Take it or leave it," he said, tightening his grip around me.
"Why are you so fucking amazing?" I asked.
"I have to be, for both of us!" he squealed. I pushed into his ribcage and he started to laugh. I pulled him back and jabbed his tummy and ribs and he was laughing so hard.
"You did good, Josh. Now let it go and let's go get Caleb."
So the ride home was filled with Caleb jittering away about everything he and Micah talked about. He was filled with energy. I was quiet because first, I didn't want to talk about my experience with Diesel, although we did tell him and Micah about it briefly. Second, I didn't want to detract from the great day he had, meeting a new friend. I think Caleb picked up on my stance and he offered one very good consideration.
Leaning forward from the backseat and placing his hand on my shoulder, he said, "It's all a matter of perspective. Grayson's response today was conditioned by feelings he has had about you being gone for so long. After he thinks about it for a while, he might change his tune and call you up one day. I don't know if he will, but he could. I'm just saying, he might have steered the problem back at you rather than facing his own feelings. Just give it some thought. That's all." I looked at Ty who looked at me, nodding his head.
"That's the Caleb I like so much," Ty said. I turned around and looked to the backseat at him.
"That was a fucking remarkable statement, Caleb. Thanks for that!" I said. "Not bad coming from a guy who a few weeks ago said he wished I would crash my car in another ditch," and I cracked up.
"Did you say that, Caleb?" Ty yelled, swerving the car a little.
"I"m sorry about that, Caleb responded quickly. "Talk about perspective, I was in a terrible place."
"Don't sweat it. I shouldn't have repeated it," I said. "Ty, he's ok. I pushed him hard that day. Still, Caleb, what you just said, or did, rather, well, that was nice. Thanks."
The parents were out for the evening which we were very glad for. To have the house to ourselves was perfect. We had decided to order Chinese delivery and just stay home together. We were late placing the order which didn't matter because one thing led to another and with the house empty except for us, Ty started in on me with serious, wet, intense kisses. He undressed me then undressed himself. He went down on my cock. His suction technique was thrilling. He pushed me onto my back, gently lifting me legs. He pushed his face into my ass. I felt his lips first as they sucked on my hole. Then I felt his tongue. He hadn't done this often so it felt like the first time. I threw my head back, feeling electricity coursing from my ass to my brain. He swirled his tongue around my hole then over it. I thought my eyes would water. He pushed a finger into me to warm me up. Oh, he was going for it, I could tell and, honestly, I was really hot for it. He lubed himself and pushed his hard cock down toward my hole. He entered me and didn't stop until he was in and I mean he was in, all the way!
"Fuck, Ty! I whimpered. "You wanna fuck me? Is that what you want?" I whimpered as well.
"Oh yeah, baby," and with a growl he added, "I've been in your ass before but I don't think I owned it. I need to make it mine, after tonight, it's always mine. Ok?" he finished in a whisper.
"Do it, Ty. I'm all yours!"