A SPY CAN BE IN LOVE by Andrej Koymasky (C) 2008 written on March 4, 1992 translated by the author English text kindly revised by Will Hawkins
USUAL DISCLAIMER
"A SPY CAN BE IN LOVE" is a gay story, with some parts containing graphic scenes of sex between males. So, if in your land, religion, family, opinion and so on this is not good for you, it will be better not to read this story. But if you really want, or because YOU don't care, or because you think you really want to read it, please be my welcomed guest.
CHAPTER 6 - A Desirable Target
Yuri was assigned a new target. He was twenty-nine years old, officially the Cultural AttachŽ to the Canadian Embassy. When Yuri saw his pictures and films, he held his breath - this was a truly a handsome man, with a bright smile, and intelligent and lively eyes. His name was Roger Bertheau.
The information from the KGB archives was that the young man had first worked at the Sofia then at the Prague Embassies where he had collaborated with the CIA. From the Prague assignment came a note suggesting that Bertheau could be homosexual and this fact was confirmed when he moved to Moscow.
Yuri studied Bertheau's technique in meeting the boys in which he was interested. He studied the dossier carefully and prepared himself with his usual care. Bertheau seemed interested in refined, cultivated and elegant boys; Yuri checked his wardrobe, put away some clothes and asked Ivan for an authorization to buy some new ones. Then the KGB got him a part-time job at the Belgrave Hotel Bar where Bertheau often went to find a boy to take to bed.
There Yuri saw Bertheau in person and waited on him several times. He could see even better how the man hooked up with the boys with whom he went away. The Canadian man started to recognise Yuri and to give him good tips, but did not yet try to go any further. One evening, as usual, Yuri went to Bertheau's table to get his order.
The young man said, "Ah, good evening. No much business tonight..."
"Yes, sir, it's a quiet evening - your usual bourbon, sir?"
"Yes, thank you. Do you always have the evening shift?"
"Yes, sir; I am a University student and I work only a few hours in the evening just to have some spending money. But I think they will only keep me here another week..."
"Ah, so you are leaving? I was getting used to you... So then I will not see you anymore..."
"That's right. Let me get you your bourbon, sir."
He came back with the liqueur glass. Bertheau paid and gave him the usual tip.
Yuri thanked him and said, "You are always generous, sir."
"I like being served by you... I will regret not seeing you here anymore. Why are you leaving?"
"They asked me to work full time, but unhappily I cannot, I also have to study."
"What are you taking at the University?"
"Agriculture, sir. You speak Russian very well, sir."
"I manage..."
"Are you here for work?"
"Yes on assignment for four months."
"And after your assignment, will you stay longer here in Moscow?"
"Possibly, for some years perhaps."
"Sorry, sir, but I have to go and serve other patrons..."
"Yes, you can go. But... what's your name?"
"Yuri Dudaev, sir."
"If you can, will you come back later for a little conversation?"
"I don't know if it will be possible. I don't think that the manager likes us stopping to talk too long with our patrons, sir."
Yuri noticed that all during this conversation, the Canadian looked at him carefully, as if to gauge him, to evaluate him. So, finally, he got the young man's attention. He also noticed that while he was moving about in the room and serving other patrons, the handsome Canadian followed him with his eyes.
Then Bertheau stood up, called him with a sign and asked, "What time do you usually get off work?"
"Around midnight, sir."
"Then tomorrow I will come later, so that when you leave we can exchange a few words without having your chief grouse. Would that be alright, Yuri?"
"Alright, sir. I am flattered."
"Good night, Yuri."
"And a good night to you, sir."
The following night Bertheau came around eleven thirty. He drank his usual bourbon, and then told Yuri he would wait for him downstairs, in the hotel lobby. As Yuri ended his shift, he took off his waiter's uniform, put on his street clothes and went down in the elevator. He saw Bertheau sitting in the lobby reading a book.
When the man saw the boy approaching he put away his book and smiled at him. "There you are. Listen, I have my car outside. Do you feel like a tour, and then later I can take you home?"
"As you wish, sir."
"You are no longer on duty, Yuri. My name is Roger. I really would like to talk with you... I still don't know anybody here in Moscow and you are a cultivated boy, you have a smart, lively appearance... who knows, perhaps we can become friends..."
"Are you, sir...?"
"Call me by my name, Yuri."
"Yes, alright. Are you alone, here in Moscow, Roger?"
"Yes."
"Is this your first time here?"
"Yes, my first time in the Soviet Union."
"Your Russian is really very good..."
"I studied it at the University."
"Are you from the United States?" Yuri asked, well knowing he was really a Canadian.
"No, I'm a Canadian of French stock, but of English culture."
"Therefore you can speak English, French and Russian."
"As well as German and Spanish. Did you study foreign languages?"
"Just some English, nothing else."
"What did you say you were studying at the University?"
"Agriculture. I am in my fourth year."
"Do you like it?"
"Rather. What is your work?"
"Office work."
"Commercial?"
"No. Cultural exchanges with the Soviet Union."
"Do you work for a magazine? A publishing house? Or a University?"
"No, for my government."
"Ah, so then you are a member of the diplomatic staff."
"One of the lower levels. Did you ever go abroad?"
"No, never. Not even out of Russia. It should be beautiful travelling, learning about different places and customs..."
"Yes, it is. You can learn about new people, uses, habits and traditions. There is a great deal to learn, travelling."
They went on talking while Roger was driving along Moscow boulevards. He finally took Yuri to his apartment.
"Yuri, it has been a real pleasure meeting you, talking with you. Can we meet again?"
"Certainly."
"Possibly, to have some more time to spend together and not to keep you up too late, we could meet before your shift, instead of after, if you are not too busy with University work."
"Tomorrow my last lesson ends at one p.m."
"I can come and wait for you at the University entrance. I would like to offer you lunch. Is it alright?"
"You are very kind, but I wouldn't..."
"No standing on ceremony, please. It would be my pleasure. At one o'clock in front of the University, then?"
"Let's say at fifteen past one, that would be better."
"I'll wait for you. Good night, Yuri."
"Good night, Roger, and thank you."
"For what?"
"For the offer of your friendship. You are the first foreigner I have met... I'm very curious, you know."
"We will have a lot of time to satisfy your curiosity. See you tomorrow."
Yuri went upstairs to his apartment. He really liked this young man and was feeling strongly attracted to him. When they shook hands, he felt a decided, warm, agreeable pressure. He would have liked to invite up to his apartment, but he thought it better to wait for Roger to take the first step.
The next day he saw him in front of the University, standing near his car. The sun was shining on his light brown hair, lighting it with golden flashes. They greeted each other with a smile, got into the car and Roger threaded his way through the traffic.
"Do you feel like going to a little restaurant close to Prospekt Mira? I discovered a small and agreeable place where they serve traditional Russian cooking, very tasty."
"Sure, it's alright. I normally have my meals at the University Cafeteria... it's not really that good, but I fix my supper at home."
"Do you cook your own meals?"
"At times I do, at times one of the roommates with whom I share the apartment cooks."
"Are they also University students?"
"Yes, we have lived together since our first year."
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"No, I've nobody at present."
They went to eat. Yuri was looking at Roger's blue-green eyes, the colour of aquamarine, and thought they were wonderful. Roger smiled at him often, but he still wasn't making any advances. They talked for a long time, and then the Canadian man proposed a stroll through Gorky Park. There, they went on the big Ferris wheel and Roger seemed to enjoy it like a little boy.
"It was great, up there, wasn't it?" the Canadian asked.
"Yes, Roger, really great. I feel as if I were back in my childhood going around like that and watching the people down on the ground become small like lead soldiers. At night it's magic coming here, because you can see all the city lights from above..."
"Yes, I know. I once came here at night, it makes you dream... It's good for the soul. In your dreams you can be what you want, you can get what you desire, and you can live the most fantastic of adventures."
"But then, when you wake up?"
"Everyday life. But if you are able to look carefully, everyday life can give you beautiful surprises, unexpected things... like having met you, Yuri."
"I'm just a student, just a boy."
"I too am just a clerk, Yuri, after all. But each of us is a universe to explore, to discover."
"I'm afraid there is very little to discover in me."
"Let be me the one to decide that... Let me explore."
"What do you hope to find?"
"Nothing. And yet I know that I will find a lot."
"What have you found, up to now?"
"A likeable, intelligent boy and very agreeable company; who makes me feel less lonely."
"After all, we are all somewhat lonely, aren't we?"
"But with you I feel a little less lonely. And if we get to know each other better, I think I will feel less and less lonely."
"Do you suffer very much from loneliness?"
"No, not too much. Normally I am happy with my own company. But a good companion makes life much more agreeable. Yes, much more agreeable..."
"Or a good girlfriend..." Yuri suggested, hoping to throw out a little bait.
"A girlfriend? It is difficult to become real friends with a woman. You never feel at the same level. Either she tries to dominate you, or wants to be dominated by you. Women's psyche is way too different from men's. I prefer a man for a friend... for a companion."
"Yes, I can understand that. Even though it is not easy to find a true friend, somebody who will accept you as you are, who doesn't love you for the image he projects on you but for who you really are. Too many times we call friend he who is just a companion for a short stretch of the road, who is just an acquaintance."
"Right. A true friend is somebody who does not have to wear a mask, and in front of whom you cannot, have not, don't want to wear a mask.
"Being totally transparent... Do you think it possible? And above all, do you think it wise?"
"Really rarely, but it is the only means to build a real, authentic relationship. Possibly the boundary between friendship and love resides exactly in that."
"Do you believe in true love?" Yuri asked.
"Of course, even though it is extremely rare - and very dangerous."
"Dangerous?"
"Sure. You see, the one who really loves holds the other's life more important than his own; therefore he risks his life if the other doesn't love him too. Because if the other doesn't love, he keeps his own life tight in his fist, thus the one who loves doesn't have any more life of his own. I don't know if I am being clear, this seems just a play on words. But if two people really love each other, each puts the other's life in the first place so both can live, and live well. Then a true union is formed, a real unity..."
"Isn't it just a utopia?"
"No, at times it happens. Very seldom, it's true, but it does happen. And when it happens it is a real miracle, something wonderful."
"Did it ever happen to you?" Yuri asked.
"Not yet. But I strongly believe it will happen, one day. Possibly when I least expect it."
They strolled in the park then stopped to sit on the grass. For a while both kept silent, looking around, watching at the children playing, at the couples walking arm in arm, at the old people enjoying the pale sun.
"Yuri?"
"Yes, Roger?"
"What's the most important thing in life, to you?"
"Doing well whatever you are doing."
"Good, but... in perspective?"
"In perspective... Being able to follow the stream, but without being controlled by it and holding the rudder firmly in your hand."
"You never feel tempted to sail upstream?"
"At times, yes... But I think its useless trying to go upstream if you don't have the strength and if you don't have a worthwhile goal to reach."
"What would be a worthwhile goal, for you?"
"I don't know yet. I hope to be able to spot it when the opportunity arises."
They resumed their walk, and then Roger accompanied Yuri to the Coffee Shop at the hotel. Now that he had hooked up with Roger, Yuri didn't really have any reason to work there, but not to give a lie to his story, he continued for the rest of the week.
He met Roger almost every day. Even though they had been meeting for two weeks, the man had not yet made any advances. Yuri discussed that with Ivan and Korobilo and told them he preferred to wait some more, until the Canadian made the first step. His superiors agreed, in spite of the fact that he still had gotten no results. Being patient at that stage could later lead to better results.
When the weekend came, Roger invited Yuri to take a trip out of Moscow. He proposed to go to Dubna. Yuri prepared some food for both of them. They drove to the shore of a small lake. Roger took a plaid blanket out of the car; spread it on the grass for them to sit on.
"I feel at peace, here..." Yuri said, enchanted by the place.
"Yes, it's beautiful. If the weather were a little warmer I would undress, lay down to sunbathe and to contemplate the sky..."
"As you used to do in Canada?"
"Yes, I used to go on the shores of a small lake near my home, a place where people rarely passed, spread a blanket on the grass, undress and sunbathe."
"Totally naked?"
"Are you shocked?" Roger asked with a smile.
"But... if people came?"
"If they were upset by my nudity, they could just stay away from me. If instead they appreciated nudity, they would pass nearby..."
"Weren't you bothered being looked at?"
"Being admired, never. In my opinion a healthy male nude is one of the greatest masterworks that nature can offer."
"I would feel deathly ashamed."
"You never allow anybody see you naked?"
"Well, in the showers at the gym, or by my roommates, but that's different."
"I think it's just a matter of habit. Anyway people very seldom passed that spot. Therefore practically nobody saw me. Unless I went there with a friend, then we both were naked."
"Yes, I could do it with a friend; then I wouldn't have any problem... provided that I could be sure that no stranger would come."
"Why care about strangers? You don't know them, they don't know you. When you are in your swim suit, everybody sees you almost naked, after all, and you don't feel ashamed, do you?"
"The difference is all in that 'almost'."
"In other words, you would be embarrassed to show your genitals. And yet, there is no reason to be ashamed of any part of our body. It is only the mores of civilization that makes us cover our genitals. Civilization and the so-called morals impose on us plenty of absurd restrictions. It fixes rules that seem to be made only to be infringed. Like the fact that two men can't make love with each other. Ancient Greeks loved and praised nudity, mainly of the male, and to them it was natural if two men loved each other."
Yuri wanted to give him rope, but he didn't find words that wouldn't sound banal, therefore kept silent.
Roger looked in his eyes, smiled and asked, "Did I scandalize you?"
"What? No. I think you could be right... But not everyone is beautiful and worth being admired like Greek statues."
"You possibly are... and a living body is surely much better than a marble statue. You would be a great model for a sculptor or a painter, judging from what I can guess you hide under those clothes. Would you pose for me if I were a sculptor?"
"Possibly yes."
"Even naked?"
"Even."
"Wouldn't you feel ashamed?"
"I don't think so. I feel that you could be a friend."
"I would like being allowed to admire you, Yuri, admire your body... your nakedness."
"Also your body would be beautiful, I think."
"It's a pity that today is so cool."
"Let's eat something, now."
"Okay."
Yuri had broken the thread of their conversation on purpose, because he was feeling oddly embarrassed. Instead of seizing the opportunity as he possibly should have, and push further that exchange of words, he withdrew. He almost couldn't recognise himself and asked himself what was happening to him.
They ate and spoke of different subjects. Then Roger took his camera and shot some picture of Yuri, slowly walking around him and so that Yuri smiled and laughed.
"You are so beautiful when you laugh, Yuri." he commented.
"But I want to shoot pictures of you too. So you can give them to me to remember this trip. Give me your camera, come on!"
So the boy shot several pictures of Roger, and then sat again on the blanket. Yuri lay down, his arm folded behind his head. Roger, who was seated near him, looked at him from head to toe.
"You really are such a beautiful boy, Yuri. And I like your name also; it has a nice sound... What are you thinking?"
"That I'm feeling so good here with you..."
"Me too, Yuri. There is a great peace here. This is the first time that you and I have been alone, not among other people. I thought I would say many things to you the first time we were alone, but now... I cannot."
"Many things? What did you want to tell me?"
"That... that I like you. That I am so very glad to have met you, and gotten to know you. That..."
"That?" Yuri encouraged him with a smile.
"I didn't think it would be so difficult... I usually don't have problems to... A sentence is turning inside my head, a sentence that won't come out, that I would so much like to tell you... but I'm not able. Oddly I'm not able. I don't know what's happening to me..."
"Just try..."
"I am afraid of your reaction."
"Afraid? Is it such a bad thing, then?"
"No... I don't think so. But you could... you could not like it. After all it is like lowering a mask, it is like undressing..."
"And yet, just a moment ago you said you would not be ashamed to be seen naked..."
"To bare our body is ever so much easier that to bare your soul."
"Do you want me to close my eyes?" Yuri asked with a smile.
"Yes. Good, I'll try. Don't answer me at once, Yuri, please. Don't open your eyes at once, but... well... I would... I would like... to make love to you."
Yuri kept still, his eyes closed, but moved his hand until he touched Roger's hand, brushed against it, gently squeezed it, intertwined their fingers then pulled it to his face, placing its back against his cheek. Then, turning his head, still his with his eyes closed, he laid Roger's hand on his lips and kissed it gently. Then Roger caressed Yuri's cheek with his other hand, bent down to him and kissed him on the lips. Yuri opened his lips, welcomed him in and they united in an intimate, passionate kiss. Yuri placed a hand on the back of Roger's neck and caressed him, slipping his fingers into the young man's soft thick hair.
Roger parted a little from him, gave a soft sigh and said, "Oh, Yuri, do you want to make love with me?"
"Yes, Roger. I have wanted to do so for a long time."
"You desired it? Really?"
"Yes, Roger, and I didn't dare dream it could happen." Yuri murmured opening his eyes and looking into the blue eyes above him.
Roger gave him a luminous smile, caressed again the boy's cheek and lightly passed his fingertips across Yuri's lips. Then, in a dreamlike tone, said, "I would like to do it here, now, but the sun is setting and it's getting cold. But I feel such a desire to embrace you, to caress you, to feel you..."
"Embrace me. Go ahead, put your body on top of me, and make me feel your warmth, your desire, Roger..."
"When we drove through Dubna we passed a small hotel. We can ask them if they have a free room to spend the night. So tomorrow morning we can come back here to the lake... and we will have all night just for us. Is that alright?"
"Yes, let's go to the hotel. We can have our dinner there, and then we will go to our room and make love, would you, Roger?"
"Of course, Yuri. I have desired you from the first day I saw you and you came to bring me my drink there at the Coffee Bar, do you remember?"
"Do you know when I started to desire you?"
"No, tell me..."
"When we were up high, on the Ferris wheel in Gorky Park. I found it difficult not to embrace you, not to kiss you. The first time I saw you there at the Coffee Shop I thought you were a very handsome man, but at that particular moment, on the wheel, while you were laughing happily, I started to dream you could become my man. And before, when you were talking about nudity, I would have liked to undress you right away..."
"You can do it in a while. Am I too heavy for you?"
"No... it's a sweet weight. And I can feel your excitement... and I know I'm its cause... And I like that."
"Can we go, Yuri?"
They took the car and went back to Dubna, to the hotel. They asked for a room for the night. The lady at the reception told them there were only a single bed and a double bed room still free. Yuri, prudently, decided to book both, the single for him and the double for Roger. They went to check them and were glad to see that they were adjoining and with a connecting door. They went downstairs again for supper. Yuri noticed that Roger's eyes were now shining with a special light. At supper, there was almost no conversation, but they were looking very often at each other and smiling each time their glances met.
Yuri whispered in English, "You are so beautiful..."
"It's you who make me beautiful, Babe..." Roger answered.
After supper, they said good night to the lady and went upstairs to their rooms. Yuri undid his bed so that it would seem he had slept in it, and then lightly knocked on the connecting door. Roger opened it and immediately they were in each other arms.
Outside the moon was rising and seemed to look in on the scene through the window, smiling benignly.
CONTINUES IN CHAPTER 7
In my home page I've put some more of my stories. If someone wants to read them, the URL is
http://andrejkoymasky.com
If you want to send me feed-back, or desire to help revising my English translations, so that I can put on-line more of my stories in English please e-mail at
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