A Simple Seduction copyright 2005 by T. Owens
*this appeared originally under the name "Just a Kiss". It has been rewritten with original characters. This may not be reproduced or distributed without permission of the author.
"Will you let me seduce you tonight, Christian?" Christian spewed a mouthful of ale across the table. Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Christian set his mug on the table. "Right, sure. Fuck me senseless. I guess you're buying my drinks tonight, then?" Ben grabbed a cocktail napkin and cleaned up the mess his friend had made. "I'm serious," he said lightly. Christian sighed. Hanging out with Ben was an exercise in patience. Chris could never tell when his friend was joking and half the time he guessed wrong. It was funny when Ben turned his wit on someone else. It was frustrating and irritating when it was focused on him. "What the hell are you talking about?" Christian sighed, studying his friend for the twitch of blue eyes that would give away the joke. He and Ben shared a closeness that he'd never experienced with anyone else. Normally, he was pretty good at reading Ben. Tonight, perhaps Christian had had a few too many. The other man was a mystery to him. Ben grinned, sitting back in his chair to face Christian. "Too bad the costume people won't let you take that Puck outfit home with you. You look too cute in it. Almost convinces me you could be a girl if you wanted to be." "Fuck you," Christian shot back, taking a healthy swig. "Nah, you know I like it the other way around." Christian made a mock grimace. Ben's homosexuality never bothered him, but it was fun to pretend that it did. "You're a sick bastard, you know that? Sodomy is a sin. My grandma told me so. You're going straight to Hell." Ben rolled his eyes as if considering. "Well, if all the cute gay guys are going there, it might not be so bad, you know. Constant orgies." "Jesus," Christian muttered and laughed. He knew his castmates thought *he* was nuts, but they didn't know Ben. To them, Ben was this romantic intellectual who'd been accepted to UC Berkely as an English major, but had sucked it up and gone to the local college so he could help out in the family store. But Christian knew Ben could be the pervert of all perverts when he wanted to be. Not to mention more reckless than Christian by far. "So come on," Ben needled, leaning forward to rest his forearms on the table top. The bar's lighting caught the reddish highlights in his brown hair. "Let me give it a try." Christian shifted uncomfortably. He caught his reflection in a mirror behind Ben's head. He didn't look like the confident drama major who'd just kicked ass in the community college's latest performance of "A Midsummer NIght's Dream". He looked like a blonde skinny guy who'd had his buzz rudely and abruptly interrupted. "Give what a try?" he mumbled, glancing around in the hopes of finding a cute girl to have the excuse to go hit on. "Seducing you." Christian looked back at his friend. Ben stared back, his expression blank. Christian didn't trust him farther than he could throw him. He'd learned that early on about his friend. As soon as Ben began pushing for something, Christian knew to be on his guard. "I really don't need this," he began. "The play drained all my energy. I don't have the brain power to decipher your games, Ben." A little of Ben's playful demeanor faded. "I suppose I should have let you join your castmates at that other bar instead of hogging your time." "No, no, it's not that at all," Christian quickly reassured him. "I'm glad you're here. I'm relieved you're here, truth be told. I know it's difficult to believe but drama majors can be so dramatic." Ben rolled his eyes. Christian grinned. "Throw in some drama queers and I'm ready to jump in front of a bus. I want to be here with you, Ben. I'm just not so sharp tonight, that's all. I can't figure out the game you're trying to play. I guess I'm a bit of a dud right now. Sorry." Ben smiled, a fond smile that Christian knew his friend spared only for him. "That's all right. I don't blame you if you're peaked. That's why I came by, to help you loosen up after all that Shakesperean melodrama. What with all those cross-dressers and fairies and confused men trying to poke you with their big long swords--" This time the ale came out Christian's nose. "Will you shut up!" he cried, laughing. "See?" Ben said in triumph, "I'm helping already. Look how relaxed you are now." Christian shook his head, smiling. He loved Ben. The man could turn any one of Christian's bad days into something to rival his birthday. And miraculously, Ben seemed to know exactly when Christian needed cheering up. Just like tonight. It was sometimes difficult to be a straight guy in the drama department. It didn't help that their small town was a throwback to the fifties. Once he admitted his major to people, he was instantly regarded with suspicion. He was constantly having to prove he was interested in women otherwise he'd never get a date and he'd get his ass kicked by the good old boys. It got old. What a blessing, then, to leave the theatre tonight and find Ben, his childhood friend, standing in the parking lot waiting for him. Ignoring the fact that he was probably acting gay, Christian had thrown himself delightedly into his friend's arms and kissed him on the cheek. Ben knew who he was. Christian didn't have to prove anything. Or so he'd thought. Christian didn't trust the mischievous look in his friend's eyes at the moment. Deliberately taking his time in finishing the last of his beer, Christian waited until he'd set the empty mug down and pushed it away from him before facing Ben. "What is it?" he asked. "I don't like that look. I've seen it before and it almost resulted in me getting a tongue ring." Ben laughed gleefully. "I remember that. What a shame. I can't believe you chickened out." "I may be crazy, but I'm not *that* crazy," Christian replied drolly. "My parents won't even let me get highlights in my hair." "Mmm. What a shame," Ben said, eyeing him speculatively. Something was up. It made Christian nervous. "Out with it, Ben. You're beginning to get on my nerves. What's got you acting so strangely?" "Strange?" Ben frowned. "Is that how you think I'm acting?" No, not exactly. Ben was as he always was. Christian seemed to be picking up more tonight, though. Ben was always cracking jokes and teasing Christian in a pseudo sexual manner, but this time there was an undercurrent of seriousness to the joking. Christian shook his head. Or maybe he'd just had too much to drink. He and Ben shared a physical closeness that certainly went beyond a normal friendship between men, but it had never gone farther than that. Looking at his friend, admiring the handsome features that always seemed to be smiling, Christian wondered why not. "Keep looking at me that way and I'll think you want me to," Ben said casually. Christian blinked. "Want you to what?" Ben's grin was lazy and wolf-like. "Seduce you, remember?" Unease skittered down Christian's spine. "You keep bringing that up," he muttered, looking away. "Why is that?" "You've never considered it?" Christian knew he should keep his mouth shut, but he had never been very good at that. "Sure I have. It never meant anything, though. I mean, we're friends. If you'd really wanted me, you would have put the moves on me back in puberty." He wasn't surprised when Ben made a face. "I don't make a habit of taking advantage of the confused, my friend. I wanted to wait until you'd figured out what it is you want. However, it looks like that was a waste of time." He suddenly smirked, his blue eyes watching Christian closely. "You're right: I should have jumped you then. It would have spared us all this wasted time." Christian looked at him in surprise. "What are you talking about? You mean you really want to? With me?" Ben laughed. He laid a hand on Christian's knee. "Don't look so shocked, Christian. You're my closest friend. You and I have done things most friends never dream of doing. It's only natural that eventually I'd want more." More. Christian was definitely feeling nervous now. "I don't--I don't know if that's what I want, Ben. I mean, I've never thought of you that way." But the moment he said it, he realized it wasn't entirely true. Ben was handsome. They'd kissed before, albeit as an experiment when Ben had first come out. Still, Christian had wondered once or twice what it would be like if they had kissed not because they were half-afraid, but with intent. What would it be be like to share a kiss that really meant something? The hand on his knee tightened, drawing his eyes up. Ben was looking intently at him, as if reading his thoughts. Christian flushed. "You trust me, don't you, Christian?" Christian nodded without hesitation. "Then let's give this a go. Let me try to seduce you. If it doesn't work and you get turned-off, so what? We'll still be friends, right?" Christian's mouth could barely form the words: "And if it does work?" Ben's smile was purely sensual. "Then you and I get to have a bit of fun." Christian felt his body become hot. Too much alcohol, he told himself, trying very hard not to be unnerved by his friend's unexpected appeal. Who knew Ben could be so damn sexy? Well, Christian did, actually. He'd just never really cared to think too much about it. They were just friends-- "I'm not so sure about this," Christian hedged, forcing himself to look Ben in the eye. It was difficult when Ben was practically devouring him with just a look. "We're friends, Ben. I'm not sure I can think of you...differently." His pause declared him a liar, but Ben didn't call him on it. The other man shrugged. "I'm not going to force anything that you don't want, Christian. Come on, it's me. I just thought, well, we could have a good time together. You're a hot guy and I'm damned sexy. I know you kiss without drooling, so what's say we try it out?" Ben's tone was light, but there was a tenseness behind it. Christian suspected his friend wanted this more than he was letting on. If it were anyone else, Christian would have said no in a heartbeat. But this was Ben. For Ben, Christian would play along. "Fine," he sighed in defeat. "I give in. Use your legendary powers of seduction to woo me. I'm warning you though, as of this moment, I'm a confirmed heterosexual. It's going to take a lot." Ben snorted. "Please," he scoffed, "you've got bi written all over your pretty little face. It was sooo obvious tonight on stage. You're just waiting for the right man to make a girl out of you." If Christian had been drinking, he would have choked. "Ben!" "Hey, it's the truth. You just don't know it yet." Ben winked. "But you will." Christian knew his face must be bright red. Only Ben could get beneath his collar this way. And if his friend had his way, he'd be getting beneath his shirt as well. And his pants. Christian sucked in his breath. He didn't want to think of that just yet. "So, uh, when do we start?" he blurted. Ben laughed at him. "Quit looking like a virgin being sacrificed at the alter of my perversity. I'm not going to attack you, for fuck's sake. Give me some credit." "I don't think I've ever seen you putting the moves on a guy." Christian thought hard. "No, I never have. I honestly don't know what to expect from you." "For you, baby, the best." Ben smiled at Christian's blush. "Just relax, Christian. Enjoy the night. Let *me* worry about how this unfolds. You just sit there and look sexy." Christian rolled his eyes and obligingly ordered another beer. "I don't know why I put up with you." "I think you do." Christian threw him a glance, but Ben had turned to a nearby table to engage their friend Joey in conversation. It was just as well. Christian really didn't need to be thinking about what he'd just agreed to. Seduced by Ben? It should have been funny. Somehow it wasn't. He drank in silence, feeling his weariness creep up on him. Christian had always convinced himself he had indefatigable strength, but tonight the effort was showing. The idea of a long hot shower and ten hours of sleep was beginning to sound appealing. He turned and tapped Ben on the shoulder. "I'm beat, do you mind if we left?" "Hey, party pooper, some of us aren't ready to go," Joey protested with a meaningful nod at the girl sitting at his table. Shit. Christian had forgotten they'd all ridden here in Ben's car. He and Joey still lived on campus and had ridden out here with the other man. Ben saved him, though, by fishing out his keys and tossing them on the table. "Here, you can take my car back. Christian and I will crash at my apartment. Just bring back the car in the morning, will you?" "Sure, sure," Joey replied, pocketing the keys. "That'll work." Christian wanted to smile at his friend's smoothness. He couldn't though, because the move had been orchestrated for him. His nervousness returning, he made his goodbye to Joey and followed Ben out of the bar. They paused on the sidewalk as Ben lit a cigarette. Christian stood uncomfortably, suddenly preoccupied with how close he should be standing to his friend. "Will you quit it?" Ben said suddenly, flicking his lighter shut. "We're friends, Christian. Nothing's changed. Quit acting like I'm about to jump your bones." "Sorry," Christian muttered. He shoved his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I just feel awkward. I don't know what you're going to do." "Well, I'm not going to rape you on the sidewalk," Ben retorted, amused. He took a long drag and released the smoke, all the while watching Christian. "Will it help you relax if I shared my game plan with you?" Relief left Christian weak. "Yes." A corner of Ben's mouth quirked. He turned to look down the deserted sidewalk. When he looked at Christian again, his eyes were darker. "You see those streetlights?" "Sure." "Every time we come to a light, you have to let me kiss you." Alarm and excitement met head on. Christian looked down the street and tried to count the number of lights between here and Ben's apartment building. There were a lot. Christian made a concerted effort to keep his face expressionless. "Is that all?" Ben's smirk showed he didn't believe Christian's act for a minute. "Sure, Christian. That's all." When the other man started to visibly relax, he added, "But if you or I decide to go a little further, that can happen, too." Christian didn't even want to *think* about what that could mean. "Whatever. Let's just go. I'm tired." "Glad to see I'm not the only one who's excited about this," Ben quipped. Christian just glared. As they began to walk, Christian did everything he could not to think about the circle of orange light that loomed in the distance. Ben was chatting amiably about something, but damned if Christian knew what it was. All he could concentrate on was the sidewalk that passed too quickly beneath their feet and the light that seemed to be rushing towards them. "Fuck this," Ben said abruptly. When Christian looked at him in surprise, he grinned. "You're staring at that light like it's the doorway to Hell." "I wasn't--" "Bullshit. Come on, Christian. Let's get this over with before you wet your pants." Before Christian had a chance to voice an indignant response, Ben grabbed him by the arm and started running. Christian had no choice but to keep up or risk being dragged along the concrete. "You crazy ass!" he cried, laughing despite himself. "You know you love it!" Ben replied cheerfully. In seconds they were within the sphere of light. Breathless with laughter, Ben kept his grip on Christian's arm as he turned to face him. Christian was smiling because Ben was. "Are you ready to be swept off your feet?" his friend asked, leering. Christian grinned. "Give it your best shot." Ben's smile faded, though the light of laughter was still in his eyes. He stepped closer and Christian's smile disappeared, his hesitance returning. The air was cool against his palms, making Christian realize his hands were sweaty. Unconsciously, he held his breath as Ben's azure eyes filled his vision. The laughter was gone, Christian saw. His friend's sudden gravity made Christian nervous. "Just a kiss," Ben murmured. If it was meant to reassure, it didn't. Christian tensed as his friend leaned forward. He expected the crush of lips against his own. What he got was something different. Ben didn't touch him. The firm lips that Christian had kissed years ago hovered just above his mouth. They waited there, as though considering. Their breaths intermingled, the air brushing across Christian's lips in a prelude to a kiss. But it never came. "I think about kissing you all the time," Ben whispered against his mouth. "Did you know that?" If Ben was expecting an answer, he was in for disappointment. Christian's throat had gone too dry for him to speak. Neither of them had closed their eyes. Christian was afraid to lower his lids as Ben's lips moved around the perimeter of his mouth. He tried to read Ben's intent as his friend's mouth circled, close enough to provide the sensation of touch, but never actually doing so. Confused, Christian pushed his lips forward just slightly, encouraging contact. But Ben wasn't interested. His dark eyes on Christian, he continued to ghost the other man's skin so closely that Christian's flesh tingled. "I want to taste you," Ben murmured, the movement of his lips as he spoke the only friction Christian was allowed. "I've wondered what you taste like, Christian. I hope that doesn't bother you." What bothered Christian was this hold-out. It was strange. It was unexpected. It was damn frustrating. Christian's every sense reached out towards Ben, yearning for fulfillment. His entire body ached for just a brush of contact. It was the oddest tease he'd ever received. It was also incredibly effective. To Christian's shock, he felt his groin stir. Ben pulled back. His mouth curved into a faint smile. He read the frustration on Christian's face and his smile grew. "Next light," he said brightly. Unable to form a reply, Christian stared after him. Bastard, he thought, watching Ben walk blithely away. What kind of game was this? Christian didn't appreciate being teased. If this was Ben's master plan, the night was going to be a short one. Grumbling to himself, Christian caught up with his friend. "Nice try," he commented acidly. "Pardon?" "You're not going to hook me that way, you know. Nothing turns me off faster than a cock tease." Ben raised an eyebrow. "Was that what I was doing back there? Teasing your cock?" Christian frowned. "Just shut up, will you?" "You started it, loverboy" "Just shut up, Ben." They walked another block in silence. A car passed on the street, its occupants shadowed. As they neared the light Christian was no longer nervous. He was ticked off. "Do it right this time," he growled as they faced each other beside the light pole. Ben was trying not to laugh, which just annoyed Christian more. "Demanding , aren't you? Never seen this side of you, Chris. Kinda sexy." Christian's hands fisted by his sides. "Just shut the fuck up and ki--" Ben's mouth cut him off. Christian's gasp of surprise was muffled against the smash of his friend's lips. *This* was not the kiss Christian remembered sharing with Ben. Then again, that had been a mere touch of lips performed to satisfy Christian's adolescent curiosity over whether he might be gay, too. At thirteen, that pretty much guaranteed it would be wrought with fear and wouldn't be sexy. This kiss was another story altogether. Ben was a masterful kisser. Christian had had no idea. Ben kissed him as though Christian's mouth was a direct link to his cock. Which in a very real way it was. Christian was stunned. He grew instantly hard as his friend's tongue pushed boldly between his lips. He never intended to let Ben become so intimate with him when this had started. But now he couldn't imagine *not* opening to the questing tongue. It seemed so natural to allow Ben into his mouth. It felt right to have that firm wet flesh slide along his tongue and thoroughly explore him. To have Ben inside him. Intimate. The lips which were pressed so tightly against his own lifted, Ben's breath fanning across the moist flesh. "Close your eyes, Christian." He hadn't realized he'd left them open. As they drifted shut, Ben's lips found him again. With his senses narrowed, Christian could appreciate the kiss all the more. This was being swept away, caught up in mindless pleasure. Against his will, his hands crept up to Ben's shoulders and gripped there. He felt like a drowning man. Ben was swamping him with sensation. He was also the only one who could keep Christian afloat. As quickly and violently as it had begun, the kiss ended. Christian blinked in the light, forgetting, for a moment, where he was. He knew he must be gaping like a fish as Ben stepped back. It was some consolation to see that his friend was not unaffected. Ben's eyes were shadowed, but Christian could still read the lust there. Lust. Christian didn't know quite how to handle this. Ben lusted after him and he...what did he feel? "How was that?" Ben asked in a husky voice that Christian had never heard from him before. Christian swallowed before answering. "Surprising." Ben's mouth twitched. "I just tried to suck your soul out through your teeth and all you can say is that it was 'surprising'? You're a tough nut to crack, Christian." "I'm not gay," Christian said without thinking. Silence fell. He immediately felt foolish and immature. "You don't have to be," Ben said quietly. Christian cursed himself. "I didn't mean--" Ben shushed him with a finger on his lips. "Forget it, Christian. I know what you meant. It's all right. This is new to you. I understand." Funny how Ben could understand when Christian didn't. He'd enjoyed Ben's kiss. A lot. What did that mean? Ben apparently wasn't about to let him dwell on it. "Come on," he urged, tugging Christian's arm. Confused, Christian followed. This time, Christian saw that the next light was nearly two blocks away. He was relieved. It would give him time to sort things through. Or at the very least, calm his racing heart. "Did you like that?" Ben asked softly. Heat burned Christian's face. He was grateful for the concealing darkness. "I never knew you kissed like that." "That's not an answer. Did you like it?" "Don't force me," Christian said desperately. "Please, Ben." His friend sighed, staring straight ahead. "All right. You don't have to tell me. I'll find out for myself at the next light." Christian was afraid to look at him. "What does that mean?" "Wait and see." At this rate, his heartbeat wasn't going to slow anytime soon. They walked side by side, their shoulders and hands brushing every so often. It was a casual contact that they'd made often in the past. Now, though, it seemed more significant. Christian was suddenly more aware of Ben than he'd ever been before. The way Ben's slender body matched him stride for stride. The faint cologne he wore that Christian had teased cost more than the dates he went out on. What would it be like to have that cologne transfer to his own body? To be marked by its scent? Christian's face broke out in a sweat. What was he thinking? This was Ben, his best friend. And what about the fact that he wasn't even attracted to men? Christian wanted to run. He wanted to hide until this terrible confusion left him. But they had come to the light, and there was nowhere to go. Ben laid a hand along his cheek. Christian stood completely still, watching his friend with wide eyes. "You're trembling," Ben murmured, surprised. Christian tried to shrug. "I'm nervous." "You are, but you're also scared." Ben frowned. "Why? I won't hurt you. You know that, don't you? This is supposed to be fun. You're supposed to be enjoying this." But I can't, Christian wanted to say. If I do, it will mean too much. The hand on his cheek stroked him. "Do you want me to stop this? I will. All you have to do is say the word." Christian met his eyes frankly. "I don't know what I want," he whispered helplessly. But the moment he spoke the words, he knew they weren't entirely true. Ben smiled gently. "Then let me try to help you figure it out. Just relax, Christian, and let me kiss you. "*Relax* and *kiss you* should not be in the same sentence, Christian decided as he closed his eyes. The two were mutually exclusive. Especially when it came to Ben. He almost jumped when cool lips grazed his own. He tensed, preparing for the demanding kiss Ben had shown him last time. But his friend chose to take pity. Ben kissed him softly, gently. A tongue swept across Christian's lips not to demand entrance, but to taste and soothe. Christian shivered at the tender caress. His lips parted and his own tongue came out, hesitant. Ben murmured in appreciation as their tongues met. The sound made Christian's body tighten. He hadn't expected that. Hadn't expected to be turned-on by the proof of Ben's need. Before he could torture himself over that revelation, the hand on his cheek moved to his hair, massaging his scalp. Christian sighed against Ben's lips. It was a cue for his friend. Their kiss gentled even more, Ben brushing his lips back and forth against Christian's open mouth until at last he drifted away completely, planting soft kisses against Christian's cheek. "You're lovely," Ben murmured against his skin. He pressed kisses to Christian's eyelids. "I always wanted to tell you that, but I never could." "Why not?" Christian asked faintly. He caught back a moan as his friend's tongue made a slow lick up the curve of his ear. "You've never--you've never been shy before." "It wasn't about being shy. It was about you. Because it would have scared you off. Just as it's scaring you now." "I'm not scared," Christian protested. "Sure you're not," Ben said around a quiet chuckle. "That's why your body is so tightly strung I could pluck it and hear music. Just relax, Christian. Forget that it's me who's touching you. Imagine whomever you like." But Ben didn't get it. It was *because* it was Ben that this was happening at all. Christian didn't let men kiss him beneath streetlights in the middle of the night. It just wasn't something you did in a town that was still pretty close-minded despite hosting a community college. But with Ben...he would let Ben do anything. *Was* letting him do anything. "This is where the kiss turns into something more," Ben warned against his ear. "Feel free to stop me at any time." Stop him! Christian's befuddled mind cried weakly. The only problem was, he didn't know how. Didn't know how to argue when Ben's lips trailed wetly down his throat. Didn't know how to object to the hands that rubbed needfully against the small of his back. It was much easier to simply let it happen and deny Ben nothing. The hands on his back moved lower. After only the briefest of pauses they settled lightly on his ass. Christian didn't know how he should be feeling. He'd never had another man hold him this way. When the hands cupped him more firmly, squeezing slightly, Christian told himself that it was all right. This was just Ben, his best friend. Just Ben who was grabbing his ass. No big deal-- "Relax," Ben repeated against the pulse in Christian's throat. "Pretend I'm Angelina Jolie or something." Christian emitted a strained laugh. "I don't think Angelina would sink so low, Ben." A tongue flicked the skin at the opened V of Christian's shirt. "You want low? I'll show you low." It hadn't been a challenge, exactly, but Christian had no chance to debate the point. A hand left the back of his jeans. He stiffened as Ben cupped him between the legs. "What are you doing?" he whispered, shocked. Ben said nothing, a look resembilng fear on his face. Christian heard a car approach. It turned the corner with a screech of rubber. The streetlight blinded him. He couldn't see beyond its glare to the darkness of the sidewalk. None of it mattered, anyway. Nothing mattered save for Ben's hand on his groin, and the look on Ben's face that shouldn't be there. Ben flexed his fingers ever so slightly. Christian gasped as blood surged to his groin, filling his half-erect flesh. He couldn't believe it-- "Ben!" He clutched at his friend's shoulders as the fingers moved again with more confidence. The hesitance of his flesh was no more. Christian was as hard as steel. "Thank God," he heard Ben murmur against his skin. Christian understood at once the source of his friend's fear. He wanted to laugh, but found himself moaning faintly instead as Ben stroked him fully. Every nerve ending in Christian's body seemed to gather behind the fly of his jeans. Each firm stroke of Ben's palm over the bulge of his cock sent a wave of unbelievable pleasure coursing through Christian's body. He staggered back until the cold metal of the light post pressed between his shoulder blades. He leaned into the welcome support as a shudder of pleasure worked its way up his body. "Are you okay?" Ben whispered, nipping at the side of Christian's neck. "Does this feel good?" "You have to ask?" Christian gasped. He realized his fingers were digging into his friend's shoulders and forced them to relax. "I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe you're--that you and I--" Ben rose up and sealed his mouth over Christian's, stealing his words. He drove his tongue into Christian's mouth until both men were breathless. He pulled away finally and said, "Don't let it spoil this for you. Pretend it's someone else." Ben started to lower his head again but Christian caught his friend's hair and tugged him up. He waited until the glazed blue eyes focused on him before saying, "No. I won't pretend it's someone else. It's you, Ben. You're doing this to me and I--" he swallowed thickly, almost afraid to speak the words aloud "--I'm enjoying it." Once said, a dam of tension broke within Christian. He knew the repercussions would be great if he allowed this to continue. How could they not? His family had acted politely about the news of Ben's sexuality but Christian knew they were relieved he had not admitted the same. It had been hard enough for his father to accept his decision to follow an acting career. But Christian told himself he would deal with that when it came. This was too new, too exciting. Tonight, he was willing to risk it all to feel what it was that Ben wanted him to. "That a boy," Ben said, grinning. "You always did have the biggest balls in your family, Christian." "Not quite, as you may end up discovering," Christian replied bashfully. Despite his new acceptance of the situation, his face still blushed pink. "You're going to have to help me with this, Ben. I'm not used to being with another man. I don't know what to do." Ben stroked his cheek. His eyes traced Christian's face lovingly. "Don't think of it as another man. Think of it as me, Ben, your friend. Everything will fall into place if you just keep that in mind." Easier said than done. Friend or no, Christian was afraid to touch him. His skittishness was apparent to Ben, who let his hands fall away. "I think we've used this light up," he said, stepping back. "Let's go on to the next one." Ben took his hand and led him out of the light. Christian walked beside him, trying not to think of the fact that he and Ben were holding hands in public. It was dark. No one was around. No one would see them. But what about when it was daylight and there were people around to judge, to criticize? What would happen then? "What are you thinking?" Ben asked. "That I don't know where this is going," Christian replied honestly. "This has caught me off-guard." "Me, too," Ben said softly. "What is this for you, Ben? Why are you doing this?" His friend's step faltered. He swivelled his head to look briefly at Christian then faced forward again. "If you can't tell..." "I don't know anything, anymore," Christian said miserably. "I don't know myself." And he truly didn't. In the course of an evening, his friend, whom he thought he knew like a book, had sprung this upon him without apology. What now? Did this mean Christian was gay? Were he and Ben supposed to be a couple now? What? "You'll drive yourself crazy trying to figure this out," Ben told him. "Why does this have to be about you being with another man? Why can't it be about you with someone who cares for you? Someone who wants to show you pleasure? Why are you trying to label this?" Christian stared at his friend's profile. "What do *you* call this?" A flash of something that could have been pain crossed Ben's face. "I call this love, Christian. Or sex, if that simplifies it for you. Sex between two people, end of story. Male or female doesn't matter. It's attraction we're dealing with, that's all." Ben had always been like that, proud of being open to love a person of any sex, race or social standing. Christian had envied it in a way. He'd wondered what it was like to be so free with whom you chose to love. They had come to the next light. Christian looked up at the buildings with their darkened windows. What would happen if someone were to look out and see Ben and him illuminated as though spotlighted on a stage? Would the person be repulsed? Turned-on? Did it matter? Ben took both of Christian's hands in his and stood facing him. The lighting gave Ben's face a golden cast. He looked like a bronze bacchus, tempting Christian to be decadent. "This time I want *you* to kiss *me*," Ben said carefully, watching Christian for reaction. Christian had known it would come to this eventually. He knew there would be a point when it wasn't enough for him to remain passive to Ben's touch. Ben wouldn't allow that. No martyrs here, he'd say. If this happened between them, it would be because both of them were willing participants. If this happened. All Christian would have to do was step away. Ben would understand. Ben would never say another word about it and they would continue on as the best of friends as if this night had never happened. Christian saw all of that on his friend's face--the acceptance, the trust. But was that what Christian truly wanted, to forget that the feelings he had discovered tonight had never been? It seemed a travesty to throw away such an unexpected connection. What he'd found with Ben was new and incredible and...something he wanted to explore further. He could admit that to himself now. Christian squeezed Ben's hands. He drew forward. He waited until Ben's eyes drifted shut before he closed his own eyes and pressed his lips to the other man's. At first, Christian told himself to pretend that he was kissing a girl. But that idea quickly vanished because kissing Ben wasn't like kissing a girl at all. Ben's lips were firmer. They didn't give way like a girl's did, they returned the pressure evenly. And a girl didn't have the faint stubble Ben did that electrified the sensitive skin around Christian's lips. So Christian told himself to accept that it was Ben he was kissing. In the end, it made everything easier. He loved Ben. Loved him as a brother and as a friend, and here now was the missing element to make that love transcendent. Ben groaned as Christian traced the seam of his lips with his tongue. It was a sound that ignited Christian's senses. He loved making Ben sound that way. He loved being the reason for it. He loved Ben. Acceptance made him sigh into Ben's mouth. He tightened his hands around Ben's and kissed him in a way he had never kissed a woman. He kissed Ben as he would never kiss another human being. His lips moved urgently against his friend's, seeking, longing. He wanted to be a part of Ben, to meld their bodies so that whatever hardships or pain they encountered in the future they could face together as one. He kissed hard, awkwardly, blindly needing--until Ben took control of the kiss with a throaty growl. Christian welcomed the mouth that tore at him. He moaned helplessly as Ben swept him away. Ben, who would always take care of him. Ben, who would make sure nothing ever hurt him. "Do you know? Do you know?" Ben gasped like a mantra against Christian's lips. Christian didn't need to ask what he meant. "I know," he whispered back before his lips were crushed in a bruising assault. Desperation was in the kiss and Christian hated that it was there. He wanted to reassure Ben that he needn't worry. Christian loved him. Christian wouldn't leave him. The words were lost though, as Ben consumed him with his need. The tongue that plunged hard and deep into his mouth asked for complete surrender to a passion Christian had never dreamed existed in his friend. "You're everything to me," Ben panted brokenly, planting hard wet kisses over Christian's jaw, across his cheeks. "Tell me this is okay between us, Christian. Tell me!" Christian opened his eyes and clenched Ben's hands so hard his friend winced. "It's more than okay," he replied, his throat raw. "It's what I want, too, Ben. It is." Ben's eyes blazed as though the light of the sun was trapped there. "Then come with me, Christian. Come with me and let me make love to you. Please." Fear of the unknown made Christian's knees tremble. He wasn't sure he could handle what Ben was asking of him. But the look on his friend's face left no option. Christian wouldn't have said no for anything. Not when Ben was looking at him as though the world would end if Christian refused him. "Yes," he said simply. "Yes." In seconds they were tearing down the street, the streelights that had been so significant before passing in a blur. Christian wanted to laugh, he wanted to shout. He could do neither but hold on as Ben recklessly dragged him to his apartment building. Through the lobby they ran, past the gaping woman at the mailboxes, and to the first open elevator. Even before the doors had completely closed, Ben was tearing at Christian's clothing. Christian found himself caught up in the frenzy of the moment and fought with Ben's shirt as well. They had managed to undo most of the buttons of each other's shirts before the doors opened and they spilled out into the quiet hallway. Christian didn't know how they managed to end up in Ben's bedroom. He never once looked up from his attempts to remove Ben's clothing. It was only when he was shoved physically against the shut door of the room that Christian realized that they were inside. That surprise was swiftly replaced with blinding desire as Ben dropped to his knees before him. Christian had no time for second thoughts. His head slammed back against the door as his jeans were rippped open and Ben took him into his mouth. "Oh, my God," he cried out, burying his fingers in his friend's hair. "My God, Ben, what are you doing?" His knees threatened to buckle as Ben's hot wet mouth completely enclosed his aching flesh. Slickness and heat swept up the length of him, then slid all the way down to the base. Up again to the hyper-sensitive tip where Ben's tongue swirled, making Christian sob and gasp, then down again in a firm wet grip that left Christian shaking. Over and over Ben repeated the sequence. Up, down, swirl, suck. Over and over Ben took him deep into his mouth. Ben ignored the hoarse cries for him to stop and the hands that tugged frantically at his hair. He swallowed Christian as if he were trying to suck the life from him. "I've never--I've never..." Christian couldn't compete a sentence. He couldn't breathe. Everything that came from his lips was short and gasping. "Ben, please. Oh, God, Ben--" He wanted to thank Ben, he wanted to beg him. He wanted to tell his friend how incredibly amazing this was. In the end, all he could do was hold on as Ben took him all the way down his throat. Desire sparked along Christian's nerves like a current that had gone haywire. It flared and caught fire, searing his senses into ash. All it took was one more flick of Ben's tongue over the head of his cock to push Christian tumbling over the edge. He tried to call his friend's name but his voice failed, his throat constricting as pleasure exploded throughout his body. He clutched Ben's head hard, thrusting violently down the accomodating throat. As his orgasm coursed through him, Ben pressed a finger between Christian's thighs, against a place no one had ever touched before. It made Christian buck with a sudden pulsing desire and empty himself with a wracking shudder into the hot mouth that surrounded him. He collapsed against the door, fine tremors making his knees wobbly. His life force seemed to have left him. He felt drained and weak and curiously elated. When he felt Ben straighten before him, he opened his eyes and threw his arms around his friend's neck. "Ben, that was, that was--" He struggled to find the words and couldn't. He felt his friend smile against his cheek. "I know, Christian. I felt it. You don't need to tell me." Christian shook his head vehemently. "You don't understand." Ben pulled back, holding Christian as he ran his eyes over him. "I do," he assured gently. He smiled, running his thumb across Christian's bottom lip. "But this isn't the end, you know. I've got lots more to show you." It was then that Christian realized how very taut Ben's body was against him. Strain had etched itself onto his friend's features, the cause of it pressing urgently against Christian's thigh. A little of his elation faded, replaced with a growing apprehension. Christian knew that if he chose to, he could return the favor just bestowed upon him and Ben would accept it gratefully. He knew also, that it was not precisely what his friend wanted from him. "There you go looking scared again," Ben teased, but his brow was creased with concern. "I will never hurt you, Christian. No matter what, you have to believe that." Christian met his eyes. "I do believe it. I trust you completely." For the first time, a hint of nervousness appeared on Ben's face. "Then will you let me take this further? I promise I'll make it good for you." It was a promise he didn't need to make because in all the years Christian had known him, Ben had never failed to take good care of him. It was what made Christian cup his friend's cheek and say, "I want you to make love to me, Ben. Be my first." What looked suspiciously like moisture collected in the corners of Ben's dark eyes. "No wonder I've fallen in love with you," he said thickly. Christian couldn't find words to respond. He had known Ben loved him for longer than he cared to admit. It had just been easy to pretend that the affection and attention Ben paid him was borne of their close friendship and not something deeper. It had been the cowards' way out, Christian realized now. He'd been afraid to see what was there. Afraid, even, to acknowledge his own feelings. Upon reflection, it was obvious. It had to have been love that kept them so close. Love that made them turn to each other when personal crisis threatened to overwhelm. The veil of friendship was thin, Christian saw. Between he and Ben, it had worn nearly completely away. Finding his voice, he said, "I love you, too, Ben." He watched the joy wash across his friend's features and Christian knew he had made the right decision. Life was short. He wouldn't pretend any longer. Wordless, Ben led him to the bed and pushed him gently back onto it. Christian shoved off his jeans and watched, with a hunger that surprised him, as Ben removed the rest of his own clothing. He had seen his friend naked countless times before. It had been like looking at his brother. Now, even though it was the same body Christian remembered, it was somehow infinitely desirable. Now, it was a body whose purpose was to pleasure Christian and to receive pleasure in return. Now, Ben's body was a sensuous feast for the eyes, when before Christian had not allowed himself to be hungry. How different to look at a man's body and see it for the beauty it held. To admire the way shadow sculpted the muscles of Ben's chest, and the way light glinted off the single ring that pierced one of the dark nipples. Christian ran his eyes down his friend's body and savored the vision of a flat, firm stomach that did not curve inwards like a woman's but ran straight and narrow into flat hips. So different, in many ways... If Christian had had any doubts that he could be attracted to a man, they vanished as his eyes fell upon the stiff column of Ben's cock. Who knew how beautiful a man could be? That there was a delicate, curving grace to be found in that rigid source of manhood? That such a piece of flesh could inspire such naked longing in his own body? Christian licked his lips as he noticed the silver sheen that coated the very tip of Ben's cock. "I want to taste that," he murmured, rising onto his elbows. "You have to let me." Ben's laugh was hoarse. "The way you're looking at me now I'd let you carve my heart out with a spoon." He climbed onto the bed, straddling Christian's body. "Taste me, Christian. Wrap those lips around me and fulfill a fantasy, won't you?" Christian found it intriguing that Ben had fantasized about this. About him. It made him want to revisit in his mind every interaction they'd had together to look for the clues he had missed. He must have been blind... Ben moved farther up his body until the head of his erection jutted over Christian's face. Christian hesitated a moment, acknowledging that this was a point of no return, then opened his mouth to let Ben slide into him. The sensation of smooth velvet skin sheathed over impossible hardness was unbelievably erotic to Christian. He groaned as Ben's flesh slid over his lips and across the flat of his tongue. Ben tasted of salt and musk, an odd taste that Christian found himself instantly obssessed with. Working more on instinct than skill, he tightened his lips around Ben and used his tongue to stroke up and down the heated length. He was rewarded with Ben's sigh of pleasure. Christian knew he would remember this--the moment when Ben first trembled above him, the flesh in his mouth pulsing with desire. It was the moment Christian realized he could give Ben pleasure and thank him for everything he had ever done for Christian in his life. He tightened his mouth and took Ben deeper. Experimentally, he reached up and gently massaged the twin globes drawn tight against Ben's body. Ben shuddered and thrust forward involuntarily. Christian gagged, then adjusted his head to allow greater access. More comfortable, Christian set a deep, voracious pace upon the cock in his mouth. "Jesus," Ben gasped. His hands bracketed Christian's face as he looked down with hooded eyes. The lust on his face as he watched himself being swallowed by Christian was contagious. Christian's cock stirred, quickly swelling to fullness. For several moments Ben watched him, his lashes so low over his eyes that he looked almost drugged. "You have no idea how beautiful you are right now," Ben breathed. He stroked a trickle of sweat from Christian's brow. "I could die right now, you know. But what a waste that would be when there's so much more." Christian did not expect Ben to suddenly pulled free of his mouth. Afraid he'd done a poor job, he ran his tongue across his lips, tasting after the other man. Ben chuckled at his expression. "Your ego is intact, Christian. I had to stop you or this night would end far too soon." Christian looked at him archly. "Maybe that's what I wanted. To make you lose control." Ben eyed him possessively. "Is that so?" He slid his body down the length of Christian's until they were lying chest to chest. Christian sucked in his breath as their cocks rubbed against each other's. "If anyone's going to lose control tonight, I think it's going to be you," Ben told him. To prove it, Ben flexed his hips, dragging himself intimately against his friend. Christian's eyes glazed over at the friction. It felt so good. Better than he had ever expected another person's body to feel against his own. Yet it wasn't enough. He reached down and clutched at Ben's hips. Hesitantly, he slid his hands farther back to cup the firmly muscled buttocks. Ben watched him as Christian pulled them tighter together. "You're not afraid any more," Ben said, delighted. He bent his head and let his tongue trace the outline of Christian's mouth. "That makes me so happy." Christian tried to catch the teasing tongue with his lips and failed. "I think it's time you made *me* happy, Ben." He clenched his fingers in the other man's buttocks. "I want to feel you inside me. I want to try that." Ben shivered against him, his eyes going black with desire. "I want to. God knows how much I do. I might hurt you, though. It won't be easy your first time." Christian looked back with as much bravery as he could muster. "Love hurts, Ben. Hurt me." The flush of arousal broke across Ben's cheeks. He cursed beneath his breath, but he didn't move away. "You're too much, Christian. You're too damned much." Christian smiled. He watched as Ben reached to the bedside nightstand and fumbled in the drawer. He came up with a small bottle of Astroglide. He dumped a generous portion into his palm and sat back. Missing the warmth of the other man's body, Christian forced himself to wait patiently as Ben coated himself with the lube. It was nerve-wracking when faced with the all-too appealing sight of his best friend stroking himself. "Hurry," he muttered, the ache in his balls becoming painful. Ben's eyes flicked to him. Reading his friend's distress, he moved his slicked fingers between Christian's thighs. "Try not to tense," Ben instructed as the tip of his finger gently encircled the tightly puckered entrance. Christian shifted, aroused by the swirling touch. When the tip of Ben's finger pushed inside, he forced himself to relax. At least, that's what he told himself. But an invasion was still an invasion no matter how gently Ben tried to make it. When the other man's finger slid deep inside him, the sensation was strange and more than a little uncomfortable. "It will get better," Ben murmured. "Just wait." Christian knew that he looked up at his friend with pleading eyes that were certain to induce guilt. He couldn't help himself. He suddenly realized that this was going to hurt. A lot. No amount of tenderness on Ben's part was going to change that. But he was wrong. Ben knew what he was doing. That became apparent the moment the finger inside Christian curved slightly and struck a spot inside of him that made his entire body erupt with pleasure. "Ben!" he gasped, clutching at the the sheets beneath him. His friend looked down at him with pained amusement. "Does that feel good?" Ben asked him, rubbing his finger against the spot for emphasis. Christian's eyes rolled back in his head. His back arched off the bed as a second finger joined the first. Both digits rubbed teasingly over his prostate. "Fuck, Ben," he moaned. "That's so good. Please don't stop. Please." "I like how you say that," Ben replied. The sudden husk to his voice added to the desire spinning out of control within Christian. "I should have guessed you'd be this hot, Chris. Look at how badly you want this. I don't know why I waited so long to do this." Christian didn't know either. Because if *he* had known Ben could create such amazing pleasure for him, they would have been fucking each other from day one. Another finger pushed inside of him, stretching him. It hurt more this time, but it was a manageable pain. He sighed, twisting against the sheets. Christian peeled his eyes open to look up at Ben. Christian knew he could have been embarrassed by the sounds that were spilling from his lips. It could have been easy to feel vulnerable as his desire for another man was revealed so blatantly. But Ben looked down at him not with derision or ridicule but with hunger. Ben *wanted* Christian to lose control. It was permission. He allowed his need to show in every cell of his body. "Do it," he urged desperately, pulling at Ben's hips. "I'm ready." "No," his friend muttered, " you're not. But I can't help myself any longer." Ben's face was shiny with sweat. Christian could feel the minute tremors that shook the arm braced beside his head. "Remember that I love you, Christian. Remember that." Ben kissed him. His tongue slipped into Christian's mouth the same moment his cock slid into Christian's body. Christian gasped against Ben's lips, pain making him clench his eyes tightly. He heard Ben murmuring encouragement to him, felt gentle hands stroking his damp face. All of it was mere shadow to the fire that raged low in his body. He wanted to push away, but Ben's hands caught him, holding him still. "Just wait, Christian. Don't panic," Ben soothed. "Ben, I don't know if I can do this," Christian gritted, opening his eyes blindly. "Just wait," Ben repeated, and his hand found the softened length of Christian's shaft. Desire swelled like a rising wave as Ben stroked him to hardness once again. Soon, Christian was pushing his face sideways into the pillow, unable to bear the pleasure of his friend's touch. Without conscious thought, he pushed back against the steel cock that impaled him, sliding Ben in further. Ben groaned and began to move. The first stroke stung until Ben shifted his hips, changing the angle. Christian bucked as Ben slid across his prostate. "Oh, God," he cried. Ben grinned with obvious effort. "Better?" Christian's answer was a throaty whimper. Between Ben's hand on his cock and the swollen shaft that pumped into him, Christian thought he would lose his mind. He writhed beneath his friend, clutching at Ben's buttocks, urging his friend deeper. "More," he panted, blinking sweat from his eyes. Ben shook his head ruefully, his own breath harsh. "You're a greedy bastard, aren't you? Should have known I'd be in trouble with you." But he did as he was asked, drilling Christian hard into the mattress until both men were groaning with the exertion and pleasure. Christian lifted his legs around Ben's waist. He discovered that it allowed his friend to reach an even deeper part of him. It was what Christian wanted. He needed Ben to touch those places inside where none other had been. He needed his friend to be a part of him. He watched Ben beneath his lashes. His friend was close to his release. Inexperienced as he was, Christian recognized the change in pace, the shift from smooth and controlled to desperate and needy. His own orgasm was almost upon him and he knew that it would be like none he'd had before. It made him gasp, "Is it always like this?" He bit his tongue as Ben drove deep. It was the move that undid Christian. He clamped his teeth down around a desperate cry. Light exploded in his head. Shudder after shudder tore through him, each more powerful than the last. Ben stroked him swiftly, extending Christian's release until it bordered on pain. He fell back into the sheets, warm liquid spiling across his stomach. He dragged his eyes up to find Ben drinking in the sight of him. "It's never been like this," Ben gasped. "Only with you." Then he thrust forward one final time. Heat filled Christian's body. Amazed, he realized it was Ben's seed pouring into him. Becoming part of him. Christian unlocked his legs and let them fall weakly to the mattress. When Ben left his body it was strange. And sad. He missed the connection. But he knew that sex, just like dreams, had to end eventually. Christian was suddenly filled with misgivings. He had just done something that he could not erase. It would forever change everything. It had already changed him. A hand on his cheek turned his face. Ben was studying him with a frown, his lank hair falling over his forehead. "Stop it," Ben commanded. "I know what you're thinking. This isn't the end of the world." "It's the end of *my* world," Christian returned evenly, "the one I used to live. What now, Ben? What does this mean for me? What does it mean for us?" "It means we lucked out," Ben replied simply. His face held no regret. On the contrary, he almost glowed with content. "Life will go on. You'll do your thing and I'll do mine. And if at night you come home to me instead of to some woman, so be it." It seemed too simplistic. There was so much more involved with this, so many consequences. Christian couldn't reconcile it all quite so neatly. "But it's not that easy," he protested. He waved a hand at Ben's body still draped over him. "We can't touch in public. We can't hug or dance. To maintain everything that we want for ourselves--our futures, our careers-- we can't do anything that normal couples do." Ben's eyes softened and Christian realized that this was an issue his friend had lain awake many a night dwelling over. "Christian," he said quietly, holding his friend's gaze with a love that cherished, "would you rather have someone you can dance with in public, or someone who loves you with every ounce of his being and would give his very life for you?" It was a question that needed no answer. Beneath Ben's calm regard, Christian felt his panic gradually subside. It would be all right. He nodded and laid his palm over the hand that covered his cheek. This was Ben, who held no fear. Who could possibly share some of that fearlessness with Christian and make him believe everything would be all right. "Trust me, Christian." He did. He would take a chance and love Ben. And he would trust his friend to keep that love as bright and untarnished as it was this night. The End Read more from me on http://juxtaposefantasy.com where my gay stories in several genres are archived. I've also written "Wanting a College Boy" in September, gaymale/college on Nifty.