Date: Fri, 25 Jan 2008 09:41:28 -0500 From: Morris Henderson bigmoh@post.com Subject: An_Improbable_Love_Chapter_6 AN IMPROBABLE LOVE Chapter Six As they entered TJ's room, Neil was looking forward to the sex they would have. More than that, however, he was determined to follow a plan he had formulated before arriving. He knew that TJ would be horny and want to have sex immediately (in fact, he wanted that, too). He knew that would not take much time -- they would reach climax quickly. Then, Neil would implement the major part of his plan, a prolonged period of affectionate cuddling. This, he knew, would be an important part of a long-term relationship. He wanted to assess how TJ responded. Would he just want more sex or would he be comfortable just lying together? That's what he wanted with his former boyfriend, the one who was in the relationship just for the periodic orgasms. That's what he yearned for. That would indicate that he and TJ might form a permanent bond. Still, he allowed for the possibility that TJ would want more physical sex. After all, he was -- until two days ago -- a frustrated virgin. TJ anticipated the sex just as eagerly as Neil but, from a lack of experience, hadn't thought through the need to just be in intimate contact and hadn't experienced the blissful satisfaction of merely being together. They undressed each other, which was particularly arousing for TJ because he was no longer nervous. He could now, finally, enjoy the beauty of another boy's body, he could look without fear of exposing his hidden nature and he could touch, feel, and caress without guilt or shame. Within minutes, both boys were naked on the bed, their mouths periodically locked together, and their hands roaming all over each other's body. Neil took the lead. He moved into a 69 position. TJ instantly recognized Neil's intent and eagerly enveloped Neil's cock in his mouth just before he felt the erotic stimulation of warm, wet lips surrounding his own. TJ tried to hold back, to make the coupling last, but it was impossible. His body stiffened. He moaned loudly. His cock sent shock waves through his body and blasted several bursts of cum into Neil's welcoming mouth. Even before he had fully recovered from a debilitating orgasm, he resumed his worship of Neil's cock. His lips, tongue, and hands grew tired as he continued to suckle on and tease Neil's cock. He began worrying that he might be doing something wrong because Neil was taking far longer to cum than he had. Suddenly, his worries vanished as Neil groaned and released his seed into TJ's throat. He savored the taste and reluctantly swallowed the gift that his 'lover' had given him. He then shifted positions so he could lie alongside Neil head to head. He snuggled up to him, laid an arm and a leg across the top of him, and gave him a tender kiss on the cheek. He wouldn't have believed it to be possible but he was happier now than he had been after their first encounter on the sofa. Neil turned on his side to face TJ. He hugged him and returned the gentle, tender kiss. "Oh, Neil..." TJ began. Neil put his finger on TJ's lips and said, "No need to say it, TJ. I know. Because I feel the same way." They kissed once more. TJ laid his head on Neil's shoulder and slowly, softly, ran his hand across Neil's chest. Neil gently ran his hand through TJ's hair until they both stopped to just be held tightly by the other. They laid there silently for several minutes. TJ felt, for the first time in years, completely at peace with his inner turmoil. This was exactly what he was: a gay male who had, at last, found contentment with another male. Neil, although also blissfully content, was distracted by other thoughts. He desperately wanted to build a loving relationship with TJ but he simultaneously worried that he would, in time, be disappointed again if TJ's initial euphoria over gay sex waned or if some unforeseen event would jeopardize the potential bond. He wanted to love TJ but was subconsciously denying himself hope and preventing him from expressing his love. Several more minutes passed wordlessly before Neil kissed TJ's forehead and said, "TJ, can we talk?" "Sure. About what?" "Have you thought about what you'll say to Isabel if she saw us and confronts you?" "Not in detail, no. I'll have to wait and see what she might say. I'm sure she won't be angry but I'm not sure if she would approve. I told you she has a gay nephew and she thinks the world of him. She always sees the good in people regardless of their race, religion, education, or economic status. I'm sure she feels the same way about gays." "But this is a different situation, TJ. She may be thinking about your parents and how it would hurt them to know that you're gay. If she saw us, she's facing a dilemma." "What do you mean?" "Look at it from her perspective. First, assume she saw us. She could draw only one conclusion -- that you and I are gay and probably did more with each other than kiss. You say she loves you like a son. You also say that she's okay with homosexuality. Put those two feelings together and she will no doubt want you to be happy, even if it's with a male lover. That's one horn of the dilemma. The other horn is your parents. She's obligated to respect their wishes as far as you are concerned. That means she can't allow their son to engage in gay sex. I suspect she's been wrestling with those thoughts. If she saw us, we've created a problem for her as much as for ourselves." TJ quietly considered the logic of Neil's comments and began to regret being careless enough to put his beloved Isabel in such a predicament. Neil remained silent, knowing that TJ had to think through the consequences of whatever he said to Isabel. Eventually, TJ said, "I love Isabel. She's been a second mother to me. In fact, I love her more than my own mother. I know that sounds harsh, but it's honest. I love my father, too, but we've never been close. When he's not lecturing me on becoming a good citizen -- which means sharing his values and being just like him -- then he's playing games with my head, trying to outwit me. And he's stiff ... formal ... never expressing affection ... for me or for my mother." "And your point is?" Neil asked. "Yeah, I know," TJ admitted. "I've been rambling. But it's your fault." "MY FAULT? How can it be my fault?" "Because you're so easy to talk to. I feel more comfortable exposing my feelings to you than to anybody ... except maybe Isabel. Anyway, I'll get to the point. I'm gay. I know that one day I'll come out of the closet. That will hurt my parents but it's inevitable. If it comes to a choice -- and I hope it doesn't -- I will hurt my parents before I hurt Isabel." "Okay," Neil said thoughtfully. "I accept your reasoning. At least as far as it goes. You don't want to hurt anybody ... your parents and least of all Isabel. But bear with me on this. We're making a lot of assumptions: that Isabel saw us, that she concludes that you're gay, that we do more than kiss. Suppose she tells you that homosexuality is wrong and you must not have sex with a man -- me or somebody else. Would you defy her and do it anyway?" "That won't happen, Neil. She's not a bigot like my parents. She may warn me of the consequences, she may force me to consider people other than myself, but she won't forbid it. Trust me. I know her well enough to be sure of that." "I'm just trying to consider all possibilities, TJ. I think it would be wise to be prepared even for the unlikely." "You're right, of course. But it doesn't change the fact that I'm gay, that eventually I'll have to be what I am. It doesn't change the fact that my parents will be upset with me. And finally, it doesn't change the fact that ...." TJ abruptly stopped in mid-sentence. "That what?" Neil asked. "That I love you. I know, I know. You said it's too soon to know that. You said it's impossible. But I say it's only improbable and I do know it, Neil. I love you. I love my parents. I love Isabel. But my love for you is different. It's the kind of love that makes me hurt when I'm not with you. It's the kind of love that makes me want to give myself to you completely -- heart, soul, mind, and body." Neil was left speechless at the sincerity of TJ's profession of love but felt compelled to say, "I believe you, TJ. I don't doubt that you have very strong feelings. But let me suggest that they may not persist. You've just had your first experience of sex with a guy ... after years of yearning for it. That may be influencing how you feel about me. I'm immensely flattered, of course, but realistically I have to consider that your feelings toward me will cool. I don't want that but I have to entertain the possibility." A thought crossed TJ's mind that saddened him. "Or your feelings toward me may cool. I would just be another in a series of sex partners." Neil abruptly broke their hug and propped himself up on an elbow to look directly into TJ's face. "Listen to me, TJ. I'm going to be brutally honest with you. Believe what you hear because every word is the truth. When we first met at dinner on Friday night, I was immediately impressed with your good looks. As we talked over dinner, I became equally impressed with your mind and character. That conversation about your school project told me you were compassionate and caring about social injustices. I admire that. When I left that evening, I was looking forward to seeing you the next morning. Now here's the part that I'm not proud of but it's the truth. I wanted to seduce you. I wanted to have sex with you. Why? Because you're very sexy. That little ploy of getting a massage was part of my plan. Are you listening? Pay attention to this. At some point when we were having sex, a feeling came over me. It's hard to explain but I no longer saw you as a just a sex partner. I thought of you a possible partner. Saturday night and Sunday were hell for me because I missed you. We had been together only twice ... and intimate only once. But by Sunday night my intentions had changed completely. I no longer wanted just sex. I wanted you. My objective changed. I decided that I wanted to court you, to win your love, to hopefully forge a lasting relationship. You're not just another in a series of sex partners, TJ. Yes, I've had sex with other boys. I even felt I loved one of them but he had other ideas and we split up. I'm scared, TJ, scared that I'll lose you, too. More than anything, I want to earn your love and have that love grow and flourish." Neil fell silent while continuing to look into TJ's eyes. "You have it," TJ said while tears of happiness flowed down his cheeks. "You have my love. Unconditionally." The two friends -- now two lovers -- hugged and kissed for several minutes before settling down to the simple and blissful joy of being together.