A ROCKY ROAD
CHAPTER TWO
Jeff was unloading the trunk of his car as TJ and Neil approached along the sidewalk. TJ could see only his back but was immediately impressed with the muscular teen. He was the image of masculinity. His hiking boots, cut-off jeans, and a tight tee-shirt heightened his virile appearance.
"Jeff!" Neil called out and rushed toward his brother who dropped his backpack on the driveway, turned around, and flashed a wide grin as he saw his older brother. TJ then caught sight of Jeff's face, a perfect blend of youth and manliness that was captivating. He was almost six inches shorter than Neil and at least 20 pounds of muscle heavier but the family resemblance was unmistakable.
The siblings hugged briefly while TJ stood watching. He was envious of the uninhibited show of affection, which was, until he met Neil, sadly missing from his life. The two Bailey boys talked, joked, and laughed for a little while as TJ stood silently admiring Jeff's exceptionally good looks and magnificent body. His eyes fell to the prominent bulge in his cut-off jeans, causing a stir in his own crotch.
He was shaken out of his admiration when he heard Neil say, "Jeff, I want you to meet TJ."
TJ stepped forward to accept a firm handshake and hear, "I'm glad to meet you, TJ. Neil has told me what a great guy you are. So what do you think of Oklahoma?"
"So far, I'm impressed. Of course, I've only been here one day but I'm looking forward to seeing more of this part of the country."
"Different from Virginia, isn't it? I was in Virginia two years ago at the Scout Jamboree. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see much of the area; we only had time for the Jamboree."
"I remember reading about that," TJ replied. "I understand the heat wave caused a lot of problems."
"Yeah. But on the whole it was awesome. Say, can I get some help carrying my stuff in the house?"
The teens gathered up all of the gear, stashed some of it in the garage, and went inside where the returning adventurer was greeted with welcoming hugs from his parents.
"Your timing is perfect," Mrs. Bailey said. "Dinner will be ready in about twenty minutes.
"Time enough for a shower," Jeff said before lugging his backpack upstairs.
TJ couldn't help imagining Jeff stripping off his clothes in the bathroom, standing naked while adjusting the temperature of the water, and washing every part of his admirable body, including his private parts. But then, he mentally chastised himself. Wasn't that disloyal to the one he loved, he wondered. No, he concluded. After all, when he had commented to Neil about the attractive man in the Metro station, his partner objected only to voicing the comment ... not to admiring the stranger. Still, Jeff had so captured his attention that he was finding it difficult to avoid visualizing him nude.
Just as Mrs. Bailey finished setting the table, Jeff reappeared, wearing chino slacks and an Oxford shirt. He was just as handsome as he had been in the far more revealing camp clothing. TJ carelessly forgot how perceptive his lover was. The frequency of his telling glances at the new arrival began to worry Neil.
The dinner conversation was lively and cordial but, unlike in the previous evening's meal, did not actively engage TJ who did little more than eat, listen, and admire Jeff. Following the meal, the adults left the three teens alone to get acquainted without the "chaperone" effect of parental supervision.
The boys decided to adjourn to the patio, sip their iced tea, and enjoy the evening breeze. Although TJ tried to control his eyes and his thoughts, he was paying attention to Jeff in a way that exceeded polite interest in his host's brother. Neil was becoming increasingly irritated by what he thought were TJ's lustful glances.
After nearly two hours of conversation, Jeff said, "I didn't get a lot of sleep at camp, which is typical when overseeing a bunch of young kids. And I have to get up at six for work. Do you mind if I turn in early?"
"Of course not," Neil replied. "You don't need our permission. You live here!"
TJ watched Jeff walk into the house, oblivious to Neil's frown and mesmerized by Jeff's gait that seemed to emphasize his firm butt cheeks. Neil's mood soured almost to the point of anger.
When they were alone, TJ asked his partner, "Jeff has a job?"
"Yes," Neil replied curtly.
TJ was surprised at Neil's brusque reply but asked, "What kind of job?"
"A summer job for a landscaping company," Neil said, barely concealing his agitation. "He has odd hours. Sometimes he gets off at three but sometimes he has to work until seven."
TJ was confused by his partner's apparent irritation. Attempting to engage him, he commented, "That must be hard ... the labor and the hours, I mean."
"He loves the outdoors and says the physical labor keeps him in shape."
TJ thought about commenting on Jeff's physique but an ill-formed feeling told him not to.
Dusk was descending. A light from Mr. Bailey's office indicated that he was busy there. Sounds of the television placed Mrs. Bailey in the family room. The two young lovers were alone but their conversation slowed to a crawl and then silence.
TJ, now convinced that something was bothering his boy friend, was about to inquire what was wrong but didn't have the chance. Neil, having decided to explore his lover's evident interest in Jeff, asked, "So what do you think of my brother?"
"He's nice," TJ replied. It was a deliberately ambiguous and noncommittal answer but he was still worried about Neil's mood and, more significantly, he was struggling with his attraction to his partner's brother.
"Nice? That's not like you," Neil almost barked. "You usually give a more complete answer. Remember how you described your impression of Jerry when I asked you what you thought of him?"
TJ grew nervous. He was confident of his undiminished love for Neil but hesitant to admit that he was somewhat aroused by Jeff. His reply therefore cited several parts of their conversation that indicated Jeff's maturity, dedication to scouting and scouts, and cordiality but avoided any mention of his physical appearance.
"Then you like him?" Neil asked, trying (unsuccessfully) to sound conversational.
"Of course. I like your whole family ... and especially you!" TJ replied in an attempt to confirm his devotion to his lover.
Several moments of silence ensued before Neil resumed his quest for information. "Handsome, isn't he?" he asked as he sipped his drink and looked at the dying glow of the sunset.
Neil's comment triggered an alarm in TJ's mind. He immediately recognized it as bait, engineered to reveal his feelings toward Jeff. His experience being cross-examined by his father and his newly acquired insight into Neil's thinking left no other conclusion. He decided to confirm his conclusion, take a risk, and be honest. "You're wondering whether I find him attractive, aren't you?"
Neil, only slightly surprised that his partner had recognized the real intent of the question replied, "Yes."
"Well, I do. Based on first impressions only, I admire his character and personality. I also admire his body. We agreed some time ago that we had to be totally honest with each other if our love is to survive and grow. So I confess! I find him to be extraordinarily attractive. There was a time when I would go to bed at night and jerk off while picturing him naked beside me. But that was before I met you, fell in love with you. Admiring Jeff -- or any other man -- and a loving commitment to you are very different. Is it lust I feel when I look at Jeff? Absolutely not! Curiosity perhaps; admiration certainly. But I have everything I want in you. I love you, Neil Bailey! And I want nothing more than to be faithful to you and deserve your love for the rest of my life."
Neil was struck by the sincerity and candor of his partner's expression of love and suddenly felt guilty for his jealousy.
"I'm sorry, TJ, sorry for doubting you. It's just that I noticed how you looked at him this evening."
"Oh my God!" TJ exclaimed. "Was it that obvious?"
"I'm sure Jeff didn't notice. He's blind to that sort of thing. I hope my parents didn't. Perhaps it was just me but your looking at him the way you did brought back memories of losing my first boy friend. I love you too much to lose you, too."
"I apologize for being careless in admiring Jeff. I promise to be more careful. But, more than that, I'm sorry about upsetting you. I would never intentionally hurt you. Please forgive me!"
"If you will forgive me for doubting your love. It's just that ... well ... the mere thought of losing you is painful."
It was close to midnight before the boys went in the house. Neil's parents had already gone to bed so they proceeded quietly up the stairs and into Neil's bedroom. Repeating the previous night's ritual, TJ closed the door and lavished kisses on his partner to express his unshakable devotion. Neil returned the kisses with equal vigor and passion.
Over the next several days, the two teens played tourist, spending their days at museums, the Bricktown district, an amusement park, and more. Evenings were spent relaxing with the Bailey family, watching television, or simply hanging out and talking. TJ enjoyed it all. It seemed that he had been accepted into the family already even though his relationship with Neil was still secret.
TJ continued to admire Jeff but, true to his word, was far more discrete in his glances. Recalling his lover's concern and sensitive to his feelings, he frequently affirmed his love and devotion when they were alone, which dispelled Neil's fear of losing TJ's affection.
Half of the two-week stay in Norman had passed. Neil and TJ were again drinking iced tea on the patio as darkness fell. They had checked to be sure they were alone. The light was on in Mr. Bailey's office; the sound of the television placed Mrs. Bailey in the family room. Both boys were happy to have time together without the need for contrived excuses to see each other back in Virginia.
But they got careless. They had failed to notice that the window in Mr. Bailey's office was open as their conversation turned to their future life together. Never suspecting that they could be overheard, they explored the reactions of their families when they revealed the nature of their relationship. They came to no firm conclusions about when and how to come out except to agree that it would most likely have to await Neil's graduation.
At half past ten, they returned to the house and went upstairs. As they walked down the hall to Neil's bedroom, they passed Mr. Bailey standing in the doorway of his office.
"Got a minute?" he asked offhandedly. "I'd like to talk to you. Come in."
Somewhat surprised but not concerned, the teens walked into the office. Their curiosity was aroused when the man closed the door and said, "Have a seat. We need to discuss something."
The boys sat on a sofa while Mr. Bailey sat on his office chair facing them.
"First of all, let me assure you that I was not intentionally intruding on your privacy. But, as you can see, the window is open. Hearing parts of your conversation was unavoidable."
Both boys turned their attention quickly from the man's serious expression to the open window and then immediately to each other as they recalled their conversation and tried, unsuccessfully, to manage the panic that rose like a wildfire in their minds. There was no escape! Each of them looked to Neil's father desperately searching for some clue in his expression that would reveal what would come next. But the man gave no sign of anger. That was a good.
"I won't deny that I was shocked at what I heard. As I listened -- yes, I admit to eavesdropping after accidentally hearing the unbelievable -- I tried to decide what to do with the information. Eventually, I concluded that I needed more information. Is there something you want to tell me?"
TJ just hung his head, trying desperately to control or at least conceal his fear and panic. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. He felt a little nauseous. His face was flushed and he began to sweat. His only thoughts were of a bleak future without the man he loved.
Neil had a slightly firmer grasp of his emotions. He also feared the consequences of their careless conversation and what his father might do. However, he was able, with difficulty, to respond to his father's question. Hesitantly, he said, "I don't know how much you heard but it's obviously enough to know TJ and I are gay. What you may not know is the depth of our love for each other. It's not a `romp in the sack' kind of affair. I love TJ for his character, his values, his personality, his ambitions and goals. I don't know why he loves me but he does. We're committed to live together as partners. I love my family and it pains me to think that you will be hurt but the undeniable fact is: I'm gay. TJ is gay. We want to spend our lives together. I'm sorry you had to find out this way. We wanted to break the news to you more easily ... if there would ever be an easier way or time to tell you."
The man's expressionless face was more troublesome than if he had shown anger, sadness, or some other clue as to what he was thinking.
"I hear the conviction in your voice, son. But I'm not convinced. I'm sure you believe you're in love. I'm not ready or willing to believe it. You're young; TJ is younger. You're both bright and mature for your ages but I have to question your ability to make a decision like this. Have you thoroughly thought through the consequences of the choice you're making?"
"Yes. First, let me say that my being gay is not a choice; it's what I am. I've known it for years. It's not a casual choice that I made. I can assure you that TJ feels the same way. The only `choice' we have made is that eventually we will live together openly as a gay couple. We both recognize that we'll be subjected to prejudice and even persecution. We're willing to endure that. We are acutely aware of the effect this might have on our families. We can only hope that you will understand that our happiness depends on our being together as partners. We're hoping that you will want us to be happy more than having to live a dismal life of denying what we are and what we want."
"The fact remains that you are young -- young men perhaps but not yet men. Your decisions and actions now can have serious repercussions. Yes, I want you to be happy but I'm afraid a gay lifestyle is not the route to happiness."
"Perhaps not. But being gay and being forced to live straight is the route to unhappiness. More importantly, living without TJ is a guarantee of unhappiness. I love him, Dad. And he loves me. Together, we can endure the hardships and find happiness."
"Again, I hear the conviction in what you say. But I'd like to hear from TJ."
TJ, having had time to quell his fear and compose himself, confidently said, "Everything that Neil has said is true, sir. I'm gay. I love your son more than I ever thought possible. He's brought me joy beyond description. He's considerate and compassionate. He's bright ... no, I'd say he's wise. When we're together, it's delightful. When we're apart, I ache to see him. That may sound trite and corny but it's the only way I know to describe the depth of my love for your son. He's told you that we have considered the consequences of living together. It's true. It's also true that we both agree that we can't bear to be without each other."
Neil's father sat quietly, analyzing what he had heard, while the two teens waited impatiently for his reaction, whatever that might be.
After a long silence that the lovers could only suffer through, the man said, "There's an important practical issue I must raise. Neil, you're eighteen. TJ, you're sixteen. The age of consent in Oklahoma is sixteen. I don't know what it is in Virginia but it's probably eighteen. If you have been intimate, which would not be surprising, I don't want to know about it. But any sexual activity you may have had or may have in Virginia could be a felony. If tried and convicted, son, you would face some very hard time in prison, defeating your wish to live together. Have you considered that?"
"Yes, which is a major reason why we've chosen to keep our relationship a secret for at least two years."
TJ added, "Being gay is not a crime, sir. Prosecution requires a complainant alleging that illegal sexual activity occurred. Moreover, conviction is impossible without credible testimony from the victim or a witness to the alleged behavior. Any sex that we may have had or may yet have cannot be proven because I will never complain and will deny that any inappropriate behavior happened. Therefore, charges will not be brought. I realize that you have only my word but, believe me, I would rather die than hurt Neil."
Mr. Bailey was taken aback by the sincerity and logic of TJ's argument. After a moment's reflection, he said, "I'm sure you mean that, young man. But I still have to caution you both that the future is unpredictable. One or both of you might change your mind. I urge you to consider the possibility of a falling out, hard feelings, and revenge. Even the accusation of illegal behavior can be devastating."
Neil responded, "The chance of that is vanishingly small and is a risk we're both willing to take."
Mr. Bailey, still expressionless except for a serious demeanor, said, "Now there's just one more thing to discuss. I think your mother has a right to know. Do you want to tell her or shall I?"
Without hesitating, Neil responded, "We'll tell her. She should hear it from us."
"I knew that would be your answer and I think it is the best choice. Now how about Jeff?"
"That's a difficult situation, dad. He's so straight laced that he may hate both TJ and I as degenerate sinners. I've agonized over that. I love him and would hate to alienate him but it's a price I'm willing to pay. He'll find out sooner or later so we'll tell him, too. It would be even worse if he's the last in the family to know."
"I agree. I'll leave it up to you two to pick the time and place but I strongly encourage you not to delay too long. I'll let you go now."
"Before we go, dad, we've answered your questions and I'd like to ask you one."
"Go ahead."
"How do you really feel about having a gay son and, for that matter, a gay son-in-law?"
"Right now, I'm still trying to assimilate the news. I need more time to think about it. I was initially shocked because I didn't expect it. The shock turned to disappointment. Not because you're gay but because I know it will create a multitude of problems for you ... for you both. Do I approve? I don't know yet. Give me some time to think it through. Okay?"
"Thanks, dad. I love you."
"I'd like to add my thanks, sir," TJ said. "I wish I could expect the same understanding from my father when we tell him."
"That's just one of many problems you're going to have to deal with. And if that was a subtle request that I not tell him before you do, your secret is safe."
"It wasn't but thank you again."
The two lovers left Mr. Bailey to digest the unexpected revelation. In Neil's bedroom, they re- affirmed their commitment to live together as partners, sealing their vow with meaningful kisses. Once in bed, neither of them was in the mood for sex. They had too much to discuss. Neil's father's ultimate opinion of their love and choice of life style was still unknown. They could only speculate on how Neil's mother and brother would react to the news and but eventually, they agreed on a strategy for telling them.
To be continued.