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A Master of the Tenth Order, Chapter 4 By ThePhallocrat - thephallocrat@gmail.com
In later years, Claudio would recall that the day he first attempted to pass the initial sex magick test with Benedict present was the same day he learned of the existence of the Cult of the Double God, and would marvel at a certain kind of irony in that coincidence.
The world outside the Commune was largely a mystery to its younger inhabitants. Efforts were put in place during the formative years of a magicker's life to protect them from all outside influences, to make the Commune the center and limit to the acolyte's universe. Some of the higher magicks could never be properly mastered by anybody who grew up outside or were in any way affected by outside ways of thought. Even in the Principality in which the Commune existed, noted for its veneration of Magickers and deep respect for their power and presence, sex was attached to a certain level of guilt and shame, internalized at a young age, that would make breaking through to true magick of the Ninth and Tenth Orders difficult no matter how much a would-be magicker attempted to unlearn the negative associations. A young apprentice had to believe the way of life at the Commune was normal, believe it down to their bones, without any thought that it could be any other way.
Eventually, as one grew, this policy shifted and older students were more and more taught about the greater world, and eventually were even taken on tours to various lands and countries so that magickers did not become isolated and detached without any knowledge or understanding of the lands beyond their borders. The Commune believed magick to be best used in service to the greater good of all peoples, not just themselves. Claudio, now in his seventeenth year, was only just beginning to take classes that introduced him to the geography, history, and culture of the world beyond the Commune's borders, a subject he sometimes found fascinating and sometimes dull, but which, despite the lack of magick in it, he still understood to be of great importance to his future life as a master magicker. He was beginning to understand that the Commune was a very small part of the Principality, which was only one small nation of the continent, itself only a fraction of the world.
One day in crossing the common grounds with Johan, on their way to one such lesson in geography and politics, they spotted an unusual congregation of their fellows on the green. This area was not the literal center of the Commune grounds, but it was the center of social life, especially for acolytes. Often groups of students could be seen on these lawns studying, playing, or copulating together, and even full-fledged magickers well past their student days often conversed and relaxed there. However, a gathering of a crowd of this size was unusual. The group clumped near the presence of a strange-looking man, an outsider to the Commune certainly and, obvious just at a glance, not even from the Principality. The man was shouting in a loud and threatening voice, speaking their tongue with a thick accent that, in addition to his hoarse volume, made it somewhat difficult to understand him.
"The Double God extends to you Their mercy, if you recant your wicked ways!" the man was saying. The group of magickers of all ages gathered nearby showed various reactions of similar flavors: fascinated, confused, and amused. "Repent! Forsake evil and live in the Light!"
It was not unheard of to see outsiders inside the Commune. There was no wall that surrounded the outer limits of the community, no guards placed at the roads. Folk from villages nearby would often come to trade or to ask for aid. Dignitaries from the capitol, representatives of the Grand Prince himself, arrived often enough in their grand carriages to meet with the council of master Magickers. And even from time to time some timid tourists from cities, towns, and countries far away would wander in to sate their curiosity. None were turned away, unless they proved distracting or unruly during their visit. The Commune needed no walls or guards beyond the powers its members could wield, and those who visited knew that perfectly well and so stayed on their best behavior more often than not. To see an outsider so openly antagonistic to the Commune was an uncomfortable oddity, and Claudio would have gladly passed by and pushed it from his mind were he alone.
However, he was with Johan, who was much more prone to confrontation than his friend and not nearly as content to let matters slide by. "What's this about a Double God then?" he shouted, "You sure you aren't just drunk and having blurry vision? Wine does that to me too."
The magickers nearby, especially the younger ones, laughed. The outsider's face darkened with rage. "The Double God is the pure duality and perfect harmony of Light and Dark, Man and Woman. All things in their proper place and order! Light above Dark. Man above Woman. The Double God is nature as it was truly intended, the true way of the world, though you have been denied the truth of it here."
"Man above Woman is alright," Johan quipped, "But I suspect Woman above Man is a good bit of fun as well." And the other acolytes roared even louder at that. A few of the older female acolytes gave Johan an approving look, even a few winks and nods.
"Your mockery proves nothing but your own lack of wisdom," the man scowled, "You jest about sinful congress, lustful indulgence, sacreligious pleasures. Sex outside the holy boundaries of marriage is sin!"
"Marriage?" one of the older female acolytes said aloud, tasting the strange word on her tongue. "What on earth is that?"
The man gave her a shocked look. "Are you so ignorant of natural life? Marriage is the true and holy union of man and woman, the earthly enactment of the Double God's nature, bound mind and body to each other alone."
"What, one man for the rest of my life?" the acolyte replied, "Sounds horrible."
"Even worse to me," said another girl near her, "I don't like men at all. So unless I can marry a woman..."
The outsider hissed. "The congress of woman with woman or man with man is the worst sin of all. It is abomination! It spits in the faces of the Double God! For all such who engage in those disgusting acts, the Double God shall wrack your soul across eternity, and as you suffer you will have plenty of time to regret your folly."
Claudio felt like he'd been struck in the stomach, and at the same time Johan's face darkened. He was more than annoyed now, was in fact deeply enraged, and Claudio felt a foreboding that the situation was about to escalate. Nervously, he pulled on his friend's sleeve to try to lead him away from the confrontation, to escape this uncomfortable tension, but it was too late. Johan cast him a look of impatience but also of love, a look that revealed immediately that his anger was not just for himself alone, but on behalf of his dearest friend.
"Why wait?" Johan shouted, shrugging off his roommate's hand and striding forward, "If the Double God wants to wrack us, why don't They do it now?"
"Perhaps They will!" the man spluttered ominously, clearly a bit unsettled with how close Johan was getting. "Stay back, or I shall call down Their wrath upon you!"
"Please do," Johan said, quietly, intensely, his eyes not moving from the other man's as he took one more confident and threatening step.
The outsider shocked them all at that moment by performing magick. Rudimentary, to be sure, but magick all the same. He twisted his hands into something approximately like the First and Second inclinations, muttered something under his breath, and all the gathered acolytes felt the sudden press of magickal energy in the air, a swirling ball of power collecting near the man's outstretched hands ready to be unleashed on Johan at a moment's notice.
It was surprising to see magick done by an outsider. Horrifying, even. But the skill on display was approximate to an acolyte of the Second or Third Order, and an ill-trained one at that, so that those watching almost cringed from second-hand embarrassment to see the attempt. Johan reacted instantly with well-honed instincts, summoning magick of his own to snuff out the threatening ball of energy gathered by his opponent, swatting it away as though it was a toy in the hands of a child. To add insult to injury, he flicked his wrist once more to push the man off his feet, sprawling him onto the grass with great indignity. The gathered acolytes cheered in triumph. Johan, already fairly popular with his peers, had just made himself a hero.
"ENOUGH," thundered a deep and terrifying voice, projected by means of magick to resound across the common greens, shaking each student to their core. It was a voice they all knew quite well. Master Paelomon -- in all his bearded, stocky, muscular, hairy majesty -- was striding forward with a look of pure fury on his face and magickal energy wreathed around him, as well as four or five other master Magickers trailing his wake, including Benedict. Johan had a look of triumph to see his master come running to the rescue, and even sneered at the outsider, until it became apparent that the subject of the large man's fury was himself. Then he shrunk back in a panic, but it was too late. Fingers moving in inclinations too complicated and advanced for most of those present to even follow, Paelomon weaved strands of magic that seized his pupil by the tunic and by the ears and pulled him slowly and uncomfortably to his presence.
"You have assaulted a visitor to the Commune, a guest of our guild," Paelomon growled, and Claudio could not recall ever hearing the man in such a deep fury.
"But, master, he--"
"I will hear no excuses, acolyte. You will apologize to the man. This instant."
The outsider was slowly picking himself off the ground, watching the whole confrontation with some confusion. He was looking at Johan with a face full of sudden fear and realization. Claudio wondered if the man had not understood Johan was merely a student before hearing Paelomon call him an acolyte, especially since Johan looked older than his true years.
"I apologize for my behavior, my words, and my actions against you," Johan said, his voice tight. He even bowed respectfully. Claudio knew him well enough to know he was outraged, but also well enough to be impressed with how much he was reigning in that emotion.
"The boy will be severely punished," Master Paelomon assured the outsider, "This is not how we treat visitors, I assure you. If you will accompany me to my office, we can discuss the matter to your satisfaction, good sir." He held out a meaty hand pointing in the direction of the masters' quarters. The representative from the Cult hesitated only briefly, then nodded and joined Paelomon in walking that direction. Two other masters hurried over to Johan's side and with grave looks led him away. The young man spared only one glance back at his roommate with a look of resigned dread and then was gone. Claudio was so busy watching him go and worrying about the gravity of his punishments that he did not hear Benedict come up beside him.
"Come along, Claudio," Master Benedict said softly, "Let's adjourn to my quarters."
"But... I have class...," was all Claudio could muster.
"Master Paelomon's class? I should think we can assume it will be canceled today. I also think," Benedict put a hand on his pupil's shoulder, "you could use some tea. Yes?" And Claudio nodded.
They walked along the green in silence. The rest of the gathered acolytes were also dispersing, mostly silently, taking in what had just occurred. Claudio waited until there was no one else within earshot of the two of them, then unleashed the thoughts that had been welling inside him.
"He did magick," the young man blurted out, "The stranger."
Benedict nodded, lips tight. "Did you think our Commune was the only place in this world where people study the magickal arts?"
"Other lands have their own magickers then? Their own Communes and guilds?"
"They do, though none quite like us. None, that we know of, who have obtained the highest Orders. They do not even all classify magick by Order or live in a Commune, as we do. And they certainly do not all agree with our magickal philosophy."
"That man certainly does not," Claudio said bitterly. "He said... horrible things."
"I have no doubt he did. He is the representative of a particularly nasty religion, one whose base of power, fortunately, is far away."
"Then why--" Claudio started to ask, then stopped himself. He didn't want to risk rebuke by questioning the will of the masters. But Benedict heard his unanswered question.
"Why must Johan be punished?" Benedict said, finishing his thought, "Why do you think Master Paelomon is so angry with your friend? What did he do wrong? Think about it."
Claudio, angry and outraged on his friend's behalf, could not stop himself from saying, "Master Paelomon must sympathize with this man and his faction."
Benedict laughed so hard he had to stop walking for a moment and catch his breath. "Dear boy," he wheezed at last, "Do not let Paelomon hear you say so. I shudder to think at his outrage. No, Claudio, Paelomon is as disgusted by this cult as you or Johan or I are. More so, perhaps, as Paelomon's fury in defense of his family, all of us, knows no equal as far as I am aware."
"Then I do not understand, master."
"Why do you think that man is here? Do you truly believe that he thinks he can, through vigorous condemnation, sway us from our magickal practice, our pedagogy, our very way of life? Does he think so highly of his own powers of persuasion?"
Claudio considered. "I suppose even he must not be that simple," he admitted at last.
"Then why do it?" Benedict left the question in the air for some time. Claudio had no answer. Seeing this, his teacher continued. "To antagonize. To invite retribution and rebuke and thus create enmity between his faith and our Commune. They are a funny people, these devotees to the Double God. They thrill to be made the victim. They are almost desperate for it. He wanted nothing more than to return to his masters and tell them how persecuted he was, how great our wickedness and dishonor that we could not abide to hear his condemnations. Had we killed him, even better. They love a martyr most of all."
And now Claudio felt he was beginning to understand. "And so Johan, in lashing out--"
"Gave the man exactly the fodder he was looking for. We were on our way to deal with the matter, to bring the man away from you acolytes and into private discussion with us, and then send him on his way with as much respect and kindness as we could muster, thus foiling his intentions. Now Paelomon must grovel and kiss the man's backside to undo the harm done, and he's not at all happy about it. Thus, Johan's punishment."
Claudio nodded but the matter still troubled him. As the two entered Benedict's quarters, he asked, "But will it work? Being nice to him? If it's as you say, the Cult seems determined to be our enemy regardless of what we do. Why not just send him packing by means of magick? That would send a message wouldn't it?"
"It is not just for the Cult's sake we restrain ourselves," Benedict explained, "But for all the world. The powers we wield make the nations and their rulers uncomfortable, even I fear our own patron, the Grand Prince himself. We must show we mean no outside faction harm, have no ambition, bear no one ill will. Remember: `use thy powers only for the greater good'. Is this not what we have drilled into you students in lesson after lesson since you were a child?"
Benedict sat down and sighed, working magick casually to heat up a pot of tea. "It is difficult, I know, to remain calm in the face of such hostility. To return kindness when given contempt. To ignore the evil of their theology and the harm it must do to so many who live under its power. But we must protect the Commune at all costs. As powerful as we are, we would not survive if the whole world turned against us. Not without becoming something other than we are, at least. Do you understand?"
Claudio did. "Johan crossed a line. A big one, for us magickers."
"He did. And no doubt he shall learn a valuable lesson from it."
They enjoyed their tea in silence as Claudio reflected on all of this and tried to sort out his feelings on the matter. At length, Benedict broke the silence again to ask:
"How goes your study of dual incantations?"
"It is... challenging," the young man admitted, "I find it difficult to feel two different things at once."
Benedict barked a laugh. "Two different things like, for example, fascination with sex and also fear of it?" Claudio reddened. "Or how about this one: pride in a friend for standing up for himself and you, but at the same time anger that he violated a core precept of our community?"
"I see," Claudio interrupted, "I feel contradictory things all the time, you mean."
"It's the most natural thing in the world. All that remains is to touch into that when crafting magick. You'll get there. What about your sex magick studies? Any luck with the candle?"
"Ugh," Claudio said with a heavy exhalation of breath, making his teacher chuckle, "No progress at all. Most of the time I can't even... you know. Finish. I'm too distracted by trying to do the test. I can't seem to just... let it happen. Like you do, when you demonstrate."
"When you feel ready, I can attempt to assist with that. But rest assured that this is common, that this is in fact exactly the problem you're meant to be wrestling with at this phase in your training. Well, some students have the opposite issue," Benedict said with a smile, "They become so lost in their pleasure they forget the magick entirely. I did not expect you to have that issue, as fond as you are of over-thinking things."
A few years earlier, Claudio would have heard this as a criticism and castigated himself with shame. However, his relationship with Benedict had deepened to the point that he knew the man spoke only out of love, that Claudio might remember his own tendencies. Now, when Benedict pointed out such things, it only made the young man smile warmly, feeling seen and understood and loved. His heart burned again as he reflected on how much he'd come to trust his teacher.
"I think, master," Claudio said, "I am ready to try the test with your assistance."
"Oh?"
He nodded. "Yes. I'm getting nowhere on my own and... well, I've seen you do it many times by now and it feels less daunting to take my turn than it once did."
Benedict acknowledged all this with a friendly smile. "Alright, we'll set up a time then."
"Why not now?" Claudio surprised himself by saying.
Benedict cocked his head in amused surprise. "Oh, my! How far my dear Claudio has come from the terrified boy who first appeared at my door shivering with fear and doubt."
"Not that far," Claudio protested, "but... far enough I suppose."
They set up for the attempt, clearing away the tea and setting out the candle. Benedict lit some incense and closed the windows, darkening the room and blocking out distractions. He also threw a soft fur across the chair to maximize comfort. Claudio began to undress, and the moment he removed his shirt he felt an electric shock of energy fill him, then turned to find his teacher staring at his body.
"My apologies," Benedict said, and blushed slightly himself. Claudio was stunned to see his teacher's face reddening for once, rather than the student. "You certainly are eager to get started. I was not prepared." Claudio could feel via a sudden magick link that had, by instinct, connected them that Benedict enjoyed what he was seeing, and for the first time perhaps ever the young man felt like he was an object of sexual desire. It was a strange and revelatory sensation, and an intoxicating one.
Clearing his throat and returning to the task at hand, Benedict set up a curtain that isolated a corner of the room and placed a chair behind it. "I shall remain behind this veil for your first attempt," Benedict explained. "This is a common practice in situations such as ours, where my desire for you could prove... distracting, at best. There's no preventing it entirely, but not watching you directly should help somewhat."
Claudio was confused. "How then can you assist me?"
"I shall feel everything I need to know through magick, my boy. And I shall still be able to speak to you and offer wisdom and advice. In time you will grow more used to the weight of my feelings and be able to compensate for it, and then we can dispense with the curtain. For your first time however, it's best to be cautious. And it may help you relax if you know my gaze is not upon you."
Benedict retreated behind the curtain and situated himself while Claudio finished removing his clothing and sat on the designated chair. His heart was beating quickly and his skin writhed with excitement, but his genitals lay limp and unresponsive. For a terrifying moment, he wondered if he would even be able to become aroused enough to attempt this trial, let alone succeed at it, and pondered the misery of such an abject failure. But Benedict sensed all of this and was ready with help.
"Close your eyes, Claudio," his teacher's voice reached to him from behind the curtain, "Put the test from your mind. Come to your center, in meditation, as we have done before. Good. Now breathe deeply, feeling each breath in and out. Connect with your Centers, as we have often done, but in reverse order this time. Begin with the Seventh, just above the crown of your head, and work downward one at a time, connecting with each sacred place. Yes, good, now... as you arrive at the Second Center, the base of your sexual energy, stay here. Relax into this place. Allow whatever thoughts or images come to mind to arise on their own. Do not judge them. Let them be."
In the silence of the moment, Claudio's mind began racing with sexual fantasies and he could feel his body begin to respond with arousal.
Benedict chuckled. "What a thoroughly impressive imagination you have," he said, "Those are quite elaborate positions in which to achieve penetration, indeed. And so many participants!"
Claudio yelped. "You can see what I'm thinking?"
"Our bond is strong, your sexual power potent, it's quite difficult not to see what you are thinking," Benedict said, and suddenly Claudio's mind was filled with a new fantasy, one he knew at once was not his own for in the mental image he peered out of a body that was foreign to him. Looking around, he saw he was in Benedict's body, experiencing the fantasy from Benedict's perspective. His teacher was on all fours in the soft grass of the common in the dead of night while Master Paelomon explored his back entrance enthusiastically with his rough tongue. Another master knelt near Benedict's head and nibbled his earlobe softly. All three men moaned.
Claudio moaned too.
"You see?" Benedict said, and his fantasy retreated from Claudio's mind. "There are few secrets hidden from teacher and student in this situation."
The shared fantasies were more than enough to get Claudio started on his efforts. He began to masturbate while staring intently at the candle, quickening his efforts as he attempted to summon up some magickal strength from within his Second Center and direct it at the candle's wick.
"Relax your focus away from the candle," Benedict admonished, "You cannot force it to light. That is not the purpose of what you do. You bring yourself pleasure first and foremost. You press against the limits of the physical world and brush against the metaphysical. For now, the candle is incidental."
He tried to do this, looking away from the candle, closing his eyes, imagining Johan naked or any of the other boys he'd often stared at longingly.
"Better," Benedict said, and his voice was husky with lust and desire, "But as beautiful as those other young men are, this is a test of self-pleasure, Claudio. Self-love."
And Claudio's mind filled with foreign thoughts again, images of himself as seen from another's eyes. He saw himself deep in thought while reading, saw himself laughing at a joke from others, saw himself swimming naked in the Commune's swimming pond, saw himself masturbating exactly as he was right now. He saw with a deep shock that he was an attractive man. It felt bizarre, almost narcissistic, to be masturbating while thinking of himself -- but the thoughts were mediated through the eyes of another, Benedict, and that made it more an exercise in self-acceptance than arrogance. He began to understand just what his teacher saw when he looked at him, and his confidence swelled.
"You see, you are beautiful. You are a magical creation, as are all things," Benedict was saying from beyond the curtain. Claudio felt as though he heard his teacher's voice more via the magickal link between them than with his ears. His words seemed to echo in his head. "As you pleasure yourself, you are the universe understanding and loving itself. The Self known as Claudio fades away, and there is a hint of something Greater."
Beset by confidence and arousal, Claudio did indeed begin to lose sight of all the anxieties and insecurities that previously held him in restraint, and thus his fantasies began to run wild. He saw himself caressing Benedict. Touching his manhood gently. Taking it in his mouth. Kissing him over and over. In the scene, teacher and pupil were pressed against one of the mighty trees on the Commune's green on a cool, overcast spring day, a gentle breeze tickling their naked bodies. Other magickers watched from a medium distance, impressed and jealous by the fire of their connection. It was a strange fantasy, for Claudio's imagination kept bouncing back and forth from his own perspective and Benedict's, so that he was at once the young man pleasuring his teacher's penis with his mouth and also the older man being so serviced. It was a disorienting dual sensation, beginning to blur the lines between them. Was he Claudio or was he Benedict? In the heat of the pleasure, they were becoming one and the same.
The magick within him grew as his excitement did. He felt on the cusp of some great revelation, or at the very least of orgasm, and with a sudden insight he felt that perhaps these two things were one and the same. In his eagerness to push further, the erotic fantasy took on a sudden intense life of its own. A powerful new image dominated his mind and the shared link with his teacher: a fantasy of Benedict holding him up with arms below his knees, his back propped against the tree, the older man's erection pressing inside of him, filling his tight and eager buttocks fully with his manhood, the two gasping and grunting together as Benedict unloaded a heavy sackful of seed inside of his pupil. Their eyes were locked on one another during this deeply intimate moment, and it was this eye contact that truly sent Claudio over the edge.
The whole scene was overwhelming, it burned with electric fire that grew into a surge of magickal energy that swept out of and through the naked young man like a tsunami. The power was uncontrollable, undeniable, terrifyingly beautiful. Claudio orgasmed instantly, the test entirely forgotten, ejaculating all over his leg, hands, chair, and floor. The candle, of course, remained unlit. From behind the curtain, he heard Benedict grunting in similar pleasure. For four shots, five, then finally a weaker and dreamy sixth, Claudio emptied himself fully while his eyes rolled back in his head, toes curling, a whimpering snarl escaping his lips along with a line of drool. It was the most powerful orgasm he had ever experienced, and for a moment his mind was totally blank of thought. He could only stare at the ceiling in shock.
Then, at some length, his teacher emerged from behind the curtain with a sheepish smile. His robes were stained with seed at crotch level. The older man took in Claudio's naked form, still shuddering from the pleasure, and the mess he'd made and nodded in admiration.
"Well," Benedict said, breaking the silent tension, "We have learned your imagination is rather more potent than either of us expected. No, Claudio, I see you preparing your usual apologies. There is nothing to apologize for. In fact, I see this as good progress."
"Progress?" the young magicker sputtered.
"You lost yourself in the pleasure, forgot yourself, surrendered control to it. And were overcome with quite an intense sensation, deep magick -- if undirected and uncontrolled. You have a taste now, I think, of the intensity that once so moved my face at that Consummation years ago, the intensity you have feared for years. Was it as terrifying as you once thought?"
Claudio blushed and shook his head. It had been scary, the way it had felt so much more powerful than him, his body barely able to stand it, but above all else it had, in fact, been wonderful. Sublime. He wanted it again.
"You see? The analytical part of your brain turned off and you followed your raw instincts. I would encourage you to try to find your way to that state in your personal practice until it becomes natural for you. Eventually, we will work to bring that wild energy under control a little bit and direct it into useful magick. But for now you must learn to let go over your hesitations and enjoy the moment. Do you understand?"
Claudio nodded, but he was only half-listening as his mind began to drift. "Master," he said, "I hope it wasn't too strange that... well..."
His teacher had produced a small washcloth and, to Claudio's shock, knelt and began tenderly cleaning off his pupil. "That what?"
The thrill of his teacher's touch made the next words pour out of Claudio in quick sentences. "That I fantasized of you. Of us. I didn't mean to, it just sort of happened."
"It just sort of happened, did it?" Benedict laughed, "That fantasy was very detailed. I doubt it was the first time you'd thought of it."
Blushing, the boy shook his head. "No," he admitted, "it wasn't. I'm sorry."
"Sorry? My boy, I'm deeply flattered." And Benedict brought his hand to the back of his student's head and caressed it tenderly. "While you are not ready for us to bring that fantasy to life quite yet, I have no doubt that one day you will be, and we will. How pale you have become! Yes, Claudio," his teacher leaned in close and whispered lustily in his ear, "one day we will work some great magick together, and the honor will be all mine." He then leaned in and planted a soft, quick, and affectionate kiss on the younger man's lips. It was a sweet gesture, more benediction than romantic, but still Claudio, who had barely ever kissed anybody, felt all kinds of magick welling up in him at the brief touch of lip on lip with the old man. His teacher smelled like heaven, musky and masculine.
Benedict pulled back and smiled, handing Claudio the rag to continue the cleaning on his own. He then stood and resumed his instructional voice. "In the meantime, our lessons can proceed without much disruption. I will be more prepared with my defenses in the future." And the man laughed at the mess at his crotch, showing no trace of shame or embarrassment.
It had proved to be a pivotal day. Claudio had learned something of the ugliness of the world outside the Commune, but more importantly something important about himself too. For years he had wondered if he was simply one of those who had little interest or natural desire for sex; there were some such in the Commune, and they still played important roles in the guild. But that path would not have suited the vision Claudio had for his life as a master magicker of the highest Orders like Benedict or Paleomon, and so he feared it. Now, though, he understood something that no doubt his teacher had known from the very first time he had come to him to discuss these matters.
Not only was he a sexual being, but he was a very sexual one. Claudio had in fact feared sex magick so much because of the depth and intensity of his carnal desire, heretofore repressed. But now having truly faced his inner urges, feeling them in his bones, he was ready to start a new, erratic, belated, but absolutely necessary era in his short life: that of raging teenage lust -- with all the joys and dangers that came with it.