I really hoped not to say this but I couldn't think of any suitable alternative: Its my first time writing (etc, etc) and I would REALLY appreciate some mail telling me what you think (I-really-am@2cute4u.co.uk - oh whats wrong with that. I think it's fun). I don't mind if you're honest (just not TOO honest, okay? :) ) but I would really appreciate some CONSTRUCTIVE criticism. That means don't write it off completely just yet. Please.
I just thought I'd mention that I live in a little backwater called England. Please don't hold it against me; I ... I was ... I was just born that way :). This means that I have almost no idea what is going on in the outside world; our press seem to think that we find wars and stuff more interesting than the BSB and 'N Sync; I mean, DUH! :P So I'm doing my best here to try and keep things as authentic as possible but I may wobble at the details now and then, (out of interest, anyone know of any good websites with BSB/'N Sync gossip on?) but hopefully it won't be too bad. I'm trying to overcome a bit of a culture clash here as well, but hopefully my turns of phrase and everything shouldn't throw anyone. If anything seems a bit peculiar, TELL ME!
I don't know the BSB or 'N Sync or who they do it with; this is a work of fiction. (But oh, we can hope...)
If you're underage, you should go away now. Admittedly I didn't, but now I'm legal (nearly two weeks!) I've got to be responsible, I suppose.
If you're offended by gay stuff, what the hell are you doing here in the first place? Bugger off to somewhere straight :P.
Hopefully I'll see you again (well not literally of course...) but I'll shut up talking now. On with the show!
All the best
John
A LITTLE BIT OF LOVE - Part 1
"Chance be buggered," she said, exasperated. "get it sorted out, alright?"
He nodded. 'Sometimes,' he thought with a smile, 'you need to take care of things yourself. And, of course, it never hurts to keep your hand in.'
Brian was troubled.
He looked across the table to the source of his problems, and his best friend of the past few years. Nick was sitting in the seat of the tour-bus opposite him, staring out of the window with his head on the palm of his left hand. For the past few months Nick had been becoming increasingly withdrawn, tending more and more towards introspection. Every now and then he would sigh heavily. Any inquiries Brian or the rest of the group made as to whether he was all right, was there anything wrong, anything they could do to help, were met with the same response - he was fine, there was nothing wrong, and he would perk up briefly. Yet after a few minutes he would revert back and the cycle would start again.
Brian couldn't work out what was wrong. No, actually that was not quite right; he thought that maybe he DID know what Nicks' problem was; unfortunately, Brian wasn't sure he liked the answer. He gazed at his friends' sculpted features, the golden hair, the distant blue eyes. Whatever the problem was it was affecting him deeply, and for some reason he felt that he could not tell his band-mates. 'Why doesn't he think he can tell us?' Brian asked himself. 'Well, it could be that the problem is with one of us. Think. What could be wrong between us?' He thought carefully. No. His mind drew a blank. Neither they nor Nick had treated each other any differently since they had first met; there was nothing to suggest that their bond was not as strong as ever. However ... there was that time ... he'd almost forgotten about that. Brian had just met up with his then girlfriend, with Nick tagging along. He'd pulled her into a hug, given her a kiss and spun her around. And then he'd caught sight of Nicks' face ... He'd quickly hidden his expression as Brian turned round, but hadn't been able to stop Brian seeing the yearning there. It hadn't been so much jealousy as a kind of regretful wistfulness.
Brian had thought that it had meant that he wanted a girlfriend himself, but the date he set Nick up on had not exactly gone according to plan. Apparently he had been the perfect gentleman, but the girl had said she had felt that he'd been like an actor playing a role, in a part he couldn't quite fill. She'd blamed herself, and Brian had done nothing to stop her. But in truth this was hardly the first time it had happened. In fact Brian could not remember a single girl who had managed to get Nick to be more than friends, and those who tried too hard didn't even get that.
Inevitably Brian was brought back to his original suspicion. Was it that... was it... could... could Nick be gay? Brian frowned. He ran through it all in his head again, but nothing else made sense. If you could call THAT sense. He sighed, and rolled his eyes. Anymore of this and he'd be starting to sound like Nick. He could just picture Kevin asking him in a slightly worried tone if he was all right, was there anything wrong.
Yes, there definitely was something wrong. Brian was very religious and saw himself as a true son of his church - a church that was quite firm in its belief that homosexuality was wrong. He was finding it increasingly difficult to share this view. It was so much easier to believe the worst of people whom you do not know, but... with Nick it was different. The more he thought about Nick being gay the less he could reconcile his own views with those of his church.
'Well,' he thought, 'what do I do now? Should I speak to Nick, let him know he doesn't have to hide it? But, what can I say? What if I'm wrong? What am I going to do about the church? Who can I speak to?' He frowned. 'Is there something wrong with me, that I don't think that it isn't a sin? Am I...?' He pushed that thought away with a shudder. 'Uurgh, no, definitely not,' he decided emphatically, 'No. But Nick...'
"Something wrong, Bri?" his friend's soft voice carried across the table.
"That's gotta be a first - you asking ME if I'M alright!" Brian replied with a grin, his mind racing, "Um, just bored I guess."
"Yeah, know what ya mean."
They were quiet a moment, listening to the steady sound of the tour-bus' engine and the faint noise coming from the TV the other guys were watching up front. "Wanna get your ass whipped at Nintendo?" Brian asked, knowing Nick would be unable to resist. Nick just grinned and rubbed his hands together.
"Bye." Lance hung up the phone.
"Well?" JC asked. "What did they want?"
"It appears that there is a new guy on management, and he's got a few ideas. They want to know what we think and so they want us to meet him for lunch."
"Oh? Did they give you any details about what his ideas are, exactly?"
"Nah. I asked but they said we'd just have to wait. He'll be waiting for us after this mornings recording session. Speaking of which, we'd better get going."
"Yeah." They made their way out of the house to JCs car. He often stopped off to give Lance a lift into the studio as his house was on JCs way in. He'd pulled up into Lance's drive and knocked on the door. Lance had opened it a few moments later, the cordless phone he used in his house held to his left ear.
It was a fine spring morning in Orlando. The sky was mostly clear of grey, with a brisk breeze rustling the leaves in the trees. The car eased out of the drive and sped off towards the studio.
Lance loved these little journeys, and hated them as well. Being with JC, chatting about nothing much in particular, was an exquisite torture for him. Over the years the band had been together he had come to have feelings for him, beyond that initial attraction which had followed their first meeting. He loved him being so close ... yet hated him always being so far away. He had borne it for so long that he was almost used to it. Or so he tried to fool himself. In truth, he knew he couldn't take it much longer.
JC loved these little journeys, and hated them as well. Being with Lance, chatting about nothing much in particular, was an exquisite torture for him. Over the years the band had been together he had come to have feelings for him, beyond that initial attraction which had followed their first meeting. He loved him being so close ... yet hated him always being so far away. He had borne it for so long that he was almost used to it. Or so he tried to fool himself. In truth, he knew he couldn't take it much longer.
As recording sessions went, it was unspectacular. Boring, even. Normal.
"Okay guys, that's it," their producer told them, eliciting sighs of relief. "See you tomorrow."
"What, you're letting us go?" Chris asked in surprise "You're not having us dragged back here after our lunch with... what did you say his name was Lance?"
"Er... I don't know," Lance admitted with a perplexed expression on
his face, "Sandra didn't say and I forgot to ask."
"It's, er, Ross, Mr. Bass," said a pleasant voice, seeming to hesitate over the name. They turned around, seeing the newest addition to their management for the first time.
He stood a little over six feet tall, high enough to be noticeable and yet no so much as to be ungainly. His body was well muscled, enough so as to look good, very good in fact, and yet not so much as to be ungainly. His clothes were tight across that muscled chest, along those muscled arms and legs, enough to show the awesome body they were meant to hide, yet not so tight as to hinder his movement, and make him appear ungainly. None of those present could imagine an occasion where such a word could be used to describe him, and they had not yet seen him do anything other than stand still. His face was ... perfect. Framed by burnished golden hair and with two startling golden eyes, it was indescribable. There were hints that his face may have been cherubic as a child, but now... imagine sex given a tanned human form. He wore nothing more formal than a cream T-shirt and off-white jeans and a pair of light brown suede shoes.
He smiled as the silence stretched, the five heartthrobs stunned by encountering the Ultimate. In the end Lance was able to force himself to speak: "You don't have to call me 'Mr. Bass', Ross. Lance is just fine."
He smiled upon hearing this. Lance felt his heart beating even faster. "Thank you. Now tell me, gentlemen. What would you like for lunch?"
That broke the bubble. Nothing got Joey talking quicker than the mention of food.
"Um, how about a steak. A big one. With fries. AND a Jacket potato. And maybe a little bit of salad..."
"Oh yes that sounds good."
"Yeah, lets."
"Sounds good to me."
"Sure, why not."
"OK then, I know just the place. Shall we?" Ross indicated towards the exit, and the guys followed his suggestion.
Lance took himself very firmly in hand. He had kept his secret for years, and unless he wanted to give all that up now he was going to have to be very careful around Ross; his looks made him too dangerous otherwise. In front of him the guys stopped suddenly and Lance had to jump backwards or he'd have run into Justin's back. They were watching Ross walk towards his car.
Chris' lip quivered comically. "Lamborghini," he moaned, "Wa-a-ant Lamb-bor-ghi-ni..."
Ross turned and grinned at the mock-bawling pop star. "I don't mind a passenger but one is all I can manage, I'm afraid."
"Yippee!" Chris shouted in child-like glee, electing himself for that onerous task. The others laughed at him, though understood the sentiment. The Lamborghini was a lot like it's owner; it was sex on wheels, it has to be said. It was a Diablo; it was black and it glittered in the sun.
"Mind if I ride with you Justin?" Joey asked, "that way I can have a drink!"
Justin rolled his eyes but nodded his assent.
"I felt like a bit of a drive, actually," JC interjected, "I'll follow you in mine, J."
"Whatever."
"Er, Josh, would it be all right if I come with you?" Lance inquired in his quiet way.
" 'Course. Hop in."
The three vehicles pulled out of the car park in a convoy, the black Lamborghini taking the lead
"So, um, what do you think of him, then?" Lance asked of JC cautiously.
"Dunno. I wonder what he's doing in management, though. With looks like that he could make it big as an actor or something. His voice didn't seem too bad either."
"I know what you mean. There's ... something ... about him, isn't there?"
"Oh yeah. JC cursed himself silently. He'd said that just a little TOO enthusiastically.
'Did that mean something?' Lance thought to himself, but dismissed it as the idea entered his mind. He was letting his hopes get the better of him, and he couldn't risk that.
The waitress goggled when she saw exactly who it was sitting the table, but recovered admirably. "What can I do for you, gentlemen?"
"Steaks all round. All the trimmings, please." Justin replied politely with a smile.
"And how would you like them cooked?"
"Well done, please."
"Thank you, Mr. Timberlake, Mr. Fatone?
"Same here."
"Uh-huh. Mr. Kirkpatrick?"
"Medium for me."
"Got it, Mr. Chasez?"
"A rare one for me."
"And Mr. Bass?"
"Rare for me too."
"Yep, er, Mr....?"
"Rare, thank you. Bloody, if possible." Ross answered softly
"Sure. Any drinks with your meal?"
"Oh, we'll have two beers for those two, a coke for me, a Dr. Pepper for Lance, a mineral water for Justin and..." JC looked across at their dining companion.
"...another mineral water, thank you." Ross finished.
"OK, got it. Thanks a lot." The waitress quickly ran off towards the kitchen.
Lance composed himself, putting on his business face. "OK then Ross, we're here. Now what does management want our opinion on? It's obviously quite important - there is after all no such thing as a free lunch."
"Of course. You're going to have to sing for your supper."
The other guys groaned. "One more cliche out of either of you and we walk," Justin threatened.
"To be more specific it's about your next tour."
"Oh?"
"We were trying to think of ways to maximize audience turnout. As I don't know if you're aware of it but the Backstreet Boys are planning on going on tour at about the same time, and although they'll be following a different route to you guys there will be some conflict on a number of occasions."
"When did you guys find this out?" Lance demanded, "and why weren't we told earlier?"
"We only found out recently," Ross replied placatingly, "and we think we've found a solution."
"And?"
"The problem is that the two bands are trying to appeal to the same market. In a number of places there are going to be fans whose piggy-banks won't stretch to both concerts."
"So what's the answer?" Justin asked, interested.
"We were thinking, why not combine the tours? You know, make it a joint 'N Sync-BSB thing. Admittedly a smaller percentage of the profits goes to you but the audiences themselves will enlarge There is no way that ANY of your fans would miss it. Once in a lifetime opportunity and all that. Also the publicity surrounding the tour would be absolutely huge. The press would just eat it up, what with your supposed rivalry as well."
"Interesting. Do you think they would be up for it?"
"I couldn't say for sure, but I made some preliminary enquiries of their management and they appear to like the idea."
"Any thoughts on including other acts?"
"Nothing for definite. Britney Spears' name has been suggested."
"Cool - do you think she'd do it?"
"Justin, you know Britney a lot better than I do; why ask me? But, lets face it you guys are a crowd-puller on your own; add the BSB to that ... she'd be a fool to say no. Anyone would be."
"Well, we'll have to talk about this. As a group." Lance told him.
"Yes, of course. But don't think on it too long, okay? It's going to be a lot of work setting it up and there's not too much time in which to do it."
"You seem pretty sure of our answer," JC said mildly.
Ross grinned charmingly. "like I said, ANYONE would be a fool to turn it down. And you guys don't strike me as fools."
The group nodded their heads.
"You know, this could turn out to be fun."
"Oh I'm sure it will be Chris. I'm sure it will be."
Kevin's mobile phone rang, the display informing him it was 'Management'. He picked it up and moved away from the TV for a bit of quiet.
"Yeah, Kevin here ... what? ... their management have suggested ... OK ... yeah ... right ... yeah, that does sound good ... uh-huh ... yep ... I'll tell the others and let you know ... OK ... bye." Kevin thought for a moment and then called out "Brian? Nick? Could you join us, please?" The two of them had been on the N64 since before lunch, playing every game they could lay their hands on. Judging by the amount of Brian-sounding groaning, Nick was winning. Kevin was quietly relieved. Nick hadn't been himself lately.
The pair appeared from the back of the bus, Nick the noticeably perkier of the two. "Thanks Kev," Brian moaned, I was getting trounced back there."
Nick grinned. "Yeah. Beautiful, wasn't it?" he smirked.
"OK, OK, leave it out. Howie, turn the TV off will you? Thanks. I've just had management on the phone. They've been contacted by 'N Syncs management about the possibility of us going on tour together."
"Really?" AJ asked in surprise.
Kevin rolled his eyes. "No, I just made it up, what do you think? Anyway, they want us to think it over and get back to them as soon as possible. In case we wanted their opinion, they think we should do it."
"When were they planning for?" Brian asked
"Nothings final of course, but they were hoping for in about six months time. They want to get it set up as soon as possible, as it will be harder to keep in a secret for very long. They want us to be able to call the shots, not he press."
They all thought about it for a while.
"What do you think, Kev?" Nick asked quietly. He and the others knew that they could count on him to keep an eye on their best interests.
Kevin found himself the focus of the gazes of the ither four. "I have to say I agree with management on this one. I mean, just think about the amount of publicity the tour would generate..."
Howie made a face. The others shared his sentiment, but they all knew it was a necessary evil of the business.
The four nodded their agreement with Kevin's sentiment, though Nick's was slower than that of the others.
"Well then, are we decided? Should I tell management they have the go ahead?"
"Yeah. Why not?"
Nick finished brushing his teeth and just gazed into the mirror above the sink. After a while he broke the stare and looked down at his hands.
He had known he was gay for a long time now, but recently it had been getting harder to keep going, keep playing the charade. It was only because his friends meant so much to him that he was able to do it. He couldn't risk losing them; he would lose far too much. It was agony for him to keep saying he was fine when all he wanted to do was break down and tell them the truth, tell them everything.
He frowned as his thoughts turned to this tour with 'N Sync. It was going to be difficult, he was sure. He was going to have to be doubly on his guard; it was awkward enough trying to keep his secret from the other guys - what was it going to be like trying to keep it from the 'N Sync-ers as well? What would happen if one of them picked up on something that the BSB were just used to and didn't notice? More importantly, how was he going to keep a secret the fact that he wanted to yank the pants off of everyone in their group?
The two groups had never really met properly before. Sure they'd seen each other backstage at awards ceremonies and stuff but it had only been briefly. And Nick, being the shy one, hadn't even really done that properly. In fact he could only actually remember meeting two of the band - JC and Chris.
He sighed. 'Oh well, enough feeling sorry for yourself,' he thought, 'time for bed.'
Nick sat up abruptly and gasped slightly. He had been dreaming about the
one thing he wished for more than anything else - someone for him to love, someone to love him above all else, a soul mate who would love him, and him alone, someone who would return his love and never leave him. For a moment he had known him, known that he existed. And he knew that they WOULD one day meet.
Contented, he sank back down to the soft pillows, and the tender ministrations of sleep.
TBC...
Well that's it for now. PLEASE, PLEASE let me know what you think (I-really-am@2cute4u.co.uk), I'd really appreciate it. I know it's a bit slow at the moment but there is such a thing as setting the scene, OK?
I hope to get the next part posted as soon as possible, but until then, it's bye from me.
J