A Letter to Vanessa
By Katie McN katiemcn@excite.com
Note: This is a romantic story written for adults and contains the description of the first time experience of two 15 year old girls. If romance, lesbians, 15 years old or sex is a problem, please stop reading now.
Vanessa is gone now, but I still think about her from time to time. It's been a few years since I wrote her this letter. It really hurt when we broke up. But, you know it was best for both of us.
Writing this letter was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. Thought you might like to look at it.
Love you,
Mary Kay
My Darling Vanessa,
I love you so very much.
I can't imagine us ever being apart for longer than a few days. Trying to imagine a time before you is like trying to hold on to the smoke from an August prairie fire.
You always want to know every little thing about me. It makes me feel so special. So loved. I want you to know everything, too.
I want you to know every secret and share all of my hidden life.
It's not that I ever want to hold back anything. I just need to make sure I can express my secret thoughts and images in ways you really understand.
I've tried to tell you about my first time, but I can't seem to conjure up words that express the pictures printed forever in the inner most recesses of my memories.
You're gone today and I will miss you until you get back.
While your gone, I'll try to write the words I can't say when you look at me with the most beautiful eyes that any woman ever gets to see.
If I succeed in painting my feelings on these pages, I'll give you this letter when you get home. If I don't, well, I'll try again some other day.
I was standing on the back porch of our ranch. I told you about it once. It's a large old ramblin' place near Big Spring. The place where my daddy tried to raise the Santa Gertrudes cattle. Good thing he did a better job raising oil wells. That's for sure.
A great big old place. Spent the best years of my childhood there.
On that special day, I watched a tumble weed roll slowly across the flat land behind the big house. Not much to stop it for another 10 miles or so. It didn't seem to mind much. Just kept moving along.
Ellen was there with me. You remember her. She and I were best friends since the second grade. Been through a lot together. Hating boys. Loving boys. Not really sure what to make of any of it. We both got into horses instead of worrying about things too much.
My dad was flying his plane over to Austin that evening. The folks were heading out to a party the Governor was putting on after he won reelection. Quite a time.
Mr. and Mrs. Guthrie, Ellen's folks, were flying out with them. Just us kids left here to have a good time.
Used to be a big problem staying alone with Ellen's three brothers. They are all older than us. For the longest time, they hated having girls around. Can't say that I blame 'em really. Daddy's little girl types can be a pain in the ass I'm sure.
Two things changed all that. First, we kind of figured out how to act like guys. Pretty easy really. Just had to be loud, wear cowboy boots and act stupid. Fit right in, both of us.
Another thing that kind of helped was how I was beginning to look.
Not too hard figuring what a girl looks like when she's wearing nice fitting jeans and a tailored shirt. Southern girls just automatically know how to bend over without breaking their knees. Certainly know how to point that cute little thing where it will do the most good. Boys were starting to appreciate it. Ellen just thought her brothers were so funny.
Never had a problem with a one of 'em though. They wouldn't want to have to put up with Ellen getting all pissed off at them. Ha ha.
The maid lived in a little house out back. She left that night as soon as she washed up the dinner dishes. That's our signal to start having a good time.
The boys always seemed to have two or three brand new porno videos for when the folks were gone. Sure enough, we headed for the TV room to see the sights.
Randy, Ellen's oldest brother, had his own car by then.
He'd slipped off earlier in the day and got a case of long necks. The other boys had their own ideas about what kind of beer to get. But, since Randy was buying, we always ended up with Lone Star no matter what they said. Didn't care much myself. Neither did Ellen.
Ellen and I would have one beer each and make 'em last all night. Didn't really like drinking beer that much. Just part of the guy thing and fitting in.
There are certain rituals when you watch a porn film with the guys. First off, you got to know how to act.
Just waited for the right spot to holler out, "Whooeee! Look at the tits on that one." Yep, that was me.
Ellen would jump in and say something like, "Boys, don't you wish you were hung like that guy." Course, they'd all say they were and ask us if we wanted to see. Kind of curious, but too smart to say yes.
Anyhow, seen everyone of 'em naked when we'd go skinny dipping out at Seaford Pond. Didn't point out that they weren't even close to that guy on the screen. Not right for a girl to look you know.
When you live on a ranch, you get to see fucking all the time. Animals don't give a shit who watches. Just want to get it on whenever they have the urge. Got the fundamentals down at about age five if I remember right.
Thing that made the porno films interesting was the other stuff that happened on the screen.
Never saw a bull get a blow job for instance. Don't recall seeing three horses getting it on with each other. Never noticed two cows doing each other. Lots of valuable information for our young eyes.
We'd pretend to know everything that was going on of course. Wouldn't do to let the boys think they knew more than us. Part of hanging out with the guys.
Ellen and I couldn't wait to get off by ourselves to talk about everything we saw in those films. Interesting sex education class I'd say.
Boys sure are silly. Funny to wait and see who got a boner first and how he tried to hide it. All three of 'em usually got hard at one point or another.
Ellen and I'd been staying over at each other's homes for long as I can remember. Wouldn't seem right if this didn't happen three or four times a month.
We had our own ways of doing things, too. First off, we'd hit the shower just before we got ready for bed.
Mostly we spent our time outdoors and the West Texas dust just grinds away at a person.
I'd usually be first. Didn't waste anytime and came right back to the bedroom. Her turn next. Ellen would be in and out in a flash. Both of us all shiny and new.
We'd been wearing big old tee shirts to bed since we started to get boobs. Trying to hide the changes in our bodies I guess.
After a while, looking like big girls stopped bothering us. Kept wearing them big old shirts out of habit I guess.
We really didn't look alike now that I think about it. Sure we always tried to dress the same way. But looks, no, we were quite different.
Ellen is not a blond like me. She has auburn hair with enough natural curl in it that it gets hard to manage on bad weather days.
My hair is almost straight. It's thick enough so it will hold most anyway I fix it. Never has been much of a problem to me. Used to make Ellen so mad when she'd have to work real hard to look good and I'd just run a brush through my hair and be ready to go.
By then, I was just 5' 7" and 115 or so pounds. Ellen weighed about the same, but she was always a couple inches shorter than me.
Her extra weight seemed to go to all those just right places. Ellen's boobs were a little bigger than mine then. Her butt looked rounder than my slender cowgirl ass. Although, must say that I was getting some notice, too.
I thought she was beautiful and told her so more than once.
She said the same things to me. Just loved my best friend.
At the time, we didn't realized just how beautiful the two of us were. Somehow when you live with yourself, you get real used to how you look and how you feel. Doesn't seem that special really.
Later on you start to understand you're a little different than some other folks.
No matter how much we'd been together during the day, we still had secret things to talk about when we were alone.
That night was stuff like Randy getting a big old hard on. Laughing about me asking him a lot of questions while he tried to hide that thing. Pretending I wasn't seeing anything. Ha ha.
One of the videos caught both our attentions.
A little bit of foreplay, kissing and hugging. Oh sure everyone ended up fucking their brains out in the end, but there was a little loving and tenderness for a few minutes at least. We both agreed it was kind of nice.
Another thing we found out. Pretty much the girls did whatever the guys wanted in those films. But, when there were two girls together (or three or four depending), they seemed a little more into each other and into sharing. Not so much pressure I guess.
By this time we were in Ellen's bed. We always slept in the same bed when we stayed over. Always had.
Just her table lamp on that night. Best way to keep her brothers from pounding on the door about another film they found or whatever. Those boys could raise hell all night. We didn't care as long as they left us alone.
Never been able to figure out how it all happened.
We somehow started looking right at each other. We looked for what seemed like a real long time. Then I just pushed my face forward and up and kissed her. A tiny little kiss, but we both knew it was real.
Now we had been kissing each other since we were little girls. Didn't mean anything, just our way.
This time, I was weak. Don't know why. Something just went all through my body and I couldn't move. I was afraid, too. What would Ellen think of that little kiss?
We looked at each other for the longest time and said nothing. She'd been my friend for so long she could tell that I was embarrassed by what I'd done.
Being my friend, she saved me with a kiss of her own. A nice little kiss, but just that much longer than mine.
I could hear the sigh come from her mouth. A tiny little sound that said, "I don't know what that was, but I do know I like it." Knew what she was thinking because I felt the same way, too.
Time went by forever.
My timid arm kind of moved forward toward her. The moment it touched her shoulder she grabbed on to me and gave me the biggest kiss I ever had. Whooee girl! Just wasn't ready for that.
We held each other and I could feel the heat coming from our bodies. Our boobs were pressed together with just a little cloth separating us.
Somehow her hand ended up on the back of my neck. I made a sound that told her she didn't need to stop.
Kind of tailed my hand down her back. Moving toward the bottom of her tee shirt. Let my hand wander down below her shirt till it rested gently on her panties. My what a nice butt you got there girl.
Trying to make up my mind about what to do next.
Guess she was doing the same. Her little tongue just pushed right into my mouth. Well, I kind of opened up my mouth and let her get on in, once I realized what she was up to.
Didn't know she could kiss that good. Didn't know I would like it that much. Didn't know. Wow.
Let my hand wander up her back staying under her tee shirt this trip. Damn did she feel good. Like rubbing your hand on silk. Umm.
My idea was just to explore under her shirt a little bit. Soon as my hand got near her shoulder blades, her hands went right up into the air. Ohh. She wanted me to take her shirt off. Didn't waste a second doing it either.
Soon as I had her shirt off, she got right after me. Pulling my shirt over my head lickety split. Kind of fresh for fourteen year old girls don't you think?
Funny thing. I'd seen her tits lots of times before, but they sure looked different that night. Kind of a daring mystery.
We fell back on the bed. Our arms were wrapped around each other real tight. Our mouths were pressing together real hard. Nothing but fire and passion.
I felt her hand going down my back. Wondered what it was going to feel like having another girl touch my ass.
Didn't have to wait long to find out. She was very gentle at first. Tentative even. Just like me I guess. Kind of wondering if I would mind her checking me out.
When she realized that I liked what she was doing, felt her hand slip right inside my little panties. What an interesting feeling. Yum.
Lifted up my hips so she could pull may panties down. She had to get under the covers to finish getting them off. Ohh a little kiss on my tummy! How very nice.
I pushed her panties down real slow. Saw this in the video. Looked real cool and sensual. Could tell she sure liked it.
Got under the covers to pull off her panties. Let my tits rub on her legs and tummy as I came back up to find her. Hot stuff, huh?
Got very brave then. I kissed her nipple. Well not too brave. Just a quick kiss really. We both giggled. But, we both knew that it wouldn't be too long before we got real serious about all this.
That next kiss lasted more than a life time. I felt her climbing up on my leg. I felt her thrusting herself at me. She was rocking me back and forth. I kind of pulled my leg up a little and made it real easy for her to do what she wanted.
We always got a tiny bit high from our one long neck a piece. At that minute, felt like I drank the whole case. Hardly knew where I was. Only knew that I wanted her more, more, more. Yes, yes, yes. Ohh fuck.
Until that very minute, the only tits I ever touched were my own. Hers felt so good. The sound she made when I slowly squeezed and rubbed them was so nice to hear.
Kind of loss track of what I was doing when she started playing with my boobies.
Knew I could get myself going when I played with my own titties. Didn't have a clue how much better it would be with someone else touching them.
She knew just what to do. Don't know if it was the video or just stuff she did to herself. It didn't matter. Could not believe it. Only one other woman every had that sane impact when she touches me like that. And, you know who that is Vanessa.
Sometimes when I'm with you my beautiful woman, I get this feeling in my chest and tummy that I just can't explain. Certainly not in words, no. Feels so good, but no words. Just electricity, just emotions, just things too hard to say in words. I had the same feeling for the first time that night.
We were laying on our sides. Looking at each other. Kissing. Touching. Not believing we were there. Loving it all. Studying, remembering, feeling the mystical experiences of the West Texas summer night.
Her hand started down my rib cage moving toward my hip. By now we both could relax with the luxury of knowing we had time to do whatever we wanted. We knew we would, too.
Her hand moved across my naked hip. My body wanted to pull her inside me. Her long fingers slide over my ass and stopped inside the crack between those two cheeks you seem to like so much.
She squeezed nice and easy. One finger moved toward my asshole hole.
What was that sound? Was that me? Oh my! Damn. Umm.
I fond her hand and guided it down my stomach toward my pussy. Pushed her hand into my bush. She grabbed on to me between my legs and started moving her whole hand back and forth.
Felt her finger on my clit first. Then she slide right inside my. I was so wet by then, it was easy to accommodate her.
She started moving her hand back and forth with a constant pressure that said that she knew just what I wanted to feel. She was so right.
Her finger moved in and out of the flame that was between my legs. I opened myself up for her. Seemed like I was as wide as my thighs. Seemed like I could somehow swallow her whole.
She had three fingers inside me. Not the way I did it, but oh my god.
There didn't seem to be an end to it. I floated off to some place far away from reality. I could feel tears well up in my eyes. Happiness was so wonderfully strange.
Her mouth covered mine. Her insistent tongue entered my mouth searching, probing, exciting. Her other hand touched my tits. Rub, squeeze, stroke. Please stop - don't stop! Oh. Oh. Ohhh.
I had orgasms before.
There was a time that I thought I invented the orgasm.
But, never anything like this. My body exploded from high to high.
I couldn't see. An orange explosion hid me from everything, but the passion that filled my body.
Waves of sex and warmth. Over, over, over.
Ellen, Ellen. Let me touch you now. Let me make you feel this good. Let me.
She soon found out what it felt like to have part of me inside her. My finger moved relentlessly inside her pussy at a pace that merged with the movements of her body.
I kissed her breasts, her nipples, her pretty lips. My finger moved over her face, cheeks, neck. Yes, oh yes. Touch, touch, feel, feel. More.
It just seemed to start way down inside of her somewhere. Exploded to the top with sounds of pure lust and ecstasy. I was just a few inches away from her face and got to watch it all.
She opened her eyes at the peak of her pleasure. I was getting ready to get off again. She could see me moving toward a climax and it just intensified those strangely wonderful feelings she was having.
We were like two mirrors making love. Magnifying our feelings and emotions. Having feelings that had no names or descriptions. Not for mortals at least.
We stayed awake for the whole night. Sometimes just holding each other tightly in an embrace that could only be understood by two people who loved each other in a way that few could understand.
Other times, we were hotter than that old porno video. We were pretty brave. Nothing we didn't try. Nothing we didn't love. Don't think there was one part of her beautiful body that I didn't touch, kiss, feel. She didn't miss any part of me either.
My tongue in her pussy. Her lips on my nipples. Fingers touching, caressing, teasing. Lips kissing, sucking, nibbling. Her tongue in my pussy. My finger on her asshole.
Did I miss anything? Where are we? What's next?
Must have come five or six times that night. Well, no, can't really tell you how many times. Don't know how often Ellen got off either. We weren't counting. Didn't have time really.
We fell asleep when the sun started to peek up at the eastern sky. Holding each other. Loving each other so much. Knowing we'd never forget any of this. Not one bit.
There were other times over the days and months and years. Funny thing though. No one ever told us we could be together. We were still seeing boys. Doing all the stuff our parents expected of us. Never just seemed like something we could do.
You met my folks. Guess you can understand how this might happen. Seems real funny now in a sad kind of way.
Ellen and I never really got together like us my darling Vannie. But she and I shared something special. Something I've never be able to forget.
She's living over in Lubbock now with Charles Frederick. They make a lovely couple, don't they? Never was a question that I'd be her maid of honor. We both cried at her wedding for more reasons than most people know.
For a long time, I'd thought that special day from long ago changed me. Now I realize that I only found out what I was all along.
Ellen didn't change either really. We were just a little bit different. We still love each other like two sisters who are very best friends. Always will I guess.
I owe you so much. You let me know that it was all right to be my own person. You made me feel love in a way that let me be just what I am. I wasn't raised to wear my feelings on my arm. You dragged each little emotion out of me. Showed them to me like they were jewels and told me that you loved each and every one.
Just love being your baby and being loved by the most wonderful woman I could ever know.
I love you,
Mary Kay
By Katie McN katiemcn@excite.com
Get the rest of my stories and find out all about me at my home page:
http://www.asstr.org/~Katie_McN