Disclaimer: This story is entirely fictional and not intended for minors or those judged unable by law to read this material. Any resemblance to actual people is purely coincidental and not intended.
The author reserves all rights to this work.
Author's pre-story note:
I have received some mail regarding the emergence of AIDS: some positive and some negative. Some would like to have it elaborated and others have said that it is time to move on and not dwell on something that has been done to death. I have decided to stick to my original story line. That means that I will disappoint one group. I had asked for help because I needed it to develop the inner emotions felt by Martin. I realise that different people have different reactions and so I had to work with what was sent me with what I think Martin is like. For those who have sent me the information, thank you. You may or may not see what you have sent me embedded within the text of this and the next few parts. Once again, thanks!
Read carefully, I got inspired by yet another Westlife song. You might see a semblance or rephrasing of the lyrics in here. Send me a mail if you know which song it is. No prizes unfortunately, but I do reply each letter individually.
solark36@yahoo.co.uk
15 HARTFORD
The story so far:
Gabriel Duncan, whom Sally sought to look for Martin, discovered where Martin was. His cousin, Will, reveals to him that he (Will) had forced himself on Martin and is now HIV positive. He informs Martin of the possibility of being infected but refrains from saying much to Sally. Sally and her husband finds out what happened anyway and learns that Martin is very depressed. They rush to Martin the next day.
Part 13 - Confrontation
Michael had a strange call on Monday. Sally had said that they were still working on where Martin was and that she would call to tell him of any developments. She told Michael that she had a gut feeling that there was a logical explanation and that he should not worry about Martin not loving him. Sally had a great way with words. She managed to convince Michael to study hard during the week. She had said that Martin would be heart broken if he found out that Michael was going to risk his studies because of his temporary absence. Michael had tried to get more out of Sally, but that was all she would say.
Then, late Tuesday night, at about ten in the evening, he received another call from Sally to say that they had managed to find out that Martin was in Edinburgh. She said that, together with her husband, she was going to pay Martin a visit. She told Michael that Martin was given a promotion and was probably too caught up with setting up a new workshop. The news cheered Michael up a little, but Sally spoke in a hurry and did not give Michael any opportunity to say anything significant. Thus, Michael was not able to get any other information from her. At least he now knew where Martin was and his reason for leaving. Michael was annoyed with Martin for not telling him and he felt that Sally was holding something back.
At about seven on Wednesday, Sally called again. This time she seemed a bit emotional and passed the telephone to her husband. Donald gave him some good news and some bad news. They had found out where Martin was. However, Martin did not want to see him. Michael found himself very confused when he heard the latter that he did not listen to what Donald had said next. Donald had to repeat. After finding out that he was only free after ten in the morning on Friday, Donald instructed Michael to take the train to Edinburgh and meet them at a particular place at a particular time. It seemed Donald had it all worked out. Donald was convinced that Martin still loved Michael and would not reject him but the both of them needed to talk. When Michael asked what was the matter, Donald only said that it was something that both of them had to talk out. Sally and Donald would help if needed but the major players were Martin and Michael. Donald ended the call by reassuring Michael that all would turn out fine if Michael followed his instructions.
The three telephone conversations were played and replayed in Michael's mind as he headed for Edinburgh on the train. He had taken the eleven-hundred train to Edinburgh and he would reach just before half past four in the afternoon. Michael's worries made him very tired and he dozed off. A snack cart announcing tea woke him. He looked at his watch and it was just past four. He walked to the lavatory to ease himself and splash some water on his face. Donald had left very precise instructions. He was glad that he wrote them down. He got back to his seat and removed a folded piece of paper from his backpack. He memorised the address given to him. He was supposed to take a taxi straight from the train station to the restaurant indicated.
He noticed the beautiful hills in the background as the train sped along. He knew he would have been mesmerised if not for the terrible mood he had now. He was anxious to meet Martin, but the knowledge that Martin did not want to meet him gave him a sense of dread. What had happened? He tried to think of answers but he could not. Donald had told him that Martin still loved him. That last thought set Michael a little at ease but the dread and the anxiety still pulled at him on both ends.
Martin could not understand the Taylors. They had occupied most of his thoughts from Tuesday since they arrived. They had gone to dinner and then insisted that he take Thursday and Friday off to show them around Edinburgh. Actually, Martin had not gone round Edinburgh since he arrived. The Taylors joined him for lunch and dinner on Wednesday and made sure he got home. He had offered the guest room to them but they declined. They knew they were more than welcome because the guest room had a double bed. He decided that perhaps they did not want to live in the same house as someone who probably had AIDS.
Martin humoured the couple. They were persistent but not irritating. They gave Martin space, and yet, at the same time, did not leave him alone until he was at the office or at home late at night. On Wednesday, they managed to get him to drink a considerable amount. It was not enough to make him drunk, but enough to make him sleepy. He realised that the couple was helping him out of his depression. It would seem that they were succeeding because he thought little of his predicament when he was with them and he got a good night's sleep on Wednesday. Thursday was really a blur to him. They had dragged him out into the different parts of the city, getting him into the museums and into shopping areas. They had asked him to decide about things to buy regarding the baby. Martin had no ideas about babies but they managed to get him to think and join in their little debates about which was the best cot, which was the better clothes, which were the more economical way to bring up the child, and so on.
Friday was also quite hectic. The Taylors seemed to be in one debate or another and Martin had to end up being arbitrator. They said a lot, but they did not buy much. In fact, they had only purchased a bib and a pacifier so far! By lunch time, Sally announced that she was a little tired and she needed some rest. They took a simple lunch at a small Chinese restaurant they had passed when they were sightseeing the previous day. Martin conversed a little with the waiter in Chinese and impressed the Taylors. Unfortunately, it reminded Martin of Michael. It was Michael who taught Martin to speak a few words of Chinese.
"What's wrong, Martin?" Sally asked, "I hope you're not getting sick like me?"
"No, it's just that Michael taught me how to speak Chinese."
That shut Sally up. The couple had been successful in getting Martin to think of other things until then.
"You do miss him, don't you?" Donald asked.
"Yes," Martin replied. His tears were beginning to flow.
The waiter was taken aback when he saw Martin weeping. "His mother died recently," offered Sally. The waiter nodded in understanding, served the dishes and noodles and left them alone.
"Perhaps we're stupid to try to cheer you up this way," Donald said.
"No, you're both very kind. It's so difficult. I miss him so much and yet I know he shouldn't be with me any more."
"Why don't we finish our lunch here, deposit the little woman ..." Donald received a friendly scowl from his wife, "at the hotel room and go on to the pub for a drink. You look like you need one and I'll join you. I know Sally wouldn't mind."
"So long as you don't get Martin and yourself hopelessly drunk. I'd still like my dinner in the company of two distinguished gentlemen."
Martin forced a smile. "Thank you for being so nice. You're great friends."
As promised, Martin was brought to the pub for a drink. They sat at their corner table and talked. It was then that Donald got to know how Martin grew up, the sordid family history, and the reaction of his brother and sister when he came out to them.
At about four, Donald's pager beeped. It was Sally. After he gave the hotel a call, he announced that the pregnant mother was hungry and was wondering if they could get tea. Martin laughed when Donald wondered whether the child would eat as much as Sally did.
Michael alighted from the station with the instructions to the restaurant in his mind. He hopped on a taxi and told the driver where he wanted to go. The taxi took about ten minutes to reach the restaurant. As he walked towards the door, he saw Sally and Donald sitting facing the door. Then he saw the back of Martin's head. He walked through the door and nodded to the waiter.
Martin was had just put his cup down when he felt a hand on his shoulder. He turned around and saw the man he loved. He stood up immediately and walked away towards the door. Michael was shocked. Sally motioned him to follow.
"Don't let him out of your sight," Donald whispered.
After Michael had left, Donald asked Sally, "Would you be alright, darling?"
"Yes. I'll just pay and get back to the hotel room. I'll get everything ready. Just make sure that both of them are alright."
"Good," said Donald and left tailing the two lovers.
Michael caught up easily with Martin. He grabbed Martin's arm and tried to turn him around.
"You shouldn't be here," Martin said harshly. "They set me up, they knew all along that you'd come!"
"Why shouldn't I be here?" Michael asked. "I've even more right to be here than Sally and Donald. You left me stranded back there. Even if you wanted to break up with me, you still ought to have told me. You owe me an explanation!" Michael's voice was as fierce as Martin's was harsh.
"You shouldn't have come," Martin's voice was softer but still harsh. "Now you'll get hurt even more."
"Hurt more? Did you think that I felt good when you left me without a word? I thought I chased you away. I thought that you'd stopped loving me? I wondered all these days what I did wrong to chase you away."
"No! Mike, you're perfect. I'm the one ... Wait! you mean that those two didn't tell you anything?"
"What? They kept me in the dark! They didn't tell me anything. Martin, if you have stopped loving me, I want you to look me in the eye and tell me that you don't love me!"
Martin looked into Michael's eyes. He saw hurt and confusion; and he saw tenderness and love; and he knew he couldn't say that he did not love him. "I can't!" his voice broke as he turned away from Michael.
"Then tell me what's wrong. Remember I told you that we had hurdles? Maybe this is one of them. We've to cross them together. We didn't see it coming and so we weren't prepared. Let's face this together and jump together."
Martin started sobbing. Michael looked around, there were so many people walking along this busy street. Then he saw Donald signalling him to cross the road. There was a park there and it would be easier to talk there.
"Come on Martin, we need a quieter place. Why don't we get to the park across the road? It'll be less crowded."
Martin nodded and the both of them managed to cross the road safely. They got to a park bench and sat down. Martin buried his face in his hands as he began to sob again. Michael looked round but could not see Donald.
"We've got to talk, Martin," Michael said finally.
"Yes," Martin agreed as he held on to Michael's hand. He released it suddenly and then sat up and said, "I need to tell you this. It's not pleasant but I've to say it. I know it'll hurt you tremendously but it'll hurt you more if it came from someone else."
Michael nodded and tried to place his hand on Martin's but Martin moved his hands away.
"Michael, I broke our promise. I promised you on your nineteenth birthday that I was committed to you. I broke that promise ... I was with another person, another man ... I had sex with another man!" The last statement was too much for Martin, his eyes brimmed with tears and he ended up burying his face in his hands again, sobbing violently.
Michael could not believe his ears. He felt betrayed. However, noticing Martin's distress, he contained his anger and asked calmly, "Can you tell me exactly what happened?"
Martin took a while to calm down and managed to stop crying. He sat up again and started, "It was one of the Saturdays that I'd gone to the club for exercise. I met him - the other man - there. He was a regular and we knew each other. We chatted for a while and then got to the showers. I was showering when suddenly I felt a pair of hands grabbing my dick. I turned around and saw this man naked, with his dick hard. He reached for my dick again and this time, I couldn't help it, it went hard too. Then he knelt down and sucked me. I tried to resist, I told him no but he kept on, and my dick went harder. I was enjoying it even as I told him no. He looked up at me and grinned. He said that I wanted it, or else my dick wouldn't be so hard. I tried to push him away, but he got even closer. Then, before I knew it, I came. He sucked me till I became soft. Then he thanked me and walked off."
Michael could not believe his ears. Martin left him because someone else forced himself on him? "Martin, you didn't break your promise. He forced himself on you. What could you do?"
Martin shook his head, "I could've shouted but I didn't. What's worse was that I enjoyed it. Mike, I enjoyed him sucking me! That was the great betrayal on my part."
Michael knew that Martin saw many things in black and white. He also knew that Martin was probably very horny from the months that they had been apart. The 'enjoyment' was probably more a relief from the sexual tension that had built up but Martin, being Martin, chose to punish himself by labelling it his 'betrayal'.
Martin continued, "Now it gets worse. He's been infected with HIV. He was infected before he sucked me. That means that I may also have the virus. My sister, Dorothy, was enraged when I told her about us. She cursed me. She said that I was going to get you killed with AIDS. The curse has started. I'm not going to let it come true!"
"Martin, I love you. You still love me, don't you? We'll have to get through this together. Even if you were infected, I'd still love you. Whoever told you that I'd leave is lying. I wouldn't leave you. You're the only joy in my life now. How can I give you up?"
"Michael, you had one lover die on you. Find yourself another love. I don't want you to go through the experience again."
"Martin, don't you realise what you're doing? You're making me live the experience again. Jimmy made me think that he didn't love me and left. You're doing the same thing. You may think it's the noble thing to do but I'm not going to let this happen again!" Martin looked up a little surprised. He had not seen the situation in that manner before.
Michael looked defiantly at Martin and said, "Martin, don't you think I have a choice here? Jimmy didn't give me a choice. Now you're not giving me a choice either. Have you thought of the possibility that I'd want to be with you when you die? Why can't you think about how I would feel? Have you thought of the possibility that I might be happier to be with you even for a short moment? How do you think I'd feel if I knew you were dying alone? It'd break my heart. On top of that, you're not sure if you've been infected. He swallowed you; you had no contact except perhaps his saliva. You may not be infected at all. You talked about your commitment. Why aren't you giving me a chance to keep my part of the commitment?"
What Michael said made sense to Martin. He realised that he was being selfish. He had not included Michael in the decision he made. His first betrayal had been compounded by the second and even a third betrayal. "I've been selfish," were the only words that came out from Martin's mouth.
"Martin, when I made my commitment to you, it was through thick and thin. I want to keep trying to keep my commitment to you, and allow you to keep yours to me."
"But I've ... "
"Martin, what's commitment if it means that we give up with the slightest problems. The love we share, Martin, is supposed to be forever. Unless your love for me has died, I think we need to keep struggling to keep this commitment. If it's easy, it's not a commitment at all. Making a commitment means working at keeping us together. It's made a little easier if there's love and love helps us to endure the joys and the pain. Are you with me?"
Martin never failed to be amazed at how Michael was wise beyond his years. "Yes," Martin said with much hope. Michael was glad to see the hope in his eyes.
"Martin, I realise that you've a very rigid sense of right and wrong, and that once there's a wrong, restitution has to be made. Unfortunately, the restitution you've made was at my expense. Don't you think that it was the wrong restitution?"
Michael made sense again. Martin smiled weakly, "Does that mean that you're forgiving me?"
"Yes!" Michael said with a smile. "Oh Martin, people may say that once bitten twice shy, but I see the love you have for me in your eyes. We don't always succeed, Martin: we fail often. This time it happened to be you. I just hope that you'll still accept me if it was me who failed."
"You know I will," Martin said.
"Then give me a little credit. I wish you could see with my eyes so that you can see how beautiful you are to me. Difficulties may come and we may be tempted to part but this love we have will sustain us. It'll keep us together."
Martin moved closer and kissed Michael on the forehead. "The more I know you, the more I love you. You make so much sense when you talk. I feel so foolish now."
"Martin, let's get through this together, please. Don't leave me again!"
Martin smiled and gave Michael a hug.
"Okay! We need to celebrate!" Donald said as he put his hands around both of them. "I hope you don't mind that I was eavesdropping. I'd to make sure that two of you weren't going to rip each other apart."
Martin and Michael just smiled. Martin, who was at first angry with the Taylors for setting up this meeting, was now grateful. Both men thanked Donald.
"Don't thank me now. Let's get back to the hotel. I think Sally has another surprise waiting for you." Noticing the frown on Martin's face, he said, "No more nasty surprises. It's just the four of us tonight, okay?"
Sally had ordered dinner for the four of them at the hotel's restaurant. Fortunately, Donald had a shirt for Michael because Michael was in a T-shirt. During dinner, Michael and Martin discovered that Donald was the mastermind behind all of this.
Martin asked, "I'm thankful, Donald, for your help, but I don't understand why you took the trouble ..."
"When I was in America ..." Donald proceeded to tell them about his friendship with a gay course mate and how he managed to help him and his boyfriend. "... In the process of getting them together, I discovered that relationships aren't just built on emotional love. There is trust, dialogue, willingness to forgive, patience to wait ... That is how I base my relationship with Sally."
Donald held his wife's hand as he continued. "When I found out about your situation, I knew that it could be resolved when both of you talked. You still loved each other. There was still a chance. I was glad I was correct."
"You seemed to have planned this like clockwork," Michael remarked.
Donald smiled, "I reckoned that Martin would've had sleepless nights and no appetite for food. If Martin'd been deprived of sleep, he would've been irrational and would probably have said things without thinking much and got matters worse. That's why I decided that I'd to come down to Edinburgh. I had to get Martin ready for his meeting with you, Michael. There may be an age gap between the two of you, but I can see love in your relationship."
"Martin, you must've treated the transfer as a godsend," Sally remarked.
"Well, I actually knew about the transfer about two weeks before the transfer. I was told that I was going to be promoted and to head the office here in Edinburgh. Originally, I'd wanted to tell Michael but I discovered some things that could help our future together, and then I wanted to surprise him."
"What?" Michael and Sally asked together.
"One of the projects, that was starting the moment I took over, was the installation of some research computers for the university. The computers were for the biochemistry department. I called up the professor who wanted to computers in the pretext of finding out some information regarding the computers. I ventured to enquire about the job openings there."
Michael's eyes opened wide. "You wanted to see if I could have a job waiting when I graduated!"
"Yes," Martin continued. "I found out that there was only one position open for research assistant. I'd originally wanted to refuse the promotion because it meant that I'd have to be away from Michael. With only one opening, I wasn't sure if Michael would stand a chance. I was sure I didn't want the promotion. The promotion was actually between two people. The other had the paper qualifications but I had the experience. If I'd rejected the promotion, then the other person would be offered."
"Then, the thing with Will happened," Sally said.
Martin looked at Sally shocked. Sally realised that she said something wrong.
"You mean that this other person is Will? Gabe's cousin?" Michael asked. He had remembered that Martin had gone to talk to Gabe, Will and Ian during Sally's wedding banquet.
Martin nodded his head. He wanted to keep the name confidential because he did not want Michael confronting the fellow.
It was apparent that the mood of the dinner had changed a little. Sally tried to lighten the mood with jokes and funny stories about her pregnant state. They all laughed, but Martin could sense that Michael was keeping something within himself.
When they had finished dinner, Martin insisted on paying the bill. "This is the least I can do for all you've done for me. You've gone out of your way to help. Let me pay for dinner."
Donald nodded, understanding Martin's sentiment. Sally had some other things to say, "Martin, I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty of calling up Nelly to tell her not to expect you back for the weekend. She sounded very relieved when she heard that Michael was here, too. I also called up your home, Michael, and talked to your mother. She was very understanding."
Michael and Martin smiled. Sally and Donald did make a good team.
Sally continued, "I know that you wanted us to stay at your place when we first came. I know you were disappointed when we refused, but I think you can understand now why we refused. Tonight's your night and I think we should let you have your privacy. We'll both be returning home tomorrow. Thank you Martin for such a wonderful holiday."
"No," Martin replied, "Thank you for all that you've done. I'm not sure I would've been ready to talk to Michael if you hadn't made sure that I had enough to eat and enough rest."
The two couples parted after dinner, one to their hotel room and the other to Martin's house.
After a short bus ride, it was a short walk back to Martin's house. On the way, Martin asked, "Is something bothering you?"
"No, nothing important," replied Michael.
"Okay," Martin answered quietly.
Michael realised that he was doing the opposite of what he wanted Martin to do just hours ago.
Michael put his hand on Martin's shoulder and stopped him. "Sorry, Martin. I shouldn't clam up. There's something bothering me. Why didn't you come straight out and tell me that Will was the other man?"
"Would that've made a difference?" Martin asked.
"No, but I still want to know why."
Martin stopped, turned and looked at Michael. "Michael, I just felt that he needed his privacy, now that he's HIV positive."
"You mean you've feelings for him?" Michael asked.
"Mike, I love you with all my heart. I know I've hurt you, but I didn't hide it from you because I loved Will. I was angry with him, but now I do feel for him."
"Feel for him?"
Martin said, "I'll explain as we walk." They turned and walked towards Martin's house again. "When I went home after the incident, I was numb. First, because I'd betrayed your trust. Second, because Will was my friend. I didn't know him that well, but he was still my friend. I became angry that my friend would violate me this way."
"You were right to be angry," Michael said.
"However, when I received the call from Gabe telling me about Will's infection, and that I may be infected, too, my feelings for Will began to change."
"What do you mean?"
"I was feeling really lonely without you. More so when I found out that I could be infected as well, but at least I had memories of you, someone I love. I was thinking that Will got what he deserved for what he did but began to wonder why he slept around casually. I guessed he was probably sleeping around for the thrill of sex but had no one special in his life. With his condition, he'd probably feel even lonelier. Now that we're together again, I feel loved again but Will has no one."
Michael kept quiet. He was angry with Will for doing what he did, but yet Martin was full of compassion for this man.
Martin noticed Michael's silence. "Mike, are you angry with me for feeling this way?"
"No, Martin. I still feel angry with him but I understand what you feel."
"Mike, when you forgave me, I felt a great burden lifted off my shoulders. All the time in the club, Will was a nice guy. I just didn't know that he was like that. Though it's very difficult for me to forget what he did, I hope that I could be as forgiving as you. Will probably doesn't have many friends now."
Michael began to feel a little ashamed of feeling vengeful towards Will. He remembered why he had fallen in love with Martin. Martin had a big heart. He did have his faults, but his caring heart made up for his faults.
"Martin, I understand but can we not speak about him any more?"
"Of course. Are you alright now?"
Michael gave Martin a smile. "Yes."
They walked in a comfortable silence until they came up to Martin's house. It was a quite a cottage-like house with a small garden in front.
"Here we are!" Martin announced.
They got in and Michael surveyed the inside. It was quite well furnished. It was not luxurious but yet cosy. A simple set of furniture for the living room greeted the couple as they entered. From there Michael could see the passageway that led to the back of the house. Martin led Michael towards the passage. As they entered the passage, a door to the right revealed the dining room with a small table for four. On the left, Michael could see three doors close together. Martin pointed them out and said, "The first door leads to the guest room, then the toilet and then my room." On the right he saw the entrance to the kitchen. "There's a door in the kitchen that leads ot the back garden," Martin informed him.
After the tour, Michael asked, "The company rented this house for you?"
Martin nodded, "Yes. This is a nice neighbourhood. It's close to the workshop and it's quiet. There aren't many houses occupied because it's too far from the city centre. I'd like to drive here, but the drive between here and home is tiring."
"Nelly told me that you still drove off on Sunday afternoons," said Michael sounding puzzled.
"No. Are you sure she said I drove? I still make it back to the house on Friday evenings and leave just after lunch on Sunday."
"No. I don't think she said 'drove'. But she said that you were coming and going like always."
"I haven't sold the car. I've just lent it out to Ian."
"You must be knackered from all that has been happening the last few days," said Michael, changing the subject.
He moved towards and hugged Martin. When Michael wanted to kiss Martin in the mouth, Martin moved away. Michael was disappointed. "Sorry Mike, I don't want you to take any risks. I would really want to sleep with you tonight, but I don't think I should. I don't feel safe with rubbers and even kissing worries me."
Michael was hurt. He wanted to insist on sleeping with Martin, but he knew that if he disregarded Martin's feelings and pushed, things might become worse. He opted to kiss Martin on the cheek and muttered, "Good night, Martin. I love you."
Martin could see Michael's reaction. "Mike, wait!"
Michael turned around. Secretly, he hoped that Martin would change his mind.
"Mike. Please try to understand ..."
"Yes, I do. I was hoping that I could at least hold you in my arms when I sleep tonight."
Martin thought for a moment. "Alright," he said. "Just as a safety precaution, I think we should sleep with shorts on, at least."
Michael smiled. He was pleased that at least he would not have to sleep alone that night.
Just as husband and wife were getting ready for bed, Sally turned to kiss Donald. She kissed him and released him, "I love you Donald Taylor." Then she kissed him again. "That one is for a job well done."
Donald grinned. Sally was special in that way. She was unlike other girls who kept many things in their hearts. She was straight forward and Donald did not have to double guess what she meant with things.
"You helped too, darling," he replied.
"Well, I also caused quite a pause when Will's name slipped out. Didn't you see how big Martin's eyes were when I made the slip?" Sally asked
"Yes. However, it's Michael that's more affected," Donald observed.
"I guess. Darling, I'm glad our mission is accomplished."
"Sorry Sally, it's far from over."
"What do you mean? They're back together aren't they?"
"Yes, but there's still the one who started all of this."
"Will?"
Donald nodded, "Yes. He'll need all the friends he can get. Perhaps not now, but later ..."
to be continued
Author's note: It is nice to receive letters regarding my writing. So don't be shy. Criticise or commend my work. Any feedback to improve my writing is welcome.
Soul Lark solark36@yahoo.co.uk